Chapter II
Disclaimer: If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be writing Year 6, not fan fiction. Obviously I do not own Harry Potter or any of its respective trademarks. No infringement is intended and no profit is made from this work.
Author's Note: I'm baaack. Hmm...the song lyrics -- I don't know who they belong to. A friend downloaded it from Kazaa and burned it onto a CD she made me. If you own the song; sorry. I don't pretend it's mine. Also, I don't know. . . is the song offensive? I am very sorry if you think so and I will remove it if you just tell me there's a problem. Otherwise, enjoy the madness and feel free to leave any suggestions for further havoc in your review. Thanks!!! ((Again, sorry for the short chapter, but AP English is a living hell and leaves me no time for fan fiction.)) ---
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Boredom
II: Pillows, Showers, Elves, and Such
"How long has she been in there now?"
"Going on an hour."
"I hope you know that this is all your fault, Moony. She said she was washing off the germs you gave her."
"You're the one who sent me up there!"
"Oi!" Ron butted in, "Enough already. It's not the showering that's bad. It's the bloody singing. Your arguing is almost as bad as -- ."
"I'm the only gay Eskimo! I'm the only one IIIIIIII knooow! I'm the only gay Eskimo in myyyy tribe," pounded through the ceiling in a painfully off-key falsetto.
"Never mind. The arguing's not even half as bad as the singing," Ron amended, hands clamped over his ears.
"Well, me and Nuckfluckchuckbuck, we both like blubber, but me I've got this crazy fetish for rubber, " Tonks continued to howl the next verse.
"SHUT UP!" Chorused half a dozen voices from around the room, all staring in annoyance at the ceiling.
"Hermione, don't you know any spells to block the sound? Or maybe to make her lose her voice in a permanent sort of way?" Sirius implored.
"She's not speaking to you," Ron said, rolling his eyes. "Something about Spew and the piñata joke. I think that's it, at least. Maybe it's just that time of the month." Hermione gave a disgruntled shriek and chucked a cushion at Ron's head.
"I think she's got an idea there," Black mused. He picked up two of the pillows and smushed them on either side of Remus's head. "Hold that thought, Moony," he said and ducked into the kitchen. A moment later he reappeared with a roll of spello-tape and shortly began to circle Lupin's head with the tape, sticking the pillows in place.
"Hey, that's actually a lot better!" Lupin hollered.
"Yeah, but you look ridiculous."
"So I'm taking them off then?"
"No, leave it. It's kind of funny." Remus followed in Hermione's suit and hurled a pillow at Sirius.
"I'll teach you!" Sirius laughed. He had meant to hit Remus, but instead he sent Fred flying off his chair. George vengefully pelted Black with cushions from the davenport. At the same time, Ron took advantage of the havoc to forcefully return the pillow Hermione had thrown. In only moments, furniture was being flipped over and anything that could be lobbed across the room was. Ginny had produced a supply of dung bombs and was now hurtling them at anyone she could spot. Fred and George had retaliated with a burst of their enchanted fireworks, which were madly rolling back and forth through the small room. Sirius tried hurriedly to vanish them, only to have the fireworks increase tenfold. Through the stinking, sparking clouds, Black caught sight of Remus trying to crawl away unnoticed.
"Oh no you don't!" Black hollered. With a flourish of his wand, a new stack of cushions magically appeared, avalanching on top of Lupin. Lupin didn't even bother to work his way out as Sirius needlessly leapt on top of the pile, pinning a resigned Lupin.
Over the chaos, no one had taken notice of the portrait of Black's mother screaming again. Kreacher was greatly distraught, though and was now climbing on top of the sofa. With a sound like a cross between an airhorn and a dying moose, Kreacher let out an ear piercing howl. All eyes were suddenly on the house elf.
"TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS! PROFANERS OF MY LADY'S HOME--"
"I'm getting sick of this," Sirius hissed at a dangerous whisper, getting to his feet as Kreacher continued to scream and berate them. Remus poked his head up through the pile of cushions and implored Sirius not to do anything stupid.
Sirius walked towards Kreacher with a wicked grin on his face. He pulled out his wand and cried, "Incendio!" At once the house elf burst into flame. Kreature screeched and began to throw himself around the room, doing what seemed to be a demented version of the Electric Slide as he hurtled himself against the walls and floor in an attempt to extinguish the fire.
