A/n: I own nothing. A birthday gift for my packmate SalazarMarvolo. My apologies this was meant to be citrified by Sesh and Iruka would not, cooperate I would qualify it as preslash. I tried something new here so Iruka's rambling, the disjointed conversation and weird segues is by design.
Warnings: Drinking, language and intentional OOC.
The night after the third Hokage's funeral, Kakashi walked into Ginko's and was surprised to find Iruka in the small restaurant-bar.
"This isn't your usual haunt," he observed.
"Nah yerz either," the Chunin replied.
"You're drunk," the flat tone hid surprise.
"Ah b'lieve the tik...proper word is wasted."
Kakashi shrugged, "Fair enough."
He sat on the stool next to the Chunin and ordered a dish of sake, a slight breach of his anbu honed paranoia and self-control. A small sign of the hole the old man had left,
"Don't give me tha' look!" Iruka snapped and threw down another glass.
"What?" Kakashi asked. He doubted it was a rabbit hole he wanted to go down but at the same time intrigued, Iruka so rarely raised his voice. Actually everything about his behavior was a red flag tonight.
"The oh lookit poor sensitive Iruka, can' handle ninja life, whadda disgrace," Iruka sneered. Oookay.
"Uh Iruka it isn't like that..."
"You know who elza diskrace? Eh? Jiraiya. Yeah you heard me, Jiraiya the badass legendary ninja was fucking sobbing his eyes out in the forest. So don't give me an' of your ninja code rule 25 bullshit."
Kakashi filed that away, not that it really surprised him, Jiraiya had been the Hokage's protégé. He was more concerned that Jiraiya had been 'caught', he must have been seriously distracted to allow that. He made a note to keep an eye on him, tried to remember that Iruka was falling down drunk and not trying to be an unrepentant ass.
"You just look like you might want company and..." Kakashi gestured shrugging.
Iruka sighed but didn't argue.
"You remember that time Asuma and the guys tried to set the sludge trap for him?" Kakashi asked referencing the fallen Hokage.
Iruka smiled slightly. "I remember them puking sludge for three days straight. He was always vicious when it came to retaliation," he said, his voice catching a little.
Kakashi nodded with a smile
"I also remember him tellin' me specifi'ly to look out for Naruto. He was compassionate above all his skill an' power," Iruka continued.
Kakashi forced a laugh "None of that now I'm not drunk enough."
Iruka looked stricken, "But I...want to...remember the...good times." he said tears threatened to fall and his chin quivered. Kakashi tried not to sigh...this was going downhill and all he'd wanted was to dull the edge a bit.
"Jiraiya knew him better, you'd have better luck with him," Kakashi offered.
"I tried to talk to him. Jiraiya said he'd 'tear my arm off and beat me with it if it's about the Hokage.'
"Well then, maybe not," Kakashi said ordering a second dish because this was going to be a long night and losing the Hokage hurt goddamnit. Those on watch that night were off the next day for that reason.
"Most people think him a fool."
"Most people see what he wants them to...well that and he's a fool but aren't we all?"
"You more than most," Iruka said quietly. Kakashi was taken aback, that didn't sound like drunk raving.
"What do you mean?"
"Come on! The only time I've ever seen you drink before is on that day."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "You've been spying on me"
"I've been worried," he said drunkenly truthful.
"I don't drink that much,"
"You did one night, so I followed you home."
Kakashi suppressed a shudder, that was a disturbing thought he should have been more careful.
"I saw you. You who acts like every moment...this isn't a battlefield," Iruka whispered.
Kakashi shook his head suddenly too choked up to speak.
"Why? According ta' the code yer all great ninjas, far better than me. You act like you don't give a damn, Jiraiya is a legend without peer except for the Hokage, laughing and joking in the face o' death. Yer the types we're all s'pozed to copy, heh get it 'copy'?" he joked bitterly.
"Yet you have to get blind drunk just so you can fall apart and he has to hide in the forest like a damn brigand? Is this not what a damn funeral is for? Why do we all feel bound to hold it together when the time is designated for mourning?"
Kakashi shrugged, "Because our comrades are around and because it's rather difficult to follow rule 25 if you lose yourself every time you step off the battlefield."
"Really? I'd think it'd make it easier."
Kakashi shook his head, "Habit makes it easier, besides," he downed a third dish damn he was really indulging tonight. "The Hokage wouldn't want us shedding tears for him."
Iruka remembered the Hokage hugging him after his breakdown ten years before. Tears began to spill from his eyes.
"Iruka?" Kakashi asked.
"It's...I'm...shit." his shoulders were shaking now that he'd started and he fought to control his breathing.
Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder awkwardly and looked around as though someone would jump up to save him from the situation.
"Uh it's alright," he tried, patting the shoulder when no rescue seemed forthcoming.
Red, wet eyes filled with anger raised to his, "The hell it is. He's dead. Accept it."
"I have. It seems you're the one having difficulty," he realized half a second before instinctively blocking a wild punch that what he'd meant as a simple statement of fact probably sounded aggressive.
"I didn't mean it like that I…" Kakashi defended himself but made no effort to retaliate against his distraught comrade.
"Take it outside," the burly bouncer called though everyone knew that for Kakashi it was more suggestion than order.
With a sigh he locked Iruka's arm behind the Chunin's back and took him out. He let go and Iruka turned and threw another punch. Kakashi caught it and the fight drained from the younger man. Iruka collapsed against him sobbing.
Well shit, for lack of anything better to do and with no sign of that rescue coming, he loosely embraced the ninja.
Iruka straightened, tears still on his face, "It doesn't have to be this way. "
"It would be worse otherwise."
Iruka drew a shuddering breath, "You're a liar."
Kakashi just stared Ninja's did tend to be, but he had no idea what Iruka was referring to in this case.
"Two reason," Iruka continued as though Kakashi had asked the obvious question. "One you're still here, letting me com…" he gave a sharp gasp, "completely lose it and not just tolerating it but actually trying to help. You suck at it by the way."
Kakashi snorted and Iruka gave a tremulous smile, "And the other reason?"
"The weather's amazing tonight."
What? Exactly how drunk was the man?
"Yet your mask is damp."