Part the Second
In which Oz Kills Lemmings with a Towel and Then They Snog Some More (Oz and Xander, that is, not Oz and the lemmings. Ew.)
The next morning a whole bunch of lemmings appeared underneath the bedroom window, squeaking and shouting incoherently, rolling their spherical selves on the ground, and brandishing shiny shiny blades. Xander groaned loudly. "No, no again, let me pretend it isn't happening..."
Oz looked up at him. "That isn't a very brave way to go into battle," he said.
"I'm not brave" Xander said angrily. "Do I look brave? Have I ever done one single brave thing?"
Oz shrugged. "Nope." He paused. "You do know that most guys would be offended by being told they weren't brave, not the other way around?"
"I'm not other guys! I'm the guy who's being chased by evil homicidal lemmings! Who else can say that?"
"Yeah, you've definitely got a monopoly there, alright," Oz said, peering out the window.
"Do you think they can get up here?" Oz asked.
"I doubt it," Xander said. "They keep on falling over. I don't think they'd make it up the stairs."
Oz nodded. "I'm going to shower."
"Then can we go?" Xander said, still looking nervously out the window and shifting from foot to foot. Oz decided not to mention that it might be wise for Xander to (a) shower, (b) get dressed and (c) stop looking longingly at him. He went into the bathroom, and Xander hunted for weapons.
This time, Oz and partially dressed Xander got passed the lemmings by throwing a towel over them and running over it. It was an extremely effective method, although the lemmings did make rather unpleasant squelching noises, and the towel was no longer usable.
"We never paid the bill!" Xander yelped, as they began to drive. Oz deemed it inappropriate to mention that they had no money, and that teenaged boys were supposed to do unlawful things. He nodded sagely. Xander stared out the window. The car drove. This went on for quite a while. Xander spent time admiring Oz from the corner of his eye, remembering last night, and trying to devise new lemming-defeating methods. Eventually he had to pee, so they pulled over in the middle of nowhere. Oz wondered why they hadn't thought to bring food.
They leant back against the car in the sun, feeling it beat down on their faces. Xander calmly stopped worrying about lemmings and began to worry instead about whether or not Oz liked him.
"Um...Oz?" he said eventually.
"Yes, Xand?" Oz asked patiently.
"You that thing that happened last night? Well I kind of liked that thing and I was wondering if you did too...and if you did we could um do that thing again because I did. Like it I mean." Xander stuttered.
"You're surpassing my dear girl Willow's stuttering skills there," Oz remarked calmly.
"Will's cheating on you!" Xander said quickly. "Will you please just kiss me?"
"Willow isn't cheating," Oz said firmly.
"No, she worships the ground you walk on, but please kiss me," Xander said.
Oz looked over and smiled at him slowly. "Well, she did kiss you once, so maybe I should return the favour," he said. And then they snogged again. It was fun. Their mouths were all moist and their tongues wormed together, and they both groaned at appropriate moments. Oz even nibbled Xander's ear, and Xander went weak at the knees and had to lean on Oz. They kissed until the sun had changed direction and they could hear high-pitched lemming squeaks from far away and Xander was trying to ignore his slowly erecting erection.
"We'd better go," Oz said.
"Can we kiss some more in the car?" Xander said hopefully. Oz rolled his eyes and they set off. Oz played a tape of some masculine metal-type music, complete with screamed curses and a catchy base line. It made Xander very uncomfortable. Oz switched to Madonna and Xander brightened up considerably.
"You're a sad man, Xand," Oz said. Xander mouthed the lyrics and ignored him. "Willow likes it too," he added.
Xander looked at him a bit worriedly. "Look," he said, "we're teenagers, what's more, we're male teenagers. We're not supposed to have any moral standing."
Oz laughed. "But I do!" he said. "But I like you lots more than Willow, and it's not good to go with someone you're never going to do it with, so I'll break up with her kindly."
"How did you make it all suddenly sound like you were being noble?" Xander said incredulously.
"I have talent," said Oz. "Let's kiss."
So they did. And it was settled. And Willow looks much cuter with Tara anyway.
In the next part (if I ever get around to writing it): Some stand offs with pistol equipped wannabe mafia lemmings, food scavenging, and lots of snogging.
Reviews rock. Thanks for them, gimme more!
