A/N: Me: Well, I've finally decided to do it.
You all: What? Update? It's about time!
Me: No, not update, but I did do that as well. I upped the rating to R, hope no one has a problem with that. Not sure about the lesbian sex I have in this scene. It might be to graphic for the itty bitty thirteen year old.
Mob of Thirteen year olds: Die, Grace! DIE!
Me: Hides
You all: She's so lame. I wish she would just get on with the disclaimer.
Me: Fine, miss my witty banter.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction.net is not mine. Nor are Snape and Lupin. They are the works of J.K. Rowling, who is not me. See, my name is Grace, and since that doesn't start with a J, I'm obviously not her. Right, story is here:
Chapter 6
Severus Snape took the lid off of his sugar bowl. Following this action, he poured five teaspoons of sugar into his mug of tea, then stirred it together. Cautiously, he took a sip, trying not to burn his tongue on the hot liquid.
He sighed with relief at the sweet taste of his tea, closing his eyes to savor the drink.
A knock interrupted his enjoyment of his daily ritual. He strode to his front door, his dark robes billowing out behind him, and swung it open.
"Good morning, Snape," Remus Lupin said cordially.
"Lupin," Snape replied bitterly, standing aside reluctantly to allow the werewolf entrance to his home.
Remus entered the hallway, glancing around quickly. "So, where is this contraption?" he asked, strolling down the corridor into the living room.
"In there," Severus growled, somewhat put out that Remus already seemed to know where he was going.
Remus went over to the square machinery and tapped gently on the side. "Hmm... doesn't sound hollow. Possibly made of plastic. At least on the outside. What's it called again? A copmuter?" He mumbled most of this to himself, as though he didn't expect Snape to have the answers.
"Computer. It's not hollow and is made of plastic on the outside. It turns on like this." He sighed exasperatedly as he pushed the power button.
"Interesting," Remus said vacantly as the computer powered on. "And how did you figure all of that out."
"I read the instructions," Snape said plainly.
"Of course." A moment of silence fell across the men as they waited for the computer to boot up. "I... ahh... see you have tea," Remus said after a few moments.
Severus took a long sip of his tea, inwardly relishing the taste. "Yes. I'm afraid it's not to your liking though. I have no sugar in my house."
Remus rolled his eyes, not disbelieving the man, but certainly upset that he would not be with tea this morning. He silently cursed the Order for assigning them to this computer thing together. Lupin, believing the screen to have completed it's loading process, crouched in front of the screen and placed his hands on the key board. He then slowly typed the word "prick."
"That won't do anything," Snape snapped, pushing Lupin aside to kneel in front of the monitor himself. "We need to find out what Death Eaters wanted with this silly piece of muggle nonsense. They broke into the Thomas's home to look at this silly thing and they must have done that for a good reason."
Lupin signed angrily. "I know that! If you think you can do this better then me, why don't you bloody give it a try!"
Severus calmly reached over double clicked on the icon that allowed the computer to connect online. "We'll visit recent sites," he muttered. "Sources of information, much like books," he clarified in a mock understanding voice. It only took him a few seconds to locate the last site visited.
"W w w dot fanfiction dot net?" Remus asked as he looked at the site.
"One would pronounce it 'Triple W period fanfiction period net,' obviously," Snape said snootily.
"Well let's go the section about books, shall we?" Lupin suggested, seemingly to change the subject.
"As if I would visit any of the other rubbish." Snape clicked on books. "Oh, for Heaven's sake!" he nearly shouted when he saw the link entitled "Harry Potter." "He's gone and made himself a website. The insufferable moron!"
"A moron?" Remus asked, sounding surprised. "Did you just say moron?"
"Indeed. I was testing my American-ims."
"Well, they sound like rubbish. And watch who you're calling a 'moron.' That happens to be my best friend's son," Remus snapped.
"I'm terribly sorry," Snape responded, not sounding sorry at all. "Let us see what Mr. Potter decided to reveal during this cry for attention. Ah, yes. This is very much like him. 'Harry Potter's uneventful summer may lead to romance after a visit to Number 12 Grimmauld Place.' The prat!"
Lupin decided not to complain about his best friend's son being called a prat as he was not quite sure how stupid Harry was being at the moment. "Did he really just give up the location of the Order?"
"It would seem so. We'll have to read more into this to see the other details he decided to reveal while writing fiction about himself." Severus clicked the link to the story. After a few minutes of skimming through the story, Severus started to laugh. "This isn't Potter."
"What?" Remus said suddenly. He had been somewhat enjoying the story as he always thought Harry and Ron would make a somewhat nice couple. "How can you be sure?"
"Well, I have been the boys teacher for the past five years, I can, in fact, recognize his writing skills. He would never use the phrase 'swelled' when he could have easily used engorged."
"Ah, I see," Remus said in a disappointed voice.
"Also, I am sure he would not use the name 'TearyEyedDreamGrl' to write under. It's much to feminine for him," Snape added, pointing to the place on the screen next to the label "author." He emphasized this remark with another sip of his tea, which was beginning to cool.
