Disclaimer: I own nothing you may or may not recognize. Characters are from RFR; I don't own them.

Rating: PG13, just in case

Pairing: Travis/Lily eventually

A/N: Wow! I think that's the most reviews I've ever received for a chapter! Y'all are great! Each and every one of them brings a smile to my face and makes me work that much harder to make the next chapter better than the last.

xo bella italiana ox: Man! You are like the designated hitter of reviewing. You don't get up to bat much but when you do, you knock it out of the park! I nearly fell out of my chair when I read that. BLESS your little heart!

ML Europe: You still lookin? I'm rootin for ya, baby!

Ana: Two newbies to RFR fanfiction, one at reading, the other at writing, (sniffle) like two ships in the night...I LOVE you man! Thanks for the compliment.

Because I Know You

Chapter Fifteen: Footnotes of feeling

Lily arrived at her house still angry but controlled. She strode with purpose into her room, stepping lithely among the packed boxes till she reached her nightstand. She sat gingerly on the edge of her bed and picked up the gift. The bandannas covering it were blue, a crisp cerulean blue, the traditional black and white pattern standing out sharply in contrast.

She ran her fingers across the smooth cotton and noticed her hands were shaking. This was her last hope that Travis had thrown her a lifeline. She took a deep breath and pulled away the fabric to reveal a battered notebook, old enough that its corners were rounded and worn. Immediately recognizable as the type Travis perpetually carried around but this notebook did not have a subject labeled boldly on the front. She opened it slowly and realized it was not so much a journal as it was something he carried to capture random thoughts and ideas throughout the day.

A folded slip of paper floated to the floor as she fanned the pages. There it was…a last note…her note. It seemed so small. She had that Indiana Jones déjà vu feeling again. Beware the thin envelope for therein lies rejection. O.K. so it wasn't an envelope but she feared it just the same. She delicately picked it up from the floor and flipped it open; her heart sank. She'd been looking for numbers, digits, an address, a phone number, or anything at all to tell her how to reach him. All she found was his neat script.

Dear Lily,

Either you peeked and I'm about to catch hell or you kept your promise and would throttle me if not for the ocean in your way. I am so sorry that I played the coward but if you had known you would have tried to convince me to stay. As weak as I am when it comes to you, I probably would have.

What would have been so bad about staying in Roscoe? A full range of emotions hit her: love, exasperation, anger, confusion. She continued to read.

I didn't want to give in to you at the dance. It has only made this situation that much more complicated. I have never known anyone like you, Lily. You are so talented, open, and honest. I have become so attached to you. I just felt the need to focus myself in a positive way for my future, as you have done, instead of counting the hours until your next return.

Her tears flowed freely and her hands shook even more as she read on.

Never doubt what you mean to me, Lily. I have never been good at expressing what I'm feeling, probably never will be. This gift is as close as you'll get to being inside my head and reading my thoughts. Looking back, even I was surprised by how much you influenced my life. I laugh at myself now about how I tried to hide from you. You know me so well, Lily. Anyone can be loved. Most of us are born into this world already loved, unconditionally. You chose to take the time and effort to get to know the person inside and you chose to remember. That is more precious to me.

Her heart broke all over again that she would not get the chance to discover more, to know him further. And right on the heels of that emotion anger rode in again. He was not giving her the chance.

I am not forgetting you, Lily, I choose to remember too. I'm going to make the most of my experience in London and hopefully something positive will come of it just as it did in Roscoe. Give yourself some time to settle in New York, please take that path and have no regrets. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please call. I'll be waiting.

Yours truly,

Travis

P.S. "Resolve to be thyself and know that he who finds himself loses misery." - Matthew Arnold

He was telling her to keep going, to chase her dream. All she felt like doing was curling up into a fetal position and crying until exhaustion overtook her. It was hard to completely maintain her previous level of anger. He had tried to spare her this anxiety by pushing her away at the dance and she had forced his hand. She still did not understand why he had to leave Roscoe, to go all the way to London, to focus himself. That understanding would have to wait until she was able to reach him. Out of desperation she tried his cell once more only to receive the service message yet again. His parents did not answer the home number so she left a message for them to call her. Maybe they would tell her how to reach him.

She picked up the notebook once more and randomly picked a section roughly in the middle, leafing slowly through the pages. At times his writing was neat and precise as she knew it to be and at others it seemed almost maniacal. One such section had notes and sketches for the infamous egg drop contest. She flipped a little toward the front and her name caught her eye, it simply said, Lily wore green today. There was no date so she had no clue exactly when but it must have been sometime around the RFR warehouse party because there were skits for the intros and his notes for the mixes and songs nearby.

She flipped past the egg-drop contest and found an interesting comment.

I think I finally figured out why Lily may not have liked Miss C. One is usually most critical when confronted with a mirror. They are somewhat similar, refreshingly honest and wickedly witty. I must have subconsciously based her on aspects of Lily that I like. Just a theory. Lily was right though and it's a little scary to know that she can figure me out even before I do sometimes.

Her name appeared quite often to her surprise.

I hugged Lily today. I don't think I've ever hugged her, she smelled wonderful. I was just so glad that she was going to help me with Audrey.

O.K., well, she could have done without that last line but he seemed to think of her often. Another entry obviously documented his birthday.

