Disclaimer: I own rien
A/N: Thanks for your reviews. Do tell me when it starts to suck.
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I really need to concentrate.
Tra la la la la
I heard that when actors play dead in movies, they are told to repeat the same thing over and over in their heads so they can focus on that and not move. So that's what I'm doing. I'm singing. I don't think they can see me.
Tra la la la la
I'm in front of that crusty corpse's computer, trying to get the dirt on him. He sure does think he's something, right? How dare he make me leave my dad's house and come and stay with him? HE SUCKS ASS! He looks like a fucking armadillo -he's so old.
Damn, I'm HOT! Shit. This ski mask is the pits! I never see Sydney sweat on television! But I'm fucking sweating.
Did I mention that I'm at Caleb's office? Like, they have, like, some security here and everything but since I've been a few times, they know me. So I got to the entrance and everything and being the wonderful girl I am, I greeted the stupid fat guy. His name is Julio, right? And I was just trying to show how worldly I am, kinda just to let him know he's not alone in America, so I greeted him in his language. Is that wrong?
So I said "Bonjour" to him. The bastard had the guts to give me an evil look. He's Mexican! Instead of being happy that I took the time to learn his language, he gave me a look. Some people are so ungrateful! But that's alright. I don't do these things for the glory, I do them because I care.
The minute I got into building, I ran into the bathroom and changed. Look, I made sure I watched Alias this week to learn how to do this correctly. So I'm wearing black pants, black boots, a black turtleneck, a red wig and a black ski mask over it. I am so invisible! But Lord, I am hot! It's 1pm on a Wednesday afternoon and this fucking outfit isn't working in this weather! Why can't they make turtlenecks that breathe?
I heard Grandfart say something about going to a meeting today, so I knew he wouldn't be there. The whole time I walked to his office, I just keeping singing to myself and moved like a robot - I was surprisingly good. I realized I was in disguise and no one would probably see me but I made sure I didn't make any sudden movements because I didn't want to attract attention.
And I succeeded! No one stopped me! I got here about 5 minutes ago and I tried to get onto Caleb's computer. But it's locked! SHIT! Let me try different passwords.. hmm.. let me think.
O.K. I'll try "Marissa Cooper" let's see if that works... hmmm.. nope.
How about "Marissa?" Hmm... nope
I know in his fantasies he calls me "MaMa" let me try that... nope.
Shit, I need to log on to check my Hotmail account. I wonder if Ryan has sent me anything yet. I'm sure he's pleased with the flowers he receives daily. I just feel it. Actually, I can hear him talking to me sometimes. We are that close. We don't even need a phone to communicate. He tells me he misses me so much but he can't call because that skank carrying the next spawn of Satan won't let him. I bet she doesn't even have a computer at home. I bet she can't even read! Trash heap!
Damn I need to download Clay Aiken's underground single! Hurry up computer! This computer sucks! What's your friggin' password?
O.K. it has to be "Marissa is sexy" for obvious reasons.
Oh, let me concentrate again. Julio and his friends are still in the room. They came in shortly after I did and they just keep staring at nothing. Why can't they just leave?!? I know they can't see me so what's their problem?
O.K.
Tra la la la la
Alright. I'll try "Marissa Cohen." Everyone knows he married my mother to get to me.
These bitches are still here! I'm going to have to report them when Caleb returns. I bet he doesn't realize that when's he's gone, they come in here and take his stuff. They are such thieves. Wait, what do I see? Hmm... Caleb has cognac on his shelf... hmm cognac. What I would do for a glass of cognac. Maybe I should get some. Marissa! Marissa! Marissa, silly girl! Remember, no sudden movements! Ouch. My head hurts. I don't know my own strength. Who knew hitting it hard with my hand could cause this much pain? Ouch.
"Excuse me, Miss..." Julio is saying. I wonder who he's talking to.
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"Miss, we can hear you singing. "
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"Miss Cooper, may we talk to you for a minute?"
What the fuck? There's someone else here named "Miss Cooper?" I knew I should have had my name trademarked! But they wouldn't let me -stupid patent office.
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"Please, Miss, I don't want to have to come over there."
Awww. She must be such a loser. Hahahaha. She sounds like she's in trouble. I'll pay good money to see what they are going to do to her.
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They are so funny. They have confused but shocked looks on their faces. They actually look a little scared. Haven't they ever been to Caleb's office? And where's this stupid bitch they keep talking to? If I didn't have to keep still, I'd turn my head to look at her. I bet she's ugly.
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O.K. So why is this idiot coming towards Caleb's computer? He's probably going to try to steal some classified documents! Thief! Thief! Don't come any closer! No way! NO WAY! Don't even think about it. Stealing from Caleb means you're stealing from me. But actually, maybe he should steal. I love stealing. The rush that comes from taking something that you can afford is... great. Almost as good as chasing a bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol. Ahh... but some pills suck. I tried to do it last week with an entire bottle of Centrum. The shit didn't work! I sent them an email expressing my disgust. They'd better send me a lifetime supply to apologize. Stupid bastards.
Alright, how am I going to do this? He can't see me so I'll probably get crushed when he tries to sit on me. Damn. I'm too cute to die. O.K... I know what I'll do. No sudden movements.
Tra la la la la
I'll just get up and slowly step aside.
Tra la la la la .
A/N: Thanks for your reviews. Do tell me when it starts to suck.
