Redundant Apocalypses

by Fireking492-BlazeWarriorWolf

Welcome to a story where every problem is ridiculous. One day, a popcorn monster eats the Milky Way Galaxy, leading to an adventure to stop them(chapter 1) and that's just the beginning of the humorous chaos.

1. Popcorn Monster Eats The Milky Way

Chapter 1: Popcorn Monster Eats The Milky Way Galaxy

February 20th, 2022

It was a day like any other. I was doing some intense training with my new sword which I don't plan on ever replacing. My friend Dominic The Scientist aided me like always by putting on the weighted clothing I need to better train on me for me. He is able to pull this off with tech to make that a much easier process. I have trouble getting them on so I had to start getting help. I've been training today for a few hours but some strange news was about to be revealed. Dominic came into the training room unannounced and personally told me: "Adam, we have a problem. Myself and the other members of Miitopia BRAINS voted to have you be on a new mission. It's a really weird one. Some odd popcorn monster has eaten the entire Milky Way galaxy of your home universe. If you don't want to go on the mission, that's fine. After all, you just lost your mother. I'm planning on going and so are Bray, Blaze, and the spirit of your Red Rebel roller coaster." *theme song for Redundant Apocalypses plays*

"Oh shit, oh shit

What the hell is going on

There's an army of evil pizzas attacking

A big pointer finger fucking up a solar system

A star being turned into spaghetti

How could our luck be this shitty

What asshole is behind this bullcrap

Oh shit, oh shit

What the hell is going on

A planet is getting cut up with giant scissors

Into some kind of wicked collage

RCT3 peep bowling just somehow

Flattened an entire universe

And now there's an infestation of

Bird Dog parasites

And a civilization being wiped out by

A digital eraser tool

Just what is our luck today

Shit is hitting the fan

Fuck, it's a bunch of Redundant Apocalypses

Gotta start sharp and smart

Or else we're going to die

Very painful dumb deaths."

*Modern Rock music stops* "Dominic, I'm going to be okay. All I have to do is not think about it right now, we have a mission to complete and I'm not going to back out no matter what. I have to go on this one to save the Earth and overall galaxy from a fate even worse than capitalist oppression and climate change. Unlike when the internet acts up and becomes a massive pain in the neck thus forcing me to do other things, I'm choosing to do this." "Okay just remember to be careful, you did give up your powers after all." "I know! And wait a second, did you really just say a popcorn monster ate the entire Milky Way Galaxy? But it's not even a candy bar!"

"This is so unlike you to react so suddenly a bit after hearing something!" "No it's not, Dominic! You know me better than that! Btw, is there anyone else you'd like to have tag along? I will go find them and then we can stop that monster. Even blow the creature up if we really have to! I was gonna go out and get pizza in a hour. Dang it, I want my pizza!" "Just one more, Fluffy Afro!" "That sounds like a really dumb idea, I'm into it! I have a feeling dumbness will save face today." I leave my location and Dominic goes to the meeting room in the big facility we're in. And I promptly start looking for that clown. "Nope! Not in this training room!" 10 minutes later: "Wait he's not here in his room either?! Where did he go! Maybe he's making food while wearing a fire resistant helmet to prevent his hair from catching on fire?" I look in the kitchen and there's literally nothing there except a small single kernel of popcorn. Looking around several other places is fruitless too. Well, except for a special place where the rituals of urination and defecation take place. The door to the whole universal bathroom, stalls and all is locked for who knows what. Why the hell are they locked, this is the worst time ever for this! And then I hear the noises. Loud gaseous, noisy, and wet farts interrupt the calm quiet atmosphere just as the use of a certain somebody's vocal cords become apparent.

"I I I ate chocolate and

Then I turned into a pile of crap

Oh no no no I've been converted

Into a walking and talking poop

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Somebody help me

I'm not into smelling like germs

And other nasty things

What was in that chocolate

A really shitty recipe?"

Comes out of the mouth of Fluffy Afro who I've been trying to find this whole damn time. I knock on the door and yell: "Hey Fluffy, are you okay in there? You sound like you're trying to pull a Rob Halford voice while making potty jokes at your own expense. Just what the fuck is going on? Do tell!" I get no response except a high pitched scream that shouldn't even be possible for any human type organism to pull off. "Oh for snickerdoodles' sake. He must be having the most fun but excruciating torture he's had in years in there. I'm going to come back after I tell the others." I go to the meeting room only to find Dominic failing a poker face like he's trying to hide some information. "Adam. Glad you're here. Bad news. The popcorn monster is the size of a whole cluster of galaxies. We're bringing more help along." I reply with an equally confused and shocked face: "Oh no! Anyway, Fluffy Afro is in the toilets with the entrance door to the whole place completely locked shut. I asked him something and all I got was an impossibly high pitched scream. Before that, he was singing like Rob Halford while producing some serious flatulence!"

