Disclaimer: I still do not own ER.
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"What about it." Lucy seemed offended. Her patient eyes now looked scared and tearful.
"Well Dr. Weaver thinks that maybe since your epilepsy is not entirely controlled that..." John couldn't bear to watch her as he spoke. "That maybe you should stay away from trauma until we're sure it won't..."
Lucy felt like her heart had been ripped in two and then torn apart into little pieces. Working in the ER had always been her dream and she hated the feeling that it might no longer be possible. John saw the pain in her eyes; he knew the horrible feeling of not being trusted with responsibilities. It sucked.
"Why not?" Lucy yelled at the man in front of her.
"Why not what?"
"Why is it always... such a minor problem that holds me back?"
"I don't know and I'm sorry. But I know the feeling." John tried to stay calm and hopefully calm his student down.
"You don't know the feeling! That feeling you get when all the kids know you're different! When a guy doesn't look at you the same because he knows your secret! That fucking feeling that nothing will ever be okay, that nothing will ever change because it's my fault! You don't know anything about living with the guilt, knowing that it's your fault they died."
John stared at her. How dare she talk to him about guilt! Oh he knew guilt. "I know that feeling! My friends have taken things away from me because I have problems! I can't be the same person because no one will look me in the eye! And don't talk to me about guilt. I know guilt."
Tears rested on the brim of their eyelids, waiting to trickle over the edge. "I've heard about you. It's your own fault they don't look you in the eye. You didn't have to leave her alone, but you did." A tear fell down John's cheek. He knew he shouldn't have left her alone.
"So it is my fault! What can I do now? It's not like I killed her myself!"
"NO! You just set her up and left her there!"
Outside everyone heard the screaming but they couldn't quite make out what they said. "How long has this been going on?" asked Abby who was just coming over to the admit desk. Everyone shrugged their shoulders as they went about their own business, while the teacher and his student continued to yell.
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"I can't believe you're saying that!" Lucy screamed. "Screw you!"
"Ouch!" John said sarcastically. Lucy found a clipboard on the bed, and chucked it at the doctor.
"Ow." Carter stumbled as the clipboard hit him in between the eyes. The metal part split his skin from his left eyebrow to the corner of his mouth. John felt the blood drip down the side of his face. Angry with himself and the young woman he grabbed the first thing he saw, a pillow, he threw it at her, only realizing after his weapon had left his hand.
The pillow caught her off guard but caused no damage whatsoever. Lucy laughed. "You're pathetic!" She grabbed the pillow and whacked her opponent over the head a few times before she felt a stethoscope whipped across her face. "Ah!" She spit as she looked at her blood covered hand.
"Bring it on." Carter said as he watched her lunge at him. The two fell against the bed then flopped to the ground with a big thump as Carter cried out in pain when his back struck the hard metal of the bed. His back had been easing up on him lately, but as the floor pounded against his body, he knew it was too good too last
"Does that hurt? Be a man and take it like one." Lucy smirked as she dug her nails into his flesh. John threw the young girl off of him. Lucy rolled until she hit the door she jumped to her feet and stared down waiting for the man in the white lab coat to stand.
John rolled onto his stomach revealing to Lucy the bloody back of his coat. As he struggled to get up Lucy began to feel responsible. "Are you okay?" she asked as nicely as she could at the moment.
"Fuck you." John replied.
"Gees I was trying to be nice."
"Bull shit. You have no reason to be nice to me."
"You're right." Lucy said. "Why should I be nice to you? You're just some lame ass doctor with problems no shrink could ever figure out." John wasn't sure why but she was really making him angry.
As he stared her straight in the eyes, they both wondered who'd be the first to attack this time. "You know." John said. "Working in the ER is probably going to be a little too tough for you," John could see both rage and tears wavering in her eyes. He didn't know why but he was feeding off that look. "Why don't you just go back home, find yourself a man and settle down, I'm sure..." He was cut off by Lucy's fist in his left cheek.
As he slipped down the wall, he grabbed Lucy's shoulder and brought her into collision with himself. Once they were both uncomfortably seated on the tiled floor, John asked as if nothing had happened. "So are we done here or is there more to talk about?"
"Do I really have to stay away trauma?" Lucy was begging. "Please Dr. Carter you have to try, you have to do something. Please don't make me experience what you did. Please."
"I'm sorry. It's not my decision." John felt terrible.
"Please! You're important and they like you, they trust you. Come on, I know they'll listen to you." John lowered his head; he never really thought about everyone liking and trusting him.
"I can't." he whispered. "If I get into this I can risk losing my job."
Tears were streaming down Lucy's face. "Please. This is all I ever wanted." John's felt worse every time she talked. He looked at her apologetically. "No. No!" She cried as she ran out of the room. The back of her shoe dug into his leg and he twitched in pain.
As Lucy rant through the door, John leapt to his feet. "Wait..." He yelled as he fell to the cold floor.
