Celebrity Death Match
Harry Potter Edition
Disclaimer: you know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, the characters,
or anything else. I also don't own Celebrity Death Match or anything
affiliated with that.
Summary: What if the Harry Potter characters headed for the ring in the
style of the popular Celebrity Death Match fights?
ROUND II: Minerva McGonagall VERSUS Albus Dumbledore
Danielle: Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Round 2 of the Harry Potter edition of Celebrity Death Match! In tonight's competition, returning champion, Minerva 'The Cat' McGonagall will take on Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwart's School!
Sky: It promises to be a very interesting fight tonight Danielle! The crowd, jam-packed with Hogwarts students and staff, has dubbed this match "The Lovers' Quarrel". Does Dumbledore really think he stands a chance against a woman nearly half his age?
Danielle: Let's see if our combatants have any opening remarks!
Get ready to have your hat handed to you, Albus! I trust that you heard what happened to Sibyll?
Indeed I did hear the fate that met poor Sibyll. I, however, would not be foolish enough to transform into anything that met the dietary requirements of a cat!
You're gonna pay for that little stunt that you and the others pulled last night! Really! Moving my whole bedroom, with me in it no less, to the Great Hall was stepping over the line!
My dear, the look on your face was worth every ounce of effort!
Danielle: (Cringing) Ooh. We probably shouldn't have gotten him involved, huh, Sky?
Sky: (Coming out from under the table) Oh, I don't know, it certainly made things a little more interesting for tonight, didn't it? At least she's taking it out on him and not all of us! (in the background: "I heard that, Sky!") Oh God! (Hides under the table again)
Danielle: There's the bell and the fight is on! McGonagall's getting physical in this round, grabbing hold of Dumbledore's face fight away at the beginning!
Sky: What's she doing?!
Danielle: She's KISSING HIM! Ladies and gentlemen, is there no depth that this woman will not sink to in order to win!?
((Crowd: Whoah!))
Danielle: OUCH! Professor McGonagall has just landed a painful blow to Dumbledore's 'magic wand'!
Sky: (from beneath the table) That HAD to hurt! Dumbledore is crumpling to the mat and curling in agony! Personally, I can't say I blame him! By the way, can I come out now?
Danielle: Come on back, Sky, I don't think she's going to be hurting anyone but Dumbledore for a while!
Sky: Good! So what's Dumbledore got up his sleeve? He hasn't even thrown a punch!
Danielle: I'm sure we won't have to wait long for retaliation in this bout, Sky.
(Dumbledore is holding McGonagall at arm's length with his hand on her face and she's swinging her arms, trying to hit him, even though her arms are just inches too short.)
Danielle: Whoa! McGonagall's knee comes up again, but this time he anticipates the attack and jumps back!
Sky: The sudden release of McGonagall's face must have knocked her balance off, Danielle, because...(there's a *thud* in the background as McGonagall hits the mat face first).*winces* ouch.that's gonna leave a mark!
Danielle: She's getting back up now.wait a minute here, folks, McGonagall's taking something out of her pocket, but what is it!?
Sky: Hey! What's she doing with that lemon drop?
(The commentators exchange looks of fear and cringe as there's a rip of fabric and then turn away as only Dumbledore's cry of agony can be heard echoing through the stadium.)
(The commentators look at each other again and then the camera changes to show the crowd, every face staring in wide-eyed horror at what McGonagall has just done)
Danielle: Will he get back up? He looks as though he's in shock!
Sky: Wait a minute, she's saying something to him.let's see if we can hear!
(gritting her teeth) I'm-allergic-to-lemon!
(still in shock) ..Minerva..I.I had no idea.
(smiling wickedly) Well, dear, the look on your face was worth every-single-solitary-ounce-of-effort.
((Crowd: blinks in shock. Not sure what to think))
Danielle: Is this fight over? Wait! Dumbledore is getting up! Ladies and Gentlemen we are in for a treat tonight! (passes popcorn to Sky)
Sky: Dumbledore is picking himself up off the mat, folks. He's approaching McGonagall with what looks like malice on his face!
Danielle: More like revenge, Sky. I'd hate to see what he tries to shove- never mind.I really don't want to know!
Sky: (chokes on popcorn laughing) We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors! (throws some of the popcorn at Danielle)
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Danielle: (still patting Sky on the back as she finishes choking on the popcorn) Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen to round 2 of the Harry Potter Edition of Celebrity Death Match. When we broke for commercials, Minerva 'The Cat' McGonagall was taking an early lead on Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore in this, McGonagall's second round of competition.
