The Story of Severus: Chapter Seven
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything.
By: Susan
Summary: Snape's past has been left a mystery. Why did he join Lord Voldemort? Why did Dumbledore clear him? Did he have a relationship with Lily Potter? How was he connected to Lily and James? And what about the prophecy?
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Darkness encompassed Godric's Hollow in the third week of October, and only a sliver of a crescent moon sent light in through the sitting room window.
James and Lily sat quietly in the darkness, holding hands and comforting Harry, while Sirius, Remus and Peter stared out the window waiting for the arrival of Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore.
When the pop occurred signifying their arrival, James shot up out of his seat as if the chair had caught fire.
"Albus, Minerva," he said, shaking their hands briskly, barely looking them in the eye. This was the night that would change their future forever.
Dumbledore quietly nodded at James and Lily, trying to send them looks of strength, but it was doing no help for James, who was fretting by Lily's side.
"James, calm down," Sirius drawled from the couch, "You know I'll take care of you three."
James, whose palms were quite sweaty, refused to look at Sirius and instead nodded. He would be encased inside of his best friend's soul for a long time. It was enough to make his mind whirl and cause him to be sick, thinking about the danger it could bring to Sirius.
James finally worked up the courage to speak. "Er…Sirius…Mate, you'll have to be the one to take care of yourself."
"James, I'm indestructible, you know that." He grinned, stood and placed a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder, then removed his wand from his emerald green robes.
"Are we ready?" Dumbledore asked, pushing the sleeves of his robes back, revealing pale arms that were not quite as wrinkled as his hands. Despite his outward weakness, Albus Dumbledore was the strongest man anyone in the room had ever met, and that perhaps was the reason that James and Lily reached out to hug him at the same time.
"Thank you for helping to keep Harry and ourselves safe," Lily whispered into his beard.
Dumblefore just smiled at the young members of the Order of the Pheonix, who wanted nothing more than to keep their family safe, and had entrusted the duty to their best friend. He was quite proud of them, come to think of it.
"Albus, the time," Professor McGonagall said. Her tone was snappish, but she meant well, for she was unsure of the next time she would see the Potters, the children she herself had educated and respected at Hogwarts.
"Yes, yes, the time. It seems that sometimes it passes too quickly." He looked at Lily, who clutched James' hand, thinking about all the time they'd spent fighting as children. "Sirius, if I may ask, do take James' hand. Lily, take his other. Oh, right then, you have it already. Clutch it tight."
Remus and Peter stared, intrigued, for neither had ever seen the Fidelius Charm performed before.
"Now, Sirius, take your wand, tap it upon your heart. The Fidelius Charm signifies fidelity, or loyalty towards another. In this case, your best friend, his wife and child. In order to keep your allegiance towards them, you must concentrate hard on the bond you share. If the bond is broken…"
"It won't be," Sirius said confidently.
"Pull from your memory instances which show your friendship and loyalty, Sirius," Professor McGonagall said.
Sirius took the liberty of closing his eyes, to help himself concentrate. He felt memories of James and Lily's wedding day rise from his self-conscious. He was the best man. If that wasn't loyalty, he'd eat his foot. And the day he was made Harry's godfather. He smiled, remembering pulling pranks on the children at Hogwarts with James and the day when James finally fulfilled his obligation to himself; the day he wooed Lily, where Sirius and Remus happily watched from the sidelines. James was surely no best friend. James was his brother, his fellow Maurauder, and Sirius knew he would do anything, even give up his life, to keep him and his family safe.
Sirius suddenly realized a warm sensation spread from his heart, to his head, to the tips of his fingers and his toes. He noticed a moment later that James' hand was no longer in his own, and he opened his eyes to see a very alert looking Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Remus, and Peter.
He scanned the room. "Where…where are they?"
Dumbledore smiled. "Inside of you."
Sirius was momentarily stunned. He looked around the room again, just in case. Inside of him? He had known that was what the Fidelius Charm did, but it refused to sink in.
"In…In me?"
"In your very soul," Dumbledore said quietly. "They will be there until you choose to divulge them, and I ask that you do not until I come to you, for James, Lily, and Harry will be in great danger if you do so."
Sirius nodded. Inside of him? He still could hardly accept the fact.
"I ask now, that you go into hiding. Voldemort will be looking for you, as he is probably quite aware that you are James's closest ally. But, I daresay that if you are in hiding right underneath his nose, he will have a harder time finding you."
Peter stood up. "Professor, I would have no qualms about keeping Sirius close by."
