Chapter One: What Have I Become?

Written By: Lionheart Griever

None of the games in my fics belong to me. Final Fantasy VIII belongs to Square-Enix

And so, every night, in my mansion, I clutch Griever tightly, Sometimes he escapes from his ring, but does me no harm, rather, acts more like a guardian. I pretend that Griever is Squall sometimes, and I feel better. After my father had died, I lived alone. Quistis, and the rest of my friends in Balamb Garden visit me a lot, although, always question why I am not staying there anymore, and the answer is always "It's something personal"

How could they have been so oblivious? After Squall died there was just one day of mourning, and then everything went back to normal. Quistis would remember him a lot, Zell would start bawling a bit, then calm down. Even Irvine and Selphie had tears in their eyes, yet, they went back to normal. The only person that got scarred the most was the least suspecting one; Seifer. He never spoke any longer.

My objective is to destroy those SeeDs, that took Squall away, my life away, and forced me to an unhappy life.

"Come Griever!" I yelled. The ancient GF came out of the ring in which it was sealed in, similar to the DoomTrain GF. I wanted to destroy Balamb Garden like hell. That damned headmaster at my fists, and all the others that made him lose his life. Not to mention the father that made him live an unhappy life. Laguna was going to die.

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The dark sky was perfect for the setting. Quistis and the rest of the group hadn't known what I was doing, yet accompanied me anyway.

"So, Rinoa, why did you decide to come along to Esthar?" asked Quistis. Everyone was walking on the newly built path to Esthar, through the mountains.

"I guess I wanted to tag along?" Their mission was to destroy any of the remaining monsters left after the Lunar Cry in Esthar city. They were also going to be dispatched around the world afterwards to eliminate the other monsters.

"Look, Rinoa, we know you have been going through a lot of pain lately, with the loss of Squall and all. But, return to Balamb Garden! You'll find happiness in your friends, us!" Irvine said. 'Since when did you ever care?!' I thought to myself, yet still kept that innocent exterior showing.

The walk was long, yet, we were not attacked by any fiends. Most of them were already defeated beforehand. Finally, we arrived at the large city, Esthar. Everyone examined it for a few minutes. I forgot how beautiful it was. "Rinoa, where are you gonna stay? You still want to be a SeeD, and do the mission?" Zell asked.

I shook my head. 'I have more important things to do...' I thought. "I'm going to go stay with Laguna; it would be much too dangerous for me to stay outside, with all the monsters, and no Gf's with me..." I said.

"But what about that one you got from the ring. The one that..." Quistis put her mouth over Selphie before she could continue.

"I threw that one out" I lied, "It brings too many horrible memories for me to bear" I made my way to the Presidents home by using the teleporters. I quickly left the others, who were battling the many fierce creatures. I walked slowly, the Estharian guards made way for me, for they knew who I was.

The door to the President's room was opened, as Laguna was sitting on a chair, playing his oversized piano. Ward was standing in the corner, and Kiros just walked up to the door. "Rinoa, right?" he asked.

I just nodded. Laguna took his hands off of the piano, and his face became sober. "I'm sorry about what happened Ms. Heartilly" said Laguna. I shook my head, "I should be saying the same thing to you" I replied.

After quite a long conversation of faking my emotions, I was hoping for the right opportunity, when Laguna was all alone. A voice in the back of my mind suddenly came up. "What are you doing?!" It screamed in my head.

"E..Excuse me for a second.." I said. "Are you alri---- I interrupted Laguna, saying "Yes, just give me... a s...sec" I quickly ran off into one of the other rooms, and grabbed my head. Many voices started coming up in my head, but one of them was the one I could distinguish the most.

"Rinoa... I am not the only thing you needed in life. What about everyone else? I'm sure you'll meet someone else... just stop this nonsense!" Squall's voice yelled in my head. IT kept repeating those words over and over again. I fell over, and squirmed. "Stop this!! S...Stop..."

I took a knife out of my pocket. 'I'm a sorceress... but I don't want to live forever, without all my friends. Why am I going to kill someone? Why do I not want to be with any of my friends?!' The knife came closer and closer to my scared body. A teardrop went down my cheek. I then took the knife back, and with all my might, swung it at my body. Right before it made impact, a voice came into my head.

'When you are scared, hold Griever' My hand suddenly froze. "I wish that I could let go of all those horrible memories! I want these voices to stop speaking! I wish I could get rid of it all!" I yelled.

My Griever ring started shining again. A dark cloud appeared in front of me, as the galiant, winged beast came, and stood in front of me, like a servant. No... a knight.

I creeped into the room. Ward and kIros were both gone. "Where did the other two go?" I asked quietly. Laguna got up from his seat. "They went out on the streets to help your other friends fight the monsters. In a while, all of them will be gone. Is there anything I can get you?" Laguna asked. I shook my head. 'I don't want to do this..' I said to myself. I left the room. "Griever, get back into my ring, now!" I yelled. 'It won't work! I did it once after it killed Squall! If it was my intention to get it back into the ring it would work, but why now?! Do I want to kill Laguna?' Many different emotions blurred in my head.

'I can't call him back because... it is my fate to kill the person who damned Squall, made his life miserable by leaving him when he was born... In my heart, I do want to kill him...'

"Griever, kill him!!" I yelled out loud.

"Huh?!" yelled Laguna. Griever burst through the wall and jumped onto Laguna, who grabbed his machine gun. "What the hell is going on?!" he yelled, as he fired many bullets at the beast, yet none of them even scratched it. It got closer and closer to Laguna.

'I want him to die don't I?' one voice in my head said. 'Is this me?' another voice said. I grabbed my head, and got all of the voices out, by concentrating on Griever. "I'm not scared... I'm not scared..." I said to myself, witnessing the death of Squall's father.

Griever used an Ultima spell, and the whole room was engulfed by a dark light. An explosion occurred, shattering the windows. I watched from right outside of the room.

"What the hell?!" Yelled Zell, in one area under the President's area.

I walked into the bloody room, looking everywhere. Griever walked back to me, and disappeared into the ring. 'Why did I do this?!' said a voice in my head, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get rid of it.

'What have I become?'

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