Fry Me To the Moon
The Odd Tale of Weevil and Jess
Written by:
Legend Ghalai, kossmoechanhotmail.com
Disclaimer: Yu Gi Oh, duel monsters, Weevil and other amusing things all belong to the company in which created them. Unfortunately I am stuck with ownership to Jess, but that's okay. I'll just go send her to hug Weevil for me.
Warning: If you don't like Weevil, too bad. I have free speech :D You best not read on past here… well, actually, there is a part where Weevil er… "gets what he deserves" so you might like that. Otherwise, it's all Weevil-appreciation month.
Note: This story is based off of the Video Game… so if you think my character wins too easily, that's because AI is horrid in this game. XD Oh yeah. I wrote it in script because I was thinking of it like an episode. Haha.
Note 2: For some reason, I can't seem to get this thing to cooperate with Fanfiction.net! So, please, bear with me.
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Jess: (thinking) Last time I saw Weevil Underwood, he was hanging around over here.. but he doesn't appear to be here anymore. The only other place I can think of would be at the park… I'll go check there.
(She begins to walk over to the park, talking to the duelists along the way.)
Duelist: Hey, you're that kid who beat Rex Raptor, aren't you?
Duelist 2: Yeah, I was watching her fight! I knew from the middle she was going to win.
Jess: Yeah, that's me. Another duelist told me to go fight Weevil, but I'm a little wary about that…
Duelist 2: Weevil Underwood, you mean?
Jess: Yeah.
Duelist 2: Uh oh. You definitely don't want to lose to him. He's a cheater and a pest, and he'll make your life a perpetual horrid cycle of humiliation, as well as take your locator card.
Jess: That just makes me want to not duel him…
Duelist: You're making the situation seem worse then it is. Look, Mr. Underwood's cards are strong and hard-hitting, some even have 1900 or 2000 ATK on a four-star card.
Jess: What?! 2000 ATK on a 4-star card?! That means he could summon it on the second turn and completely stomp me!
Duelist: True. But, remember, everything comes with a setback. Half of his monster cards are fairly weak, they just have annoying effects.
Jess: How do you know so much about him?
Duelist: I lost to him. (sigh) But, I did put up a good fight. I was able to beat his minions. I bet they are still complaining about it now. I got each of their best cards. I lasted for a while, but the most I could do to him was take away 2000 of his life points. Weevil with anything under 6000 means he'll start getting mean, or cheat.
Jess: Oh! That's good to know. Do you have anything else I could use, valuable information?
Duelist: Hmmm… (considers) Underwood tends to rely on his Magic Card "Forest," which gives his monsters a big boost. If you have a Mystical Space Typhoon while he tries to play that, you can knock it out. Oh, yeah! Never let him have two cards out, because on his next turn he'll definitely summon his Insect Queen. I don't know how he gets it! It's like magic, or something…
Duelist 2: Or, cheating.
Jess: Whoa. Thanks for the information. And, I thought Rex Raptor was hard…
Duelist: Hey, you've got my cheers. By the way, my name is Alicia. I could help you out if you're going to duel Underwood. You know, give you pointers incase you get stuck. I might have only taken out 2000 of his LP, but I stalemated him for a while!
Jess: That would be great! I certainly need all of the help I can get. (smiles) My name's Jessica, but call me Jess.
Alicia: So I shall! Underwood's over this way, incase you didn't know. (begins to walk towards the left side of the park) He's over by the fountain. He always is.
Jess: Awesome. Maybe, I can beat him and get revenge for you. Heehee. (follows Alicia)
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Attem: Look at them, they are going to try and defeat Weevil Underwood.
DuelMaster46: Aweee, I'm sinking in my boots.
Attem: Well, number one, you aren't wearing any boots. Number two, the battle hasn't even started. You'll have to wait to see what happens.
DuelMaster46: Aiiieee. I'm melting… melting… m e l t i n g . . . .
Attem: Oh, brother.
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Alicia: That's him over there, the one with the stupid haircut.
Weevil: I heard that! How dare you insult my hair! I should stomp you again, and take your last locator card! I'll see to it that you are shipped out of this tournament.
Alicia: I'm not here to challenge you, but she is!
Jess: That's right! You're not going to hide behind your other three duelists, are you?
Alicia: Besides, it looks like they are out of commission…
Weevil: I don't need them to crush a pathetic leveler like you!
Jess: Get off your tower, Weevil, because you certainly don't stand too tall from the ground…
Weevil: Grrr! Fine, if you want a duel, a duel you shall get. We will duel for two locator cards, at least, if you weren't pathetic enough to have less…
Jess: Yes, I have two!
Weevil: Good. Now I will whisk you off to Insect Paradise! Hee hee hee!!
Alicia: Believe me, that is one of the creepiest laughs I have ever heard.
