title: memory - chapter four
author: duck
rating: pg-13
author note: ayup. liv's pissed. i'd stay out of her way.
disclaimer: are you guys sure you want such an emotional mess back? i mean, i'm just playing with her for now, but are you 100% positive? cause i'll keep her for ya. i *am* her love slave after all.
-----
When the door burst open Elliot nearly fell out of his chair. He'd been on the edge expecting it, but Olivia's violent explosiveness hadn't quite been what he was anticipating. From the thunderous expression on her face, she was going to revel in playing bad cop today. Farley was a piece of slime that deserved jail time for the rest of his life, but Elliot could almost find it within himself to feel pity.
Farley had been almost congenial when discussing how best to run things from the business side. Elliot had naturally slipped in a bit of a misogynist twist and Farley had responded almost eagerly. His father seemed to have trained him well in all aspects of life, Elliot had reflected at the time.
Now, staring down the fiery Olivia, Farley actually quaked a little bit. In fact, if Elliot didn't already know her so completely, he'd probably be scared shitless of her too. And he wasn't even the target of her anger. There was even a part of him that worried she wasn't acting. Her brown eyes, usually so full of compassion and strength, were overflowing with hostility.
"You can quit buddying up to my partner," she announced, her voice oozing with indignant anger as she hoisted a file folder into the air. "We're going to have to add attempted murder to your charges. Did you honestly think we were going to miss the fact that your girlfriend was hit by a car yesterday? Conveniently just before you showed up at your house."
Elliot decided to feign ignorance of the situation. "What the hell are you talking about, Benson?" Her eyes flicked to him at his use of her last name, but she didn't skip a beat.
"Your friend here thought maybe he could get out of the rape charges by killing his girlfriend. C'mon Stabler, you didn't get sucked into that friendly bit of his, did you?" She snorted derisively. "Why the hell am I still stuck with a dim-witted, low-level detective like you is beyond me. I must've pissed the wrong people off somewhere along the line--"
"That's *enough*, Benson," Elliot snapped. He had to resist the smile that threatened to break out at the glare she gave him. Played to the hilt, Olivia, he silently applauded.
"Fine," she snapped back. "You get him to talk about it, since you two seem so close and all. I'll be doing something worthwhile with my time."
She spun on her heel and stalked out the door, slamming it so hard behind her the mirror shuddered. Elliot stared at the door for a moment, then sighed dramatically as he turned back to Farley. "You see what I deal with every day?"
Farley nodded somewhat knowingly, though his eyes were still wide. "She's a real bitch, isn't she?"
Elliot rolled his eyes and said, "Grade A. I don't suppose you want to save me some trouble and give me an alibi for yesterday?" He said it as hopefully as he could, though he almost choked on the words.
Farley leaned low across the table, a conspiratorial look in his eyes. "Only since you've been so nice and I know what it's like to have to deal with whores like that," he said, gesturing at the wall behind Elliot. Elliot clenched his hands in fists together under the table to avoid punching the smug son of a bitch in the face.
"Lida is one of the girls I've been seeing on the side. I was with Marna, my soon-to-be fiancee. I had to explain what was going on."
"Mmm," Elliot mumbled, jotting it down on the notepad in front of him. "Were you with her all afternoon?"
"Maybe? I don't know."
Elliot eyed him suspiciously. "How do you not know?" he probed.
"I just don't," Farley shrugged. "And I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer."
"Okay." Elliot managed to nod agreeably, even though he wanted to wring the little shit's neck. "I'll go see about getting him down here. You know it'll look better on you if you just talk without your lawyer for now. Asking for him makes you look guilty."
Farley gave another small shrug and a smirk. "Appearances and actualities are two different entities, Detective."
Elliot rose and pressed his lips together in the closest thing to a smile he could muster. Farley's smirk turned into an impudent grin and he gave him a mock salute as he headed for the door. Elliot's Marine training screamed for him to turn around and knock his teeth into the back of his throat, but self-control won out as he managed to leave the room without looking back once.
He shut the door lightly behind him and turned to face Olivia, only to find himself staring down three detectives instead.
"John, Fin," he said sociably before addressing just his partner. "Damn, Liv, I could almost see your horns sprouting in there."
She gave him a predatory grin. "Can I go back in or do you think he's lawyered up completely?"
Elliot shook his head. "We try to get anything else out of him and I think he'll scream police brutality."
"Not to mention abuse of his Constitutional rights," Munch interjected dryly. "We 'incompetents' will stay here with him if you two want to check anything out again. Like his car." One eyebrow arched suggestively in their direction and Elliot could practically feel Olivia bristling next to him. Slipping a restraining hand to her elbow, he quickly spoke for both of them.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea to me," he said, shoving gently against her arm to get her to look at him instead of Munch. "You want to head down to impound?"
