Little Bad
Chapter Seven – A Very Harry Interlude
There was a silence inside the hut. Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard.
"I'm a what?" gasped Harry.
"I can bloody well read, you know," the irate child vampire grumbled from his perch on his grandsire's lap, glaring at the Harry Potter book spread out before them. "Don't need you to read me soddin' children's stories about boy wizards and their reckless heroics."
"You can read?" Angel was surprised.
"Yes, I can bloody well read. Or did you think that I've just got the most extensive vocabulary ever possessed by a four-year-old?"
"Well…you have problems counting sometimes."
"Don't mean a soddin' thing."
"Well, in that case, just so we're on equal ground, you can read me the next paragraph."
"Fine." Spike cleared his throat and looked nervously down at the black and white letters. " 'A wiz-wiz…'"
"Wizard," Angel supplied.
"I had it, Peaches. Stop stealing my thunder."
Angel held up his hands in surrender.
"'A wizard," Spike declared. "O…o…"
"O'course," Angel interjected.
Spike had had enough. He threw the hardback leather-bound collector's edition of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone against the wall, retracting all of his grown-up words with a large wail of distress.
"Will, we don't throw Wesley's special Harry Potter book against the wall. It cost a lot of money," Angel gently scolded the now screaming child, pondering why Wesley had such an expensive edition of the first Harry Potter novel in the first place. "Stop screaming, little one. There are worse things in the world than not being able to read."
That only made Spike scream louder.
"Holy mother of God!" Cordy yelled, marching into the office. "Shut the little bloodsucker up before I shut him up."
And louder still.
"Will, please…" Angel pleaded. "You want some blood? I'll get you some blood."
It was like an unending vocalization of long-promised torture.
"Why is Wes's $75 Harry Potter book on the floor?" Cordy asked.
Unfortunately, the dead don't have to breathe.
"He threw it."
And that was only the beginning.
"Figures," the former May Queen rolled her eyes. "Shouldn't you be threatening him with something by now?"
Threats were long roads that ended with more screams.
"He'll tire himself out eventually," Angel replied, wincing as the pitch was raised a step.
"Good Lord, Angel," Wesley said, stepping inside the office. "Stop this insanity this instant…why on EARTH is my $75 leather-bound collector's edition of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on the floor?"
"It's a long story, Wes…" Angel answered, shifting uncomfortably.
"Spike threw it," Cordy told him.
"…that can be summed up in three syllables," the elder vampire finished lamely. "He got frustrated while I was trying to read to him and-"
"He threw it," Cordy repeated.
"Will, stop screaming for Sire," Angel attempted to console his grandchilde. "Good little boys don't scream when things don't go their way."
Will wasn't a good little boy.
"He's not a good little boy, Angel," Wesley told the vampire with a sigh. "He's Spike in a diminutive form."
Too true.
"He can be a good little boy," Angel snapped defensively.
"Yeah, he can be a real sweetie," Cordy agreed. Followed immediately by, "When he's asleep."
"He can be quite charming at times," Wesley admitted. "But you have to stop this-" he motioned to the gaping mouth of the caterwauling mini-vamp, "-NOW."
Angel sighed. "Fine. William, stop screaming."
Good little Williams always finish what they start.
"Angel!" Cordelia and Wesley rebuked in unison.
Angel growled, his eyes flashing gold with irritation. "Stop. Screaming. Right. Now."
It stopped immediately, and large blue eyes accompanied by a cheeky grin glanced upward at him. "That felt good."
"Siiiire," Little Spike drew out the word, tugging on Angel's pantleg.
"Hmm?"
"What's scatology?"
"What's…what?"
"Scatology. Fred was talkin' 'bout scatology while Wes was lookin' at some sorta demon goo."
"Oh, well…"
"You do know, don't you?"
Of course he knew.
"Erm…no," Angel lied. "I have no idea. Ask Wesley."
"He's busy and you're lying. Is it okay to lie?"
"Of course not," Angel replied quickly, determined to be the best influence possible while Spike was in such an impressionable state.
"Then why'd you do it?"
"I didn't," Angel lied again, bending down and lifting the little vamp into his arms. "Why are you so interested in this scatology business?"
"Jus' a little curious, I s'pose."
"Curiosity killed the cat," Angel murmured.
"Yeah. Lots of 'em," Spike agreed.
It took a moment for that to sink it, and when it did, Angel chose to ignore it.
"You have froofy hair."
Angel chose to ignore that, too.
"And sometimes, when you sleep, you moan and say things Lorne says I'm not s'posed to hear at such a tender young age. You're a right dirty one, you are."
"I'm, uh…what?"
"A wizard, o'course."