Twin Strangers

Written by: Ciuline Ihmenjo

Cardcaptor Sakura does not belong to me. The characters in Cardcaptor Sakura do not belong to me. CLAMP owns CCS. Besides, even if you do try and sue me, I have no money.

= Announcements =

First and foremost, is Sakura's brother's name spelled "Toya" or "Touya." I've seen it done both ways, so I just thought I'd get reader response!

Okies, chapter three of Twin Strangers here. This was meant to be only a one shot, so the series itself will only be a very short one. At the most, it will probably be about five, maybe six chapters. Of course, at the rate I'm writing this… it may be more. You never know…

Also, I would like to mention the fact that I will leech off others ideas about Meilin in an angsty way. This is also present in coming chapters of Speak no Evil. But please bear with me, it's part of the plot.

So, please, please, please review my lovely story! I spend so much time on these things!

Italicized words are thoughts; Bold words are emphasis; CAPS WORDS are shouting; words in asterisks signify changes in scenes like the beginning and end of flashbacks or dream sequences

= = Those First Three Seconds = =

You know those first three seconds of thought? Where your mind wanders completely until it locks on some path it wants to follow? Well, that path is just where I finally left. I have finally found a train of thought to ride on. Of course, my thoughts, though having pleasant things in them, are not usually all that pleasant.

Unless I am with you: then it all changes. You are the remedy to my mental malady. You make me feel wanted, needed, more loved that any girl in the world. Touya Kinomoto, you have done something that no other could ever do for me. You have given me hope.

I don't remember when I first noticed 'it', my depression – all I know is that it was long before I tried to kill myself. But Syaoran walked in on my attempt before I could ever start. (I thank the heavens that he did so because if not for that, I would never have met you.) That's when I began to love Syaoran. I loved him because he meant something to me. A ray of light in a dark ocean of grief. And he was something else; he became my fiancée: because his mother understood.

That man… he should never have become part of my family. Because of him, I tried to prematurely cut the threads of my life short. Because of him, I could not go to school with the 'normal' children for I had too much fear… too many scars left unhealed, both mental and physical… too many days where I wouldn't move from the bed because I was crying so much. Because of him, I felt that I couldn't tell anyone. And I still haven't (and I'm working up the courage to tell you)… Because of him, I was constantly living a life of fear. It was all because of my stepfather…

My hopeless situation began with him. He suffocated all rays of light from the sky and turned my world of color into a world of gray.

I don't remember how old I was when he first crawled into my bed that one night. That night when he raped me the first time. I'm sure that I didn't scream for two reasons: I didn't want to kill my mother from the shock and I was too scared that he would try and kill me if I did. So, I spent the entire time in silence, trying to stem the growing fear in my body. It was a terrible experience, but I had to put on a brave front for my family. They couldn't know. And the only reason I let it continue was to protect my sisters. I did not want this monster to touch them. So I let him touch me all he wanted to. I surrendered myself to him, unable to anything but try and let my mind drift away from it all.

So I lived in my gray world until Syaoran Li added a few streaks of color. It was when I tried to slit my wrists. I had finally decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I think he must have heard me. He ran into the room, actually stood in the doorway, and just stared at me for a moment. He was speechless. When I looked at him with tear-streaked eyes, he must have known that I meant to do what I was about to do. I had been working up the courage for at least twenty minutes with cold, sharp steel pressed into pale flesh… He scrambled over to me and slapped the knife away. I felt the sting from his blow, but I didn't feel him. I barely registered his presence in the room. I could only think about the loss of my knife. At first I thought that he was my stepfather. And I reacted violently. But he held me down. And I reacted more violently. But, he calmed me, soothing my growing anger, stemming my growing fears, with his calm words.

So, we ended up getting engaged under his mother's wishes. And then my mother divorced that monster. I'm sure that because of that one attempt, I changed the rest of my life.

But I still lived in a world painted mostly gray.

As much as I loved Syaoran, I knew he didn't love me back. No matter how many times I tried hugging him, loving him with more than the entirety of my heart. He never returned it. This is what I fear: a relationship of convenience. A one-sided love.