It took her a moment to answer and he could see the anger licking like flames in her eyes. "Sure," she finally said. "We can hurry along whatever examinations we need to nail him while we're there."
Without another word she broke his grip and stalked away, leaving a palpable trail of irritation in her wake. Elliot watched her go for a moment, then turned back to face the other pair with a genuinely apologetic look on his face. "Sorry about her. I think this first case back is hitting her a little too hard."
"Don't worry about it," Fin said, offering an understanding clap on the shoulder. "We all get that way sometimes." He didn't say it, but Elliot could hear the inevitable "especially with all that's happened to you both" hanging in the air. He resisted heaving a sigh, and instead followed in his partner's path out the door.
Before the door shut behind him he heard Munch's voice drift out. "And I thought she wasn't mad at us any more. Keep me off that rollercoaster of emotion, will you?"
-----
Elliot watched Olivia carefully as he turned the ignition in the sedan. She was staring at the dashboard with a stony gaze that he found himself fervently hoping wouldn't be turned on him any time soon. Still, she was his partner and it was his responsibility to figure out what was wrong. Not like he needed her to tell him; he knew her better than that.
She'd never really had a reaction to their...mutual rape is what he supposed he should call it. He'd fought with his demons, was still fighting them in fact. But she'd been cool and collected, only displaying emotion to get him to confront his. Or at the little things. She'd explode at the slightest provocation, and it wasn't always the same thing. Munch's comment led him to believe they'd talked while he was interrogating their perp. Perhaps worked a few things out. But then he'd raised his eyebrow suggestively and it had been all Elliot could do to keep her from going ballistic. Even if she'd only thought he was intruding too much on their investigation, she was overreacting.
"So you want to talk about it?" She turned her sharp gaze to his face and all the tension drained out of her eyes.
"Talk about what?" she asked neutrally.
He internally scoffed at her denial. "About why you're so damn upset about the slightest thing lately."
"It's nothing."
"Nothing?" He shook his head at her. "Olivia I've got to be honest with you. If this is your way of dealing with the rape then I don't think you should be back at work yet."
"It's not..." she started, trailing off as if she had more she wanted to say. She took a deep breath. "What if it is, Elliot?" She didn't sound defiant. Scared actually would have been more appropriate. "I talked things out with John and Fin, and then the instant I walked into the interrogation room, I felt my control slipping. I had to tap into my rage for a moment and it just overwhelmed me." Her gaze slid back to the dashboard as she hunched over, her posture screaming defeat.
"Hey, it's okay," he said comfortingly. He reached out his hand and rubbed her shoulder. "I'm here to help you deal with this, Liv. I'm your partner."
"And so much more," she mumbled. The darkness of his replying chuckled surprised him. She glanced back up at him and he wasn't surprised to see unshed tears brightening her eyes. "What the hell are we, anyway?"
Lovers without the sex. Best friends with too much emotion. Married without the vows. Partners with more than affection. Rapist and victim. No, victims of the same rape. God but this was confusing. "I don't know," he told her.
"Elliot, this might sound strange," she said, giving him a look that clearly said he should hear her out. "Have you been having trouble sleeping?"
He shrugged. That wasn't so strange. "Of course I have."
"Did you fall asleep last night?"
"Only when I was on the couch," he said, squinting as he thought about it. "With you," he added. Her mouth twisted into a wry half-grin.
"If I asked you to sleep with me would you take it the wrong way?"
He laughed for a moment before realizing she was serious. "You're right, this does sounds strange."
"I'm not propositioning you or anything," she grimaced, although they had both certainly tried in the past.
"It's really too bad we never try to get each other into bed at the same time," he said, sniggering slightly. "We always seem to be about a week away from each other in the desperate need to sleep with each other."
"Elliot," she said disapprovingly. "Try to take this seriously."
"How seriously am I supposed to take you wanting to sleep with me?"
"I haven't slept in a week, Elliot. The last time I had a good night's sleep was when I was with you."
He sighed. Now that he thought about it, the last time he'd had anything remotely resembling a good night's sleep was when they'd had it out and fallen asleep on the floor. Together. And then when he'd woken up he'd taken her into her room and she'd asked him to stay. Really when you got down to it, just trying it once couldn't hurt anyone.
"I guess we could try it tonight," he finally said. "Can't hurt, right?"
"Great, thanks Elliot," she said, glancing down at the steering wheel. "Are we going to leave any time soon, or shall we just sit here wasting gas."
He nodded, turning back to the duties of driving. He'd shifted the car into drive and had it rolling smoothly along the street for a good ten seconds before what they'd just decided fully hit him.
"Liv?"
"Hmm?"
"Did we just make the conscious decision to sleep together?"
"I think so, yes."
"And I thought our relationship couldn't get any more screwed up."
