Celebrity Death Match
Harry Potter Edition
Disclaimer: you know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, the characters,
or anything else. I also don't own Celebrity Death Match or anything
affiliated with that.
Summary: What if the Harry Potter characters headed for the ring in the
style of the popular Celebrity Death Match fights?
A/N: Big Hugs to Sky, my partner and fellow commentator! *waves!* Hi Sky!
ROUND III: Severus Snape VS Gilderoy Lockhart
Danielle: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen to round three of competition in the Harry Potter edition of Celebrity Death Match. I'd like to thank all that have been regularly tuning in to watch and encourage your constructive suggestions and ideas for new death matches!
Sky: That's right! Every suggestion is taken into careful consideration. Let's meet our fighters for this night's round of competition. We have world-renowned adventurer Gilderoy Lockhart with us tonight *suppresses a shudder* and opposing him will be the one and only Severus Snape *fights to keep from giggling as he looks at her and winks, blowing her a kiss*.
**Camera change, Snape's corner**
You're going down, you self-absorbed git!
**Camera change, Lockhart's corner**
Severus, Severus. Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you stoop low enough to name call! (turning to the crowd) I'll try to go easier than usual! (some girls swoon, he flashes a smile at them)
**Camera change, Snape's corner**
Try not to mess up your hair, pretty boy!
**Camera change, Commenter's table**
Sky: This shouldn't take long! There's the bell and the referee is backing out of the ring to begin the fight!
Danielle: Snape is wasting no time with this fight!
Expelliarmus!
**Lockhart flies across the ring and bounces off the ropes**
Well done Professor, but if I may say.."
No, Gilderoy, you may NOT say! Rictusempra!
**Lockhart hits the floor again and this time, writhes and giggles for several minutes.**
Sky: WHOOO! GO SEVVIE! GOOO SEVVIIIEEE! (everyone goes quiet, staring at the highly biased commenter) *cough* and Lockhart! Hehe. Gilderoy just attempted a tickling charm, but, alas, it didn't work! Severus has his wand out (there is a sudden barking sound) EE! Daaaw.it's a little blonde poodle! Oh, Sev! Don't move! I've got a great view of your stern from this angle.
Danielle: (scared look) Um.while Sky has begun to drool, we can clearly see that Lockhart is now a poodle! With.rather shiny teeth. What is he going to do?!
Sky: (shoves Danielle out of her chair) The little blonde poodle is advancing. Nevermind, he's attempting to-Can I say this on air?!
(Cry of pain from Severus' end, rabid Lockhart fan girls squeal because it seems Lockhart is winning)
Danielle: (crawling back into her chair) Lockhart seems to be gaining some ground here! Snape had better get his groove on if he's going to beat Lockhart!
**Snape turns and charges at the poodle, now turned back into a man, and jumped on him, pounding his fists into his face**
Lockhart: No! Stop! My face!
Snape: and that's not all I'm gonna rearrange, Drag Queen.
**Snape yanks out several handfuls of his hair as Lockhart screams**
Lockhart: NO!!! Stop!!! Not my hair! Mercy! Mercy! PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR!! Did you just call me a drag queen?
**Suddenly, Lockhart falls limp in Snape's arms as Snape is winding up to kidney punch him.**
**Sky and Dani are standing now, trying to get a better view of the action.**
Danielle: It appears that Lockhart has suffered a major heart attack and died right there on the mat! Must have been the fact that Snape was ripping out his perfect hair.
Sky: Yeah, too bad he didn't have time to go after his too-perfect TEETH while he was at it!
**Snape stands, straightens his robes, produces his wand and says, **
Snape: La Carnam, Inflamarai
**Lockhart's lifeless body catches fire and roasts to a crisp in a flash of flames**
**Bell rings in the background**
Danielle: And the winner is, Severus Snape!!!
Sky: Thanks for watching folks and tune in again next time to Celebrity Death Match, the Harry Potter Edition!!