Weevil: Silence, you low-leveler! (The LCD life points gauge goes to 8000) The image of you shrinking in your humiliating loss is clear in my mind!!! (giggles evily)
Jess: (the LCD life points gauge goes to 8000) (thinking) I hope I can win this… (speaks) I'll be second to go.
Weevil: Whatever method of losing you choose! I activate Pot of Greed! (draws two cards) And, I place a card face down… I place this monster in face down defense position. Go ahead and take your best shot!
Jess: (thinking) I've got Crawling Dragon #2, Uraby, Trap Hole, Hinotama, and another Trap Hole. Hmm, this makes me think… (draws Mirror Force) Aha! This will help me in the long run.
Weevil: I'm wa-ai-ting.
Jess: You're really that hasty to lose? At least give me a moment to think…
Weevil: GRR!
Jess: I place this card in face-down position. I also activate Hinotama, which will deplete your LP by 500!
Weevil: That's what you think! I activate Magic Jammer!
Jess: (thinking) At least he wasted it on that. (speaks) I summon Crawling Dragon #2! Attack the face-down card!
Weevil: Hmph! The Giant Rat's special effect will make another Giant Rat appear in its place!
Jess: Whatever works…I end my turn.
Weevil: (Draws a card) I summon another Giant Rat with the magic card, Monster Reborn! I am also going to place a card face down in defense position. End of my turn!
Jess: (draws Malevolent Nuzzler) (thinks) Just what I needed to get my Uraby out there! (speaks) I summon my Uraby, and equipt it with the Malovelent Nuzzler! It now has 2200 ATK! Attack the defense Giant Rat!
Weevil: With the special effect, I summon a Gokibore!
Jess: Fine. Uraby, destroy the Gokibore!
Weevil: Auurgh! (gauge goes to 7000)
Jess: I end my turn.
Weevil: Grr! (draws a card) I place a monster card in face-down defense position, and also flip summon my… MAN EATER BUG!! I chose to destroy your Uraby!
Jess: Whoa! I will pay 500 LP to return my Malevolent Nuzzler to the top of my deck. (Gauge goes to 7500)
Weevil: Haha! End of my turn.
Jess: (draws Malevolent Nuzzler) I equipt my Crawling Dragon #2 with the Malovelent Nuzzler, and now it bears 2300 ATK! Destroy the Man Eater Bug! Weevil, feel the pain!
Weevil: AUGH! (Gauge goes to 5150) No! Up until now I've been going easy on you, but not anymore! You have provoked my wrath!!
Jess: Bring it on. I dare you. End of my turn.
Weevil: Grrr! I will! (draws card) I place this monster card in defense position…
Jess: Awe, look at Weevil placing his weak cards in defense position…
Weevil: Shut up! I end my turn!
Jess: (draws Blast Sphere) I place this monster card in defense position.
Weevil: Hmph! And you made fun of me!
Jess: (smirks)
Weevil: (gets a sort of shocked look, but reverts to the angry glare)
Jess: Crawling Dragon, destroy the Giant Rat! End my turn.
Weevil: (gauge goes to 4250) Don't forget, it returns as a Gokibore!! (draws a card) I place this monster in face-down defense position…And I attack your face down card!
Jess: Really? It's a Blast Sphere, and it's going to take out your monster at your next Standby Phase!
Weevil: Err… so what!
Jess: (draws Monster Reborn) I activate Monster Reborn and have my Uraby returned to me! Crawling Dragon, destroy the Gokibore!
Weevil: (gauge goes to 3150) Errrr! I'll still defeat you!
Jess: Weevy, I've got 7500 LP…
Weevil: Weevy?! Just you watch!
Jess: Whatever. Uraby, destroy that face down card! Hah! End of my turn. Your defense cards are getting a little weaker, Weevil…
Weevil: (draws a card) Hah! Watch this! I summon my Gemini Elf in attack pos—
Jess: Not so fast! Activate Trap Hole!
Weevil: (eyes go wide) NO!
Jess: Yes! Your card is destroyed!
Weevil: (darkly) End of my turn.
Jess: (draws 7 Colored Fish) I summon 7 Colored Fish in attack position, and place this card face down… Uraby, destroy one of Weevil's pathetic line of defense!
Weevil: (flinch)
Jess: 7 Colored Fish, destroy his last line of defense!
Weevil: That was a Needle Worm, it will discard 5 of your deck cards!
Jess: I won't feel it, Weevil. Crawling dragon, do a wopping 2300 to his life points!!
Weevil: (gauge shows 850) NO! I can't lose! I CAN'T LOSE!
Jess: (Smirks) End of my turn. I'm not so weak afterall, am I?
Weevil: (snarls) (draws card) I have one more trick up my sleeve. I activate Harpy's Feather duster, to get rid of all of your stupid trap and magic cards!