Sky: That's right, Danielle. We're now watching as Dumbledore advances on the woman he loves. Now, the way I heard it, Danielle, there Dumbledore had some sort of wager going on within the staff that he could win *without* hitting her. I wonder how the staff is feeling about their bet right now?
(to other staff members) I hope you came with empty pockets, because Dumbledore is gonna be paying up tonight. (smiling arrogantly)
(hands clapped over her mouth and eyes wide open) I didn't think she had it in her.
Oh, poor Albus!
Are ya *sure* tha's Minerva?
Uh, yeah. That's her all right.
Danielle: Fascinating! Let's return to the ring to see what happens!
Sky: Dumbledore has his opponent cornered here now! How's McGonagall going to get out of this one?
Danielle: I don't know Sky. It might not take much seeing as Dumbledore is walking a little funny these days.
Sky: He's tying her to the corner post of the ring! I don't think she'll stand for that for too long!
Danielle: It looks like Dumbledore may have her where he wants her now, folks!
Sky: Dumbledore has his wand out! I hope he's not gonna do what I think he's gonna!
Rictusempra!
(McGonagall begins to giggle, then squirm, and laugh. After only a few minutes, she's laughing so hard she has tears running down her face.)
Danielle: The referee is moving to the center of the ring!
Sky: I don't believe it! Dumbledore has been proclaimed the winner! Ladies and gentlemen, Albus Dumbledore has proved that once again he *is* the greatest wizard in the world!
(McGonagall is still laughing in the background, stomping her foot and gasping for air.)
Danielle: Join us again next time for another exciting round of competition on Celebrity Death Match!!
Harry Potter Edition
Disclaimer: you know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, the characters,
or anything else. I also don't own Celebrity Death Match or anything
affiliated with that.
Summary: What if the Harry Potter characters headed for the ring in the
style of the popular Celebrity Death Match fights?
ROUND II: Minerva McGonagall VERSUS Albus Dumbledore
Danielle: Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Round 2 of the Harry Potter edition of Celebrity Death Match! In tonight's competition, returning champion, Minerva 'The Cat' McGonagall will take on Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwart's School!
Sky: It promises to be a very interesting fight tonight Danielle! The crowd, jam-packed with Hogwarts students and staff, has dubbed this match "The Lovers' Quarrel". Does Dumbledore really think he stands a chance against a woman nearly half his age?
Danielle: Let's see if our combatants have any opening remarks!
Get ready to have your hat handed to you, Albus! I trust that you heard what happened to Sibyll?
Indeed I did hear the fate that met poor Sibyll. I, however, would not be foolish enough to transform into anything that met the dietary requirements of a cat!
You're gonna pay for that little stunt that you and the others pulled last night! Really! Moving my whole bedroom, with me in it no less, to the Great Hall was stepping over the line!
My dear, the look on your face was worth every ounce of effort!
Danielle: (Cringing) Ooh. We probably shouldn't have gotten him involved, huh, Sky?
Sky: (Coming out from under the table) Oh, I don't know, it certainly made things a little more interesting for tonight, didn't it? At least she's taking it out on him and not all of us! (in the background: "I heard that, Sky!") Oh God! (Hides under the table again)
Danielle: There's the bell and the fight is on! McGonagall's getting physical in this round, grabbing hold of Dumbledore's face fight away at the beginning!
Sky: What's she doing?!
Danielle: She's KISSING HIM! Ladies and gentlemen, is there no depth that this woman will not sink to in order to win!?
((Crowd: Whoah!))
Danielle: OUCH! Professor McGonagall has just landed a painful blow to Dumbledore's 'magic wand'!
Sky: (from beneath the table) That HAD to hurt! Dumbledore is crumpling to the mat and curling in agony! Personally, I can't say I blame him! By the way, can I come out now?
Danielle: Come on back, Sky, I don't think she's going to be hurting anyone but Dumbledore for a while!
Sky: Good! So what's Dumbledore got up his sleeve? He hasn't even thrown a punch!
Danielle: I'm sure we won't have to wait long for retaliation in this bout, Sky.
(Dumbledore is holding McGonagall at arm's length with his hand on her face and she's swinging her arms, trying to hit him, even though her arms are just inches too short.)
Danielle: Whoa! McGonagall's knee comes up again, but this time he anticipates the attack and jumps back!