[tbc]
author: duck
rating: pg-13
author note: ayup. liv's pissed. i'd stay out of her way.
disclaimer: are you guys sure you want such an emotional mess back? i mean, i'm just playing with her for now, but are you 100% positive? cause i'll keep her for ya. i *am* her love slave after all.
-----
When the door burst open Elliot nearly fell out of his chair. He'd been on the edge expecting it, but Olivia's violent explosiveness hadn't quite been what he was anticipating. From the thunderous expression on her face, she was going to revel in playing bad cop today. Farley was a piece of slime that deserved jail time for the rest of his life, but Elliot could almost find it within himself to feel pity.
Farley had been almost congenial when discussing how best to run things from the business side. Elliot had naturally slipped in a bit of a misogynist twist and Farley had responded almost eagerly. His father seemed to have trained him well in all aspects of life, Elliot had reflected at the time.
Now, staring down the fiery Olivia, Farley actually quaked a little bit. In fact, if Elliot didn't already know her so completely, he'd probably be scared shitless of her too. And he wasn't even the target of her anger. There was even a part of him that worried she wasn't acting. Her brown eyes, usually so full of compassion and strength, were overflowing with hostility.
"You can quit buddying up to my partner," she announced, her voice oozing with indignant anger as she hoisted a file folder into the air. "We're going to have to add attempted murder to your charges. Did you honestly think we were going to miss the fact that your girlfriend was hit by a car yesterday? Conveniently just before you showed up at your house."
Elliot decided to feign ignorance of the situation. "What the hell are you talking about, Benson?" Her eyes flicked to him at his use of her last name, but she didn't skip a beat.
"Your friend here thought maybe he could get out of the rape charges by killing his girlfriend. C'mon Stabler, you didn't get sucked into that friendly bit of his, did you?" She snorted derisively. "Why the hell am I still stuck with a dim-witted, low-level detective like you is beyond me. I must've pissed the wrong people off somewhere along the line--"
"That's *enough*, Benson," Elliot snapped. He had to resist the smile that threatened to break out at the glare she gave him. Played to the hilt, Olivia, he silently applauded.
"Fine," she snapped back. "You get him to talk about it, since you two seem so close and all. I'll be doing something worthwhile with my time."
She spun on her heel and stalked out the door, slamming it so hard behind her the mirror shuddered. Elliot stared at the door for a moment, then sighed dramatically as he turned back to Farley. "You see what I deal with every day?"
Farley nodded somewhat knowingly, though his eyes were still wide. "She's a real bitch, isn't she?"
Elliot rolled his eyes and said, "Grade A. I don't suppose you want to save me some trouble and give me an alibi for yesterday?" He said it as hopefully as he could, though he almost choked on the words.
Farley leaned low across the table, a conspiratorial look in his eyes. "Only since you've been so nice and I know what it's like to have to deal with whores like that," he said, gesturing at the wall behind Elliot. Elliot clenched his hands in fists together under the table to avoid punching the smug son of a bitch in the face.
"Lida is one of the girls I've been seeing on the side. I was with Marna, my soon-to-be fiancee. I had to explain what was going on."
"Mmm," Elliot mumbled, jotting it down on the notepad in front of him. "Were you with her all afternoon?"
"Maybe? I don't know."
Elliot eyed him suspiciously. "How do you not know?" he probed.
"I just don't," Farley shrugged. "And I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer."
"Okay." Elliot managed to nod agreeably, even though he wanted to wring the little shit's neck. "I'll go see about getting him down here. You know it'll look better on you if you just talk without your lawyer for now. Asking for him makes you look guilty."
Farley gave another small shrug and a smirk. "Appearances and actualities are two different entities, Detective."
Elliot rose and pressed his lips together in the closest thing to a smile he could muster. Farley's smirk turned into an impudent grin and he gave him a mock salute as he headed for the door. Elliot's Marine training screamed for him to turn around and knock his teeth into the back of his throat, but self-control won out as he managed to leave the room without looking back once.
He shut the door lightly behind him and turned to face Olivia, only to find himself staring down three detectives instead.
"John, Fin," he said sociably before addressing just his partner. "Damn, Liv, I could almost see your horns sprouting in there."
She gave him a predatory grin. "Can I go back in or do you think he's lawyered up completely?"
Elliot shook his head. "We try to get anything else out of him and I think he'll scream police brutality."
"Not to mention abuse of his Constitutional rights," Munch interjected dryly. "We 'incompetents' will stay here with him if you two want to check anything out again. Like his car." One eyebrow arched suggestively in their direction and Elliot could practically feel Olivia bristling next to him. Slipping a restraining hand to her elbow, he quickly spoke for both of them.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea to me," he said, shoving gently against her arm to get her to look at him instead of Munch. "You want to head down to impound?"
