Remembering Chakotay
Author's Note: I needed a break from my Delta Quadrant Series and this little story popped into my mind. Actually I got the idea from a past challenge off the Voyager Talent Night site, and since I just had this sort of brewing for a while, I'll just write it. I was going to put this into the DQ series, but then I realized I might incur the wrath of angry JCers- and I would probably flame myself. Okay enough with the rambling, here we go. This isn't happy, grab a Kleenex! I'm tearing up and I haven't even written it yet. J
The cemetery was so quiet in the morning. A slight breeze blew her hair forward as she bent down next to his grave. A few birds chirped as the sun began to rise, she smiled a crooked smile as she brushed away the leaves from his grave. "Good morning" she whispered as she traced her finger over the letters of his name. "It's so beautiful today" she continued, her voice becoming strained, the tears forming behind her eyes as they did each day. "The birds are singing the most wonderful songs, and the sun is coloring the sky in a most picturesque way. Oh Chakotay, how I wish you could be here with me." Her tears left small spots on his grave as she remained still, listening to the wind, just wishing he would appear, just wishing she would wake from her nightmare.
It was all too real though. She could still feel his hand on her shoulder, her hand upon his bare chest, the comforting touch of his arms around her when she cried, the laughs, the tears; it was all so real to her. A few roses lay dried and shriveled next to her, and she smiled at the memory of Lake George, and all they joy they had experienced in each other's company. A few leaves blew around her as she touched his grave one last time. She whispered to the stone once again as a few clouds began to cover the sun. "Chakotay, we all make mistakes, and I know I tell you this every time I am here, but I'll tell you again. I love you, I just never had enough courage to tell you, and I'm sorry that I didn't. But there is a way; I know now what I have to do. If I can find someway to go back in time, and fix what I've done, I will, you have my word. If I can't, I hope that one day I'll see you again, because I can't imagine life without you."
She walked slowly toward her office, stopping only to say hello to a few friends, but she only found her thoughts dwelling on her first officer. Counselor Troi had told her that she had some sort of unresolved feelings, but she knew better than to listen to the brainless Betazoid.
I sense that you still have unresolved feelings from your time in the Delta Quadrant."
"You're mistaken."
"Admiral Janeway, for you to achieve closure - "
"Closure? My First Officer - my best friend - died just as we finally came home! I lost the other half of my soul and you want me to find closure?"
The pain was just too real, but she realized that until she found a way to fix what she had done, she would have to live, content with the memories, at least until they met again. For she knew they would, whether it was in this life or not, for he was and always would be a part of her that she would never relinquish.
If I never knew you,
If I never felt this love,
I would have no inkling of,
How precious life can be.
And if I never held you,
I would never have a clue,
How at last I'd find in you,
The missing part of me.
In this world so full of fear,
Full of rage and lies.
I can see the truth so clear,
In your eyes, so dry your eyes.
And I'm so grateful to you.
I'd have lived my whole life through.
Lost forever,
If I never knew you
If I never knew you,
I'd be safe but half as real.
Never knowing I could feel,
A love so strong and true.
And I'm so grateful to you.
I'd have lived my whole life through.
Lost forever,
If I never knew you
I thought our love would be so beautiful;
Somehow we made the whole world bright.
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong.
All they'd leave us where these whispers in the night,
But still my heart is singing, we were right.
If I never knew you;
(There's no moment I regret.)
If I never knew this love.
(Since the moment that we met.)
I would have no inkling of,
(If our time has gone too fast.)
How precious life can be.
(I've lived at last...)
I thought our love would be so beautiful;
Somehow we made the whole world bright.
I thought our love would be so beautiful,
We'd turn the darkness into light.
And still my heart is singing, we were right.
And If I never knew you,
I'd have lived my whole life through.
Empty as the sky, never knowing why.
Lost forever.
If I never knew you.
The song is from Pocahontas. Sorry about the song, it's a guilty habit.