Dominic's failed poker face vanishes: "Oh crap, it's happening again!" "I know right? A real shitstorm is brewing there. I fear what will become of our friend." "Uhh, I really don't want to find out. You have a stronger stomach than me, can you go continue waiting on him? I will make sure the rest of the team is assembled. Do you have your things ready to go yet?" "Yes, yes I do. And I will, I will be the one who puts themselves into seeing a disgusting and heartbreaking site so no one has to. But first, I need to go use the bathroom myself. Didn't expect all my swearing to not totally kill my urge to pee! Shit, I meant sweating! Damn it sometimes I disappoint myself for like 5 seconds with my typos and missayings." Dominic gives me a nod of acknowledgment and I head to the other universal bathroom we have just in case something like this happens. Taking care of my own business was easy as was getting the rest of my things for the mission. The hard part was hearing the cries of agony as Fluffy continued to empty his bowels. Luckily, his singing kept me entertained for a while.

"Eeeeeeeeeeee iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Oooooooooo

On days I need to take a shit

The only way to relieve myself is

With a big crap in the toilet

Hot groovy potty dancing

I stay around all afternoon, a suffering clown

Food with fiber is all I need

No one can stop the bowel urge"

When did he go to the Tomodachi Life multiverse? If he didn't, this is your fault Dax.

"Oh what have I done

I ignored my bowel urges

In my bathroom stall, I cry alone

I need wipes to call my own

In your sweet texture, my relief will be found

Wipes'll save me from worse pain

And together we shall embark on a toilet journey

My wipes and me"

I thought I was the only one on the team besides the miis that sometimes reside on Pizza Island that enjoy these kinds of songs! What the fuck, this is gold! And that's when I see some figures standing by me. "Oh no"! It's those four! I get their attention: "What are you Wacky Clowns up to?" Banana Pants makes the shh noise: "Quiet, we're missing the good part! And we're getting it on video! Sorry Pickle Pants but this is just too good to pass up. Also, we're helping y'all stop the Popcorn Monster, be ready for us!" Can this day get any weirder? And I hear soft little steps. A high pitched voice coming from the floor exclaims: "Hello there losers! I'm going to destroy you now!" I pull out my sword and look down to see that popcorn kernel I saw earlier. "Ha so you've finally noti-" As the tiny popcorn creature continued on, I sliced them in half before they could finish talking with my sword. The sword unlike everything that's been going on is no laughing matter. It's very sharp at the tip of the steel coated and white colored blade. The handle has a red outline with a red center and black elsewhere. In all, the sword is over 2 feet long and has a really great handle. Easy to swing with, strong, and still lightweight. I comment on the popcorn thing: "Well that was strange and amusing. I hope Fluffy gets out soon."

The Wacky Clowns say all at once: "Once he flushes the toilet, we're going in there with these babies!" gesturing to the BRAIN Blasters they have on hand. "No no no! I thought you 4 knew better than to point weapons that vaporize living organisms in an instant at locked doors by now! We all agreed when we formed this branch of BRAINS to only use those for emergencies!" Pickle Rick Not An Alien protests: "But this IS an emergency!" Pickle Pants argues: "No it's not that kind of emergency! We haven't even turned ours into smelly confetti blasters yet like I suggested we do!" "Oh shut up, your opinion doesn't matter right now!" "Yes it does dad!" This all results in another big argument/fight among the Wacky Clowns like on Halloween several years ago. As they continue bickering, I put away my sword and pull out my duel disk, activating it immediately and pulling cards from my deck! "I set the most creative Pendulum scale! Scale 2 Multimedia Artist Adam and Scale 13 Ice Carving Artist Icle! And now I Pendulum Summon through the might of pen and ink: level 12 Digital Artist Sandra, level 9 Photography Artist Philip, and level 5 Culinary Artist Charred! When I have 3 or more artist pendulum monsters on the field, Sandra's ability to make all 3 the same level once per duel activates! So now I have 3 level 12 monsters! With these 3 monsters, I open up the overlay network to build the bridge between art, nightmares, and Xyz monsters!"