That's about the time I chased after him, going to Japan to find him. For a while, I thought that I could have him. And then, when he started to love her, to love Sakura, I knew I had lost him forever. Once again, I was alone and my world turned completely back to gray. And all I could do was step into the background and pretend to support them all the way. I was as helpless as I was under my stepfather's strong grip. And that was when I began to have nightmares about being raped. So, life began to get harder. My grades began to slip lower and lower, and I began to slide further into a depression.

It was right after Syaoran had returned to Tomoeda, and his mother asked him to bring me with him. I'm sure she knew what was going on, and for that reason, she had decided to protect me in some way. That one fateful day, I was bored. I went wandering around to relieve my boredom. And I walked past your room and heard crying. I couldn't stop myself. A turn of the knob and I was in. I immediately felt my back hit the wall. I only managed a surprised yelp. You just held me tightly in your arms, pressing my body against the wall. And when your head lolled from my shoulders and onto my chest, I suppressed the scream rising in my throat. Peeling you off me, I ran out of the room. I planted myself firmly on the couch in the den. I suppose, now, that you fell asleep after that.

But you had just lost your love… I suppose we were both lonely souls looking for comfort, searching for some sort of solace. And we found each other.

So, you have always wondered why I never resisted you that first time? It was mostly because I couldn't. It was like being raped all over again. I froze up and lay limply in your arms. Just like I did when he raped me. But this time, you actually cared. You actually meant it when you said sorry when you rolled of me in the morning. And I actually felt wanted instead of some puppet on strings. I didn't feel like a discarded toy when you finished with me.

So, in the end, I couldn't help but to fall in love with you.

And the look on your face that first day I strode into your room and kissed you deeply… it was mostly shock until you began to kiss me back. I became a part of you that day without either of us knowing it.

Just like you said, for the first few months, our relationship was out of pure convenience. Two strangers searching for something they had lost. I had lost all hope and you were searching for something similar. Both of us sought a reason to move on every day.

But after that, I'm pretty sure it was the first night I stayed over we actually attempted to take things seriously. It was after you bought me that bottle of shampoo I knew I had found I place in your heart. I felt wanted. And that felt good. I finally didn't have to spend nights in my own room crying after I slept with you. I could use your shoulder. (It is the most wonderful shoulder to cry on.) So, I'm still trying to find a gift for you. I'm trying to repay you for giving me the thing that I needed most: my reason to live. You returned the color to my world.

You, unlike my other boyfriends (I've had two other than Syaoran) didn't mind that I wasn't a virgin. They broke up with me when they found out, by the way. You didn't ask me why causing all those memories I've been able to suppress to boil to the surface. Except it was just once but you never pressed the issue because I started to cry. You took me into your arms and held my shuddering body close to your own. You don't ask me about the past. You just love me. Your love is the unconditional kind. And even when I do accidentally bite or scratch you – and I don't mean from arguments, but you've probably guessed that – you don't really mind. After all, you've done the same to me. We have something special together. Extremely special. Probably more special than you had with Yuki, just on a different level.

And that's how I find myself at your house so often. I'm sorry, apartment – you get mad when it's called a house. But, I never tire of your presence. And I never tire of inhaling your scent, taking showers in your bathroom, waking up with you watching protectively over me in the mornings. I love it all, especially the way you say my name… "Meilin". Because you make me feel comfortable.

I love you so much I want to marry you. I've wanted to spend the rest of my life with you for a long time. And now I know you want the exact same thing. It makes my insides flutter just thinking about it…

========== ========== ========== ========== ========== ==========

"So," I smile, watching the strange grimace on your face as you try to find the shirt to your uniform, "what exactly are we going to do tonight?"

"Dinner and a movie sounds good," you reply.

"Ah, anything good out we haven't seen?" We've seen nearly every video and DVD at the local movie rental and the theater, even the bad ones.

"I meant here." You lean in and I feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. You don't get the chance to kiss me because I kiss you. Leaning forward, my lips find yours instead of the other way around. I close my eyes, savoring the moment. And behind close eyelids, my universe turns into pure whiteness.

But, air is a necessity, so we must break apart. "What if Sakura comes home?" I ask.

"When she goes over to your house, does she ever come back here early?" you say to me, throwing on the shirt of your work uniform.

