Celebrity Death Match
Harry Potter Edition
Disclaimer: you know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, the characters,
or anything else. I also don't own Celebrity Death Match or anything
affiliated with that.
Summary: What if the Harry Potter characters headed for the ring in the
style of the popular Celebrity Death Match fights?
A/N: Big huggles to Jestana for becoming my new co-host! Sky, I miss you,
hon!
ROUND V: Minerva McGonagall VS Dolores Jane Umbridge
Danielle: Welcome to another round of competition on Celebrity Death Match, the Harry Potter Edition! We have history in the making here ladies and gentlemen as reigning champion Minerva "The Cat" McGonagall takes on long- time bitter rival Dolores Umbridge!
Jestana: Absolutely, Danielle! Personally, I've been waiting for this fight ever since Dolores so rudely attacked Minerva with those stunning spells! (growling) tubby, ugly, toady, good for nothing...
Danielle: Now, Jestana, let's save the emotions for the fight. Speaking of which, let's get our fighter's opening comments!
Camera Change: Minerva's corner
Minerva: (rolls her shoulders and takes a deep breath as she stares down her opponent) Guess who's back? Are you sure you wouldn't like that cough drop?
Camera Change: Umbridge's corner
Umbridge: Now, you might think you have this fight in the palm of your bony hand because you have the headmaster in your bed but you've got another thing coming Minerva McGonagall!
Camera Change: Commentator's table
Danielle: While Umbridge was talking, the bell rang and the round has begun!
Jestana: Minerva easily gains the first hit in this fight, Danielle, casting the ever-popular disarming spell!
Minerva: Expelliarmus! Take that, you toad!
The spell bounces off Umbridge's shield charm, and Umbridge counters with a classic stunning spell.
Umbridge: Stupefy! Dodge that!
Minerva: (dodges it easily and then fires back) Back-stabbing bitch! Expelliarmus!
Umbridge flies across the ring and hits the padded corner post. She's having trouble getting back up due to her enormous weight. Minerva is stalking across the ring, wand raised and fury in her eyes.
Camera Change: Audience
Severus: Go Minerva!
Albus: That a girl, Mineva my dear!
Severus: (to Albus) She doesn't really mean to kill Professor Umbridge does she?
Albus: I can't guarantee that, Severus, she has a lot of rage!
Camera Change: Commentators' table
Danielle: This is some fight!
Jestana: That's for sure!
Danielle: It looks like Umbridge is finally getting back up just as Minerva is coming into range!
Jestana: One thing's for sure, Minerva is anything but patient, and with someone like Umbridge, her fuse is going to be even shorter! What do you think Minerva will do with this toad when she has her in her grasp?
Danielle: We'll find out after a word from our sponsors! Stay tuned to Celebrity Death Match! Ollivander's
Purveyors of Fine wands for hundreds of years! Come to Ollivander's for all of your wand needs. New this month: wand care kits! These kits are specially suited to the different woods of each wand. Come in now, supplies are limited. The wand chooses the wizard, so choose the best wand maker: Ollivander's!
Gladrags Wizardwear
Gladrags Wizardwear, your one-stop store for all your clothing needs. All- purpose cloaks and boots available for all kinds of weather. A wide range of dress robes for any occasion, from a celebration party to a Ministry Ball. We also carry the best in jewelry and accessories, as well as a wide range of everyday robes. We have branches in Paris, London, and Hogsmeade.
Danielle: Now, back to live action! Minerva has taken a pounding since the break, Jestana; let's recap what's been happening!
Jestana: I don't know if I can do this, Danielle! This is horrible!
Danielle: Umbridge has landed a few solid hits and now Minerva is leaning on the ropes!
Camera Change: Audience
Professor Dumbledore is having a hard time sitting still. He and Professor Snape know that Umbridge is fighting dirty but there isn't anything they can do about it, yet. Suddenly, Snape stands and politely excuses himself to go use the men's room.
