TROUBLE IN YOKOSUKA! part 3!
Perhaps the FINAL chapter!
That means you should gasp. Do it!
By Chris Hecht
happened. No, nothing did. I only said that because I couldn't think of any other way to end
that sentence. NOTHING happened to Tom and Fuku-san as they stood there. A few people
stared at them and wondered what they are doing, and one guy mooned them but that was it.
As a matter of fact, Tom wasn't even standing! Tom was DANCING! Dancing like he always
is! Fuku-san was standing, though. He got stuck with the duty of holding the hot dog while
Tom dances to attracts customers. Well, he thought the dancing would attract customers. In reality all it did was make people scared and confused. Perhaps that's why Tom never
got any real customers. Or maybe it was the fact that the entire interior of his hot dog truck
was completely covered in mold. Either way, he wasn't selling very many hotdogs.
Officer Charles Bronson walked by, noticing the two lunatics, one boy holding a hotdog and
some drugged-up looking Rastafarian dancing there. This wasn't the first time Bronson saw
Tom there. But this was the first time he saw Tom without his truck. Officer Bronson was going
to ask Tom why he didn't have his truck, but he didn't. The way Bronson saw it, asking questions
was no part of his job! Nor was being suspicious, stopping crimes, or helping anybody come to
think of it. But he stopped right there! Thinking wasn't part of his job, either. Officer Bronson
clutched the rocket launcher in his hand, placing his hand on the trigger while he walked around,
eyeballing people. That was the essence of his job, as he saw it. But hey, it keeps people from
rioting and such, so he stuck with it.
Tom kept dancing, while Fuku-san kept standing. Fuku-san was bored. He hated being bored.
Even though living with Ryo should have built up his immunity to boredom, it didn't, probably
because Fuku-san is an idiot. Anyway, Fuku was starting to get really jittery. He needed
amusement, otherwise he might end up having another "incident" like last year. We won't speak
about that because this fic is rated PG-13. All the death and violence in the last two chapters is
nothing compared to what Fuku-san did. Just use your imagination! Heh, that's the best thing
to say to get out of typing up more crap. Use your imagination, kids.
Anyway, Fuku-san looked around for something to do. He couldn't stand all this...standing.
That's when he noticed a fisherman, standing near the water, fishing. Then Fuku saw that
old dirty hobo who always hangs around this port, sitting over by a warehouse. Fuku-san
kept looking back and forth at the two people, and that's when he got his most brilliant
idea he ever had. Fuku's eyes widened with excitement. He decided to initiate this genius
plan of his for amusement...
"HIYA!" yelled Fuku-san, as he punched the fisherman in the head, sending him falling into
the ocean. The fisherman just floated there, face down in the water. The water around him
started turning red. Fuku then grabbed the fishing pole from the corpse's cold, dead hands.
Fuku then grasped the hotdog, and rigged it up on the hook. Now Fuku-san looked around
for something he could hide behind. He found a crate. He stood behind it and casted out his
bait, the hotdog, towards that dirty old hobo guy. The hotdog knocked the hobo in the side of
his head. He just looked at it as it fell to the ground right beside him. He looked at the fishing
line attached to it, the obvious hook, in it's bun, and looked over to see some jackass standing
behind a crate with a fishing pole, snorting and chuckling as if it were the most clever thing he
had ever conceived. The hobo man just stared at Fuku-san, bitterly, as he always does to anybody or anypigeon.
Ten minutes later...
Fuku-san still stood behind the crate, holding the fishing pole. The old hobo man had not
taken the bait...yet...but he was bound to eventually. Fuku-san was acting like a gruff,
crusty old experienced fisherman now, because he had acquired a fishing hat with a bunch
of hooks in it, a fishing vest, a cooler with some booze and a sandwich in it, and he even
managed to get a small rowboat that he was now sitting in, on the asphalt. You might wonder
how he came about getting all these things in a mere twenty minutes. Well, if you looked in the
water right behind him, where the body of that first fisherman was floating, you'd see not one
dead fisherman's body, but FIVE dead fishermen bodies! Fuku-san had a way with dealing
with fishermen, as you can see.
The grungy old hobo guy was still sitting there. Pigeons had flocked around him, and they covered his shoulders. They were his pets, or rather, his friends. They lived with him, followed him everywhere,always by his side, trustworthy, vigilant, and always crapping on him. Many times, when people would pass by the old hobo, they would see he wasn't moving, wasn't even blinking, and he was covered with pigeons, and so many people thought he was dead. But he wasn't! He usually played dead to try and get some rambunctious idiot who's wasting everybody's time to go the hell away. It didn't seem to work with Fuku-san. He must've been to clever to fool, thought the hobo.
