A/N May God Bless. (Or uhh.Allah, or ummm..I don't know any other
god's...sorry..no offence to anybody! We are studying The Middle East in
Social Studies and well.There's this big test coming up about the Qur'an,
and Allah seems to be the only thing I can think about!) Anyway, may your
god bless E-mail, review alert. Allowing me to see all your scrumptious
little reviews before they get posted on the sight! Everybody so far is
like, "Oo0o0ooh this is soooo funny update soon!" Well.*gives reviewers a
charming smile and a wink," While all you delightful people are waiting for
me to post another chapter, read something else by yours truly! If you've
read Harry Potter, I highly recommend To Love You Is A Sin I Hold Dearly To
My Heart, which is listed in my profile. It's ever so angsty and full of
good healthy slash. I think another thing that's pretty good of mine is,
The Dairy of Blaise Zabini: How A slytherin thinks. GIRL BLAISE! Now
that I've shamelessly plugged my fic and I don't feel like putting up a
disclaimer soo0o0o0oo ON WITH THE CHAPTER.
Abby awoke the next morning to the sound of birds chirping and the smell of fried tomatoes sizzling in a frying pan. "Why did I fall asleep in the kitchen?" She though to herself until the loud snapping of a twig nearby rendered back the memories of the day before. Her first thought was, "I've got to apologize to Steve." As she cracked her eyes open to allow in the morning light.
Unfortunately for her there wasn't much morning light to allow in. She was about to close her eyes and drift back to sleep, but Pippin who she was being to conceive as more annoying than cute and foolish spotted her.
"Abby!" he cried joyously, "You are up and awake! It's about time! Mr.Bilbo and Mr. Frodo have been up for nearly an hour hence! Mr. Gandalf however has gone away for a short time to speak to another wizard. Saruman is his name says Mr. Bilbo."
'Pippin," Abby interrupted, "If you ever so much as dare to think to address me with so much cheerfulness when I have just woken up, I will rip off your testicles as a prelude to applying for a restraining order."
The pan clattered to the ground. All of the hobbits stared at her, in an absolute state of horror. Pippin stared and then suddenly let out a big yelp, covered his privates and ran towards Bilbo.
It was absolutely silent until Steven let out a weak chuckle from His bed on the Gandalf's cart.
"You never were a morning person, where you Abby?'
"Hell no." She grumbled. The frying pan was picked up. Slowly conversation started up again. Everything seemed normal once more.
Later that morn, Abby was beginning to be her normal chipper self once more. She approached Steven with a tray of fried tomatoes and nice crispy bacon in one hand and sat down next to him.
"Hungry?" She asked pushing it under his nose.
"A lot." He replied trying to hold his breath.
"Eat. You dunderhead, or did that little accident of yours render you completely useless?"
"Can't." he replied, but he sounded angry at the fact.
She batted her eyelashes playfully, "Why ever not best friend of mine?"
"I tried." He grunted.
"Tried?' she raised a brown eyebrow.
"Yes." He replied looking off into the trees.
"What do you mean tried?" she asked.
"Inhale deeply through your nose and you'll know." He muttered.
For once in her life Abby did as she was told, it was too early and Steve was too vulnerable looking to think of any good comebacks. What she smelled, was not remarkably pleasant. She looked over the side of the cart, and felt like making a pile of her own to join with it just from the sight.
"Ew Steve." She managed to say after taking a deep breath.
"Gee," he mumbled, "Sometimes I wish it was one of those preppy cheerleaders that came along to middle earth with me. At least she would have been compassionate."
"I am compassionate." Abby snorted.
Steve rolled his eyes, "You have a rather odd way of showing it."
"Well," she replied smiling, "According to you, everything I do is odd. Why should this be any different?"
He laughed, but it soon turned into a coughing fit. As soon as he settled again Abby said, "Nice singing there slim." But her concern was evident in her voice.
"Think you'll nominate me for a Grammy?" He replied eyelids closing.
"You know it Stevy." She returned, smiling as he quickly dropped back asleep. "Wait a second." She thought. "You aren't supposed to let people with concussions go to sleep. They could go into a coma."
