Disclaimer: I don't own The O.C or any of the characters in this story.

Paring: Sandy/Kirsten with appearances by other characters.

Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance

Rating: PG 13 or less

Summary: Post finale. Sandy discovers some things that make him question his marriage.

A/N: Chapters (other then the introduction) will start off with a flashback that might not necessarily tie-in with it.

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Kirsten was crouched over the bed, holding on to the sheets. She was shaking violently as the tears streamed down her face. Sandy stared at his wife and wiped away the tears that had begun to slowly fall from his eyes. He knew that at that moment, he had to push back his grief and help her -he needed to be strong for both of them.

He sat next to her and slid his hand down her back. She flinched at his touch but he didn't care. He slowly caressed her to remind her that she could always lean on him.

She looked up with bloodshot eyes. "He's gone, Sandy. He's really gone."

He smiled faintly at her. "I know, darling, but he's not so far away."

She sat up and stared into thin air. "God, why? Why?" She grabbed the sheets, pulled them to her nose and started rocking back and forth. "Ryan's gone and it's all my fault," she whispered.

"No, it's not." The truth was, Sandy did not blame her but he couldn't understand why she'd stopped Ryan's ex-girlfriend from getting the abortion like she'd planned to. He remembered that Kirsten had said something about having a unique perspective about it but it was still a mystery to him.

She looked at her husband. "Sandy, can't you see? He was my second chance and I blew it. I blew it! Why can't you understand that?"

Sandy was perplexed. He could see that there was something she wasn't telling him. "Kirsten, what are you talking about? What do you mean he was your second chance?"

Kirsten looked away. It was neither the time nor place to talk about something that she'd tried to forget for two decades. She'd vowed it was a burden she'd carry alone and she realized that sharing it with him, right then, at that moment, would be the worst thing she could possibly do. There was no sense in dragging someone she loved so much into her mess - she'd deal with it on her own.

She shook her head. "No, nothing." She wiped her tears with the sheets then slid her hand over her husband's. "I don't want to sound like a baby or anything, but would you mind leaving me alone for a minute? I want to clean this room and you're distracting me."

"Let Rosa do it."

She refused. It was something she wanted to do. No, it was something she needed to do.

---

Sandy walked to the kitchen. Even though he was sure everyone had lost their appetites, he was going to order in anyway. He noticed that someone had placed two folded sheets of paper right next to the stack of menus.

He picked the one addressed to him.

Mom and Dad, I'll be gone for a few days. Don't worry about me.

- Seth.

Sandy flung the note away and rested against the counter. Seth must have lost his mind, he thought.

"He didn't even bother to leave a contact number. He just upped and left, leaving a note that was barely a line long," he said, shaking his head disappointedly.

He picked the one addressed to his son's girlfriend and read that too.

Summer, I've gone sailing. I'll be back soon.

-Love, Seth.

Sandy couldn't believe how inconsiderate his son was being. Knowing how everyone would feel, he'd still decided to compound all the problems by sailing off to wherever to nurse his wounds. Didn't he understand that at a time like this, a family needed to stay together? For the first time, Sandy regretted not being stricter with his son. Maybe if he'd instilled the fear of God into him, he wouldn't have had the guts to be so selfish at the most inopportune of times. But he realized that Kirsten could not handle this new development in her current state of mind. He stuffed the notes in his pocket and made a decision: he was going to lie.

-----

For the fourth time in two days, Sandy was driving to the police station. He knew the drill, he knew he had to wait for 48 hours, but he'd hoped that with their past relationship, they'd make an exception for him. No such luck. Instead of getting to work, they made snide comments that if they spent their time looking for every teenager that came home late, they wouldn't have time to solve real cases, like murder. Internally, Sandy scoffed at them. He'd been a public defender. He knew that most murder cases went unsolved, but he didn't counter with a sarcastic comment. Instead, he bit his lip and let them speak - he still needed them to find his son.

His cell phone rang. He looked at the caller-id - it was Dan Stevens, the private investigator he'd hired.

"Hello, Mr. Cohen?"

"Yes, any news?"

"Yes. We've caught a break. He used his credit card in Catalina Island and we are currently tracing his transactions. I'll be faxing the list to you in about twenty minutes. I just wanted to let you know."

Sandy heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks," he said, then hung up and turned the car around. It had been difficult lying to Kirsten. When she finally emerged from the room, he'd lied that Seth had come to him and begged for permission to take a vacation. He couldn't even tell her that he'd gone sailing because he knew she'd worry. When she'd asked for a location and a phone number, he'd claimed that Seth had promised to call them when he arrived at his destination. And for two days, he'd reported imaginary phone conversations to her. Kirsten for her part, was too preoccupied with her own grief to smell the bullshit, and that bothered him the most - normally, she'd have caught on in a matter of minutes. He fed the same cockamamie story to Summer.

Now that Seth's situation was being sorted out, he had no choice but to get to the bottom of the questions that had plagued his mind for the last few days: Why did Kirsten say he wouldn't understand her? Why did she blame herself? And why oh why, did she consider Ryan her second chance?