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Tra la la la la
Tra la la la la
I really need to concentrate.
Tra la la la la
I heard that when actors play dead in movies, they are told to repeat the same thing over and over in their heads so they can focus on that and not move. So that's what I'm doing. I'm singing. I don't think they can see me.
Tra la la la la
I'm in front of that crusty corpse's computer, trying to get the dirt on him. He sure does think he's something, right? How dare he make me leave my dad's house and come and stay with him? HE SUCKS ASS! He looks like a fucking armadillo -he's so old.
Damn, I'm HOT! Shit. This ski mask is the pits! I never see Sydney sweat on television! But I'm fucking sweating.
Did I mention that I'm at Caleb's office? Like, they have, like, some security here and everything but since I've been a few times, they know me. So I got to the entrance and everything and being the wonderful girl I am, I greeted the stupid fat guy. His name is Julio, right? And I was just trying to show how worldly I am, kinda just to let him know he's not alone in America, so I greeted him in his language. Is that wrong?
So I said "Bonjour" to him. The bastard had the guts to give me an evil look. He's Mexican! Instead of being happy that I took the time to learn his language, he gave me a look. Some people are so ungrateful! But that's alright. I don't do these things for the glory, I do them because I care.
The minute I got into building, I ran into the bathroom and changed. Look, I made sure I watched Alias this week to learn how to do this correctly. So I'm wearing black pants, black boots, a black turtleneck, a red wig and a black ski mask over it. I am so invisible! But Lord, I am hot! It's 1pm on a Wednesday afternoon and this fucking outfit isn't working in this weather! Why can't they make turtlenecks that breathe?
I heard Grandfart say something about going to a meeting today, so I knew he wouldn't be there. The whole time I walked to his office, I just keeping singing to myself and moved like a robot - I was surprisingly good. I realized I was in disguise and no one would probably see me but I made sure I didn't make any sudden movements because I didn't want to attract attention.
And I succeeded! No one stopped me! I got here about 5 minutes ago and I tried to get onto Caleb's computer. But it's locked! SHIT! Let me try different passwords.. hmm.. let me think.
O.K. I'll try "Marissa Cooper" let's see if that works... hmmm.. nope.
How about "Marissa?" Hmm... nope
I know in his fantasies he calls me "MaMa" let me try that... nope.
Shit, I need to log on to check my Hotmail account. I wonder if Ryan has sent me anything yet. I'm sure he's pleased with the flowers he receives daily. I just feel it. Actually, I can hear him talking to me sometimes. We are that close. We don't even need a phone to communicate. He tells me he misses me so much but he can't call because that skank carrying the next spawn of Satan won't let him. I bet she doesn't even have a computer at home. I bet she can't even read! Trash heap!
Damn I need to download Clay Aiken's underground single! Hurry up computer! This computer sucks! What's your friggin' password?
O.K. it has to be "Marissa is sexy" for obvious reasons.
Oh, let me concentrate again. Julio and his friends are still in the room. They came in shortly after I did and they just keep staring at nothing. Why can't they just leave?!? I know they can't see me so what's their problem?
O.K.
Tra la la la la
Alright. I'll try "Marissa Cohen." Everyone knows he married my mother to get to me.
These bitches are still here! I'm going to have to report them when Caleb returns. I bet he doesn't realize that when's he's gone, they come in here and take his stuff. They are such thieves. Wait, what do I see? Hmm... Caleb has cognac on his shelf... hmm cognac. What I would do for a glass of cognac. Maybe I should get some. Marissa! Marissa! Marissa, silly girl! Remember, no sudden movements! Ouch. My head hurts. I don't know my own strength. Who knew hitting it hard with my hand could cause this much pain? Ouch.
"Excuse me, Miss..." Julio is saying. I wonder who he's talking to.
Tra la la la la
"Miss, we can hear you singing. "
Tra la la la la
"Miss Cooper, may we talk to you for a minute?"
What the fuck? There's someone else here named "Miss Cooper?" I knew I should have had my name trademarked! But they wouldn't let me -stupid patent office.
Tra la la la la
"Please, Miss, I don't want to have to come over there."
Awww. She must be such a loser. Hahahaha. She sounds like she's in trouble. I'll pay good money to see what they are going to do to her.
Tra la la la la
They are so funny. They have confused but shocked looks on their faces. They actually look a little scared. Haven't they ever been to Caleb's office? And where's this stupid bitch they keep talking to? If I didn't have to keep still, I'd turn my head to look at her. I bet she's ugly.
Tra la la la la
O.K. So why is this idiot coming towards Caleb's computer? He's probably going to try to steal some classified documents! Thief! Thief! Don't come any closer! No way! NO WAY! Don't even think about it. Stealing from Caleb means you're stealing from me. But actually, maybe he should steal. I love stealing. The rush that comes from taking something that you can afford is... great. Almost as good as chasing a bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol. Ahh... but some pills suck. I tried to do it last week with an entire bottle of Centrum. The shit didn't work! I sent them an email expressing my disgust. They'd better send me a lifetime supply to apologize. Stupid bastards.
Alright, how am I going to do this? He can't see me so I'll probably get crushed when he tries to sit on me. Damn. I'm too cute to die. O.K... I know what I'll do. No sudden movements.
Tra la la la la
I'll just get up and slowly step aside.
Tra la la la la .