"BILBO!" she screeched, but that was enough to wake up Steve with a start.
"Abby!" he exclaimed, "What was that about?"
"Don't go to sleep Steve." She warned dangerously.
He stared at her before asking, "Why not?"
"You might have a concussion; I don't want you to go into a coma." She replied eyes narrowed and tone biting.
"Abby!" he laughed, "How stupid do you think the hobbits and Gandalf are?"
She took a glance over to where the hobbits were sitting around a fire; Pippin was sucking on the palm of his hand looking angry while the others laughed. Apparently he had burnt himself on the pan. "Well I don't know about them." She said using her head to gesture over to where the hobbits sat. "And as for Gandalf." Abby looked around the area for him. "Where is the little bugger by the by?"
"Did you just say by the by Abby?" he asked laughing.
She stared at him for a few moments thinking, then her mouth formed a very round "Oh" and her hand went up to cover it.
"Well." He said thoughtfully, "We've lived in Middle Earth for a while now. It was only a matter of time before we picked up their lingo."
She laughed, "Since when do you say lingo? What kind of valley girl are you?"
"So sorry." He coughed, "The woman in me is escaping again. Better suppress it."
She just looked at him and smiled, "Glad to see you're back with us Steve, Glad to see you're back with us."
He grinned and announced, "I'm going back to sleep." So Abby hopped off the cart and walked over to the hobbits. Pippin, she noticed pulled his legs together and leaned forward on his hands as if to protect his "unmentionables," in any way he could.
She turned towards him and smiled even if it was a bit evilly, "Sorry about that a little slip of mine Pippin. If I really wanted to hurt you I wouldn't have said anything, just lunged."
From the look on Pippin's face, Abby had the distinct feeling that he didn't find that all too comforting. "Don't worry." She added, "I haven't got it out for you, only little ocsies.but that's just to disgusting to even try."
"Orcs?' asked Pippin voice squeaking a little.
"Yea, orcs.ugly little things, once were elves a long time ago.any of this ringing a bell here?"
"I've heard stories." He mumbled.
She stared at him. "Okay. Anyway, Bilbo, don't you think it's time we started going wherever we're going?"
He smiled at her, "We're headed to Bree Lady Abby."
"Oh Bree! Right, all we need is Gandalf then." She said as Frodo put out the fire.
"Gandalf's gone Abby, didn't you know?" Merry asked.
"G-Gone?" She asked face paling.
"Well yes," said Sam, "He had to go and speak to another one of those wizard types. We're meeting him in Bree. And then we'll go to see the elves!"
"Gandalf's gone?" she asked.
"Why yes!" Pippin cried, "I told you first thing this morn. Didn't you hear me?"
"Oh so sorry Pippin, I was too busy thinking of the 175 ways I know to rid you of your man hood you, and not one of them is pain free."
He took a slow step back and let out a strangled yelp before leaping behind bilbo who was chuckling merrily.
"What are you scared of Pippin-me-boy? Lady Abby was only joking. Weren't you?" He added giving her a sideways look.
"Well uh.." In truth she hadn't been, because when Pippin had been chattering the first thing that popped into her mind was, "must kill," but since Pippin looked downright horrified she decided to comply with the will of the elder hobbit. "Of course I was Pip!"
She stood smiling until remembering what had brought about this conversation in the first place.
"So Gandalf has left us, to speak to another wizard?" she said slowly and carefully as if she knew nothing.
"Yes." Replied Bilbo as he sat him on the front of the cart, "Saruman the white is his name. His is both wise and powerful or so says Gandalf."
"This is not good." Abby muttered to herself as the the cart began to move, "In fact this is very, very, very bad."
They rode for quite some time and in various states of contentment. Merry and Pippin especially Pippin, (to nobodies' surprise) were complaining about the lack of food in their stomachs. Sam was muttering darkly about what his Gaffer would, and would not approve of, Bilbo kept stating that he felt weary, and Frodo was worrying over the weary Bilbo, because long had their acquaintance been and this was the first of times Frodo had ever heard Bilbo state that he was weary. And lastly Abby was absolutely horrified over the sad turn of events that had happened while she was asleep. She had most earnestly hoping that she could prevent Gandalf from going to the white tower, therefore not letting Saruman know so early on that the ring of power had been found. The less saruman knew of the ring, all the better, had been Abby's thinking for it gave Saruman less time, even if only a little less time to build his army of orici. However it was essential for Gandalf to somehow find out of Saruman's deception. Abby was planning on telling Gandalf herself.
