Chapter Three Part One
Leon walks into to the overly large room to find an empty hallway just like last video game. All of the other doors were locked and remain locked until he did a certain thing. Just like the last video game. Do you notice a trend? Anyway, Leon walked into the only available room. Where he meets a survivor.
Marvin: Who, who are you?
Leon: I'm Bruce.
Marvin: No you're not! Bruce is black.
Leon: Why yes, I am Bruce!
Marvin: Look mister, we already have Slim Shady so this world doesn't need another blonde haired clown trying to act black. But I suppose names aren't important seeing that I am black, I will die.
Leon: What happened to this place?
Marvin: One hell of a weird game of twister. But that's not important either. What is important is that you help all of the survivors and all of the keys strewn randomly around the area are found.
Leon: Why are keys strewn around randomly?
Marvin: To make this game seem longer. Even with all of these obstacles this game only takes 2 hours and 45 minutes to beat.
Leon: Damn, well- (Notices that Marvin's torso looks a lot a like . . .) Wow, a face!
Marvin: What?
Leon: It's your torso; it looks like a face, (Points Marvin's left breast pocket button.) That's the left eye, (points at Marvin's right breast pocket button) that's the right eye, (points at gaping hole in chest) and that's the mouth!
Marvin: Hey, you're right! How funny. Now get out of the room and take this keycard.
Leon: Well, I'll see you later.
Marvin: Yeah, but I'll be dead.
Leon goes out into the hallway and inserts card into computer. After the remaining doors in the first floor hallway are unlocked, Leon goes through the double doors to his right. Leon then goes over to the other side of the room to get to the next room when something crawling on the window. It had huge, sharp, long nails on its hands and feet, a mouth full of drool, and a filthy naked body. It was clearly peanutbuttersunshine.
Leon: Peanutbuttersunshine? What are you doing here?
Pbs didn't respond, instead it ran away. Probably trying to find another great writer like Steve Sideburn and Hello Captain to harass because he was jealous of their skills. Leon shrugs and goes into the next room where he sees a puddle of blood on the ground.
Leon: I suppose that this is not ketchup on the floor . . .
Leon hears talons on the ceiling and looks up. A pie hits him in the face. He quickly wipes the cream off his face and studies the hideous creature on the ceiling, holding a pie. It had sharp teeth- oh you've played the video game. You should know what it looks like. Leon then takes out his gun and shoots the monster dead. Leon then goes into the meeting room where he sees a picture hanging on the back wall. It's tilted "Nude Bungee Jumping" portraying a man naked except for a bag over his head.
Leon: This portrait reminds me of my school days . . . (Sees a pile of dry wood in fireplace) Well; this is an obvious puzzle . . .
With his unlimited wisdom, Leon makes a stool out of the wood and leans back in it, creating a tear in the painting causing the jewel to fall out.
Leon: It's shining so it must be important! Takes it, then goes out on his merry way to the upstairs. He sees a statue holding another jewel.
Leon: (Trying to read) Only . . . the light . . . of the . . . baboon? . . . No wait, . . . moon. Oh, it wants a moon huh?
Leon turns away from the statue and drops his pants. There is a clink sound as the jewel is released. Leon turns around to retrieve the jewel only to find that the statue has both of its hands covering its face as if saying "oh the horror!"
Leon shrugs and heads into the next place: the STARS office, Leon walks in to see Claire reading a diary.
Claire: Bruce you're still alive? (Says questionably)
Leon: Of course silly, anyway, I saw this really cool car we can escape in.
Claire: Really? Well let's go!
Leon: Well there are some certain things that I need to get it going.
Claire: Oh, like what?
Leon: Well, to start with, some gas might be good, along with the keys, four doors with windows, and an air freshener. But other than that, it's a real bitchin' car!
Claire: (Sighs) Well, while you gather your um . . . supplies . . . I'm going to go look for survivors and keep them away from you- I mean zombies. (Notices that Leon has left and taken everything useful in the room, even the oddly placed picture of Rebecca in the basketball uniform.)
Leon: (Thinking) She is still a bad conversationist!
