For as long as they had known each other, Pietro had made fun of Lance's "stupid mullet". It was dated, he said. It was out of fashion and made him look like a dork.
What is this, Lance asked him, "Stupid Eye For the Cool Guy"?
By the time Mystique pried them apart, Pietro had a plan. If Lance wouldn't cut his hair then he, Pietro, would do it for him!
He spent all night contemplating how he'd go about it...
The secret, he knew, would be to catch him unawares. Lance would never agree to give up his precious mullet without a fight.
He waited for the perfect moment for a week, and then... one night, the perfect opportunity came.
Lance was sound asleep, probably dreaming of Kitty. Good.
Pietro couldn't find the scissors, so he borrowed an electric razor . . . and shaved Lance's head.
He hadn't meant to, but he messed up on one side, and trying to even it out just made it worse, so he ended up having to shave it all off just so it wouldn't look totally horrible.
When Lance woke up and got a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror the next morning . . . you could hear his scream all the way to New Jersey.
"Maximoff! What the #%! did you do to me?"
Todd "Toad" Tolensky came out of his room to see what all the shouting was about. "Hey Lance, whatja do to your hair?"
"I didn't do anything! Pietro shaved my head while I was asleep!"
"Huh?"
"Where is he, that--"
"Ahgoo 'Ance," Lance heard from somewhere around his ankles. "No ba' wo'ds."
"Sorry, Tad." Lance said. "But Uncle Pietro's made me really mad."
Tad looked up . . . "Why 'oo no hair?"
Uncle Pietro shaved it all off." Lance grumbled. "That's why I'm mad at him."
"Poh Ahgoo 'Ance." Tad said, shaking his head sympathetically.
"Poor Uncle Pietro, you mean, when I catch him! Where is he?"
"Me nah no'." said Tad.
"Well, he's gotta come home sometime! I'll just wait up for him."
Tad didn't want any fighting, so he waited with him.
As for Pietro, he was about a thousand miles away, and wasn't planning on coming home any time soon.
"I'm not going to take a chance on Alvers beating the tar out of me." he said to himself...
"Who knew he'd be so sensitive about his hair?"
"Shouldn't you be learning to walk or something?" Lance finally said to Tad after almost three hours.
"Wa'k?"
"Yeah, you're a big boy, you should be able to at least stand up by now. Here, I'll help you." He took Tad's hands in his own and pulled him to his feet.
At first it felt funny to Tad to be standing up. He was literally seeing the world in a new way. "Wha' do, Ahgoo 'Ance?"
What did he do next? How could Lance explain walking to someone who'd never done it before?
"Well, Tad, first you lift one foot, like this." Lance demonstrated for him.
Tad watched and then copied the movement.
"Good. Now lift the other one..."
Tad tried to lift both feet at once and fell on his butt.
"Oh, sorry, Tad," Lance said, picking up the crying toddler. "I should have told you to put the other one down first."
"Me hu't, Ahgoo 'Ance." Tad moaned.
"Where does it hurt?"
Tad pointed to his elbow, which had hit a wooden chair and looked like it might have been bruised.
Lance leaned down and kissed the wound. "It's OK, Taddy . . . here, let me get you some ice for it."
The cold air from the freezer hit his newly shorn scalp . . . and made him jump three feet.
Tad giggled. "Ahgoo 'Ance ook funnee."
"Hey, cut it out." Lance pleaded, putting the ice pack on Tad's elbow.
Fred came in looking for something to eat. "Hey, Lance, what happened to your head?"
"Pietro happened."
Fred didn't get it. "Huh?"
"He shaved my head."
"Why would he do that?"
"Because he's a jerk."
Tad saw Fred's tummy . . . .
"Don't get any ideas."
"Me lak yo' tummee, Ahgoo F'ed."Tad said. "Nace and sof'."
"Yeah, well I'm not a pillow," Fred said.
"Wanna bet?" Toad said, coming down the stairs.
Before he could say anything, Lance said, "Yeah, Pietro shaved my head. When you see him, kill him for me, will you?"
"Want me to sit on him?" Fred asked.
"Only if you've had beans."
"OK."
"No be's, Ahgoo F'ed," Tad said.
"Why no beans? He deserves it!" Lance rolled his eyes.
"Be's make ho'se sme', Ahgoo 'Ance." Tad pointed out, holding his nose to underscore his point.
"HEY!" Fred protested.
"Do." Tad said.
"That's the point, Tad," Lance said. "We'll hit him with a stink bomb!"
Lance was getting tired of waiting. Very tired.
Tad was falling asleep, right on Lance's stomach, so Lance picked him up and took him up to Toad's room.
While he was up there . . . he saw one of Tad's frogs . . . and got an idea.
An evil idea.
The perfect way to deal with Pietro . . .
That night, while Pietro was asleep, Lance crept into Pietro's room with a pair of scissors. Working quickly, he cut off Pietro's wing-like bangs.
He giggled as he slipped out of the room. "All's fair in war and hair," he misquoted.
When Pietro noticed, he screamed so loud he woke up the whole house.
"ALVERS! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
Lance just laughed at him. "Not so funny when it's your hair, is it?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!" Pietro rushed Lance . . . and then Tad stepped in between them.
Stepped.
On his own.
Three whole steps, without holding onto anything.
Pietro and Lance both stared...
"No faht!" Tad said. "No' nahce!"
Lance and Pietro couldn't believe what they saw.
Tad was walking . . .
They forgot all about their fight and watched Tad take his first steps.
"Somebody get a camera!"
Lance rushed to get a digital camera.
Tad was happy that everyone was watching him learn to walk instead of fighting with each other. Then he missed a step and landed hard on the floor, and the sudden shock made him cry.
Pietro and Lance both rushed to pick up Tad... and suddenly Lance got an idea.
Later that day, they all went to the park. The grass was nice and soft, and Lance didn't even mind the people staring at his bald head as he and Pietro watched Tad toddle around the park.
"Me wa'k!" Tad said proudly.
"Yeah, Tad, you're walking!" said Lance.
"Hurray for Tad!" cheered Pietro.
Lance and Pietro even forgot they were mad at each other.
Neither one of them noticed that Fred Dukes(a.k.a. Blob) was lumbering towards them at that momen t . . .
"HEY!"
Pietro looked up nervously at Fred."Uh, there something I can do for you?"
"Yeah! Quit messin' with the scale!"
"What scale?" Pietro tried to play innocent. "We have a scale?"
Fred glared at him. "The one under the sink!"
"Ohhh, that scale!"
"You don't stop fooling around with the scale and calling me fat, I'm gonna pound your skinny--"
"Hey, Fred, careful with the language around Tad!" Todd admonished him.
Fred looked around."Tad? Where?"
Pietro took advantage of Fred's distraction to make like an atom and split.
THE END