Dumbledore nodded. "Right then. I ask that you three keep this a secret from everyone." He stared at Sirius, surveying him with his blue eyes, his crescent shaped lenses balanced on the tip of his crooked nose. "Remember, Sirius, that tonight you pledged your fidelity to James Potter. I ask that you always remember that."
Sirius nodded, and with a pop, Albus Dumbledore was gone.
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From deep inside the coils and curves of Sirius, James and Lily Potter sat. They were in their own home, but because they were protected by Sirius' loyalty to them, if they were in the sitting room, and someone came to look in the window, and looked straight at where they were sitting, they'd see an empty room.
However, Lily and James were not in the sitting room, they were in their own room. They'd just put Harry to sleep, and were lying atop their own featherbed in their nightrobes, holding each other.
"James," Lily whispered, giving his hand a squeeze. He sat up and looked down at her. Her eyes, usually like sparkling emeralds, were actually glistening with tears. She sat up to meet him.
"Lily?" he asked, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He reached out a shaking hand to rub a tear off of her face.
"I'm afraid," she said simply. James gaped at her.
"Sirius will protect us," he told her, squeezing her hands reassuringly.
"But, James, don't you see…I'm afraid for him."
"Lily, I am too. Dumbledore'll keep him safe, don't worry about it."
"And what of Remus? And Professor McGonagall? And Frank and Alice and Neville? These people are our family, James. I can't," she blinked back another set of tears, "I can't sit here in safety while they could be risking their lives."
James brought Lily's petite body close to his own, and she began to cry openly. With each shudder of her body, he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, wanting to reassure her. He knew that whatever he did could never do so.
"Lily, gosh, don't-" he wiped more tears that were flooding her face. "Lily, we've got Harry here, and Harry could be the one to change that all. He could be the one to keep us from living in fear any longer."
This just made her sob harder, and she buried her face in James' shoulders, wanting his comfort. Their lives were at risk, and she needed to be frank.
"James…" This time she wiped her own tears from her face, "James…I think that, since they're out their risking their lives, we could be next, and I want to…I just want you to know…Some things."
James hadn't meant to pull away and stare at her, but he did it anyway.
"What sorts of things?"
"Things we've kept hidden from each other for ages," she whispered. He took it to mean something altogether different from what she'd originally meant, but he nodded.
"All right, can I begin?" Lily nodded, though she couldn't imagine what on earth he'd want to tell her. She was the one with the secret. "I want you to know that you're the first girl I've ever loved. And I loved you since the moment I met you. And I'm sorry for torturing you all through Hogwarts. But I knew that you were the girl for me, and…" He trailed off as she kissed him quietly.
"Thank you James."
"You're the first girl I've ever kissed. And the first girl I've ever dated. And the first girl I've ever…you know…" His ears turned a slight shade of pink as he blurted out the last part. Lily laughed quietly.
"I hadn't meant any of this," she told him, and his smile vanished.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Lily looked awkwardly at him. "I just have…some secrets…that I haven't shared with you." James' eyes widened.
"Er…What sorts of secrets?" Lily sighed, then, before she could stop herself, began to cry again. "Don't do that!"
"It's just…Oh James…Remember how I never liked you in Hogwarts…And…Remember…Oh, James, remember Severus Snape?"
James' eyebrows shot upward.
"What about Snivellus?"
"See, that's why I never, why I couldn't tell you."
"Tell me what?" James looked enraged.
"Severus and I were friends in Hogwarts…We used to talk together, and then pretend we didn't know each other in front of everyone else."
James' mouth dropped open. "You…You and him?"
"We weren't anything more than friends, honestly, I would tell you, James."
He shook his head. "Honestly?"
She nodded meekly. "I probably should've told you sooner, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He was always so polite to me, James, and you acted like an idiot towards him…"
James found himself nodding with her. Realizing this a bit too late, he shook his head, then stopped. "I can't believe…Lily? Really? And you swear you were just friends?"
"James, you were my first kiss. And my first boyfriend. And my first love." she trailed off and stared at him. "I've never loved anyone but you…And Severus…he loved me just as much as you do. When Dumbledore said he had heard that Severus had links to the Death Eaters before our wedding, I cut off correspondence with him. I didn't want to lose you, James. I love you more than anyone-"
Lily was interrupted by James' warm and soft lips pressed firmly upon her own.
"Don't apologize," he whispered, staring straight into her eyes, and pushing a wisp of red hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry for being a git and getting angry with you. I shouldn't…It's just…Snivellus…"
Lily touched his cheek lovingly. "He wasn't who you thought he was. His father influenced him in so much, James. I really believe that if his father hadn't taught him dark magic and hatred of muggles…James, I really do believe he could've been a Gryffindor."