Now however, it was all amiss, and Gandalf was probably just arriving at the white Tower and speaking with Saruman himself. It seemed like all was going according to plan with the story, and was simply building its way around Steven and Abby's presence making them into characters themselves. And Abby did not like it, not in the least bit.
They had now been on the road to Bree for several days. Abby was growing very restless as were the other hobbits.
"Tell me," she said one night as it began to rain lightly, "What is the quickest way from this spot to Bree? And why aren't we taking it?"
Bilbo laughed, but it soon turned into a light cough. Abby was sure her eyes and ears were not deceiving her. Bilbo had given up the ring, but Frodo did not wear it around his neck like in the movie, so where was it?
"I'd reckon," said Merry, "That the quickest way out of here would be the Buckleberry Ferry. But that's ten miles to the east of here."
'We can't cross any Ferry in a cart." Bilbo huffed, "we'll have to take the long way round."
"But Bilbo," said Frodo, "If some were to go first and then the others come next with the cart would it work?
"There's a chance it might Frodo-me-lad. But you most remember horses don't like water, not in the least bit, and hobbit Ferries were not made to accommodate a horse of this size."
"That's true." Said Sam.
"We've dawdled too long Bilbo, I say we follow Frodo's idea." Pippin said.
"Yea." Abby agreed.
Bilbo sighed, "Fine, fine, but if we should all drown do not blame it on me."
It was their good fortune however, that they did not drown. And the whole party made it across safely. Now they headed to the prancing pony with alarming speed because it was beginning to rain rather hard and well, there was thunder and lightening off to the west. Abby and Steve had vainly been trying to describe to the hobbits how lightening came out of the ground and why thunder made it's noise but it really was no use and soon after gave up the pursuit of knowledge.
"Steve?" Abby asked looking at him with a slightly maniacal grin.
"Yea Ab?" he replied as they wheeled up the muddy pathway in the cart.
"I've just realized how many people would kill to be sitting in this god damn cart, in the rain heading towards the Prancing Pony Inn."
"Just?" he asked amused.
"Just," she said with a smile.
"I realized that when we had our first little chat about subject verb agreement back in may." He said shaking his head.
"You still remember that?" she asked.
"Like it was yesterday."
"How am I supposed to consider that a good thing? Considering you couldn't even remember were you had placed you cloak when we took a walk earlier."
"Short term memory is probably ruined because of that incident Abby." He said giving his head a light tap.
They sat in silence for a few moments. "Steve," Abby said.
"Yea Abby?"
"If Strider's door swings both ways You are going to be my.servant our whole stay in Rivendell!"
"What?"
"Aw come on Stevy! Don't you remember? Aragorn Boromir versus Arwen Eowyn?"
"Now I remember! You are so on Abby. There is no chance of Aragorn and Bormir, no chance!"
"Maybe they need a prod in the right direction hmm?"
"Abby, you aren't going to try to change the subplot of the story so that it forms to your will are you?"
"Well.."
"ABBY! I'm warning you, don't!"
"A girl can dream, Steve, a girl can dream."
"Speaking of dreaming, do you realize its not too long to Rivendell now?"
"Oh gods!"
"If Arwen and Eowyn get together, you will.you will have to dye Legolas's hair and face blue!"
"WHAT?"
"I've always wanted to call that guy a smurf."
"No! NO smurfs! I hate smurfs! They are like the anti-christ of cartoons!"
"They are just little blue guys! What did they ever do to you?"
She shuddered."I'm not going to answer that."
A/N Well that's my update.I'm kind of scared that Abby is turning into a little too much of a Mary Sue..and no black riders and strider..(sigh) I'm getting there, I'm getting there. If you want to here a really disturbing true story about smurfs e-mail me..because the hatred of smurfs comes from my own personal experience. Lol.Just to let yall know, Steve is kind of still out of it.but recovering..so yay!