"I wonder if that dead hobo will come back as a zombie and take the hotdog bait?!" thought the idiot, er I mean Fuku-san. He decided it's time to get a fishing net. That would get the job done, he thought!
He looked around for any fisherman with a fishing net by chance. There were none. But then he noticed, docked at the harbor, there was a huge fishing barge. He chopped another person in the face, this time it was an elderly woman with binoculars. She fell unconscious, right into the ocean, face first, and Fuku-san took the binoculars from her cold, clammy hands. He looked at the deck of the barge and noticed there were many fishing nets on board! "How will I get on that ship, though?" thought Fuku-san. He sat there, in his boat for long and hard. Then he got an idea (you know that isn't good) and a big grin came across his face. Fuku-san looked down at his rowboat and grabbed the oars. "That's it! I'll use this boat and sneak on board!"
There were many ladders lining the side of the fishing barge Fuku-san wished to enter. The water level was high enough so that, using a small sea craft, you could easily dock right next to the boat, undetected, and climb the ladder to get to the deck. However, this thought never occurred to Fuku-san (big surprise), but Fuku-san was at least using the boat. He was rowing, across the asphalt, somehow managing to move, even if it was only about three inches each time he rowed. Everybody at the port stared at Fuku. They wondered if he was drunk, high, or just plain retarded. Fuku-san started laughing maniacally, at how great his plan was. After only half an hour he got to the deck that connected the fishing barge to dry land. There were people standing guard there to keep any unwanted individuals off the ship, but they just stared at Fuku-san, speechless, as he rowed up the port, up the deck, tearing up asphalt and the wood of the rowboat he was in. They didn't know what to say. They just stared. Fuku-san eventually made it to the deck of the ship, where he saw many fishing nets. He grabbed one and tossed it into his boat. Then he started rowing back to his fishing post, in other words behind that crate. This took another half hour.
half an hour later....
Fuku-san was back behind his crate, his fishing post. This place smelled of dead bodies, probably because there were five, no, six dead bodies floating right there. Fuku-san readied the net. He was going to catch a hobo. He forgot why he wanted to in the first place but Fuku forgets a lot of things so he was used to it. It didn't bother him anymore. Idiot. Anyway, so Fuku-san rowed up to where the old man and his pigeons sit. The man still had not moved in the past two hours.
Fuku-san shouted "YOU'RE MINE!" as he threw the net at the hobo, but his swarm of pigeons flew toward the net and saved him. There were feathers everywhere, all Fuku-san could hear were hoots and caws.
"Aww crap! Damn pigeons!!" exclaimed Fuku-san. He tried to release the pigeons from his net so he could capture the hobo but when he did the pigeons all flocked toward Fuku, trying to peck his eyes out. So Fuku-san threw the net over the pigeons again, and this time managed to capture every one of them. Fuku-san tied up the ends of the net so now there was just a big
load of pigeons in a net. The hobo man then moved! He grabbed the tied up ends of the net
and suddenly all the pigeons started flapping their wings. The hobo was lifted into the air by
the power of the pigeons. He started flying towards the ocean.
"Hey!! Come back!!" shouted Fuku-san, but the man did not listen.
"I'm free! Seeya, suckers!" yelled the hobo man, as his pigeons carried him out to the ocean,
towards where the sun would be setting soon. The man laughed hard.
Fuku-san shrugged his shoulders and went back to where Tom had been dancing for the
whole entire time.
No one was watching as the man flew off further into the distance. The pigeons suddenly scattered and he plummeted into the ocean, making a big "SPLASH!" sound. Then all you could see was a bunch of sharks converging on his position.
On with the story!
I'm just kidding. there is no story. Just a bunch of random crap. But on with that!
Fuku looked at Tom. Tom never stopped dancing. It was actually pretty creepy. Fuku said "Hey Tom" but there was no response from him. Fuku poked Tom in the chest. Nothing happened. He just kept on dancing. Fuku then lifted up Tom's big sunglasses. Tom was asleep! He somehow, after years of dancing pointlessly, had managed to train himself to dance in his sleep. So that's how he does it, thought Fuku-san.
Just then, Lan Di, in his evil black luxury car, drove up! Fuku-san gasped! Lan Di stepped out of the car, and looked at Fuku-san. Fuku-san was speechless. This time it wasn't because he was an idiot with nothing to say. This time it was out of shock. Or because he was a knave. Can't tell. Who needs details, anyway!?