Leon then disembarks on yet another magical quest in which he collects more meaningless items. He then inserts the unicorn pendent into the statue of the women in the main hall. A loud burping sound erupts from the women as a key comes out of the mouth. Leon takes the key to the locked door up near the Stars office. He enters and sees a young girl. Leon: (Approaches) Hey there! I'm a single man who's looking for a good time-
Sherry: (Screams and runs away)
Leon: Damn it! All I wanted to know was where the nearest casino was! Damn, is this town that bleak and boring?
Claire: (Comes in) Leon! Have you seen a little girl fun by here?
Leon: Yeah, you just missed her! But don't try to get her. She doesn't know any casinos or booze joints.
Claire: (Thinks) How the hell did this moron become a cop? (Now speaking) Leon, do you have any ideas about how we can get out of here?
Leon: Duh, we can use the front door.
Claire: But what about those thousands of zombies out in the city streets?
Leon: Yeah, what about them?
Claire: (Sounding pissed) I'm just going to leave now. Good luck with your hot rod, booze, drugs, or whatever your twisted mind desires! Good-bye! (Leaves).
Leon: She forgot 'sex'.
And so my children, Leon parts from Claire and goes to the rooftop. Just in time to see a daring rescue.
Helicopter pilot: I can't set her down. I'm dropping the rope latter.
Cop: Why not?
Helicopter pilot: 'Cause you're in the way, you moron.
Two zombies then shuffle up to the cop and try to bite him. With his unlimited wisdom, the cop then runs to a corner and starts shooting the zombies. Still, even with his lethal weapon, he couldn't kill the monsters. (Boy did he have bad accuracy or what?) What was Leon doing you ask? Why he was taking the time to admire his new look as the animation got much better in the cut-scene.
Leon: Wow! Look how cool I am! (Continues to admire himself while the zombies chomp on the cop).
In fact, it wasn't until the helicopter began to spiral towards the building that Leon finally looked up . . .
Leon: (Ranting about how cool he looked).
I said, Leon finally looked up!
Leon: (Looks up startled just in time to see the helicopter coming straight at him. He moves away quickly and says some things that are not fit for this rating. Leon looks at himself and notices he doesn't look as cool as he did before). Damn, and that actually made me look significantly better looking.
Leon then goes down the staircase and dodges all the zombies. Once in the small room he takes the valve handle and prepares to leave the room when he sees the door that leads to the courtyard. Leon opens the door, which reveals two zombies with witch Leon politely disposes of. Leon tries to go to the courtyard but the screen says, "It's too dangerous to go outside!" But if you look close enough, it actually says: "this is another one of Capcom's cheap ploys to keep the player right were we want them." Leon then goes back to the rooftop and puts in the valve handle. With a few turns, the fire in the building is quenched.
Leon goes over to the door and tries to open it, when a cut-scene rolls. A different kind of helicopter zooms across the sky and drops a large can of something that has the Umbrella logo on it along with "UPS Air- mail". The package goes through the ceiling into the next room.
Leon: Damn, those storks sure are getting sloppy with their job nowadays.
Leon goes in and the doorway is immediately blocked with debris that somehow didn't come crashing down at a less convenient time. After he rounds the corner, he sees the Tyrant.
Leon: Either that's a new enemy, or a big fan of leather. Oh well, either way, I think I'll kill it! (
Leon shoots the monster until it dies. The corny horror music ended and Leon picked up the bullets off the monster's body. After that, he left the monster and went into the next room. A cut-scene commenced witch featured the monster standing up, but it didn't show what the monster was thinking.
Monster: (Thinking) That bastard stole my Viagra!
Leon then goes into the new area where he would have to face zombies, but thanks to a glitch in the program, they were gone. Leon went into the trophy room where he saw a shinning object. This made it an important item. Leon picks it up and lo! It is the diamond key. Leon stuffs this into his pocket and heads for the exit. When suddenly, the ceiling from above smashed open and a licker smashed open and a licker dropped down bearing its talons and teeth in a violent manner, screaming for blood. Leon however, being the brave (or stupid, depending upon your interpretations of his actions so far) man that he was, rolled his eyes and shot the thing right in its exposed brain.
