Carter swore loudly.
"Are you alright General Carter?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she called back to Teal'c, her voice edged with irritation. "I just cut my finger."
She emerged from the bowels of the computer core, brandishing her bleeding finger in front of her. Thor's instructions for reprogramming the computer translating system had been very thorough; but she hadn't expected to have to disembowel half of the ship simply to access the part of the computer that needed reprogramming.
"How's the mowin' goin'?" O'Neill asked, poking his head round the door to check on their progress.
"Just peachy," said Carter as applied a band-aid to the wound. "What the Hell is all this stuff anyway?"
"Hmm?"
She jerked a thumb at the parts of the ship spread across the floor. "All that. As far as I can see it has no purpose..."
"Oh?" said O'Neill his look of careful innocence so utterly believable she knew right there and then there was something suspicious about what she was taking to pieces. Unfortunately that knowledge freighted with it the realisation that he would never *ever* tell her what it was that she was cutting herself on. She regarded him for a moment and he read some of this in the slightly-hacked-off expression creasing her face.
"Is it now my time to play Pong?" Teal'c enquired hopefully.
"Oh. Yeah. Yeah sure. I'll help Carter. Go play," O'Neill said, distracted. Teal'c stood up with annoying ease, no clicking joints for their hundred-and-twenty-something Jaffa, and hurried off.
"He's scarily addicted to that game," said Carter as she eased herself back into the guts of the ship.
"Pong is cool. Even though it is old."
"Yes Jack. Pong is cool," she replied, smiling at the array of crystals she was rearranging. "I notice it's me who's fixing your ship," she said, as a way of starting a conversation. Teal'c had been bringing her up to date with the latest news from Chulak.
"I just fly the thing," Jack said by way of reply.
"You've never had to do any repairs on the fly?" she continued, letting her mouth chatter while her brain and hands worked on the problem.
"Oh yeah," he replied proudly, "I can fix the flight systems no problem. But you're in the central computer core. You have to be intellectual to reprogram rather than just repair."
"Thank you," she said, slightly touched by his compliment.
"Daniel's still working on some translations," he said after a moments silence.
"...Purple crystal three down... no four," she muttered to herself, "Well you know Daniel. He's a perfectionist when it comes to translation. Can you pass me the phase indu--" she corrected herself, "I mean the spiky thing with the flashing purple light."
He passed it to her. She made some adjustments and then emerged, smiling. "All done."
"Then I guess I'd better make contact with our new friends..." O'Neill said, giving her a hand to help her up. "T! I have to use the computer comm-link now. Play Pong later!"
*
The Borashians were amphibious, Carter reminded herself. This setting was obviously completely normal to them.
Shame it was completely abnormal to humans.
The Borashian negotiating chambers were in an enclosed dome on the surface of the planet; rather like a huge greenhouse. Behind her was a screaming, chirruping jungle. Exotic looking wildlife and fowl was strutting, crawling and yammering along the edge of the trees. There was a shelf of sandy beach separating the jungle from a beautifully blue, calm sea. The Borashian delegation was sitting, presumably, about ten feet out in the water.
"We have to join them," O'Neill said.
*Now* she felt stupid. She was wearing dress uniform, wading out into an alien sea, to talk to some aliens that greatly resembled rather large yellow and purple frogs.
The ground beneath her feet dropped away and she was swimming, the heavy material of her uniform a weight dragging against her with each stroke, determinedly towards the Borashians.
There *were* chairs out here, and a table. How they were supported she had no idea and they weren't designed for humans to sit on but she pulled herself gratefully onto the structure. Daniel placed the portable translating device Carter had hurriedly constructed when it became apparent that the Borashians would not be able to conduct negotiations on the Enterprise, on the table.
"We are sorry if this setting is uncomfortable for you," said the largest of the frogs, into the translating device. In actual fact the frog made a curious whistling noise, interspersed with some clicks. The words, slightly flat and emotionless, were projected by the grey box "I am Purple-Shirt-Monkey-Dishwasher."
O'Neill suddenly went poker faced.
"It's the translator," Daniel muttered hurriedly, "It's a literal translation of the sequence of sounds."
O'Neill nodded "I'm Jack O'Neill. This is Sam Carter, Daniel Jackson and Teal'c."