Pickle Pants shakes in fear and I smirk: "I Xyz summon! Be the bringer of chaos, art, and darkness in one! Come forth Number 916! My ace, Regnes! Put an end to this pointless fight!" The other Wacky Clowns stop fighting so I say: "If you 4 don't smarten up and knock it off, I will pummel you with the help of Regnes. I hate telling others what to do but in this case, you are all being so mean & annoying I can't focus on Fluffy's problems!" They stare and then go back to fighting. "Fine! Have it your way! Now with the elements of chaos, disorder, and creativity within me, I authorize the evolution of Regnes into a more powerful being just as I have in the past! Since you won't take my threat very seriously, I will make you regret it! Unleash the chaos! Go Chaos Xyz Evolution! Appear before us now! An individual who needs no introduction, many have come to be fascinated and fearful of him! Chaos Number 916!" That stuns those 4 out of their argument. Banana Pants with a terrified look plastered on his face shakily declares: "I-I will stop f-fighting. P-please don't hurt us." My serious expression I had going on turns into a big smile: "That's better! Can you please make up now? Next time, I might not be there to stop your self destruction through means of arguing." I turn off my duel disk and put away my cards. Also, the Wacky Clowns have apologized to one another & worked things out.

So we all start laughing again at Fluffy's singing while also feeling bad that he's having a long difficult adventure on the toilet. A few minutes pass & the sound of a toilet flushing happens. Fluffy yells: "Help! I can't get off the toilet seat! And I made a huge mess!" I answer: "I will be there soon! Hold on Fluffy! You're going to be okay!" I give the Im watching you look to the others: "Stay right there. I will handle this on my own. Don't let yourselves get potentially scarred by the aftermath of all of that. This shouldn't take much longer. You should go ahead to the meeting room where the other members of the mission team are waiting. Please wait for us. Oh and about earlier. I can and will do it again if I have to. Somebody needs to be the scary protagonist every once in a while. Got all that?" They indicate they understood all of that and scurry off. "Now, Quantum Leap! Activate! Take me to the other side of this bathroom door!" Nothing happens. "Damn it, I forgot we made this whole place time travel and dimensional travel proof. Luckily, I have a key." The key is my sword. I hold it out to touch the locked bathroom door which then immediately begins opening. Once I get a whiff of the place, there was no way I could bring anything that wasn't bathroom related in there.

My sword and nearly all my stuff plus the backpack get left outside the door. I'm not risking possible contamination. "Fluffy, can you still hear me?" "Yes.." Quiet sobbing follows that answer and so I say: "Fluffy, I'm ready for just about anything. Unlock the stall door. I will be able to get to you after that." He unlocks the stall door and I almost faint and nearly freeze up from bodily shock at what I see. It's a scene so gross and gruesome I'm not willing to go into detail. It's such a mess. I put on a face mask to protect myself from the smell and bacteria a little bit(mostly from the smell honestly). "Before I help you, I got some stuff to take off. I was training again today." My armor through a device Dominic gave me months ago is taken off and sent to the counter where the sinks are. After stretching my arms and legs out, I exclaim: "We are going to do this! I was walking at my former average speed with 800 pounds of armor on me. I can get you off the toilet. I'm going to clean up the area around you first though. Sit tight. Dominic wants you on a new mission as do the others and that's how I discovered you were singing hilariously to get through lots of pain and suffering." Good thing there's a cloth towel and stain removing detergent in my bag nearly all the time.

During that mission to the jungle following the first time I met Sarah The Pronoun Hater, my clothes were so dirty that I had to use this kind of stuff. So I decided to keep it all on me. Once all that area is cleaned up, I slowly lift Fluffy off the toilet to avoid making things worse. Handing him some wipes after getting him on his feet, I ask: "Can you handle the whole wipe thing from here? I will help you more after that." "I-I can.." A few minutes later, we are out of the bathroom, I am letting him lean on me, and I get the rest of my stuff back from the floor. We head to the meeting room where the others are waiting. Dominic is very surprised and confused: "Why did that take so long and why is Fluffy leaning on you Adam? it's never taken this long before.." I sigh: "I regret to inform you that Fluffy is in no condition to fight today. From what I know, he needs to relax and recover for the rest of the day. The situation was worse than we feared. I'm going to get him to his room and head back here shortly after that. I wish I could stay and care for him but I just need to go on this mission. Can you get someone who is still available to help him from then on?" Dominic replies: "Yes. And please take your time."

