Hey, I'm back again! It's only a one-shot, and I published it ages ago at Lordandladysnape.net, but never mind... I'm planning on doing another, longer story, or maybe a translation English- German as soon as I manage to buy a few extra-hours... :-) So watch out! Until then, please read, enjoy and review :-)
Disclaimer: I own neither of the characters or places mentioned and I do not make money out of this story.
A girl of seventeen standing on the platform of the Astronomy Tower.
It rains.
With every drop a part of my mind shatters onto the cold stones. Most of it will already have been washed away by the big stream of time when the test is finished.
I glance at my watch, and then stare again in front of myself.
Another five minutes to go.
I step to the railing of the tower and look around. Instead of the grey landscape, I fancy pictures from days that passed long ago.
I distinguish a slender girl of eleven, proud beyond belief of being called to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I see how friendship, who had always been reluctant to stay, establishes itself as a regular inhabitant at the girl's heart. The sun of love shines bright upon the world – my world. It is the love towards friends, the love of learning, the love of success, as well as the love of life in general.
Even the exhausting fight against evil is acceptable under such conditions.
Four and a half minute.
The sun fades as heavy black clouds approach. Their bat-like shape wake up other memories of a dark man; a grey wizard with a soft, alluring voice that bears trouble whenever it is raised.
Ensnaring the senses, bewitching the minds... Ensnaring my senses, bewitching my mind and in the end leading me into temptation – where is he now?
Where is he to deliver me from evil?
Oh potions master, if only you knew how badly I am about to abuse the knowledge I gained through you.
But you are not here.
You are not here to save me if in a few minutes the test will show what I fear.
Nor are you here to stop me from drinking the potion I've already brewed, in order to kill whatever fruit might have sprung from a night to forget.
A night when two human beings, alike in brilliance of mind, and probably alike in their immense stupidity, fell for each other with such violence, that even hell itself froze in shock.
And now heaven is crying...
I haven't told anybody, as we promised each other.
"Why?" they would ask, if they knew of my purpose. And I couldn't explain it to them. Couldn't tell them that bearing your child would always, with every day I lived, torture me with pains alike Tantalus's. To imagine that it might look like you – no. Impossible. How am I to bear the pain of loving you without the chance to forget about my love? Nobody ask that of me.
I look at the watch – another minute has passed.
Babies are sweet. Everyone you ask tells you so. Babies have to be sweet, I state, because otherwise they wouldn't survive their first fit of crying.
Maybe I'd love to have a baby. I would surely have loved to have a baby from you, Severus, had you just once hinted that you might love me.
No, let's not think about babies, Hermione. It only makes you cry.
But is there anything else to think about, that would not make me cry?
Then dream. Think about the happier times. Didn't you love being with him?
Oh I did. I enjoyed every minute of his presence. His voice, his touch, his kiss – it made me shiver, and laugh, and moan with pleasure at the same time. He drove me crazy with a look and turned my heart upside down with a move.
Didn't you do the same to him?
Yes I did...
Now you're smiling at last...
If only he loved me –
How do you know he doesn't?
How do I know? He never told me.
Does love need to be spoken aloud?
No. But it has to be admitted. And he turned back into the nasty wizard later. He ignored me when I needed him most desperately. He hissed at me with fury when I tried to talk to him. He sent me away.
He's a mysterious man.
He's evil. I bet if he knew about my pregnancy, he'd have brewed the potion himself.
You don't know yet, whether you're pregnant. Don't sell the cat in the bag, not even to yourself.
But if I am...
There's still another minute to go.
I don't want to think anymore.
Well, why don't you count the seconds back?
55
54
53
52
51
50
49
fortyn –
Be still! Someone's coming upstairs; I can hear the steps.
Who could it be? It couldn't be – no, he's away –
Don't you know his step? It's him.
And another 30 seconds to wait...
She pulls her arms around her body and waits. Slowly she starts to realize how cold it is. Her clothes are soaking wet and she is shivering.
A dark figure appears in the entrance to the platform. Very quietly, the man approaches the woman and stops within her reach.
"Hermione?"
His voice is low.
She doesn't respond, but stares at her watch, while the pointer seems to slow down with every step it takes towards the last second.
She whispers the countdown.
Ten – nine – eight – seven –
She reaches for the glass containing the test –
Four – three – two – one...
Her breath stops. Reluctantly she removes the fingers hiding the result.
It takes a long time for Hermione's senses to start working again. Her body feels like being surrounded by thick fog, through which only the ice coldness is able to penetrate.
Not Pregnant.
No Baby.
Nothing to fear, no thing to kill...
A sharp intake of breath reminds her of the man behind her back.
Hermione turns towards him, not sure, if she's ready to face him. But it doesn't matter; her mind refuses to think another thought today.
Severus Snape's face is as impenetrable as the fog she just felt wrapped in. He steps closer and looks at the test, then sends her a glance, eyebrows raised.
In her face he recognizes every single feeling that has haunted him during the last days and weeks. Hate, fear, resentment, accusation, guilt, fury, contempt – he knows them like old foes. Only the three that were said to remain – faith, hope and charity – he cannot find there.
A careful smile crept onto his features.
"Hermione," he whispers again. "Hermione, I've been on a long journey." His black eyes pierce. "I have been to places nobody ever wants to visit, and I can tell from your face that you know them."
He opens his hands and olds them towards her.
"On my journey, Hermione, I have learned that I love you."
Her eyes question him, but only for a moment.
Then her soul opens wide her wings, flies back through silent lands as if it flew to its dwellings.