Sky: The sudden release of McGonagall's face must have knocked her balance off, Danielle, because...(there's a *thud* in the background as McGonagall hits the mat face first).*winces* ouch.that's gonna leave a mark!
Danielle: She's getting back up now.wait a minute here, folks, McGonagall's taking something out of her pocket, but what is it!?
Sky: Hey! What's she doing with that lemon drop?
(The commentators exchange looks of fear and cringe as there's a rip of fabric and then turn away as only Dumbledore's cry of agony can be heard echoing through the stadium.)
(The commentators look at each other again and then the camera changes to show the crowd, every face staring in wide-eyed horror at what McGonagall has just done)
Danielle: Will he get back up? He looks as though he's in shock!
Sky: Wait a minute, she's saying something to him.let's see if we can hear!
(gritting her teeth) I'm-allergic-to-lemon!
(still in shock) ..Minerva..I.I had no idea.
(smiling wickedly) Well, dear, the look on your face was worth every-single-solitary-ounce-of-effort.
((Crowd: blinks in shock. Not sure what to think))
Danielle: Is this fight over? Wait! Dumbledore is getting up! Ladies and Gentlemen we are in for a treat tonight! (passes popcorn to Sky)
Sky: Dumbledore is picking himself up off the mat, folks. He's approaching McGonagall with what looks like malice on his face!
Danielle: More like revenge, Sky. I'd hate to see what he tries to shove- never mind.I really don't want to know!
Sky: (chokes on popcorn laughing) We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors! (throws some of the popcorn at Danielle)
Madam Malakins Robes for all Occasions
Is having a Back to School Sale! Right now, all Hogwart's school robes sets are 25% off! Ladies summer dress robes 15-20% off. Men's cloaks 15- 25% off. Free fitting with 50 galleon purchase! Kids! Mention this ad and your parents can take an additional 10% off your robes for school this year! Come in soon for best availability! Supplies are limited! Gringott's: The bank of choice for wizards everywhere since before time began! Eyelop's Owl Emporium
OWLS! OWLS! OWLS! Whatever your fancy, whatever your fantasy, we can get it here at Eyelop's! Barn owls, snowys, and elf owls 50% off, just in time for back to school! Come on in and see the wide selection of cages and accessories to choose from for your favorite avian familiar! Looking for a quick browse through our selection? Visit our website at www.theowlemporium.com . Quantities updated every 15 minutes! Stop in soon and see us and remember Eyelop's Owl Emporium for all your owl needs!
Danielle: (still patting Sky on the back as she finishes choking on the popcorn) Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen to round 2 of the Harry Potter Edition of Celebrity Death Match. When we broke for commercials, Minerva 'The Cat' McGonagall was taking an early lead on Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore in this, McGonagall's second round of competition.
Sky: That's right, Danielle. We're now watching as Dumbledore advances on the woman he loves. Now, the way I heard it, Danielle, there Dumbledore had some sort of wager going on within the staff that he could win *without* hitting her. I wonder how the staff is feeling about their bet right now?
(to other staff members) I hope you came with empty pockets, because Dumbledore is gonna be paying up tonight. (smiling arrogantly)
(hands clapped over her mouth and eyes wide open) I didn't think she had it in her.
Oh, poor Albus!
Are ya *sure* tha's Minerva?
Uh, yeah. That's her all right.
Danielle: Fascinating! Let's return to the ring to see what happens!
Sky: Dumbledore has his opponent cornered here now! How's McGonagall going to get out of this one?
Danielle: I don't know Sky. It might not take much seeing as Dumbledore is walking a little funny these days.
Sky: He's tying her to the corner post of the ring! I don't think she'll stand for that for too long!
Danielle: It looks like Dumbledore may have her where he wants her now, folks!
Sky: Dumbledore has his wand out! I hope he's not gonna do what I think he's gonna!
Rictusempra!
(McGonagall begins to giggle, then squirm, and laugh. After only a few minutes, she's laughing so hard she has tears running down her face.)
Danielle: The referee is moving to the center of the ring!
Sky: I don't believe it! Dumbledore has been proclaimed the winner! Ladies and gentlemen, Albus Dumbledore has proved that once again he *is* the greatest wizard in the world!
(McGonagall is still laughing in the background, stomping her foot and gasping for air.)
Danielle: Join us again next time for another exciting round of competition on Celebrity Death Match!!