Brunette at door and Black mage have the most cookies! Wahoo..
"Shhh."
"Turn out the lights."
"Get behind the couch."
"But I want to open the door Merry!"
"PIPPIN!"
"Oh my good, get the fuck down! There they are!"
"SHHHHH!"
"Okay, okay!"
"Move your elbow!"
"SHHH!"
Brunette at door: Where are we?
Blackmage12: I haven't the faintest.
Lord of the Rings Characters: SURPRISE!
Brunette at door: What the heck?
Abby awoke the next morning to the sound of birds chirping and the smell of fried tomatoes sizzling in a frying pan. "Why did I fall asleep in the kitchen?" She though to herself until the loud snapping of a twig nearby rendered back the memories of the day before. Her first thought was, "I've got to apologize to Steve." As she cracked her eyes open to allow in the morning light.
Unfortunately for her there wasn't much morning light to allow in. She was about to close her eyes and drift back to sleep, but Pippin who she was being to conceive as more annoying than cute and foolish spotted her.
"Abby!" he cried joyously, "You are up and awake! It's about time! Mr.Bilbo and Mr. Frodo have been up for nearly an hour hence! Mr. Gandalf however has gone away for a short time to speak to another wizard. Saruman is his name says Mr. Bilbo."
'Pippin," Abby interrupted, "If you ever so much as dare to think to address me with so much cheerfulness when I have just woken up, I will rip off your testicles as a prelude to applying for a restraining order."
The pan clattered to the ground. All of the hobbits stared at her, in an absolute state of horror. Pippin stared and then suddenly let out a big yelp, covered his privates and ran towards Bilbo.
It was absolutely silent until Steven let out a weak chuckle from His bed on the Gandalf's cart.
"You never were a morning person, where you Abby?'
"Hell no." She grumbled. The frying pan was picked up. Slowly conversation started up again. Everything seemed normal once more.
Later that morn, Abby was beginning to be her normal chipper self once more. She approached Steven with a tray of fried tomatoes and nice crispy bacon in one hand and sat down next to him.
"Hungry?" She asked pushing it under his nose.
"A lot." He replied trying to hold his breath.
"Eat. You dunderhead, or did that little accident of yours render you completely useless?"
"Can't." he replied, but he sounded angry at the fact.
She batted her eyelashes playfully, "Why ever not best friend of mine?"
"I tried." He grunted.
"Tried?' she raised a brown eyebrow.
"Yes." He replied looking off into the trees.
"What do you mean tried?" she asked.
"Inhale deeply through your nose and you'll know." He muttered.
For once in her life Abby did as she was told, it was too early and Steve was too vulnerable looking to think of any good comebacks. What she smelled, was not remarkably pleasant. She looked over the side of the cart, and felt like making a pile of her own to join with it just from the sight.
"Ew Steve." She managed to say after taking a deep breath.
"Gee," he mumbled, "Sometimes I wish it was one of those preppy cheerleaders that came along to middle earth with me. At least she would have been compassionate."
"I am compassionate." Abby snorted.
Steve rolled his eyes, "You have a rather odd way of showing it."
"Well," she replied smiling, "According to you, everything I do is odd. Why should this be any different?"
He laughed, but it soon turned into a coughing fit. As soon as he settled again Abby said, "Nice singing there slim." But her concern was evident in her voice.
"Think you'll nominate me for a Grammy?" He replied eyelids closing.
"You know it Stevy." She returned, smiling as he quickly dropped back asleep. "Wait a second." She thought. "You aren't supposed to let people with concussions go to sleep. They could go into a coma."
"BILBO!" she screeched, but that was enough to wake up Steve with a start.
"Abby!" he exclaimed, "What was that about?"
"Don't go to sleep Steve." She warned dangerously.
He stared at her before asking, "Why not?"
"You might have a concussion; I don't want you to go into a coma." She replied eyes narrowed and tone biting.
"Abby!" he laughed, "How stupid do you think the hobbits and Gandalf are?"