20 minutes later, I returned, having taken Fluffy to his room and going to my own room to get out of that worry mentality. The final lineup for the team to fight the popcorn monster ends up being: Me, Bray, Red Rebel, Blaze, Dominic, Captain Blaster, The Wacky Clowns, & Expedition Minecraftia(embodiment of the coaster of the same name in Twisted Land). No words are needed as we all teleport off to confront the popcorn monster. And then there it is slowly approaching the Andromeda galaxy ready to eat it too. "Shit, this monster has an even bigger appetite than I imagined! How the fuck are we supposed to beat this creature?" Dominic pauses in place briefly: "We're fucked if we don't improvise a solution. That's how we beat them otherwise your whole galaxy will get digested and turned into some version of chyme, leading to the death of everything on your Earth." Pickle Pants screams: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" I respond: "No we aren't going to die! Just calm down! It's hard enough that we have to wear those space suits because there's no oxygen out here between galaxies. If say, my lungs don't get any more air, the deoxygenated blood in my body will get so high in number that my brain will just die! I very much don't want to die or for that matter take the life of anybody else unless it's necessary!" Pickle Pants replies: "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"I just said we're not going to die. So why are you like this?" "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" "For crying out loud, please stop saying that." "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" I try waving directly in front of him but he screams: "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Dominic sweat drops as do I before realizing: "We just lost another member of the team to a hilariously but devastatingly unfortunate circumstance." Red Rebel groans: "Does this happen every time you go on a mission with those goofballs? Why did I sign up for this again? I want to blow things up already, I'm getting bored. I'm used to speed and excitement, not repetitive plot gags that do nothing but slow the story down!" Suddenly, a tear through space time occurs revealing some clock creature: "Who dares challenge the 4th wall?! I shall swiftly dispense those that succeed in breaking out of the story and into another dimension of thought!" Banana Rick Not An Alien like a total badass takes the blame: "I dare! Suck on that! Haha!" "Then you will now be destroyed with an ironic death. You were in an argument earlier so it's only fitting if your body is destroyed by my yelling! YOLO YOLO FACE MY JUDGEMENT FACE IT YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO!"

To make matters more ridiculous, Boris The Teeth Guy randomly shows up and yells: "O O O O! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY LINE! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED AS I WILL NOW YELL AT YOU! I'M BORIS THE TEETH GUY FACE MY TEETH FACE IT! I'M BORIS THE TEETH GUY FACE MY TEETH FACE IT!" "YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO!" The 4th wall creature thing cracks Boris' teeth before yelling him out of existence in this reality. "Yolo! Yolo! YOU'RE NEXT PREPARE TO DIE!" The Wacky Clowns suddenly combine together into one being like some Power Rangers type nonsense. The fusion of the 4 speaks in a booming cursed voice: "We are now The Super Wacky Clown! We are trying to beat a popcorn monster and you are in our way!" Super Wacky Clown charges at their opponent before turning around and saying: "We have a present for you! *loud long fart* Excuse you! You stink!" "YOLO YOLO YOLO! You are testing my patience! I will now evolve into my final form! Give me a few minutes, it'll be worth it for you to be destroyed with it, I promise!" Suddenly, the 4th wall clock organism's limbs start extending with the disappointing sound of a slowly moving vehicle to boot. I can't watch: "Can we just stop the creature already? I'm so bored and the popcorn monster is just minutes away from eating the Andromeda Galaxy. Let's vote on it." The decision is quick, we're all in favor of crushing them.

As we voted, the disappointing sounds continued along with the most painfully slow clank sounds I've ever heard. We all get out our own BRAIN Blasters and pull the triggers, sending out gay furry rainbow lasers. Wait? Gay furry rainbow lasers? The lasers are supposed to be black not extremely gay or furry! "Who the fuck messed with our blasters? Not that it matters much but we have no idea if the changes to the lasers will impact our secondary opponent differently or not." Dominic is like: "I wanna nap. Let's roll with it and worry about what happens next when it happens. I'm so tired." I sigh but go with it. And then the lasers hit our foe. Instead of vaporizing them, it makes them emit rainbows, grow a tail, and stop evolving into the final form thing. Then they speak: "UwU I was called The Defender Of The 4th Wall but now UwU! OwO notices your scary weapons. I want to boop them!" Blaze blushes in embarrassment: "Noooo! This is so embarrassing! Some furries do this all the time in Kohnanix and I just can't!" Super Wacky Clown spontaneously defuses. Pickle Pants screams: "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" The enemy replies: "Hugs! Do you like hugs! Let's cuddle! In fact, let's y-"