Leon ran to the suspect questioning room and used his new key to gain access. Inside he saw a chess piece thing and a first aide spray. But since Leon was going for the "A" rank, he ignored the latter and collected the chess piece. Since he didn't take the first aide spray, the licker did not attack. Now Leon stood in front of the second place, which the key would be used for. He put the key in which the key would be used for. He put the key in the lock and bam, the key was now useless. This information provided by the handy message on the screen.
Leon: Cool! I wish I had something like this whenever I had to take that stupid driving test! Say, I wonder if I have to renew that thing?
Leon then pulled out his driver's license and checked the expiration date. According to the information on the category, he was due to get his increase renewed . . . since 1985!
Leon: Hey, don't get so mad at me! I had tests to take (and bomb), chicks to look at (and get slapped by) and parole officers to pay-off.
Leon then goes into the next room where he gets acquainted with zombies all crammed up in a tiny space. Leon shoots them dead and enters the next room, the room where he met Marvin. Leon goes in the small office that his friend is huddled in.
Leon: (To Marvin) Man, you don't look so good.
Marvin: It's my sinuses. They're acting up again.
Leon: (Notices that Marvin doesn't look so good, in fact he is becoming a zombie.) Damn Marvin, you were right, the black guy always seems to die first.
Marvin mutates into a zombie and Leon kills him. Leon then takes the explosives charge and heads upstairs where the hallway to Chief Irons' office is and he sets the charge and backed away as he learned how to do when he was a child working with objects such as these. The door blew away and Leon entered Iron's office. Upon entering, he saw a dead body on the table.
Leon: I think I saw this sort of thing in a horror movie . . .
The chair suddenly swiveled around and a fat man with a gun faced Leon.
Irons: (Stares at Leon then lowers gun and speaks) I'm terribly sorry, I thought you were another one of those zombies.
Leon: For the love of God! Do I look like a friggin' zombie? Do I slouch? Do I moan? Do I smell like road kill?
Irons: Well the answer to your last question is yes.
Leon: (Notices how beautiful the girl is) Say, who's the babe?
Irons: (Referring to Beverly) That's the mayor's daughter. I was told to look after her, but I failed miserably.
Leon: (Muttering) Yup, that's what it looks like.
Irons: (Continuing to rant) Just look at her, she was a true beauty, her shin nothing short of perfection. She clearly used her acme cream. But it will soon putrefy and she will become another zombie.
Leon: Um, it looks like a bullet, not a bite, killed her.
Irons: (Puts away smoking gun) I don't know what you are talking about.
Leon: C'mon Irons! I want the truth!
Irons: You can't handle the truth!
Leon: Ah, can't I handle it just for a while?
Irons: No! No truth handling for you. You're truth handling privileges have been denied.
Leon hangs his head and pouts. He then goes into the trophy room. Footsteps are heard retreating into the back of the room. Leon follows them to a pitch-black room.
Leon: Come out, come out wherever you are!
Sherry: (Runs up and kicks Leon in the shin) Ha, ha. (Laughs like Laura from Silent Hill 2.)
Leon: (Like James from Silent Hill 2 too.) Oh! You snotty little brat! (Now like Jack from Stephen King's The Shinning.) You little bitch! When I catch you I'm gonna make you take your medicine like a good pup! (Runs back to Chief Irons' office and talks normally) Hey chief, did you . . . (sees that Irons is not in the room.) Where did he go?
The office was devoid of the Chief and his female companion. Only a single key remained. The key to the basement area.
End of Chap. 3 Part One
Sample of Chap. 3 Part Two
Leon ran to the other side of the garage when he heard a gunshot hit the ground behind him. Leon turned around and saw a sexy Asian woman.
Ada: Sorry about that, with your bad acting I thought you were a zombie.
Leon: (Having a bit of a problem speaking while drooling.) It's ok. It's a common mistake.
And now for something totally different, I am currently in the works of making a serious full fledge science-fiction horror novel based on Resident Evil 1 and Extermination. But take heed, as even if you have played Extermination, there are plenty of surprises, and none of them particularly nice or pretty. Witch brings me to my sample of the novel The Test: Unrestrained Infection. I promise you that unlike my spoofs, it won't be half-assed and it will be well worth your time. It will be rated "R" for violence, language, and crude humor.