In which Oz Kills Lemmings with a Towel and Then They Snog Some More (Oz and Xander, that is, not Oz and the lemmings. Ew.)
The next morning a whole bunch of lemmings appeared underneath the bedroom window, squeaking and shouting incoherently, rolling their spherical selves on the ground, and brandishing shiny shiny blades. Xander groaned loudly. "No, no again, let me pretend it isn't happening..."
Oz looked up at him. "That isn't a very brave way to go into battle," he said.
"I'm not brave" Xander said angrily. "Do I look brave? Have I ever done one single brave thing?"
Oz shrugged. "Nope." He paused. "You do know that most guys would be offended by being told they weren't brave, not the other way around?"
"I'm not other guys! I'm the guy who's being chased by evil homicidal lemmings! Who else can say that?"
"Yeah, you've definitely got a monopoly there, alright," Oz said, peering out the window.
"Do you think they can get up here?" Oz asked.
"I doubt it," Xander said. "They keep on falling over. I don't think they'd make it up the stairs."
Oz nodded. "I'm going to shower."
"Then can we go?" Xander said, still looking nervously out the window and shifting from foot to foot. Oz decided not to mention that it might be wise for Xander to (a) shower, (b) get dressed and (c) stop looking longingly at him. He went into the bathroom, and Xander hunted for weapons.
This time, Oz and partially dressed Xander got passed the lemmings by throwing a towel over them and running over it. It was an extremely effective method, although the lemmings did make rather unpleasant squelching noises, and the towel was no longer usable.
"We never paid the bill!" Xander yelped, as they began to drive. Oz deemed it inappropriate to mention that they had no money, and that teenaged boys were supposed to do unlawful things. He nodded sagely. Xander stared out the window. The car drove. This went on for quite a while. Xander spent time admiring Oz from the corner of his eye, remembering last night, and trying to devise new lemming-defeating methods. Eventually he had to pee, so they pulled over in the middle of nowhere. Oz wondered why they hadn't thought to bring food.
They leant back against the car in the sun, feeling it beat down on their faces. Xander calmly stopped worrying about lemmings and began to worry instead about whether or not Oz liked him.
"Um...Oz?" he said eventually.
"Yes, Xand?" Oz asked patiently.
"You that thing that happened last night? Well I kind of liked that thing and I was wondering if you did too...and if you did we could um do that thing again because I did. Like it I mean." Xander stuttered.
"You're surpassing my dear girl Willow's stuttering skills there," Oz remarked calmly.
"Will's cheating on you!" Xander said quickly. "Will you please just kiss me?"
"Willow isn't cheating," Oz said firmly.
"No, she worships the ground you walk on, but please kiss me," Xander said.
Oz looked over and smiled at him slowly. "Well, she did kiss you once, so maybe I should return the favour," he said. And then they snogged again. It was fun. Their mouths were all moist and their tongues wormed together, and they both groaned at appropriate moments. Oz even nibbled Xander's ear, and Xander went weak at the knees and had to lean on Oz. They kissed until the sun had changed direction and they could hear high-pitched lemming squeaks from far away and Xander was trying to ignore his slowly erecting erection.
"We'd better go," Oz said.
"Can we kiss some more in the car?" Xander said hopefully. Oz rolled his eyes and they set off. Oz played a tape of some masculine metal-type music, complete with screamed curses and a catchy base line. It made Xander very uncomfortable. Oz switched to Madonna and Xander brightened up considerably.
"You're a sad man, Xand," Oz said. Xander mouthed the lyrics and ignored him. "Willow likes it too," he added.
Xander looked at him a bit worriedly. "Look," he said, "we're teenagers, what's more, we're male teenagers. We're not supposed to have any moral standing."
Oz laughed. "But I do!" he said. "But I like you lots more than Willow, and it's not good to go with someone you're never going to do it with, so I'll break up with her kindly."
"How did you make it all suddenly sound like you were being noble?" Xander said incredulously.
"I have talent," said Oz. "Let's kiss."
So they did. And it was settled. And Willow looks much cuter with Tara anyway.
In the next part (if I ever get around to writing it): Some stand offs with pistol equipped wannabe mafia lemmings, food scavenging, and lots of snogging.
Reviews rock. Thanks for them, gimme more!