Disclaimer: They aren't mine and you know it.

Authors Notes: I've been really busy, so I haven't even tried to get this done. I'm sorry to you all. Now I'm almost past that stage though and ready to pick this up again. I never realised how much I missed it until I sat down to continue it. I hope I haven't lost all my readers in my little spell, or severely interrupted the train of thought. Posts should be semi-regular from now on though (I hope!) Anyway, I've taken a few hours off to tease you all a little further so take a few minutes to write a quick review because I really appreciate it. ;-)

Chapter 5: Closed Heart; Closed Mind

Pan crept out. The silence that she was leaving behind suddenly seemed so inviting. After so many years spent in confinement she had decided that the time was right. She was ready for Trunks…

If only he was ready for her.

Pan had imagined so many possible reactions to the news and her return, but never had the sight that faced her even been toyed with.

Trunks was not there.

And in that singular moment Pan didn't feel anything. There was a brief moment of shock that numbed her to the inevitable pain that would follow. Then it seemed the world drew in on her. Pan looked around, hoping that she had simply missed him in her excitement, but it was a false hope and she knew it. The air seemed to be so empty, she couldn't even sense Trunks' ki. To her, that only meant one thing: he was hiding. With a small sob that could have been mistaken for a growl Pan re-entered the Room.

The pure white was so enticing to Pan. It washed through her head, sending her a little crazy as it had over the past years. This time Pan submitted to the insanity though and expected the rage to begin burning strongly. However, her heart was flooded with an aching despair and even in her betrayal she couldn't bring herself to hate Trunks. This was the ultimate crime that she was simply unable to forgive herself for. Not only had Trunks failed to meet her, he had purposefully hidden from her.

All those years...

Without warning the air around Pan began to swell with heat and force itself into her lungs. Frustrated by the untimely change Pan jumped into the air, desperately trying to escape the oppressive air burning her entire body.

Amid the raging emotions and fiery climate a wave of pleasure pulsed through her. Through the pain she could suddenly feel power...power so intense it seemed to blind her for a second before her senses took a quantum leap. The white suddenly became clearer, the silence was intruded upon by her own breathing and heartbeat, mingling with the sound of her sweat falling gently to the ground. She became suddenly aware of every smell her body was emitting, but strangely found that the room itself still had no scent. The power was the most foreign thing to her. She could feel it in her veins sweeping through her hair, pulling and twisting it upwards. She knew without indication that the deep black Trunks had commented on so often had blasted into a brilliant gold. Burning most strongly in her was not the lust for power, nor the awe at her senses or even shock at her achievement; she felt a simple deception.

When Pan was growing up she had trained so hard to attain that level beyond – to finally prove to the world that girls can be Super Saiyans too. It seemed ironic that she would finally achieve this when nobody was around to witness it. After the intense gravity and competition it was a mere broken heart that had given her the final key to success. Of course, the anger alone wasn't enough to send her Super Saiyan, but after all those years of training in the unwavering conditions of the Room of Spirit and Time her body was physically ready for the transformation and only awaiting the final component to reveal itself.

None of this mattered to Pan though. In her head there was only one coherent thought, or question rather, "Why didn't you wait for me?" It only had time to pass through her head once though before her body began to give under the stress and her lack of resolution caused her to slip from the conscious realm and fall heavily to the empty white beneath her.

*

Days ran into weeks and weeks ran into months. In a room that defied time entirely, Pan barely even noticed it streaming through her fingers. In fact, Pan barely noticed anything. In her head the mantra repeated itself over and over again, 'Love is a lie'. Pan's training became more and more intense. She would fail to sleep for days and days at a time, maintaining the ultimate peak of her power. The power quickly became an addiction; a rush that could not be forsaken. In it she saw her only escape from the pain.

And so like this the time continued for 8 months and 11 days, until one day Pan stopped.

To anyone looking back on the situation it was rather ridiculous. In the time Pan had been there she had barely stopped to think and then out of the blue there was some distant calling, urging her to relent for a moment. Maybe it was a piece of her father coming out, maybe it was the beginnings of forgiveness or maybe it was fate. The chances are it was none of these things. Nevertheless Pan took a few moments out to reflect upon the changes in her life. It all seemed so long ago. She had been a meager child in love, marveling at the prince that was to become hers. It amazed her that Trunks had even shown an interest in her all those years ago. It was impossible to comprehend that only several days had passed for Trunks. Hindsight, being the perfect angle that it was, showed her how stupid she was to commit so much of her life to one person who had only given up several days to her. No matter how strong her infatuation with Trunks she had to remember that to Trunks she was just another notch in his belt.