Camera Change: Corridor
A masked man approaches Snape. Snape swaps a scrap of parchment for the galleons in his hand. He approaches the ring as Minerva is leaning over and whispers something to her. Minerva turns to Umbridge with an evil grin and cracks her knuckles in anticipation.
Camera Change: Commentators' table
Danielle: Minerva is pulling herself off the ropes! This could spell trouble for Umbridge!
Jestana: Ooh, I hope so! Minerva has deserted her wand and has resorted to physical forms of combat! She charges at Umbridge and—I don't believe it! She's turned into her Animagus form! She's a tabby cat!
As Minerva stalks around her, Umbridge smiles smugly and transforms herself into a large toad. Minerva proceeds to chase the fleeing toad about the ring.
Minerva: (unexpectedly turning back into a woman) I warned you about messing with me!
Minerva pulls a cord near the edge of the ring and a giant vat of small green objects pours onto Umbridge, burying her. Minerva dusts off her hands and then commands the mound of cough drops off the stage. She strides up to Umbridge, still a toad, and watches as she lays twitching on the floor of the ring. Minerva sinks to one knee and leans over the toad.
Minerva: Well, at least I didn't use a spoon.
The toad's eyes widen as it continues to twitch. Minerva raises a high- heeled, high buttoned shoe and slams it down, the toad's body making a hideous squishing sound. The audience reacts in disgust but then:
Camera Change: Audience
The members of Gryffindor house are now on their feet and cheering.
Albus: Bravo, Minerva!!
Severus: WHOOOOO! Well, done, professor!
Alastor: I never knew Minerva had it in her!
Poppy: I did! Remind me never to make Minerva angry!
Camera pans over the crowd, getting shots of the Gryffindors screaming, cheering and waving their pennants. Roses shower down onto the ring around Minerva as she makes a graceful curtsy in each direction of the crowd.
Camera Change: Commentators' table
Danielle: It's all over! The reigning champion is once again Minerva McGonagall!!
Jestana: Thanks for joining us once again folks for this round of Celebrity Death Match! Come back again next time for another exciting bout when newcomer Bellatrix LaStrange takes on a mystery opponent!
Harry Potter Edition
Disclaimer: you know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, the characters,
or anything else. I also don't own Celebrity Death Match or anything
affiliated with that.
Summary: What if the Harry Potter characters headed for the ring in the
style of the popular Celebrity Death Match fights?
A/N: Big huggles to Jestana for becoming my new co-host! Sky, I miss you,
hon!
ROUND V: Minerva McGonagall VS Dolores Jane Umbridge
Danielle: Welcome to another round of competition on Celebrity Death Match, the Harry Potter Edition! We have history in the making here ladies and gentlemen as reigning champion Minerva "The Cat" McGonagall takes on long- time bitter rival Dolores Umbridge!
Jestana: Absolutely, Danielle! Personally, I've been waiting for this fight ever since Dolores so rudely attacked Minerva with those stunning spells! (growling) tubby, ugly, toady, good for nothing...
Danielle: Now, Jestana, let's save the emotions for the fight. Speaking of which, let's get our fighter's opening comments!
Camera Change: Minerva's corner
Minerva: (rolls her shoulders and takes a deep breath as she stares down her opponent) Guess who's back? Are you sure you wouldn't like that cough drop?
Camera Change: Umbridge's corner
Umbridge: Now, you might think you have this fight in the palm of your bony hand because you have the headmaster in your bed but you've got another thing coming Minerva McGonagall!
Camera Change: Commentator's table
Danielle: While Umbridge was talking, the bell rang and the round has begun!
Jestana: Minerva easily gains the first hit in this fight, Danielle, casting the ever-popular disarming spell!
Minerva: Expelliarmus! Take that, you toad!
The spell bounces off Umbridge's shield charm, and Umbridge counters with a classic stunning spell.
Umbridge: Stupefy! Dodge that!
Minerva: (dodges it easily and then fires back) Back-stabbing bitch! Expelliarmus!
Umbridge flies across the ring and hits the padded corner post. She's having trouble getting back up due to her enormous weight. Minerva is stalking across the ring, wand raised and fury in her eyes.