.
.
"What about it." Lucy seemed offended. Her patient eyes now looked scared and tearful.
"Well Dr. Weaver thinks that maybe since your epilepsy is not entirely controlled that..." John couldn't bear to watch her as he spoke. "That maybe you should stay away from trauma until we're sure it won't..."
Lucy felt like her heart had been ripped in two and then torn apart into little pieces. Working in the ER had always been her dream and she hated the feeling that it might no longer be possible. John saw the pain in her eyes; he knew the horrible feeling of not being trusted with responsibilities. It sucked.
"Why not?" Lucy yelled at the man in front of her.
"Why not what?"
"Why is it always... such a minor problem that holds me back?"
"I don't know and I'm sorry. But I know the feeling." John tried to stay calm and hopefully calm his student down.
"You don't know the feeling! That feeling you get when all the kids know you're different! When a guy doesn't look at you the same because he knows your secret! That fucking feeling that nothing will ever be okay, that nothing will ever change because it's my fault! You don't know anything about living with the guilt, knowing that it's your fault they died."
John stared at her. How dare she talk to him about guilt! Oh he knew guilt. "I know that feeling! My friends have taken things away from me because I have problems! I can't be the same person because no one will look me in the eye! And don't talk to me about guilt. I know guilt."
Tears rested on the brim of their eyelids, waiting to trickle over the edge. "I've heard about you. It's your own fault they don't look you in the eye. You didn't have to leave her alone, but you did." A tear fell down John's cheek. He knew he shouldn't have left her alone.
"So it is my fault! What can I do now? It's not like I killed her myself!"
"NO! You just set her up and left her there!"
Outside everyone heard the screaming but they couldn't quite make out what they said. "How long has this been going on?" asked Abby who was just coming over to the admit desk. Everyone shrugged their shoulders as they went about their own business, while the teacher and his student continued to yell.
.
"I can't believe you're saying that!" Lucy screamed. "Screw you!"
"Ouch!" John said sarcastically. Lucy found a clipboard on the bed, and chucked it at the doctor.
"Ow." Carter stumbled as the clipboard hit him in between the eyes. The metal part split his skin from his left eyebrow to the corner of his mouth. John felt the blood drip down the side of his face. Angry with himself and the young woman he grabbed the first thing he saw, a pillow, he threw it at her, only realizing after his weapon had left his hand.
The pillow caught her off guard but caused no damage whatsoever. Lucy laughed. "You're pathetic!" She grabbed the pillow and whacked her opponent over the head a few times before she felt a stethoscope whipped across her face. "Ah!" She spit as she looked at her blood covered hand.
"Bring it on." Carter said as he watched her lunge at him. The two fell against the bed then flopped to the ground with a big thump as Carter cried out in pain when his back struck the hard metal of the bed. His back had been easing up on him lately, but as the floor pounded against his body, he knew it was too good too last
"Does that hurt? Be a man and take it like one." Lucy smirked as she dug her nails into his flesh. John threw the young girl off of him. Lucy rolled until she hit the door she jumped to her feet and stared down waiting for the man in the white lab coat to stand.
John rolled onto his stomach revealing to Lucy the bloody back of his coat. As he struggled to get up Lucy began to feel responsible. "Are you okay?" she asked as nicely as she could at the moment.
"Fuck you." John replied.
"Gees I was trying to be nice."
"Bull shit. You have no reason to be nice to me."
"You're right." Lucy said. "Why should I be nice to you? You're just some lame ass doctor with problems no shrink could ever figure out." John wasn't sure why but she was really making him angry.
As he stared her straight in the eyes, they both wondered who'd be the first to attack this time. "You know." John said. "Working in the ER is probably going to be a little too tough for you," John could see both rage and tears wavering in her eyes. He didn't know why but he was feeding off that look. "Why don't you just go back home, find yourself a man and settle down, I'm sure..." He was cut off by Lucy's fist in his left cheek.
As he slipped down the wall, he grabbed Lucy's shoulder and brought her into collision with himself. Once they were both uncomfortably seated on the tiled floor, John asked as if nothing had happened. "So are we done here or is there more to talk about?"
"Do I really have to stay away trauma?" Lucy was begging. "Please Dr. Carter you have to try, you have to do something. Please don't make me experience what you did. Please."
"I'm sorry. It's not my decision." John felt terrible.
"Please! You're important and they like you, they trust you. Come on, I know they'll listen to you." John lowered his head; he never really thought about everyone liking and trusting him.
"I can't." he whispered. "If I get into this I can risk losing my job."
Tears were streaming down Lucy's face. "Please. This is all I ever wanted." John's felt worse every time she talked. He looked at her apologetically. "No. No!" She cried as she ran out of the room. The back of her shoe dug into his leg and he twitched in pain.
As Lucy rant through the door, John leapt to his feet. "Wait..." He yelled as he fell to the cold floor.