"My associates are UNABLE TO TRANSLATE and Under-Four-Smile-Widely
"We're very grateful for this opportunity to talk face to face," O'Neill said.
"We wish to make clear straight away," said Purple, "That the attacks against ships in our territory have not been authorised by the Central Government of our Empire. Our borders are open to all species since the displacement of the Goa'uld system lords. The attacks have been carried out by a rogue nation within the Borashian confederacy. There is some confusion, but we believe it is the conviction of that nation that the Asguard intend to seize some of our territory. We would like conformation that this is categorically not the case before acting against our people."
O'Neill looked slightly uncomfortable. "I can offer assurances that the territory is not under threat from the Asguard. However, there is a planet within the area of space you are referring to which the Asguard have an... interest in."
"A planet inhabited by Borashians?"
"Not as far as the Asguard are aware. The planet is virtually unhabitable. However, ships obviously regularly pass close to Borashian home-worlds..."
"It is the third planet of the N'adresh solar system?" asked Under-Four and O'Neill nodded in confirmation.
UNABLE leaned forwards. "This planet is also of ...interest to the Borashian nation responsible for these attacks."
Daniel was frowning; Carter knew he was wondering what the 'significant pause interest' actually was. She wished Jack had told them, hating this unprepared feeling.
Thankfully the Borashians solved the problem. "We need some time to confer with our advisors," said Under-Four.
"Can we resume negotiations at this time tomorrow?" asked UNABLE.
"Of course," replied O'Neill.
The Borashians dived from their seats under the water, the occasional glimpse of a yellow and purple limb visible under the flashing waves.
"Well, that was good," O'Neill said, smiling, "Short. The best kind of talk."
Daniel shot Jack a malevolent look, and Carter was quite sure her own face was creased into an equally as murderous frown. "Yes. Good. Or it would have been good if we had any kind of clue what you were talking about!"
O'Neill sighed, sliding off his perch and into the water. He sculled awkwardly on his back for a moment. "I'll tell you back on the ship. I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this...."
*
Jack sat down in his Captain's chair, holding his head in his hands. Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. "Cut the crap and tell us what's going on Jack," he said, rolling his eyes.
O'Neill raised an eyebrow. "When did the legendary Jackson tolerance cease to exist?" O'Neill asked.
"When my kids turned into teenagers. C'mon Jack, we need to know."
"I concur," said Teal'c, standing behind the archeologist. Carter said nothing, but moved to stand on Daniel's left.
"Oh for cryin' out loud," O'Neill muttered, "What is this? A face off? There's an Ancient device on that planet that the Asguard want. This whole sector's littered with the damn things, but it's the only working one."
"It's a weapon?" Carter enquired.
"No," O'Neill replied, "It's a... It's a..." He dropped his head into his hands again. "It's a genetic manipulator. The Asguard want it to try and help with their... little problem. It's way beyond even their technology."
"Why are the Borashians interested in this device?" Teal'c asked.
"We think that the particular nation causing the problem are suffering from a disease that attacks their DNA and they want to use the device as well."
Daniel looked bemused. "Can't they share?"
"That's what we're here to negotiate Daniel," O'Neill said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Why didn't you just tell us this before?" said Carter, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"The Asguard hoped it might be an unrelated matter. And if it was there was no need to tell you..."
"So they wouldn't have to share with us? That seems harsh," said Daniel.
O'Neill waved his hand in a harassed manner. "You know the way the Asguard feel about us. Thor was kind enough to remind me before I left that it's less than a century since human beings wiped out six million other human beings on the basis of genetics in a holocaust. Given Earth's track record with genocide he thought it was best we didn't know. And I for one agree with him."
"What happens if we don't reach an agreement?"
"We go home," said O'Neill.
"Unmolested?"
"Hopefully. I *did* warn you that this was going to be dangerous--"
"Yes, we were warned," Daniel cut him off, his face still furrowed in a frown, "I just want to feel a bit more prepared for... things... when we're negotiating."
"You must admit Jack, it seems stupid not to have told us before," said Carter.
O'Neill had the decency to look embarrassed. "Well, technically you're only required at negotiations in case the translator breaks... so you and Daniel can fix it. And Teal'c is head of security, obviously..."
There was a ringing silence.
"Not that I was following those... guidelines in any way at all," he added hurriedly.
More silence.
"I'll make us some coffee, shall I?" he said.