Camera Change: Audience
Severus: Go Minerva!
Albus: That a girl, Mineva my dear!
Severus: (to Albus) She doesn't really mean to kill Professor Umbridge does she?
Albus: I can't guarantee that, Severus, she has a lot of rage!
Camera Change: Commentators' table
Danielle: This is some fight!
Jestana: That's for sure!
Danielle: It looks like Umbridge is finally getting back up just as Minerva is coming into range!
Jestana: One thing's for sure, Minerva is anything but patient, and with someone like Umbridge, her fuse is going to be even shorter! What do you think Minerva will do with this toad when she has her in her grasp?
Danielle: We'll find out after a word from our sponsors! Stay tuned to Celebrity Death Match! Ollivander's
Purveyors of Fine wands for hundreds of years! Come to Ollivander's for all of your wand needs. New this month: wand care kits! These kits are specially suited to the different woods of each wand. Come in now, supplies are limited. The wand chooses the wizard, so choose the best wand maker: Ollivander's!
Gladrags Wizardwear
Gladrags Wizardwear, your one-stop store for all your clothing needs. All- purpose cloaks and boots available for all kinds of weather. A wide range of dress robes for any occasion, from a celebration party to a Ministry Ball. We also carry the best in jewelry and accessories, as well as a wide range of everyday robes. We have branches in Paris, London, and Hogsmeade.
Danielle: Now, back to live action! Minerva has taken a pounding since the break, Jestana; let's recap what's been happening!
Jestana: I don't know if I can do this, Danielle! This is horrible!
Danielle: Umbridge has landed a few solid hits and now Minerva is leaning on the ropes!
Camera Change: Audience
Professor Dumbledore is having a hard time sitting still. He and Professor Snape know that Umbridge is fighting dirty but there isn't anything they can do about it, yet. Suddenly, Snape stands and politely excuses himself to go use the men's room.
Camera Change: Corridor
A masked man approaches Snape. Snape swaps a scrap of parchment for the galleons in his hand. He approaches the ring as Minerva is leaning over and whispers something to her. Minerva turns to Umbridge with an evil grin and cracks her knuckles in anticipation.
Camera Change: Commentators' table
Danielle: Minerva is pulling herself off the ropes! This could spell trouble for Umbridge!
Jestana: Ooh, I hope so! Minerva has deserted her wand and has resorted to physical forms of combat! She charges at Umbridge and—I don't believe it! She's turned into her Animagus form! She's a tabby cat!
As Minerva stalks around her, Umbridge smiles smugly and transforms herself into a large toad. Minerva proceeds to chase the fleeing toad about the ring.
Minerva: (unexpectedly turning back into a woman) I warned you about messing with me!
Minerva pulls a cord near the edge of the ring and a giant vat of small green objects pours onto Umbridge, burying her. Minerva dusts off her hands and then commands the mound of cough drops off the stage. She strides up to Umbridge, still a toad, and watches as she lays twitching on the floor of the ring. Minerva sinks to one knee and leans over the toad.
Minerva: Well, at least I didn't use a spoon.
The toad's eyes widen as it continues to twitch. Minerva raises a high- heeled, high buttoned shoe and slams it down, the toad's body making a hideous squishing sound. The audience reacts in disgust but then:
Camera Change: Audience
The members of Gryffindor house are now on their feet and cheering.
Albus: Bravo, Minerva!!
Severus: WHOOOOO! Well, done, professor!
Alastor: I never knew Minerva had it in her!
Poppy: I did! Remind me never to make Minerva angry!
Camera pans over the crowd, getting shots of the Gryffindors screaming, cheering and waving their pennants. Roses shower down onto the ring around Minerva as she makes a graceful curtsy in each direction of the crowd.
Camera Change: Commentators' table
Danielle: It's all over! The reigning champion is once again Minerva McGonagall!!
Jestana: Thanks for joining us once again folks for this round of Celebrity Death Match! Come back again next time for another exciting bout when newcomer Bellatrix LaStrange takes on a mystery opponent!