Gunfire seemingly erupted in every cardinal direction in a thunderous racket. Although no stranger to these kinds of situations, Chris couldn't help but notice a hint of desperation in panic. For a few seconds it continued its intensity, but just as quick as it began, it suddenly dropped in volume, but not in panic. A new sound replaced the hail of bullets, screams, but not just any screams, these held intense panic, hopelessness, and mortal terror. The recipe for disaster was clearly being cooked.
"Oh crap!" Exclaimed Rebecca. "What the hell is going on here?"
Chris turned his head towards what Rebecca was looking at, the security video monitors, each one showing its own twisted tale of horror. In one screen, there were several zombies huddled over a downed figure, clawing and devouring at the flesh. In the next, there were a group of gunners shooting at a mass of zombies. They were quickly over-ran and suffered the same fate that their companion from the previous camera faced. The scenes of death went on all across the bank of screens.
"My God, they can't contain their research . . . they-
There were suddenly loud and violent bangs on the door to their left. It was as if the visitor on the other side had either forgotten how to get back in, was incredibly drunk, very violent, both of these, or a zombie. Chris' worst fears were confirmed when the visitor finally opened the door with its violent force and exposed itself to their view. It was one of the guards that captured them from the last base, but instead of the cocky face it had last time, it had the hybrid facial expression of starved hunger and extreme hatred. Its once-proud uniform was now drenched in what looked like quarts of blood.
Chris, Jill, and Rebecca watched in amazed shock as the zombie screamed. Its voice was tainted with evil and the very virus that infected it. When it was finished, it turned its attention back towards them and was silent as if remembering them in it's past life. The zombie then flew into a savage rage as its body went into a conversion.
No, it looks like it still hates us. Chris thought as the zombie attacked the cage they were in. For now they were relatively safe inside the steel prison. But that was only a temporary solution. It did not protect from the virus itself. And without food, water, medicine, or weapons, they were as good as dead anyway. Things have obviously gone from bad, to worse, to just plain piss-poor.
I hope you enjoyed my spoof and my horror piece. I will update the spoof soon and load-up the horror story once other projects are completed. Thank you for reading.
Leon walks into to the overly large room to find an empty hallway just like last video game. All of the other doors were locked and remain locked until he did a certain thing. Just like the last video game. Do you notice a trend? Anyway, Leon walked into the only available room. Where he meets a survivor.
Marvin: Who, who are you?
Leon: I'm Bruce.
Marvin: No you're not! Bruce is black.
Leon: Why yes, I am Bruce!
Marvin: Look mister, we already have Slim Shady so this world doesn't need another blonde haired clown trying to act black. But I suppose names aren't important seeing that I am black, I will die.
Leon: What happened to this place?
Marvin: One hell of a weird game of twister. But that's not important either. What is important is that you help all of the survivors and all of the keys strewn randomly around the area are found.
Leon: Why are keys strewn around randomly?
Marvin: To make this game seem longer. Even with all of these obstacles this game only takes 2 hours and 45 minutes to beat.
Leon: Damn, well- (Notices that Marvin's torso looks a lot a like . . .) Wow, a face!
Marvin: What?
Leon: It's your torso; it looks like a face, (Points Marvin's left breast pocket button.) That's the left eye, (points at Marvin's right breast pocket button) that's the right eye, (points at gaping hole in chest) and that's the mouth!
Marvin: Hey, you're right! How funny. Now get out of the room and take this keycard.
Leon: Well, I'll see you later.
Marvin: Yeah, but I'll be dead.
Leon goes out into the hallway and inserts card into computer. After the remaining doors in the first floor hallway are unlocked, Leon goes through the double doors to his right. Leon then goes over to the other side of the room to get to the next room when something crawling on the window. It had huge, sharp, long nails on its hands and feet, a mouth full of drool, and a filthy naked body. It was clearly peanutbuttersunshine.
Leon: Peanutbuttersunshine? What are you doing here?
Pbs didn't respond, instead it ran away. Probably trying to find another great writer like Steve Sideburn and Hello Captain to harass because he was jealous of their skills. Leon shrugs and goes into the next room where he sees a puddle of blood on the ground.
Leon: I suppose that this is not ketchup on the floor . . .
