A/N: Yes, like I said before, this has been done quite a few times. But
what I have noticed is the fact that they all stunk. (No offense to any of
those writers of course!) Also I have formed a diabolical plan to make
sure this is one of the best LOK college stories ever. Also, this is my
first Legacy of Kain fic, so give me a little credit! So now, without
further ado, I give you my newest creation!
Kain was waiting in the throne room patiently; he had called his lieutenants here to the Sanctuary of the Clans to discuss some urgent business with them. Within half an hour five of them had arrived. Kain was growing impatient, "Where the hell is Raziel? He should be here by now!"
The other lieutenants gave each other a bunch of looks, trying to figure out who would tell him. They decided since Dumah was the strongest, he would tell Kain. Dumah was not at all happy about this. He knew if Raziel didn't get here in the next couple of minutes, he'd be the evening meal. "Well father...you see...the thing about...Raziel is...uh...he..."
"Well tell me already you blubbering disgrace of a son!"
"We haven't seen Raziel since last night when he went back to his place with some girl from Zephon's clan." Dumah shut his eyes and braced for Kain's thundering shouts, and his decapitation.
Though he just stood there shocked, he did not say anything. There was an eerie silence until Kain finally got up and drew his sword, the Soul Reaver. (A note to fans, this is before Soul Reaver 1.) He slowly walked down the steps with his sword dragging on the floor. He stopped at Dumah and raised it, preparing to annihilate him. Just then, Raziel walked into the room, "How's it hanging my homies, hey show me some love Rahab!" Raziel raised his hand expecting a high five, but Rahab just fake coughed and motioned towards Kain, who was intently staring at him. "Uh oh!"
Kain charged Raziel raising his sword, "This is the last time you're ever going to sleep around! I'm going to cut off your balls!" * Screams can be heard from all the Raziel fans girls, who were obviously panicking. * The rest of the lieutenants dove behinds pillars and anything else they could think of, while Kain took hack after hack at Raziel, who continued to dodge them all.
"Hey, this is kind of fun. It's like a more deadly way of exercising. And left, right, up, down, and roll!" This continued until Kain grew tired and gave up. * A sigh of relief is heard in the audience. *
"Well since that is now behind us, let's begin the meeting shall we?" Everyone just nodded and kept quiet. "I would hate to keep you in suspense, so I will get right to the point. You're all idiots so I'm sending you to college!"
"What!?" Was heard in unison from the six lieutenants.
"That's right, you're all going to get an education. Plus, Dumah you will be the first vampire ever to play college football! I got you a scholarship and everything!"
"Gee wiz dad, how many people did you have to kill to me that?"
Kain sounded very casual, "Oh, just 27."
By this time Turel was getting annoyed by the whole idea, and felt he had to say something. "But we're over 300 years old now, college is for 18 year olds!"
"Well I don't care you're going anyway so get packed! And Raziel, you'll be the one driving, so if I ever get a call saying my car got banged up, you can count on me finishing the job!" Kain then gives Raziel a death glare, which he ignores and walks out to pack up his stuff.
3 hours later!
They had all finished packing and loading up the car, while grumbling about how they were told the meeting was supposed to be about ice cream. They all hugged their "dad" and left for Nosgoth Community College! "Raziel, Melchiah keeps shedding on me!" Zephon was always kind of a tattler; he would lurk in the shadows waiting to scrounge up some dirt on his fellow brothers.
Well if you would stop that damn hissing noise maybe I would stop shedding on you!"
Everyone started arguing and complaining, while Raziel just thought to himself. {God, I have to spend the next four years with these losers. I wonder what dad is doing right now.}
Back at the Sanctuary
Kain slid into the room wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, sunglasses, and a hat. He was singing along with one of his records, "Who likes short shorts, I like short shorts!"
A/N: I know it was short and not very funny. But I can't write well unless I know my work is being appreciated, so leave me a review and tell me what you think, any advice you have on funny things I could add are extremely welcome.
Kain was waiting in the throne room patiently; he had called his lieutenants here to the Sanctuary of the Clans to discuss some urgent business with them. Within half an hour five of them had arrived. Kain was growing impatient, "Where the hell is Raziel? He should be here by now!"
The other lieutenants gave each other a bunch of looks, trying to figure out who would tell him. They decided since Dumah was the strongest, he would tell Kain. Dumah was not at all happy about this. He knew if Raziel didn't get here in the next couple of minutes, he'd be the evening meal. "Well father...you see...the thing about...Raziel is...uh...he..."
"Well tell me already you blubbering disgrace of a son!"
"We haven't seen Raziel since last night when he went back to his place with some girl from Zephon's clan." Dumah shut his eyes and braced for Kain's thundering shouts, and his decapitation.
Though he just stood there shocked, he did not say anything. There was an eerie silence until Kain finally got up and drew his sword, the Soul Reaver. (A note to fans, this is before Soul Reaver 1.) He slowly walked down the steps with his sword dragging on the floor. He stopped at Dumah and raised it, preparing to annihilate him. Just then, Raziel walked into the room, "How's it hanging my homies, hey show me some love Rahab!" Raziel raised his hand expecting a high five, but Rahab just fake coughed and motioned towards Kain, who was intently staring at him. "Uh oh!"
Kain charged Raziel raising his sword, "This is the last time you're ever going to sleep around! I'm going to cut off your balls!" * Screams can be heard from all the Raziel fans girls, who were obviously panicking. * The rest of the lieutenants dove behinds pillars and anything else they could think of, while Kain took hack after hack at Raziel, who continued to dodge them all.
"Hey, this is kind of fun. It's like a more deadly way of exercising. And left, right, up, down, and roll!" This continued until Kain grew tired and gave up. * A sigh of relief is heard in the audience. *
"Well since that is now behind us, let's begin the meeting shall we?" Everyone just nodded and kept quiet. "I would hate to keep you in suspense, so I will get right to the point. You're all idiots so I'm sending you to college!"
"What!?" Was heard in unison from the six lieutenants.
"That's right, you're all going to get an education. Plus, Dumah you will be the first vampire ever to play college football! I got you a scholarship and everything!"
"Gee wiz dad, how many people did you have to kill to me that?"
Kain sounded very casual, "Oh, just 27."
By this time Turel was getting annoyed by the whole idea, and felt he had to say something. "But we're over 300 years old now, college is for 18 year olds!"
"Well I don't care you're going anyway so get packed! And Raziel, you'll be the one driving, so if I ever get a call saying my car got banged up, you can count on me finishing the job!" Kain then gives Raziel a death glare, which he ignores and walks out to pack up his stuff.
3 hours later!
They had all finished packing and loading up the car, while grumbling about how they were told the meeting was supposed to be about ice cream. They all hugged their "dad" and left for Nosgoth Community College! "Raziel, Melchiah keeps shedding on me!" Zephon was always kind of a tattler; he would lurk in the shadows waiting to scrounge up some dirt on his fellow brothers.
Well if you would stop that damn hissing noise maybe I would stop shedding on you!"
Everyone started arguing and complaining, while Raziel just thought to himself. {God, I have to spend the next four years with these losers. I wonder what dad is doing right now.}
Back at the Sanctuary
Kain slid into the room wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, sunglasses, and a hat. He was singing along with one of his records, "Who likes short shorts, I like short shorts!"
A/N: I know it was short and not very funny. But I can't write well unless I know my work is being appreciated, so leave me a review and tell me what you think, any advice you have on funny things I could add are extremely welcome.