Burning rage fills me inside as I yell: "Just stop being so damn annoying! You're the whole package of the really hard to tolerate form of furry cringe! There are 2 or 3 levels of furry cringe, I'm one of them and it's much tamer than this bullshit!" "I sorry! OwO!" "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" "This just gets worse! I'm even more embarrassed!" I go grab the furry cringe 4th wall whatever and say: "I'm going to throw you into the popcorn monster! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" "Noooo! Me sorry! UwU!" "Can it! Will you? You'll be in whatever afterlife is available nearby. I think you'll be in a peaceful and dark empty void soon." "But me no want to go UwU!" So, Fluffy Afro can't battle due to bowel incident, Blaze is stuck in total embarrassment, and Pickle Pants is in a "AAAAAA WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" loop. I'm so thrilled. I then yeet the annoyance into the popcorn monster. A loud sad cringey furry howl is emitted before abruptly getting cut off. "Now that that problem is gone, I guess it's the rest of us still able to do stuff that will have to beat the popcorn. But I wonder if we can peacefully get the monster to spit out the Milky Way, I'll talk to em. Brb." I use Quantum Leap to teleport to directly in front of the monster's right eye: "Hey, monster! Down here! Down here! Why don't you spit out the Milky Way? You could have a whole universe full of infinitely regenerating food to make up for it! I can get you there in an instant! It exists! Just please spit out the Milky Way Galaxy."

"No! I will not spit it out loser. Not only did you kill my popcorn drone but also I'm hungry! And when I'm hungry, I eat galaxies! That's how I roll!" "Okay fine, be that way. You don't want to even consider eating something else! You're even pickier than I am when it comes to eating food and that's saying something! You have chosen violence and will soon regret what kinds of horrible comedy we can come up with to end you since you care more about yourself than the lives of plants and animals! Remaining Wacky Clowns, I hope you brought your dumbest crap ever! We're going to use every non logical method to beat the living hell out of the popcorn monster because it's the only way and Dominic couldn't come up with a single logical solution!" As the still moving members of The Wacky Clowns start with their antics, I begin eating as many kernels of the popcorn monster as I can. I'm basically all cleared out in my digestive system so I can handle quite a lot of food right now. Popcorn is even easy to eat. *loud chewing noises* Music then starts playing and the 3 still going Wacky Clowns sing:

"Lalalala! We're annoying! Hahahaha

Hey monster

You might as well be called Ow I Hurt My Foot Today

Never have we ever met such a big jerk

You might as well also be called Poopcorn The Crappiest Of Them All

That's right! Blah blah blah intelligible lyrics"

They keep going on and on but it does nothing. Meanwhile, I manage to get full before burping. "Shit, eating them isn't working either! And I don't want to end up tired, overburdened by the consumption of food! That happened when I got to go to Carowinds and tried to eat a giant funnel cake with my mom and brother! I can't keep going like this!" Red Rebel is rushing recklessly into the area I ate some of the monster in to do damage but that doesn't work either. At the same time, Dominic experiences a burnout of his mind so he is also unable to continue fighting. After more of these failures, I have had enough: "We ain't doing shit! How in the hell could we do anything that works at this point with how things are going? I just can't take it anymore! I'm gonna do something dumb by going inside that monster's mouth and trying to free the Milky Way Galaxy! I hope it's still in the throat of that creature!" Our scientist friend gets out of burnout and screeches: "ARE YOU NUTS THAT'S A BAD IDEA!"

"I don't care! We have to do the dumb stuff sometimes to succeed! Don't you remember what Naruto has done time and time again on his planet? You watched the show after all! Now if this doesn't work, there's no hope unless we somehow get every member and ally of BRAINS here at the same time to attack that fucker over there! But that would spell doom for many planets and so on from other realities! I hate this. I hate it! Fuck rules and safety, I need to go in there through the digestive system of that monster!" I let out a battle cry before using my spacesuit's rocket boosters to reach and get inside of the popcorn monster's mouth. "Eww is that supposed to be the equivalent of saliva? It's so sticky I can't move! It's all cheesy and stuff. Wait, this is where starch digestion begins. Uh oh! Any minute now I should see giant enzymes coming to wear down on me." And I had forgotten about 2 other things, the extremely cringey furry thing and the big teeth of the monster.. "UwU you came down here too! Yay! New friend! OwO notices you're stuck too! Let's rp!" "This is no time for roleplay! I thought you were destroyed! How did you survive?" "IM GAY!" "I know that but that does nothing for the plot at all and is no reasonable answer to any question unless it's one about sexuality." "QwQ you said plot! Override! Override!"