Only when she took the argument out of context like this was Pan able to feel true anger with Trunks. Even after the rejection she couldn't help but love him though. It was a hopeless situation.

In her reflection her thoughts wandered towards her parents. The shame was so overwhelming that she instinctively buried her head in her hands, trying to hide from the ruins that were her life. What would they think of her? She had thrown away a good deal of her life for a man that had forgotten her. How could she justify that, especially to her father? He had such big dreams for her.

The anger flickered through her once more and Pan felt the familiar changes take control of her body. She did not move though and breathed deeply, regaining control of her flaring emotions.

In amongst the confusion there was always one thing in her head that she could not dispel – she loved Trunks. She was reminded of the times she had pined after him as a child, knowing that he would deny her. At least then there was hope though (as she didn't know for sure), but now there was nothing, just the endless and empty white to comfort her lonely nights.

Pan crossed her legs, hoping to find some solace in meditation. She found it surprisingly easy to slip into the right state and found the time spent away from thoughts a long overdue break.

When Pan rejoined the conscious world she was unable to tell how long she had spent meditating. What she did know was what she had to do now. It had been time well spent and the storm in her mind had been harnessed allowing clear thought.

Pan had to face the world again.

*

It was three days before Pan was psychologically prepared to see all her friends and family again. She felt so certain of the shame that was to befall her. Already she could hear the firm reprimands of her father. At the same time she knew that he was a kind man at heart and was only trying to look out for her. By now, Pan was keenly aware of the mistake she had made and could only try to make up for it...somehow.

There was an idea that was tickling the back of her mind though – Dragonballs. That was one thing that always enabled her to smile, they were the one thing that could sell her hope.

In her fear Pan had not considered what they would think of her new hairstyle.

With her few possessions in hand Pan tracked over to the door and, taking a final glance around the prison that had held her for so long, unceremoniously left.

As she stepped back onto the tower Pan realised that the tile beneath her foot was wobbly. She looked down. It wasn't like Dende to let anything like that happen. She looked up to see if he was around so that she could inform him of her discovery.

Death.

Thats all that Pan could think. She was surrounded by death. The tower had been completely destroyed. There was barely a ki on the planet. While the Room of Spirit and Time had seemed empty that did not worry her much because it was supposed to be that way. The world was not meant to be so void. There was simply nothing to it; the air was lifeless.

Tip-toeing across the shattered tile floor Pan wandered aimlessly. Blood was strewn wildly across the floor. There were signs of an epic battle and signs of gory deaths. She couldn't bring herself to look over the edge, but the horrors at the top of the tower were enough to leave deep scars in her mind forever. Everywhere she looked she could feel the horrible images being burnt into her mind. Then she saw the one thing that would never leave her mind. Dende lay in a puddle of Namekian blood, his body barely hanging together. One arm hung on by several strands of shredded muscle, his gut shredded open and his innards spread roughly. It took her only seconds to notice a second body lying only metres away, obviously someone who had died trying to protect Dende. She took only one step before her eyes focussed and she identified the body as her father.

The world around Pan began to sway, threatening to close in. She was torn between losing her breakfast and gulping in copious amounts of air. Trying to hold her lunch down she gasped, wondering where all the air had gone. She became faintly aware of spinning, then she could hear the sounds of fear and food being regurgitated. As her body clattered to the ground she felt a distant pain and a distant fear then it went black.

Her body lay motionless next to a crude post that had been pushed into the once perfect tiles so long ago. At the top flew a dark flag with a symbol only Vegeta could have recognised from his distant travels. It was possible he had since forgotten it though, he had conquered so many planets, but perhaps none so bountiful.

Pan groaned and wondered where the time had gone. Though only seconds had passed since she had collapsed it seemed like hours had passed. Her eyes struggled to focus and as they did she found herself lying in her fathers blood looking up at the flag of the Firconese.

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