"But the question is," Remus said, "who would break into the Thomas's house, using dark magic, just to access a story like this?"
"Draco Malfoy?" Snape suggested without hesitation.
Remus shot him a look. "Even he's not that pathetic. You sure you don't have any sugar? I really am quite thirsty."
"No," Snape said, finishing his tea to hide his smile. "I could get you some tea without sugar, however."
Remus sighed. "Alright then."
"Let me get it for you then," Snape sneered.
"Thanks," Remus called as Snape stomped out of the room. As soon as he was gone, a sneaky smile came to Remus. He crouched over the computer and switched the back to the page where one could chose the settings. He went to Snape's name, and then quickly thought of a likely counterpart. He went to Hermione's name and clicked go.
He scrolled down until he found a promising fiction entitled "Love and Snape." He skimmed the story looking for the "naughty bits" that were promised. Finally, he found a scene where Hermione had finally gotten Snape alone. She was busy straddling him, when the Real Snape (as in, the one who was not being written about) came back into the room with Remus's non-sweetened tea.
"What are you reading now?" he asked, moving forward to read over his shoulder. "Oh! Bloody hell, Lupin! Get that off the screen!"
Remus snickered. "It's amusing."
"It's disgusting. I don't know how you can stand it. She's a student, much younger then you. It's disturbing that you even think about such things."
"I'm sure I could find something with her in it that you would enjoy," Remus said, a twinkle in his eye.
"I highly doubt it."
A few minutes later, both men were glued to the computer screen, reading an extremely smutty story.
Hermione arched her back as she climaxed, her hands clutching the carpet on the common room floor. "Oh God!" she shouted.
Ginny looked up at her from between Hermione's legs. "Don't tell me you've had enough?" she said, a sly smile on her rosy face.
"Never," Hermione breathed, her chest heaving as she attempted to catch her breath.
"Good," Ginny said, leaning up to kiss her, one body covering the other perfectly. "Because I don't think I could stop if I tried."
Their lips met and Hermione could taste the sweet taste on her lover's lips. She sighed as one of Ginny's hands slipped-
"Oh, God," Remus said, clutching his mug of non-sweetened tea.
"I know," Severus replied. "The writing is horrible, 'Taste the sweet taste?' For goodness sake."
"Perhaps the author was trying to hang on the R rating. I've read a couple of complaints about the prohibition of NC17 fiction on this site," Remus suggested.
"Quite," Snape responded. "Alright, Lupin. I believed you've tried your best and all you've managed to do is give me horrible and inappropriate ideas about this girl," Severus said, referring to the aforementioned bet.
"I know," agreed Remus. "I don't think I'll ever be able to look at either one of them ever again," Remus said, yet his eyes didn't leave the screen.
"Try being their teacher," Snape said absently. "And put that mug down, you'll smash it into pieces."
Lupin placed his mug on the desk and then hit the back button. "We have to find something else. I can't read this anymore."
"What would you prefer? Something with two leading men, perhaps?" Snape said, smiling as he sipped his new, and just as sweet, cup of tea.
Remus smiled sarcastically. "I know you'd like to read one about Draco Malfoy and yourself." He began to set the character settings to this pairing, as he spoke.
"Don't make me gag, Lupin," Severus said, placing his mug down next to Remus's in order to gain control of the mouse once again. "Let's find a mutual interest, shall we? Possibly something about the defeat of the Dark Lord. I know these muggles are extremely silly, but perhaps one of them has a useful idea."
"If we must," Remus agreed, reaching for a mug of tea.
"Yes, this will do," Severus found as he read the second to last chapter of a novel length fiction. "Wait, what exactly will they use that for?"
And just as he said this, Remus took a gulp of the tea in the mug he had grabbed, expecting it to be the bitter taste of the tea he had been given. However, it was surprisingly, almost shockingly, sweet. And, in his astonishment, he spit it all over the computer.
It took merely a few seconds for the computer to short circuit and shut down.
"You idiot!" Snape shouted after a few moments of shock. "You bloody bastard!"
"I'm sorry! I just... I thought you didn't have any sugar."
Severus rolled his eyes. "I only told you that because you were rude enough to actually ask me for something to drink. You had to spit it out, didn't you?" He attempted to look at the information packet on the computer, but all it told him to do was take it to a shop.
"Well... I was... I mean... How much sugar did you put in there, anyways? "
Snape looked embarrassed for almost a full second. "Get out of my house, you twit. You can be the one to tell Dumbledore that we didn't find a helpful solution because you have not learned how to drink a cup of tea properly."
"Fine," said Remus, marching out of the house and slamming the door.
And Severus was left in his peace and quiet, once again, which was, after all, the way he preferred things.
A/N: Wow, that was a long one. Did you enjoy it? Wait, don't answer that aloud, you have to review and tell me. Silly reader.
Anyway, next chapter, I've decided to have the Dream Team (plus Ginny, Fred, and George) write their own fanfiction. Anyone have any ideas about that?