Sparks start flying out of the annoyance just as the popcorn monster says: "I hear chatter in there! Is somebody trying to be the hero? Well then, I can use a little snack before my next full course galaxy size meal!" I sweat nervously and The Defender Of The 4th Wall returns to normal. With rage filled in his eyes, his final form begins to finally take shape while the monster's teeth start to bite down. "How dare you turn me into a useless piece of gay furry trash! How dare you mock the 4th wall! You are a major asshole!" I laugh: "As scary as things are, I can't help but ask are those last 2 words by chance supposed to start with uppercase or lowercase letters?" "What are you a kindergartner as well as an asshole? They're lowercase you dumbass!" "That actually doesn't matter right now, we're about to be chewed up into little pieces. Joking around isn't helping. I'm finished laughing. Let's focus on working together for now to escape the saliva and teeth." 4th Wall Defender gets angrier: "You even have the nerve to ask for temporary peace and cooperation! I can't believe this! I refuse to work with your kind!"

"If you won't help, I will take drastic measures! Activate duel disk! Next I play Creative Fusion! This lets me fusion summon using monsters from my hand, deck, field, and/or graveyard! I can use this card twice in one turn but it's banished once it leaves the field. Let me skip to the point by summoning the final form of a fusion monster known as Jammer! Now, Jammer! Play your melody of doom and gloom to distract the monster and this defender guy!" While my annoying current partner in victimhood and the monster start to become sad, it is time for me to do something about the tooth hanging above me. I have no idea if this will work well if at all but I will give it a try. For real, this tooth alone is the size of a small solar system. I'm shocked the monster can hear anything out of any of us. We must almost sound like flies. I deactivate my duel disk again and proceed to make as big of a dent as I can in the tooth with my sword and full strength put together. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ear piercing yelps of pain ring out through the cosmos. The force generated is even enough to launch both I and that 4th wall defender person out of there and free us of the sticky saliva.

Expedition Minecraftia is waiting by that tooth I hurt: "Woah. Out already?" I sweat drop as I process what just happened: "You're telling me my first effort to go in there was an almost complete waste of time and effort? You have got to be kidding me! Ugh! Can you do me a solid and deal with this clown as you see fit? There's no time for me to mess with his final form. Besides, you have powers that let you mess with the minds of anyone you choose." "Yes, I will. Be safe in there okay?" "I shall. Now then, it's time for me to go back in." 2 minutes pass and I'm back in and stuck in saliva again. "For the love. Quantum Leap! Take me to the tongue of this beast! I can't deal with the teeth anymore without losing it completely! My arms are already killing me but that ain't gonna stop me!" "Teleportation authorization. Transportation initiating." And just like that, I'm on the equally sticky tongue and there's still no sign of the galaxy. "There is nothing here but saliva with enzymes coming to get me! Running here is pointless! I could run all my life and still not get out of this tongue. I sure hope the others are doing better. If the anatomy continues to be just like a human's I will have an easy time navigating and identifying the different parts of the digestive system. I hope I don't get crushed by the guardian of the airways. That would be painful."

An enzyme manages to reach me so I lift it and throw it as far as I can. Thanks to my improved knowledge of physics, I knew I needed to increase the launch angle and initial speed/force to best throw it. Anyway, I teleport to the throat and immediately start feeling the sensation of falling after managing to get the leftover saliva off of myself before any damage could be done. Crap, the monster has their own force of gravity. I start screaming and brace for impact and possible death. Why does this all feel like it would only really be funny to young kids and only interesting and entertaining to myself if I were watching this play out as a TV show? My body experiences really high speeds as I fall down the throat which is about the same height as half a galaxy if you swapped it's length with its height. My suit displays a warning message: "Warning: current velocity exceeds light speed. Reaching ludicrous speed." "Wow thanks suit! So it seems there's Spaceballs physics at play now! Let me guess, the enzymes think I've gone to plaid?! And the mitochondria think I've gone ballistic? This feels like this would be funnier if this were a movie and not a story about a thing that happens in my reality and not the readers' reality. Damn it, my speed is growing exponentially every second. This is really really bad."

And then I hit the epiglottis/guardian of the airways or more accurately a huge spaceship where it should be and my ankle almost gets totally rolled. Ow! I need to get done with this mission soon and go home, elevate, and ice my ankle now! I'm just going to use Quantum Leap to move as much as I can. Suddenly, I am teleported into the huge spaceship and automatically get my right foot (which has the hurt ankle) off the ground. A figure appears before me: "Greetings stranger. I am Epiglottis, the Guardian Of The Airways." "So let me get this straight, you aren't a skin or popcorn flap, are in a huge spaceship that is where I thought you'd be, & are an independent living organism? I keep experiencing weird things today. You even kind of look and sound like a person from the main Dragon Ball multiverse named Whis." "Your comments don't affect me. I am indeed a being, you aren't used to the epiglottis being their own creatures. I can see it in your voice and words. I also know you are here to free the Milky Way Galaxy from my host. I will not allow you to do that. If you manage to get past me by beating me in a challenge, you can do as you please. I will give you a chance to show me you deserve to be let through. You will accept the challenge and we will play rock, paper, scissors."