She took a glance over to where the hobbits were sitting around a fire; Pippin was sucking on the palm of his hand looking angry while the others laughed. Apparently he had burnt himself on the pan. "Well I don't know about them." She said using her head to gesture over to where the hobbits sat. "And as for Gandalf." Abby looked around the area for him. "Where is the little bugger by the by?"
"Did you just say by the by Abby?" he asked laughing.
She stared at him for a few moments thinking, then her mouth formed a very round "Oh" and her hand went up to cover it.
"Well." He said thoughtfully, "We've lived in Middle Earth for a while now. It was only a matter of time before we picked up their lingo."
She laughed, "Since when do you say lingo? What kind of valley girl are you?"
"So sorry." He coughed, "The woman in me is escaping again. Better suppress it."
She just looked at him and smiled, "Glad to see you're back with us Steve, Glad to see you're back with us."
He grinned and announced, "I'm going back to sleep." So Abby hopped off the cart and walked over to the hobbits. Pippin, she noticed pulled his legs together and leaned forward on his hands as if to protect his "unmentionables," in any way he could.
She turned towards him and smiled even if it was a bit evilly, "Sorry about that a little slip of mine Pippin. If I really wanted to hurt you I wouldn't have said anything, just lunged."
From the look on Pippin's face, Abby had the distinct feeling that he didn't find that all too comforting. "Don't worry." She added, "I haven't got it out for you, only little ocsies.but that's just to disgusting to even try."
"Orcs?' asked Pippin voice squeaking a little.
"Yea, orcs.ugly little things, once were elves a long time ago.any of this ringing a bell here?"
"I've heard stories." He mumbled.
She stared at him. "Okay. Anyway, Bilbo, don't you think it's time we started going wherever we're going?"
He smiled at her, "We're headed to Bree Lady Abby."
"Oh Bree! Right, all we need is Gandalf then." She said as Frodo put out the fire.
"Gandalf's gone Abby, didn't you know?" Merry asked.
"G-Gone?" She asked face paling.
"Well yes," said Sam, "He had to go and speak to another one of those wizard types. We're meeting him in Bree. And then we'll go to see the elves!"
"Gandalf's gone?" she asked.
"Why yes!" Pippin cried, "I told you first thing this morn. Didn't you hear me?"
"Oh so sorry Pippin, I was too busy thinking of the 175 ways I know to rid you of your man hood you, and not one of them is pain free."
He took a slow step back and let out a strangled yelp before leaping behind bilbo who was chuckling merrily.
"What are you scared of Pippin-me-boy? Lady Abby was only joking. Weren't you?" He added giving her a sideways look.
"Well uh.." In truth she hadn't been, because when Pippin had been chattering the first thing that popped into her mind was, "must kill," but since Pippin looked downright horrified she decided to comply with the will of the elder hobbit. "Of course I was Pip!"
She stood smiling until remembering what had brought about this conversation in the first place.
"So Gandalf has left us, to speak to another wizard?" she said slowly and carefully as if she knew nothing.
"Yes." Replied Bilbo as he sat him on the front of the cart, "Saruman the white is his name. His is both wise and powerful or so says Gandalf."
"This is not good." Abby muttered to herself as the the cart began to move, "In fact this is very, very, very bad."
They rode for quite some time and in various states of contentment. Merry and Pippin especially Pippin, (to nobodies' surprise) were complaining about the lack of food in their stomachs. Sam was muttering darkly about what his Gaffer would, and would not approve of, Bilbo kept stating that he felt weary, and Frodo was worrying over the weary Bilbo, because long had their acquaintance been and this was the first of times Frodo had ever heard Bilbo state that he was weary. And lastly Abby was absolutely horrified over the sad turn of events that had happened while she was asleep. She had most earnestly hoping that she could prevent Gandalf from going to the white tower, therefore not letting Saruman know so early on that the ring of power had been found. The less saruman knew of the ring, all the better, had been Abby's thinking for it gave Saruman less time, even if only a little less time to build his army of orici. However it was essential for Gandalf to somehow find out of Saruman's deception. Abby was planning on telling Gandalf herself.
Now however, it was all amiss, and Gandalf was probably just arriving at the white Tower and speaking with Saruman himself. It seemed like all was going according to plan with the story, and was simply building its way around Steven and Abby's presence making them into characters themselves. And Abby did not like it, not in the least bit.