Lily wrote a song for my birthday. I liked it; she is better than she realizes. I feel honored that she is my friend.

The entries continued and her name appeared more and more often. Sometimes he didn't use her name, suddenly Lily became "She."

She called me a Snob today and I smiled. I'm still smiling on the inside. She really pulls no punches; a worthy adversary.

She is scared but I'm going to help her with her single, I feel invigorated. I'll be able to give something back to her.

Lily flipped forward earnestly knowing what had happened soon after. She wanted to see his reaction and found no mention of it or her anywhere in the next several entries. She was about to be angry that yet again he had closed off when a light went off. He had been just as shocked, he had no clue how to categorize that kiss, so shocked that it had thrown his routines off kilter. This made her smile. It had been a wonderful kiss. She continued forward.

She found many quotations regarding honor and friendship, trust and betrayal, and remaining on a noble path. Well, that explained a lot. Her name did not appear for quite some time until she found scattered information about recording labels, framing schematics for CD's, and lists of local framers. This took up several pages, he had indeed put a lot of effort into her gift from Ray. A few more pages later and an entry floored her.

She is beautiful.

Written nearby that statement was the name of the charity she had donated his profits to. She began to cry again if for no other reason than she longed for him to have said it to her directly. Again this was followed by more rote about the noble path and the separation of wants and needs. There were only a few more entries left.

But I need her.

She threw the book down in confusion. If he needed her then why the hell did he leave? They were more likely to see each other if he had stayed in Roscoe than cavort across the globe. Lily left the room to seek solace where she always had. She went to the backyard, gracelessly plopped in back of her Gigantuous Twee and tried to distract herself by counting stars through the massive maze of branches.

Lily had no idea how long she had sat against that tree. She pressed her head back firmly to feel the bite of the bark, something, anything to keep her from feeling completely numb. She heard footsteps approaching cautiously. There was no doubt in her mind as to who it was.

"I swear, Ray, if you crack one joke about a softer landing I will hurt you…bad."

"No jokes, Lily. Your mom called me; she's a little worried that the night before the biggest day of your life you are out here under our tree. Here, I brought you a blanket."

She was appreciative of its warmth as he wrapped it around her. As he settled in beside her she noticed he was carrying the notebook. She should have been angry that her mother would invade her privacy but she just didn't care anymore. Besides, it was Ray.

When it was obvious that Lily was not going to initiate conversation Ray tilted the notebook to catch the moonlight, "This makes for interesting reading, huh?"

Her bitterness was obvious, "Well, it probably only holds value to those who know him. I had no idea he would take off like this. Not a damn clue."

Ray pursed his lips as he thought of another tactic. Might as well go in for the kill. "He's in love with you, Lily."

Her tone was slightly softer as she responded, "So you read his cliffnotes too?"

"Don't have to, Lil. I have a little life experience in that area."

She looked at him then, her bitter anger fading fast. "Oh Ray, I'm so sorry. I'm such a jerk, dumping all of this on you of all people. You should be out having fun and searching for your one and only instead of pitying your ex."

Ray took her hand and held her gaze, "I'm always gonna be a little in love with you, Lily. But you are forever going to be my best friend. This..." he said while holding their clasped hands up for her to see, "is what best friends do."

Tears filled her eyes at his statement and he could see that she was placing her trust in him fully once more. Her voice was a mere whisper. "Why did he leave me, Ray?"

He wrapped his arm protectively around her pulling both of them back to lean more comfortably against their tree. Both of them gazed up into the canopy of leaves as if to divine the answer there.

"I don't know for sure, Lily. I think he's running away because he doesn't know how to be in love."

"None of us do, Ray. Not really."

She sighed sleepily and Ray was willing to let her sleep for just a while. It was peaceful here, the last time they would probably be under the Gigantuous Twee together. It was always eventful; he would miss it. Lily's soft voice caught his attention once more as she muttered child-like in her sleep.

"Stupid little monkey."

A/N: The following review enticer is dedicated to those who lurk. The quiet ones. I was quiet once…ONCE…only once.

Don't own em. I wish I owned a simple one thousandth and I'd still be rich. Sigh.

The fire crackled heartily as if to keep pace with the mass of young girls emitting ooo's and aaah's in the far corner.

"Blimey! What are they on about!"

The brown haired girl looked up from her parchment to glance at the gaggle of giggling girls.

"A story," she replied matter-of-factly intending to get back to her task.

That wasn't to be, as her other friend's curiosity had obviously been piqued.

"All that for a bloody story? What's it about? Surely, you know…you are their roommate."

She exuded calm and aloofness as she responded, "Romance, of course. A muggle friend of mine prints off each new part and owls it over. A serious distraction from their studies."

The girls fawned loudly. Her red haired friend screwed up his face comically, "Oi! I'm glad you are not like THAT, Hermione!"

Harry ever so slyly had come around behind her and as Ron cluelessly provided distraction he peered at her parchment. His eyes widened and he snatched the roll away.

"You deceitful, little witch!"

"HARRY! Give that back, NOW!"

Ron bellowed, "What in Merlin's name is going on?"

Harry smiled wickedly and held the parchment aloft as Hermione jumped like a cat after a grasshopper. "She's writing a…a…a…"

Ever impatient Ron prodded, "Out with it, mate! What is it?"

(ALL TOGETHER ONCE MORE!!)

"A REVIEW!"