"Did you seriously ask for a game of rock, paper, scissors to determine my fate and the fate of the entire Milky Way Galaxy? Fine, I will go along with it." In unison, we say: "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" We tie so we go again and then tie once more and then another time.. After 10 ties, I managed to win: "Finally, I thought we were gonna be at this all day. It's been nice meeting you but I have to go, Epiglottis. There isn't much time before my ankle sustains permanent damage. I didn't roll it all the way but I almost did." Something I really should learn is Instant Transmission from Goku of Universe 7 in the Dragon Ball multiverse if I ever meet him for some reason. Moving on, I teleport to the esophagus. Seeing nothing, I let myself sit in the path that leads to the stomach through a process called peristalsis. Just as I'm about to fall head first into buttery stomach acid, my quick thinking allows me to stand up and use Quantum Leap to get on the lining of the stomach. "Oh thank goodness! The galaxy hasn't been turned into cream yet! But fuck. If it's down here, that means some parts have already been digested.. I hope there's a way to fix that. I need to first save what is left of the galaxy which is fortunately the majority of it. I must be fast because chemical digestion will soon begin!"

There is nothing I can think of that could work until I remember that because the stomach is full of acid, poking a hole in it should free the galaxy and cause it to burst out. Hold on for one second, I can't believe I'm able to take any of this seriously given the circumstances. Then again, it takes some seriously dumb, random, and not life threatening crap to get me to quack up. Get it? Quack up?! I'm so "original". But for reals, I have to disrupt the lining of the stomach even if the result crushes me under the weight of the pressure. Definitely have to get out fast. "Okay okay. *breaths in and out* I will do this. *slowly slices open as big of a crack in the stomach as possible* It's working! *uses the BRAIN Blaster just in case it can actually help me out with this* There." With a crack turned hole now around, I teleport away safely at the last moment before the burst occurs. The popcorn monster (who I'm a safe couple miles from now) screams again in pain: "AAAAAAAA IM GONNA DIE!" 2 seconds later, a whole bunch of buttery stomach acid spills out and slowly floats around in space. The 4th wall defender has been fighting Expedition Minecraftia the whole time and faints upon seeing the stomach burst. Expedition Minecraftia right away sends that enemy off to a far far far away and isolated uninhabited tropical island on an unspecified planet in an unknown universe. The Milky Way Galaxy returns to its position in the universe. And we all lived happily ever after. The end.

Just kidding, this was only the beginning of another era of wild and sometimes weird adventures. The popcorn monster wasn't even beat just yet. Instead their body regenerated itself out of nowhere. "Ha! You thought you could beat me that easily?! I may be super hungry again but I can crush all of you! But why crush you when I can eat you along with this entire universe!" I become very afraid as the hungry villain starts sucking in everything around them including all of us. Blaze snaps out of their embarrassment just in time to generate so much speed an energy barrier protects all of us and starts shooting out like a big laser. Pickle Pants stops screaming and forms Super Wacky Clown with the others to add to the laser and barrier. The others who have been stuck snap out of it too. All the while the laser beam suddenly vanishes like somebody deleted it right before it could blast the monster. Cracks form after that which threaten to tear apart you know who by now. "What is this? Is this universe, my home universe, a simulation on an art program similar to Adobe Illustrator?" Dominic is puzzled too: "This shouldn't even be possible." As if things couldn't get even weirder than they already have been, a giant pen tool fixes the cracks of the monster. "Hahaha! I'm eternal and invincible! No cracks or lasers can best me! Yummy galaxies, they taste so delightful! The flavors just melt in my mouth and the aroma is so sweet and cosmical! It's better than butter! I hate all of you by the way, you suck and I can't wait to break through that barrier! That way, I can gobble each and every one of you right away!"

I reply: "You do know the bigger they are, the harder they fall right?" "Who's they?" "Anyone super huge like you. I'm not worried at all anymore." The popcorn monster starts to swell up and inflate in size the more galaxies they eat. Super Wacky Clown is so amused by this they burst out laughing: "Adam is right and you are getting too big for your typical weight! You take the expression inflates you making you big and round to a whole different dimension! We will just watch from here, we think we are safe too! *continues laughing*" I teleport all of us away to what is now the new far reaches of the universe. We see galaxies people from my world could only dream to see from anywhere in the solar system. It's strangely calming, the universe is getting eaten and the galaxies are just pouring into our new "friend". Yet, the beauty of the galaxies makes it seem like we are just traveling beyond the speed of light in the emptiness of space. The quiet vibe is broken by laughter coming from the popcorn monster that is interrupted by screams of being too full. Realizing that I can put my right foot down for now as gravity has no pull on us currently, I do so and remark: "A view like this would help along Twisted Land's Sector Infinity immensely. We should even just spend some time every week admiring galaxies from now on. I don't even care that we're hearing laughter and screams right now. I want to be here forever but also not be here forever. Forever is too long, I got a life to live after all."