Jess: And, I pay 500 life points to get Malovolent Nuzzler back…
Weevil: (looks at his cards) (takes a deep breath) I place this card face down in defense position…
Jess: Awe, Weevy, it looks like yah lost… (draws Malevolent Nuzzler) I don't even need my ATK increasing card. Crawling Dragon, destroy his pathetic defense!!
Weevil: NO! It can't end like this!
Jess: Uraby, finish him off.
Weevil: AHH! NO! (Gauge goes to 0) No! No, no, no! I … I can't have lost! I just couldn't! I…(sinks to his knees)
Alicia: Oh, quit your yapping! Jessi here beat you fair and square, without the cheating methods you like to use!
Weevil: I can't lose! I couldn't have! There must be…
Jess: Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Rex took the blow pretty easily, and without all of the crying and such.
Alicia: Rex gave up one locator card. (points to Weevil) He only had two locator cards, he was greedy and tried to get four by beating you. You can officially kick him out of the tournament. (smirks) And, I'm glad to see it. His cheating butt doesn't deserve to keep playing!
Jess: Oh…
Weevil: Please, show mercy! I can't lose another tournament, not after before…
Jess: Well…
Alicia: Go ahead and-… You're not going… Are you? Jess!
Jess: I could officially send you packing… but how about this… You give me one locator card and your rarest card, instead of two locator cards. (looks at Alicia) Is that fair?
Alicia: (rolls eyes) I don't know why you're letting him off like this.
Weevil: (looks up, fairly surprised) You mean, you're…?
Jess: Yeah… I guess… I mean, you worked this hard to get this far… I would be mad if all of my hard work was wasted just on one duel…
Alicia: (mutters) Except she wouldn't do a stupid manuvere like betting all of her locator cards.
Weevil: But, my rarest card is my Insect Queen. I can't give it up! She's my queen!
Alicia: What the heck is wrong with you? Do you think you're an insect? Well, then again… you look like one…
Jess: (bluntly) Would you rather go packing?
Weevil: (stands) (glumly) I guess you're right… (hands over a locator card and the card Insect Queen)
Jess: (recieves them) I don't see what the fuss is about this card, anyways. Look at this card. (she begins to look through her deck for the card)
Alicia: Uh… Jess… might not want to do that…
Jess: (looks at Alicia briefly) This card. (she takes out Blue Eyes White Dragon and hands it to Weevil)
Alicia: Why do I bother… (facefault)
Weevil: Wha… but only Seto Kaiba has this card! (stares at it) Might I… see the rest of your deck?
Jess: (shrugs, and hands it to him) I got the deck from my cousin. She was a really good duelist. She knew her cards allot better then I do. She gave it to me.
Weevil: (Raises an eyebrow, hands the deck back to her after inspection, but keeps the Blue Eyes in his hand. He takes a step back) This dragon is a really nice card…
Jess: Uh… can I have it back?
Weevil: (takes another step back) Hmm…
Alicia: (moves behind him and grabs him roughly by the shoulders) Give it back to her, you stupid bug!
Weevil: Hmph! Don't touch me! I wasn't going to steal it, low-leveler! (glares) Also, quit insulting me!
Alicia: Oh, I didn't know you had feelings to hurt! (pushes him forwards towards Jess with a rough slam)
Weevil: Ouch! You insolant worm! Here, take your stupid card. (slams the card down into Jess's palm) Now go away! Both of you are pests! (turns around and stomps off)
Alicia: See? I told you he was a jerk.
Jess: (shrugs) Aren't most regional vetrans like that?
Alicia: (snicker) Yeah, you've got a point. Unfortunately, I'm low on locator cards, so I can't stick around much longer. I have to go stalk some people for theirs. I'll stalk Weevil Underwood later and boot him out of the tournament…
Jess: Hehe. You do what's best, Alicia.
Alicia: Sure. Later! (heads out of the park)
DuelMaster46: I think she should go follow Weevil…
Jess: (thinking) Maybe I should follow him…
DuelMaster46: He might have a softer side…
Jess: (thinking) Maybe he'll want help on his deck…
DuelMaster46: You got it wrong!
Jess: Hush, you're not part of this scene.
Duelist: Who are you talking to?
Jess: Ah… aheh. (nervous laughter) No one.
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Attem: Well, that ended well. She was nice to Weevil and he pulled a cruel one past her. Will she ever learn?
DuelMaster46: Digimon… Digital Monsters...
Attem: Erm, what are you doing?
DuelMaster46: Singing.
Attem: Uh… I'm not even going to ask.
DuelMaster46: Will she ever win Weevil's heart??
Attem: Weevil has a heart? I thought he had an exoskeletion…
DuelMaster46: Yikes, that's quite a wall to break through!
Attem: You are hopeless.
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Author's Note: I'm slowly getting them all up... (squee) It's just taking me forever... (squee again) Yay me! Yay me!