It took her a moment to answer and he could see the anger licking like flames in her eyes. "Sure," she finally said. "We can hurry along whatever examinations we need to nail him while we're there."
Without another word she broke his grip and stalked away, leaving a palpable trail of irritation in her wake. Elliot watched her go for a moment, then turned back to face the other pair with a genuinely apologetic look on his face. "Sorry about her. I think this first case back is hitting her a little too hard."
"Don't worry about it," Fin said, offering an understanding clap on the shoulder. "We all get that way sometimes." He didn't say it, but Elliot could hear the inevitable "especially with all that's happened to you both" hanging in the air. He resisted heaving a sigh, and instead followed in his partner's path out the door.
Before the door shut behind him he heard Munch's voice drift out. "And I thought she wasn't mad at us any more. Keep me off that rollercoaster of emotion, will you?"
-----
Elliot watched Olivia carefully as he turned the ignition in the sedan. She was staring at the dashboard with a stony gaze that he found himself fervently hoping wouldn't be turned on him any time soon. Still, she was his partner and it was his responsibility to figure out what was wrong. Not like he needed her to tell him; he knew her better than that.
She'd never really had a reaction to their...mutual rape is what he supposed he should call it. He'd fought with his demons, was still fighting them in fact. But she'd been cool and collected, only displaying emotion to get him to confront his. Or at the little things. She'd explode at the slightest provocation, and it wasn't always the same thing. Munch's comment led him to believe they'd talked while he was interrogating their perp. Perhaps worked a few things out. But then he'd raised his eyebrow suggestively and it had been all Elliot could do to keep her from going ballistic. Even if she'd only thought he was intruding too much on their investigation, she was overreacting.
"So you want to talk about it?" She turned her sharp gaze to his face and all the tension drained out of her eyes.
"Talk about what?" she asked neutrally.
He internally scoffed at her denial. "About why you're so damn upset about the slightest thing lately."
"It's nothing."
"Nothing?" He shook his head at her. "Olivia I've got to be honest with you. If this is your way of dealing with the rape then I don't think you should be back at work yet."
"It's not..." she started, trailing off as if she had more she wanted to say. She took a deep breath. "What if it is, Elliot?" She didn't sound defiant. Scared actually would have been more appropriate. "I talked things out with John and Fin, and then the instant I walked into the interrogation room, I felt my control slipping. I had to tap into my rage for a moment and it just overwhelmed me." Her gaze slid back to the dashboard as she hunched over, her posture screaming defeat.
"Hey, it's okay," he said comfortingly. He reached out his hand and rubbed her shoulder. "I'm here to help you deal with this, Liv. I'm your partner."
"And so much more," she mumbled. The darkness of his replying chuckled surprised him. She glanced back up at him and he wasn't surprised to see unshed tears brightening her eyes. "What the hell are we, anyway?"
Lovers without the sex. Best friends with too much emotion. Married without the vows. Partners with more than affection. Rapist and victim. No, victims of the same rape. God but this was confusing. "I don't know," he told her.
"Elliot, this might sound strange," she said, giving him a look that clearly said he should hear her out. "Have you been having trouble sleeping?"
He shrugged. That wasn't so strange. "Of course I have."
"Did you fall asleep last night?"
"Only when I was on the couch," he said, squinting as he thought about it. "With you," he added. Her mouth twisted into a wry half-grin.
"If I asked you to sleep with me would you take it the wrong way?"
He laughed for a moment before realizing she was serious. "You're right, this does sounds strange."
"I'm not propositioning you or anything," she grimaced, although they had both certainly tried in the past.
"It's really too bad we never try to get each other into bed at the same time," he said, sniggering slightly. "We always seem to be about a week away from each other in the desperate need to sleep with each other."
"Elliot," she said disapprovingly. "Try to take this seriously."
"How seriously am I supposed to take you wanting to sleep with me?"
"I haven't slept in a week, Elliot. The last time I had a good night's sleep was when I was with you."
He sighed. Now that he thought about it, the last time he'd had anything remotely resembling a good night's sleep was when they'd had it out and fallen asleep on the floor. Together. And then when he'd woken up he'd taken her into her room and she'd asked him to stay. Really when you got down to it, just trying it once couldn't hurt anyone.
"I guess we could try it tonight," he finally said. "Can't hurt, right?"
"Great, thanks Elliot," she said, glancing down at the steering wheel. "Are we going to leave any time soon, or shall we just sit here wasting gas."
He nodded, turning back to the duties of driving. He'd shifted the car into drive and had it rolling smoothly along the street for a good ten seconds before what they'd just decided fully hit him.
"Liv?"
"Hmm?"
"Did we just make the conscious decision to sleep together?"
"I think so, yes."
"And I thought our relationship couldn't get any more screwed up."
[tbc]