Leon hears talons on the ceiling and looks up. A pie hits him in the face. He quickly wipes the cream off his face and studies the hideous creature on the ceiling, holding a pie. It had sharp teeth- oh you've played the video game. You should know what it looks like. Leon then takes out his gun and shoots the monster dead. Leon then goes into the meeting room where he sees a picture hanging on the back wall. It's tilted "Nude Bungee Jumping" portraying a man naked except for a bag over his head.
Leon: This portrait reminds me of my school days . . . (Sees a pile of dry wood in fireplace) Well; this is an obvious puzzle . . .
With his unlimited wisdom, Leon makes a stool out of the wood and leans back in it, creating a tear in the painting causing the jewel to fall out.
Leon: It's shining so it must be important! Takes it, then goes out on his merry way to the upstairs. He sees a statue holding another jewel.
Leon: (Trying to read) Only . . . the light . . . of the . . . baboon? . . . No wait, . . . moon. Oh, it wants a moon huh?
Leon turns away from the statue and drops his pants. There is a clink sound as the jewel is released. Leon turns around to retrieve the jewel only to find that the statue has both of its hands covering its face as if saying "oh the horror!"
Leon shrugs and heads into the next place: the STARS office, Leon walks in to see Claire reading a diary.
Claire: Bruce you're still alive? (Says questionably)
Leon: Of course silly, anyway, I saw this really cool car we can escape in.
Claire: Really? Well let's go!
Leon: Well there are some certain things that I need to get it going.
Claire: Oh, like what?
Leon: Well, to start with, some gas might be good, along with the keys, four doors with windows, and an air freshener. But other than that, it's a real bitchin' car!
Claire: (Sighs) Well, while you gather your um . . . supplies . . . I'm going to go look for survivors and keep them away from you- I mean zombies. (Notices that Leon has left and taken everything useful in the room, even the oddly placed picture of Rebecca in the basketball uniform.)
Leon: (Thinking) She is still a bad conversationist!
Leon then disembarks on yet another magical quest in which he collects more meaningless items. He then inserts the unicorn pendent into the statue of the women in the main hall. A loud burping sound erupts from the women as a key comes out of the mouth. Leon takes the key to the locked door up near the Stars office. He enters and sees a young girl. Leon: (Approaches) Hey there! I'm a single man who's looking for a good time-
Sherry: (Screams and runs away)
Leon: Damn it! All I wanted to know was where the nearest casino was! Damn, is this town that bleak and boring?
Claire: (Comes in) Leon! Have you seen a little girl fun by here?
Leon: Yeah, you just missed her! But don't try to get her. She doesn't know any casinos or booze joints.
Claire: (Thinks) How the hell did this moron become a cop? (Now speaking) Leon, do you have any ideas about how we can get out of here?
Leon: Duh, we can use the front door.
Claire: But what about those thousands of zombies out in the city streets?
Leon: Yeah, what about them?
Claire: (Sounding pissed) I'm just going to leave now. Good luck with your hot rod, booze, drugs, or whatever your twisted mind desires! Good-bye! (Leaves).
Leon: She forgot 'sex'.
And so my children, Leon parts from Claire and goes to the rooftop. Just in time to see a daring rescue.
Helicopter pilot: I can't set her down. I'm dropping the rope latter.
Cop: Why not?
Helicopter pilot: 'Cause you're in the way, you moron.
Two zombies then shuffle up to the cop and try to bite him. With his unlimited wisdom, the cop then runs to a corner and starts shooting the zombies. Still, even with his lethal weapon, he couldn't kill the monsters. (Boy did he have bad accuracy or what?) What was Leon doing you ask? Why he was taking the time to admire his new look as the animation got much better in the cut-scene.
Leon: Wow! Look how cool I am! (Continues to admire himself while the zombies chomp on the cop).
In fact, it wasn't until the helicopter began to spiral towards the building that Leon finally looked up . . .
Leon: (Ranting about how cool he looked).
I said, Leon finally looked up!
Leon: (Looks up startled just in time to see the helicopter coming straight at him. He moves away quickly and says some things that are not fit for this rating. Leon looks at himself and notices he doesn't look as cool as he did before). Damn, and that actually made me look significantly better looking.