Harry Potter Edition
Disclaimer: you know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, the characters,
or anything else. I also don't own Celebrity Death Match or anything
affiliated with that.
Summary: What if the Harry Potter characters headed for the ring in the
style of the popular Celebrity Death Match fights?
A/N: Big Hugs to Sky, my partner and fellow commentator! *waves!* Hi Sky!
ROUND III: Severus Snape VS Gilderoy Lockhart
Danielle: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen to round three of competition in the Harry Potter edition of Celebrity Death Match. I'd like to thank all that have been regularly tuning in to watch and encourage your constructive suggestions and ideas for new death matches!
Sky: That's right! Every suggestion is taken into careful consideration. Let's meet our fighters for this night's round of competition. We have world-renowned adventurer Gilderoy Lockhart with us tonight *suppresses a shudder* and opposing him will be the one and only Severus Snape *fights to keep from giggling as he looks at her and winks, blowing her a kiss*.
**Camera change, Snape's corner**
You're going down, you self-absorbed git!
**Camera change, Lockhart's corner**
Severus, Severus. Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you stoop low enough to name call! (turning to the crowd) I'll try to go easier than usual! (some girls swoon, he flashes a smile at them)
**Camera change, Snape's corner**
Try not to mess up your hair, pretty boy!
**Camera change, Commenter's table**
Sky: This shouldn't take long! There's the bell and the referee is backing out of the ring to begin the fight!
Danielle: Snape is wasting no time with this fight!
Expelliarmus!
**Lockhart flies across the ring and bounces off the ropes**
Well done Professor, but if I may say.."
No, Gilderoy, you may NOT say! Rictusempra!
**Lockhart hits the floor again and this time, writhes and giggles for several minutes.**
Sky: WHOOO! GO SEVVIE! GOOO SEVVIIIEEE! (everyone goes quiet, staring at the highly biased commenter) *cough* and Lockhart! Hehe. Gilderoy just attempted a tickling charm, but, alas, it didn't work! Severus has his wand out (there is a sudden barking sound) EE! Daaaw.it's a little blonde poodle! Oh, Sev! Don't move! I've got a great view of your stern from this angle.
Danielle: (scared look) Um.while Sky has begun to drool, we can clearly see that Lockhart is now a poodle! With.rather shiny teeth. What is he going to do?!
Sky: (shoves Danielle out of her chair) The little blonde poodle is advancing. Nevermind, he's attempting to-Can I say this on air?!
(Cry of pain from Severus' end, rabid Lockhart fan girls squeal because it seems Lockhart is winning)
Danielle: (crawling back into her chair) Lockhart seems to be gaining some ground here! Snape had better get his groove on if he's going to beat Lockhart!
**Snape turns and charges at the poodle, now turned back into a man, and jumped on him, pounding his fists into his face**
Lockhart: No! Stop! My face!
Snape: and that's not all I'm gonna rearrange, Drag Queen.
**Snape yanks out several handfuls of his hair as Lockhart screams**
Lockhart: NO!!! Stop!!! Not my hair! Mercy! Mercy! PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR!! Did you just call me a drag queen?
**Suddenly, Lockhart falls limp in Snape's arms as Snape is winding up to kidney punch him.**
**Sky and Dani are standing now, trying to get a better view of the action.**
Danielle: It appears that Lockhart has suffered a major heart attack and died right there on the mat! Must have been the fact that Snape was ripping out his perfect hair.
Sky: Yeah, too bad he didn't have time to go after his too-perfect TEETH while he was at it!
**Snape stands, straightens his robes, produces his wand and says, **
Snape: La Carnam, Inflamarai
**Lockhart's lifeless body catches fire and roasts to a crisp in a flash of flames**
**Bell rings in the background**
Danielle: And the winner is, Severus Snape!!!
Sky: Thanks for watching folks and tune in again next time to Celebrity Death Match, the Harry Potter Edition!!