They had now been on the road to Bree for several days. Abby was growing very restless as were the other hobbits.
"Tell me," she said one night as it began to rain lightly, "What is the quickest way from this spot to Bree? And why aren't we taking it?"
Bilbo laughed, but it soon turned into a light cough. Abby was sure her eyes and ears were not deceiving her. Bilbo had given up the ring, but Frodo did not wear it around his neck like in the movie, so where was it?
"I'd reckon," said Merry, "That the quickest way out of here would be the Buckleberry Ferry. But that's ten miles to the east of here."
'We can't cross any Ferry in a cart." Bilbo huffed, "we'll have to take the long way round."
"But Bilbo," said Frodo, "If some were to go first and then the others come next with the cart would it work?
"There's a chance it might Frodo-me-lad. But you most remember horses don't like water, not in the least bit, and hobbit Ferries were not made to accommodate a horse of this size."
"That's true." Said Sam.
"We've dawdled too long Bilbo, I say we follow Frodo's idea." Pippin said.
"Yea." Abby agreed.
Bilbo sighed, "Fine, fine, but if we should all drown do not blame it on me."
It was their good fortune however, that they did not drown. And the whole party made it across safely. Now they headed to the prancing pony with alarming speed because it was beginning to rain rather hard and well, there was thunder and lightening off to the west. Abby and Steve had vainly been trying to describe to the hobbits how lightening came out of the ground and why thunder made it's noise but it really was no use and soon after gave up the pursuit of knowledge.
"Steve?" Abby asked looking at him with a slightly maniacal grin.
"Yea Ab?" he replied as they wheeled up the muddy pathway in the cart.
"I've just realized how many people would kill to be sitting in this god damn cart, in the rain heading towards the Prancing Pony Inn."
"Just?" he asked amused.
"Just," she said with a smile.
"I realized that when we had our first little chat about subject verb agreement back in may." He said shaking his head.
"You still remember that?" she asked.
"Like it was yesterday."
"How am I supposed to consider that a good thing? Considering you couldn't even remember were you had placed you cloak when we took a walk earlier."
"Short term memory is probably ruined because of that incident Abby." He said giving his head a light tap.
They sat in silence for a few moments. "Steve," Abby said.
"Yea Abby?"
"If Strider's door swings both ways You are going to be my.servant our whole stay in Rivendell!"
"What?"
"Aw come on Stevy! Don't you remember? Aragorn Boromir versus Arwen Eowyn?"
"Now I remember! You are so on Abby. There is no chance of Aragorn and Bormir, no chance!"
"Maybe they need a prod in the right direction hmm?"
"Abby, you aren't going to try to change the subplot of the story so that it forms to your will are you?"
"Well.."
"ABBY! I'm warning you, don't!"
"A girl can dream, Steve, a girl can dream."
"Speaking of dreaming, do you realize its not too long to Rivendell now?"
"Oh gods!"
"If Arwen and Eowyn get together, you will.you will have to dye Legolas's hair and face blue!"
"WHAT?"
"I've always wanted to call that guy a smurf."
"No! NO smurfs! I hate smurfs! They are like the anti-christ of cartoons!"
"They are just little blue guys! What did they ever do to you?"
She shuddered."I'm not going to answer that."
A/N Well that's my update.I'm kind of scared that Abby is turning into a little too much of a Mary Sue..and no black riders and strider..(sigh) I'm getting there, I'm getting there. If you want to here a really disturbing true story about smurfs e-mail me..because the hatred of smurfs comes from my own personal experience. Lol.Just to let yall know, Steve is kind of still out of it.but recovering..so yay!
Brunette at door and Black mage have the most cookies! Wahoo..
"Shhh."
"Turn out the lights."
"Get behind the couch."
"But I want to open the door Merry!"
"PIPPIN!"
"Oh my good, get the fuck down! There they are!"
"SHHHHH!"
"Okay, okay!"
"Move your elbow!"
"SHHH!"
Brunette at door: Where are we?
Blackmage12: I haven't the faintest.
Lord of the Rings Characters: SURPRISE!
Brunette at door: What the heck?