Leon then goes down the staircase and dodges all the zombies. Once in the small room he takes the valve handle and prepares to leave the room when he sees the door that leads to the courtyard. Leon opens the door, which reveals two zombies with witch Leon politely disposes of. Leon tries to go to the courtyard but the screen says, "It's too dangerous to go outside!" But if you look close enough, it actually says: "this is another one of Capcom's cheap ploys to keep the player right were we want them." Leon then goes back to the rooftop and puts in the valve handle. With a few turns, the fire in the building is quenched.
Leon goes over to the door and tries to open it, when a cut-scene rolls. A different kind of helicopter zooms across the sky and drops a large can of something that has the Umbrella logo on it along with "UPS Air- mail". The package goes through the ceiling into the next room.
Leon: Damn, those storks sure are getting sloppy with their job nowadays.
Leon goes in and the doorway is immediately blocked with debris that somehow didn't come crashing down at a less convenient time. After he rounds the corner, he sees the Tyrant.
Leon: Either that's a new enemy, or a big fan of leather. Oh well, either way, I think I'll kill it! (
Leon shoots the monster until it dies. The corny horror music ended and Leon picked up the bullets off the monster's body. After that, he left the monster and went into the next room. A cut-scene commenced witch featured the monster standing up, but it didn't show what the monster was thinking.
Monster: (Thinking) That bastard stole my Viagra!
Leon then goes into the new area where he would have to face zombies, but thanks to a glitch in the program, they were gone. Leon went into the trophy room where he saw a shinning object. This made it an important item. Leon picks it up and lo! It is the diamond key. Leon stuffs this into his pocket and heads for the exit. When suddenly, the ceiling from above smashed open and a licker smashed open and a licker dropped down bearing its talons and teeth in a violent manner, screaming for blood. Leon however, being the brave (or stupid, depending upon your interpretations of his actions so far) man that he was, rolled his eyes and shot the thing right in its exposed brain.
Leon ran to the suspect questioning room and used his new key to gain access. Inside he saw a chess piece thing and a first aide spray. But since Leon was going for the "A" rank, he ignored the latter and collected the chess piece. Since he didn't take the first aide spray, the licker did not attack. Now Leon stood in front of the second place, which the key would be used for. He put the key in which the key would be used for. He put the key in the lock and bam, the key was now useless. This information provided by the handy message on the screen.
Leon: Cool! I wish I had something like this whenever I had to take that stupid driving test! Say, I wonder if I have to renew that thing?
Leon then pulled out his driver's license and checked the expiration date. According to the information on the category, he was due to get his increase renewed . . . since 1985!
Leon: Hey, don't get so mad at me! I had tests to take (and bomb), chicks to look at (and get slapped by) and parole officers to pay-off.
Leon then goes into the next room where he gets acquainted with zombies all crammed up in a tiny space. Leon shoots them dead and enters the next room, the room where he met Marvin. Leon goes in the small office that his friend is huddled in.
Leon: (To Marvin) Man, you don't look so good.
Marvin: It's my sinuses. They're acting up again.
Leon: (Notices that Marvin doesn't look so good, in fact he is becoming a zombie.) Damn Marvin, you were right, the black guy always seems to die first.
Marvin mutates into a zombie and Leon kills him. Leon then takes the explosives charge and heads upstairs where the hallway to Chief Irons' office is and he sets the charge and backed away as he learned how to do when he was a child working with objects such as these. The door blew away and Leon entered Iron's office. Upon entering, he saw a dead body on the table.
Leon: I think I saw this sort of thing in a horror movie . . .
The chair suddenly swiveled around and a fat man with a gun faced Leon.
Irons: (Stares at Leon then lowers gun and speaks) I'm terribly sorry, I thought you were another one of those zombies.
Leon: For the love of God! Do I look like a friggin' zombie? Do I slouch? Do I moan? Do I smell like road kill?
Irons: Well the answer to your last question is yes.
Leon: (Notices how beautiful the girl is) Say, who's the babe?
Irons: (Referring to Beverly) That's the mayor's daughter. I was told to look after her, but I failed miserably.
Leon: (Muttering) Yup, that's what it looks like.