He looked at her, speechless. "But he's gone off and joined the Death Eaters now," he said. Lily nodded.
"And that was my doing. Remember that night when Albus came and asked if I was pregnant? Remus and Albus and I went to speak in the next room. They've known all along. I kept it a secret from everyone I knew for seven years at Hogwarts, and Remus found out in first year that Severus and I were friends, when he saw me leaving with your invisibility cloak."
"So that's why it always smelled like you," James said loudly, "I thought it was just my imagination. Er…I mean…I don't understand how it was your doing that Snivellus went and joined the Death Eaters."
"He loved me, James. As much as you did when we were in school, and when I told him I was going to marry you, his childhood rival, someone he hated more than anyone…"
"That doesn't make it your doing," James said reassuringly. "You can't choose who you fall in love with." Lily looked shocked. "What?"
"It's just…I said exactly that to him that night."
"Well, it's true. Love isn't a choice, but joining Voldemort is, Lily. And he made the wrong choice. That's why he was a Slytherin."
"He did it because of love, James. Because of a broken heart. It wasn't ambition that sent him on that path."
"Well, your house is determined by the choices that you make," he told her.
"But he didn't make the choice because he wanted to become something, James."
"How do you know that?" James asked quietly. "How do you know?"
Lily looked shocked. "He was my friend for more than seven years, James. I know him quite well. He had potential to be much more than he was and is. And he'll show it one day, James. I promise you that."
James was quiet as he lay down beside his wife that night. He placed his arms protectively around her, and whispered his love into her ear. He'd seen Lily's intelligence hundreds of times before this, and yet, this hidden friendship was something he couldn't grasp.
Actually, he could accept and understand that they were friends, and met in secret. But the fact that Snape could have been a Gryffindor? If Lily saw it, it had to have been there because she'd never lie about something like that.
Perhaps what bothered him most was that if Severus Snape had potential to be a Gryffindor, and Lily saw it, then why couldn't he? Why had he spent seven years torturing someone who could have very well been his friend if he'd been raised differently?
James thought about this as his wife drifted off to sleep that night. And as much as James thought about it, he still couldn't understand. Perhaps he never would.
Either way, James let out a whisper of apology to Severus Snape that night, believing that no one could hear it except himself. He didn't know, and never would, that his wife was listening, and it made her love him even more than she thought was possible.
xxx
"I heard through the order that Bellatrix is looking for you," Remus said quietly to Sirius. They were seated on Peter's couch in his small apartment the night after the Fidelius Charm had been performed.
Sirius looked at Remus' pallid face; he knew that could only mean that Voldemort was looking for him. Bellatrix would never come looking for him through her own free will; they'd been rivals since they were children. After all, she was sorted into Slytherin, the pride house of his family, and he had been a Gryffindor, something that no one in his family had ever been able to accept.
He couldn't stand being in isolation, with only Peter and Remus coming to see him. It had only been one night, but it kept him from last night's Order meeting, which made him angry. He wanted to be out there, fighting, so that James and Lily didn't have to be hidden inside of him anymore.
Sirius sighed, then stretched out on Peter's couch. It was bad enough he was hiding out there, but Peter refused to cater towards him in the slightest. He had barely any food that was worthy of eating, and no books worthy of reading. And, it didn't seem like he cared, as he was away most of the time.
Thinking about it once more, Sirius couldn't blame his friend. He had a life of his own, and he shouldn't ask him to drop everything for himself. Remus, unlike Peter, had come to see Sirius three times already, between job searching.
"You're all right?" Remus asked him, using his wand to levitate a footstool towards himself, and placing his feet on top.
"Fine," Sirius lied. "Where do you think Wormatil's off to?"
"He always had a way with the women," Remus said sarcastically, bringing Sirius to his first laugh all day.
"If Peter has a girlfriend, I'd eat something in his pantry," Sirius said, flicking his wand to open it for Remus, showing him all sorts of unappetizing food. "Mind you, I'm so hungry, I just might."
Remus' thin face spread into a smile. "Sirius, I'll bring you some food tomorrow morning, if you promise not to." He grinned.
"Right then," he flicked his wand, and the pantry door shut.
They were silent for the next couple of moments.
"I miss Lily and James," Remus said quietly. "I mean, it's nice to know that they are safe, but all the same…"
Sirius nodded. "I know."
"I hate this," Remus said bitterly, and Sirius was shocked to see for the first time, true anger escape from behind Remus' weak exterior.
"Hate what?"
"This life," he told him. "I hate wallowing in fear all the time, I hate not having a job because of what I am…I hate not having Lily and James here…"
Sirius placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Moony, one day it will all be like it used to."