"No, because—"

We both say it in unison, "Because she's too busy sleeping with him." And we laugh, not at the notion of the thought, but at each other.

"So, are we still going to work together?"

"Yes, I'm going to work with you." I say with a slight pout. You poke my nose with a finger and wiggle it there. It slides down my face and neck to poke me in the chest. I find myself giggling from the contact. "Stop Touya, that tickles."

"You're ticklish?" You are taken completely aback by my words.

I blush. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. My eyes turn to the ground and I toe the floor. "Yeah." I've just done something really stupid… The thought barely has the time to register in my mind.

Then you are upon me. You pick my body up easily, swooping me into your arms, and send me into fits of uncontrolled laughter. "How come I never knew this?" you ask, you fingers lying whisper-soft caresses over every exposed inch of skin. Usually, this would be somewhat sensual, but at the moment, I'm finding that your actions are making it hard for me to breathe.

I can barely respond though the tears in my eyes and the quivering in my stomach. "I…" snorting noise… "never…" long fit of laughter… "told you…" a hiccupping giggle…

"Because I'd do this?" you say with a devilish gleam in your eyes.

I can only nod in response. After walking down the stairs with me in your arms, you finally set me down on the couch. "That's not fair," I say.

"I know. I'm not ticklish."

I growl in response. You pick me up under the armpits and kiss me on the cheek, twirling me around once or twice so the room swirls around us. And then you set me back on earth. "You know," I say to you, "with all these hickeys, it's getting difficult to find outfits to cover them." I roll down the sleeves on your sweatshirt to cover some of the deep red marks. They contrast too much with my skin.

"Well, you'll just have to start wearing my sweatshirts back over to my house."

"I said you could wait."

"And Syaoran doesn't say anything about my clothes in your laundry?"

"He think I'm raiding his closet."

"Ah," you smile, "that would explain it."

And suddenly the image of you wearing my least tomboyish clothes pops into my head. I can't help to start giggling.

"What's so funny?"

"You wearing my clothes." I receive an odd stare. I shake my head at the though, trying to dismiss it form my mind. It only brings upon more images. "At least Sakura didn't think you were trying to cross-dress!" The dam bursts and my flood of laughter ensues.

"That's not funny. You just happened to wear a skirt for once."

"Oh? And what will you do?" I snort, despite my best efforts to prevent it from escaping my mouth.

"I tickle, remember?"

I stop laughing. "That's really not fair."

"Well, until you find something, it's all that I've got." You shrug and pick your keys up off the counter.

"I can kick your ass."

"Good point, but you'd never do that to me."

"Why? Because I'd miss the sex?" I ask innocently.

"Something like that," you reply.

I laugh. "Good point." I run upstairs and strip off your clothes. After a minute of searching I find mine on your top shelf and put them on instead. And I run back down into your waiting arms.

"You know," you begin, "it's hard to walk like this." You kiss the top of my head. "And besides, I still have to get to work."

"Let's go then." I grab your hand firmly and lead you out the door. You grab a coat on the way out and lock the door behind us. It is only a quick trip down the stairs to your motorcycle below. You toss me the spare helmet and take your own seat. The key slides into its slot and your turn it, starting up the engine. I grab hold of your waist and put my head on your back, letting my thoughts wander toward the future.

"So, still want to get married?" you shout over the revving engine. My eyes widen and you smirk. "We can go look at rings after I get off work today. How 'bout it?"

I slide my helmet off my head and lock lips with you. After parting, you slide your own helmet onto your head. I do the same, but only after tucking a few stray locks behind my ear.

"I'd go anywhere with you." And I rest my head on your back again, savoring the moment.

= = Closing remarks? = =

Okay, chapter three of Twin Strangers. I wrote this early in the morning, so it hasn't been checked for grammar and all that yet. I'll get to that later and resubmit it if I have too many problems with it. Hope you guys like it either way though.

AND SEND MORE REVIEWS IN! My ego is suffering from review-deficiency!

If you have any suggestions/wishes for a story, please submit them to me at CiulineIhmenjo yahoo.com

That will be all…

Ja ne Ciuline Ihmenjo