DISCLAIMER: This is a Harry Potter/ Moulin Rouge/ Pirates of the Caribbean crossover. It is completely insane and is NOT supposed to make sense. Please read a review this madness and I hope you enjoy.

"Who's here for the Spectacular Spectacular rehearsal?" Satine asked, softly, lying on her bed in the elephant.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Sirius Black, Rubeus Hagrid, and Mad-eye Moody. She acknowledged all of them and repeated her question.

"Is there no one else?" Satine asked.

She looked over by the door, where Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Commodore Norrington and Joshamee Gibbs standing. Also, she saw Toulouse-Lautrec, Christian, the unconscious Argentinean, Zidler and Satie.

"Ok. What are we doing here?" Ron asked, chomping on a chocolate frog.

"We are here for a Spectacular Spectacular rehearsal. The play is happening at the Moulin Rouge." Christian explained.

"Mum is going to kill me. Isn't that a nightclub?" Ron asked.

"Yer right, mate. I've been 'ere many times. It's nice." Jack commented.

"Ok. We're going to start! Harry, Jack, Christian, pick a partner to sing with. A partner from your 'group'." Toulouse commanded.

"I pick...Sirius." Harry said slowly.

"I don't know! All my 'groupies' are EUNUCHS!" Jack said angrily, and then added, "Except for Elizabeth who is a woman."

"I pick Satine." Christian replied without delay.

"Ok. Get together with the other partners. Jack, get a partner. Then, Satie will start to play the piano. Ready? START!"

A scale was played on the piano and then Satine started to play 'Come What May'.

"Come what may. I will love you until my dying day!" Satine sang.

The background music of Spectacular Spectacular played next.

"Spectacular, Spectacular!" Zidler yelled.

"People think...I'm a mass murderer!" Sirius yelled.

"Can't describe this great event!" Zidler continued.

"Imperio, Crucio, Avada Kadavra! I'll be dead sooner than this is over!" Harry sang tonelessly.

"Returns are fixed at 10 percent." Zidler sang.

"You must agree.... GET OFF MY PANTS!" Jack yelled, smacking Hermione's hand.

"And on top...of your fee..."

"You'll be involved artistically." All of them sang.

Hermione gasped as Jack glared at her.

"I'm sorry! I just thought you might want to join S.P.E.W." Hermione asked, interested deeply by the pirate.

"Bloody 'ell." Ron muttered to Harry, who was standing next to Will.

"Spew? What in the world is SPEW?" Jack asked.

"No, No, No! It's S.P.E.W!" Hermione replied, giggling.

"Oh I see. How much money do you want?" Jack asked, pulling out a satchel of gold coins.

"Leprechaun gold." Ron growled. "He's trying to donate LEPRECHAUN gold."

Jack looked at Hermione and handed her the whole satchel. She grinned gratefully. Harry noticed it wasn't leprechaun gold, but muggle money. Ron started muttering nonsense angrily. Sirius looked at Harry and they both laughed. Christian looked up from Satine's bedside. Toulouse smiled and signaled for Ron, Hermione, Satine, Christian, Elizabeth and Will.

"Ok. We are going to sing the elephant love medley. First off, Ron and Hermione." Toulouse explained.

"Why must I go with Hermione? Why does EVERYONE think I like Hermione?!" Ron interrogated the group.

"Just do it, Ron." Hagrid said.

"Fine." Ron mumbled.

He looked down at the script.

"I have to snap my fingers while pronouncing my love for Hermione? How dumb can you get?" Ron grumbled.

"Ok. Start it Satie." Toulouse instructed.

If you like this story, you'll hear elephant love medley between Ron and Hermione. If you don't...I'm not sure! R&R!