Remus smirked. "Nothing will ever be the way it used to, Sirius." He said it with such conviction that Sirius was taken aback.
"Don't say that, mate. Sure, things change, and it doesn't always seem like it, but sometimes it's for the best." He grinned, trying to make his friend feel more confident, but he still looked slightly stricken. Remus stood up and clapped Sirius on the back.
"Listen, I've got to go. It's getting late." He pulled on his cloak, and Sirius watched wistfully, as his friend was free to go places he pleased whenever he cared to do so. "Sirius…For once, mate, take your own advice, all right?"
As he shut the door behind him, Sirius thought about what he had said to his friend, and it made him the tiniest bit better about the situation he was in.
xxx
Peter came in later that night to find Sirius sitting and rereading "Quidditch through the Ages," which he had found under a thick layer of dust on Peter's bookshelf. He had laughed when he found it, remembering that Peter had always liked to keep both feet on the ground.
"Hello Sirius," he said, removing his cloak and joining him on the couch.
Sirius looked up from his book to the watery eyes and pointed nose of Peter.
"Hello Wormtail," he said, shutting the book.
"I…I heard Bellatrix is after you," he stuttered. "Sorry."
Sirius stopped. "I thought you weren't at the Order meeting last night."
"I wasn't," Peter said.
"Then how did you know my slimy cousin's been after me?
Peter realizing he had been caught, said, "Oh, I've heard from the others."
Sirius surveyed him, but said nothing more. He opened his book back up and continued to read.
"Halloween's in a week," Peter said meekly.
"Yes it is," Sirius said, not bothering to take his eyes from the page.
"It's a shame Lily and James won't be there to share it with us."
"They're safe. Right now that's all that matters."
Peter was silent for another moment.
"Sirius?"
"Yes, Wormtail."
"Are you ever afraid?"
Sirius took the opportunity to close the book again. "Sometimes."
"Are you afraid for Lily and James?"
"Of course I am."
"Are you afraid that Bellatrix will find you, and then find them?"
"The thought has crossed my mind."
Peter was silent once more, and Sirius opened the book once again.
"Sirius?"
"Yes, Wormtail."
"Are you afraid to die?"
Sirius promptly shut the book and stared at Peter.
"I'm not afraid to die for someone I care about. I suppose I fear what happens after you die; but then again, doesn't everyone?"
Peter nodded. "You've always been braver than me," he said quietly. He didn't say it with pity for himself in his voice, he said it as if it was a well known fact.
"Well, it's the choices we make that show our bravery, Wormtail." At this, Peter turned pink, but Sirius didn't notice because of the darkness.
"I suppose it is," Peter squeaked. Sirius stared at him, suddenly realizing something important that he had overlooked.
"Wormtail," Sirius said quickly. "Think about this for a moment. Bellatrix, and Voldemort's Death Eaters are after me, right?"
Peter wasn't sure how he was supposed to answer that.
"Well, remember how Dumbledore said that they wouldn't find me if I was hiding right under their nose?"
"Er…Yes, I suppose…" he muttered. Sirius dropped the book, realizing the plan he had thought up was foolproof. It was the utmost protection of Lily, James, and Harry. How had he not seen it before?
"Now, Wormtail, listen. Suppose that instead of me being Secret-Keeper, you took my place. We alerted Lily and James, and switched places, but I still would stay in hiding, and you would go about your ways. Everyone, including Voldemort and his followers, would be convinced that I was their Secret-Keeper, because I've always been closest to James."
"Ermm…" Peter murmured, pinning down the excitement so that it wouldn't appear on his scrawny face.
"So, if Bellatrix did come and kill me, the Fidelius Charm wouldn't be broken because you'd have it upon yourself. Voldemort's followers would never suspect you of being as close to Lily and James as I was, don't you suppose?"
"Er…Why…yes, that does make sense."
"So, what do you say? How about it?"
Peter looked at Sirius. This would be the choice that would change his life, and the life of all he'd known forever. Sirius, James, and Remus had never truly been his friend, they'd just tolerated him. It was obvious by the way they still looked at him.
He looked at Sirius' handsome face. He was intelligent, and everyone had always looked up to him, especially Peter. He himself had never been in the limelight, he'd never been popular, he'd never been what his friends had been.
But if he made this choice…They wouldn't be his friends any longer. But it was high time he let others know he was there, instead of skulking around in the shadows of Sirius Black, James Potter, and Remus Lupin.
Well, it's the choices we make that show our bravery, Wormtail. Sirius' words bore into him just as much as the red, snakelike eyes did of the Dark Lord. He'd already made the choice, hadn't he? All he had to do was follow through with it.
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