Irons: (Continuing to rant) Just look at her, she was a true beauty, her shin nothing short of perfection. She clearly used her acme cream. But it will soon putrefy and she will become another zombie.
Leon: Um, it looks like a bullet, not a bite, killed her.
Irons: (Puts away smoking gun) I don't know what you are talking about.
Leon: C'mon Irons! I want the truth!
Irons: You can't handle the truth!
Leon: Ah, can't I handle it just for a while?
Irons: No! No truth handling for you. You're truth handling privileges have been denied.
Leon hangs his head and pouts. He then goes into the trophy room. Footsteps are heard retreating into the back of the room. Leon follows them to a pitch-black room.
Leon: Come out, come out wherever you are!
Sherry: (Runs up and kicks Leon in the shin) Ha, ha. (Laughs like Laura from Silent Hill 2.)
Leon: (Like James from Silent Hill 2 too.) Oh! You snotty little brat! (Now like Jack from Stephen King's The Shinning.) You little bitch! When I catch you I'm gonna make you take your medicine like a good pup! (Runs back to Chief Irons' office and talks normally) Hey chief, did you . . . (sees that Irons is not in the room.) Where did he go?
The office was devoid of the Chief and his female companion. Only a single key remained. The key to the basement area.
End of Chap. 3 Part One
Sample of Chap. 3 Part Two
Leon ran to the other side of the garage when he heard a gunshot hit the ground behind him. Leon turned around and saw a sexy Asian woman.
Ada: Sorry about that, with your bad acting I thought you were a zombie.
Leon: (Having a bit of a problem speaking while drooling.) It's ok. It's a common mistake.
And now for something totally different, I am currently in the works of making a serious full fledge science-fiction horror novel based on Resident Evil 1 and Extermination. But take heed, as even if you have played Extermination, there are plenty of surprises, and none of them particularly nice or pretty. Witch brings me to my sample of the novel The Test: Unrestrained Infection. I promise you that unlike my spoofs, it won't be half-assed and it will be well worth your time. It will be rated "R" for violence, language, and crude humor.
Gunfire seemingly erupted in every cardinal direction in a thunderous racket. Although no stranger to these kinds of situations, Chris couldn't help but notice a hint of desperation in panic. For a few seconds it continued its intensity, but just as quick as it began, it suddenly dropped in volume, but not in panic. A new sound replaced the hail of bullets, screams, but not just any screams, these held intense panic, hopelessness, and mortal terror. The recipe for disaster was clearly being cooked.
"Oh crap!" Exclaimed Rebecca. "What the hell is going on here?"
Chris turned his head towards what Rebecca was looking at, the security video monitors, each one showing its own twisted tale of horror. In one screen, there were several zombies huddled over a downed figure, clawing and devouring at the flesh. In the next, there were a group of gunners shooting at a mass of zombies. They were quickly over-ran and suffered the same fate that their companion from the previous camera faced. The scenes of death went on all across the bank of screens.
"My God, they can't contain their research . . . they-
There were suddenly loud and violent bangs on the door to their left. It was as if the visitor on the other side had either forgotten how to get back in, was incredibly drunk, very violent, both of these, or a zombie. Chris' worst fears were confirmed when the visitor finally opened the door with its violent force and exposed itself to their view. It was one of the guards that captured them from the last base, but instead of the cocky face it had last time, it had the hybrid facial expression of starved hunger and extreme hatred. Its once-proud uniform was now drenched in what looked like quarts of blood.
Chris, Jill, and Rebecca watched in amazed shock as the zombie screamed. Its voice was tainted with evil and the very virus that infected it. When it was finished, it turned its attention back towards them and was silent as if remembering them in it's past life. The zombie then flew into a savage rage as its body went into a conversion.
No, it looks like it still hates us. Chris thought as the zombie attacked the cage they were in. For now they were relatively safe inside the steel prison. But that was only a temporary solution. It did not protect from the virus itself. And without food, water, medicine, or weapons, they were as good as dead anyway. Things have obviously gone from bad, to worse, to just plain piss-poor.
I hope you enjoyed my spoof and my horror piece. I will update the spoof soon and load-up the horror story once other projects are completed. Thank you for reading.