Lan Di had that cold stare on and he walked over to Fuku, still not saying a word. He stared down Fuku,and reached into his coat, grabbing for something. Fuku was shocked even further, thinking he was going to pull out a gun or something. He pulled it out....it was....
A map. "Excuse me young man, er, but do you know to get to docking bay number seventeen? I'm really going to be late for my ship and I can't find it anywhere!" said Lan Di.
Fuku-san was again speechless. But then he decided to speak up. "You head that way until you reach the big blue ware house, then take a left and keep going, all the docking bays are numbered so just keep going until you reach--" just then Fuku was interrupted by Ryo Hazuki!
"Fuku! Watch out! That's Lan Di! The man who killed Hazuki-sensei!" exclaimed Ryo, getting into a fighting stance, ready to take on Lan Di!
"Uh....crap...." said Lan Di under his breath. But then he got an amazing idea. He spoke up. "Uhm....No I'm not!" he said.
"Oh. Ok." Said Ryo, in his normal dull voice. He then started walking to the harbor lounge. "I'm going to play neo-darts." He thought to himself. "Cripes, even his thoughts are dull!" thought I, the writer of this.
Fuku-san continued to give Lan Di directions to where he needed to get. Lan Di was amazed that him and Ryo were so stupid that he could fool them that easily! He grinned evilly, as bad guys often do.
But just then, Officer Charles Bronson was walking by, with his anti-tank rocket launcher. He looked over at where Fuku-san was standing, talking to Lan Di. Bronson then looked at Lan Di's big evil luxury car. Officer Bronson's eyes widened and his heart started beating very fast. He was parked in a NO-PARKING ZONE!!! This would not stand! Bronson decided it's time to take action, and do his duty as a police officer! His partner Officer Tajikawa, standing at his side, watched Bronson aim his rocket launcher at Lan Di and his luxury car. Tajikawa covered his ears.
Lan Di had just about gotten all the directions he needed, and was heading back towards his car, when he looked over to see Bronson standing about 50 feet away, aiming his rocket launcher right at him!
"Smile, you son of a bitch!!!!" said Officer Bronson, not realizing that was a quote from the movie "Jaws." It didn't really matter to him. At a time like this, any quote like that would do! He pulled the trigger and sent a rocket flying towards Lan Di and his big evil luxury car!
"Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Lan Di. That was his last word. The rocket hit his car, and the car exploded into a huge, fiery mushroom cloud, taking Lan Di with it! He caught on fire and some of the blast blew away most of his body. Lan Di was dead, needless to say.
"Holy crap!" shouted Fuku-san. It was the only word that came to mind, really. But then, Officer Tajikawa, assuming that Fuku had something to do with the crime Lan Di committed, tackled Fuku san. He then pulled from his holster, his weapon of choice, The Italian loafer, and started beating Fuku-san in the face with it until he was unconscious. The day was saved! Bronson and Tajikawa laughed and walked to the harbor lounge, to go get a Jet soda in celebration.
Walking through the door of the harbor lounge, they passed Ryo, who was headed out. He looked over and saw the smoldering remains of what looked to be a car. "Hmm." mumbled Ryo, like he always does.
But just then, plummeting from the sky, came a piece of Lan Di's charred body that had been sent flying by the blast! It was his arm! It hit Ryo right in the head.
"Oh. That hurt. Hmm." said Ryo, as dull as ever. He then looked at the arm. "Hey look at that. It's almost dinner time." The watch on Lan Di's arm was still working, it seemed. Ryo looked further down the arm and saw that the hand was grasping the Dragon Mirror which Lan Di had killed Ryo's father for!
"Hey. Wow. The Dragon Mirror. What do you know." said Ryo, still dull, but this is as emotional as he gets. He was happy he had found it! His quest was over!
"This is great. This calls for a hotdog!" said Ryo, to himself. He then noticed Tom, a few feet away, dancing. "Tom's hot dogs. Good." he said. He walked up to Tom, who was dancing, even though he was asleep.
"Tom." said Ryo. It was his usual way of greeting Tom.
Tom was asleep, but Ryo didn't notice. Those glasses were huge.
"Tom." repeated Ryo, no different than the last time he asked.
"Tom. Tom. Tom." Ryo kept going on. He was determined to get a hot dog. Too bad he couldn't think of a better way to get one.
Tom just kept dancing, in his sleep. In this particular sleep, he was dreaming that someday Ryo would buy a hotdog from him. He kept hearing Ryo say his name. But it was only a dream, he thought. Tom wouldn't wake for another eight hours. But when he would, Ryo would still be standing there, saying " Tom."
And so, I guess you can call that an end!
That's it, man!