Out of nowhere, the galaxies stop being sucked in and I stop admiring them to watch as that whole body inflation thing takes its toll. "I can't move! I feel like I'm about to pop! This isn't fun anymore! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The popcorn monster begins to explode almost like a firework does. Just as the explosion begins, it appears to slow down to where we could see it happening in slow motion. To add to that, we can still just barely see parts of them as the energy waves ring out. And then, just like that, the boom is somehow heard and the rest of the energy and monster vanish into thin air, leaving the consumed galaxies to slowly float back into place. Blaze face palms: "That was the most disappointing explosion of epic proportions I've ever seen in my life. I don't want to see anything like this situation ever again." I dittoed that just as the Super Wacky Clown turned back into the 4 Wacky Clowns. As if we didn't have enough of a super underwhelming ending of an adventure, Epiglottis shows up. With an apologetic look on their face, they say: "So sorry about that, I know you were looking forward to a much more interesting and exciting yet less weird day. Sadly, my host started having an appetite for galaxies recently. I guess I will see you again whenever there's another big galaxy cluster sized monster with an even bigger appetite getting hungry. I must go now. Farewell."

After Epiglottis mysteriously disappears off to somewhere beyond our understanding, we are left speechless by how intact everything in the universe is. I groan: "It's like this whole mission was a complete waste of our time and energy. In fact, it was a complete and total waste. What we just witnessed would have happened with or without us. The monster would have exploded and then vanished before the explosion got too big. Like what happened. Epiglottis would have escaped. That happened. None of us really benefited and the only thing I got was the best kind of souvenir: a hurt ankle." Red Rebel replies: "Adam! Holy shit! Not only are you correct but you got hurt! I'm sorry for breaking out of character but will you be okay?!" "Yes Red Rebel. With our magic and technology within BRAINS, my ankle will heal in a couple hours as long as I don't put weight on it. Also Dominic, can you get a scan on the Milky Way Galaxy? I want to see if any creature survived and only you have the tech and know how on this mission to do it." Red Rebel and Dominic indicate they understand. A few seconds later, Dominic's eyes almost bulge out of their sockets: "The galaxy is in excellent shape except for the Earth. And the reason why Earth is the only thing that isn't in excellent shape isn't the fault of the monster, it's the fault of your species!"

"Oh so no organism is dead due to the monster anymore, the only problem left is the imperialist bigoted capitalist world order of sorts. Well, we can't do much about that right now, we don't have the strength, energy, resources, or numbers yet to deal with that. And we don't let ourselves time travel to solve problems unless those issues were caused by time travel in the first place. I think we should get out of here now, I want to go home." An hour later, we returned and my ankle is being healed. Bray who didn't speak much at all during the mission, breaks her near silence upon walking into my room to surprise me: "That was weird. I'm going to finish the healing of your ankle now. Dominic told me to tell you to relax the rest of the day just like Fluffy who was cared for by Madeline while we were away. You want to play a video game? A new one called Quest For The Faces based on our own adventures here in Miitopia was just released!" I reply: "Thank you for the help! Also, no thanks. I got this nice book to read and I want to finish it! It's all about Miitopia's history and it even has illustrations to drive home the information!" "Okay! Sounds like a great plan! Just remember that Lauren is making dinner today for everyone in about 2 hours or so. She's going to prepare one of her famous banquets again! I'm going to go try to reason with transphobic protesters yelling at my house's front door again. They show up every day there shouting the same points. You'd think somebody would stop them but of course, we all prefer not to do battle if we don't have to. If they were attacking me, I'd call for assistance from our teammates and we'd beat them together." The rest of the day is one of relaxation and I hear that Fluffy is starting to feel a lot better. To be continued in Chapter 2: Evil Pizza Army From Outer Space.

Outro: Thank you so very much for reading to the end of this chapter! I'd very much appreciate it if you'd let me know how enjoyable it was to read or whatever you wanna say or do! Very interesting to write a story solely on my iPad! This story will get new chapters once every month or so. Be on the lookout for a slightly modified version of my 2019-2020 story BlazeWarriorWolf's Nutty Life on FictionPress, a story of character one shots, and new main story Veil Of Greed: Hunt For The Numbers! Till next time, see ya!