Sirius howled with laughter, as did most of the rooms occupants. Ron laughed almost as hard as Black until Hermione hit him hard upside the head. At last Kreacher stopped his disturbed display and tore up the stairs.
"Go. . . catch him . . . Moony, put . . . him out," Sirius wheezed through fits of laughter as he watched Lupin take the stairs two at a time, desperate to clean up after another of Sirius's stupid mistakes. Hermione glared at Black in fury for a long moment before clamping a hand over her mouth in a sudden realization.
"You don't think Kreature was headed for the running water, do you? Professor Lupin wouldn't follow--." Above them a door slammed, there was the sound of a water sizzling onto water, two feminine screams, a blow landing and then the solid thud of a body falling.
"Yeah," muttered Sirius, looking up from a letter that had just arrived by owl. "I'd say that's where he was headed and that Moony followed him right on in. I'd better go patch things up--Snape is coming in this afternoon. It just get worse. . ."
Disclaimer: If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be writing Year 6, not fan fiction. Obviously I do not own Harry Potter or any of its respective trademarks. No infringement is intended and no profit is made from this work.
Author's Note: I'm baaack. Hmm...the song lyrics -- I don't know who they belong to. A friend downloaded it from Kazaa and burned it onto a CD she made me. If you own the song; sorry. I don't pretend it's mine. Also, I don't know. . . is the song offensive? I am very sorry if you think so and I will remove it if you just tell me there's a problem. Otherwise, enjoy the madness and feel free to leave any suggestions for further havoc in your review. Thanks!!! ((Again, sorry for the short chapter, but AP English is a living hell and leaves me no time for fan fiction.)) ---
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Boredom
II: Pillows, Showers, Elves, and Such
"How long has she been in there now?"
"Going on an hour."
"I hope you know that this is all your fault, Moony. She said she was washing off the germs you gave her."
"You're the one who sent me up there!"
"Oi!" Ron butted in, "Enough already. It's not the showering that's bad. It's the bloody singing. Your arguing is almost as bad as -- ."
"I'm the only gay Eskimo! I'm the only one IIIIIIII knooow! I'm the only gay Eskimo in myyyy tribe," pounded through the ceiling in a painfully off-key falsetto.
"Never mind. The arguing's not even half as bad as the singing," Ron amended, hands clamped over his ears.
"Well, me and Nuckfluckchuckbuck, we both like blubber, but me I've got this crazy fetish for rubber, " Tonks continued to howl the next verse.
"SHUT UP!" Chorused half a dozen voices from around the room, all staring in annoyance at the ceiling.
"Hermione, don't you know any spells to block the sound? Or maybe to make her lose her voice in a permanent sort of way?" Sirius implored.
"She's not speaking to you," Ron said, rolling his eyes. "Something about Spew and the piñata joke. I think that's it, at least. Maybe it's just that time of the month." Hermione gave a disgruntled shriek and chucked a cushion at Ron's head.
"I think she's got an idea there," Black mused. He picked up two of the pillows and smushed them on either side of Remus's head. "Hold that thought, Moony," he said and ducked into the kitchen. A moment later he reappeared with a roll of spello-tape and shortly began to circle Lupin's head with the tape, sticking the pillows in place.
"Hey, that's actually a lot better!" Lupin hollered.
"Yeah, but you look ridiculous."
"So I'm taking them off then?"
"No, leave it. It's kind of funny." Remus followed in Hermione's suit and hurled a pillow at Sirius.
"I'll teach you!" Sirius laughed. He had meant to hit Remus, but instead he sent Fred flying off his chair. George vengefully pelted Black with cushions from the davenport. At the same time, Ron took advantage of the havoc to forcefully return the pillow Hermione had thrown. In only moments, furniture was being flipped over and anything that could be lobbed across the room was. Ginny had produced a supply of dung bombs and was now hurtling them at anyone she could spot. Fred and George had retaliated with a burst of their enchanted fireworks, which were madly rolling back and forth through the small room. Sirius tried hurriedly to vanish them, only to have the fireworks increase tenfold. Through the stinking, sparking clouds, Black caught sight of Remus trying to crawl away unnoticed.
"Oh no you don't!" Black hollered. With a flourish of his wand, a new stack of cushions magically appeared, avalanching on top of Lupin. Lupin didn't even bother to work his way out as Sirius needlessly leapt on top of the pile, pinning a resigned Lupin.
Over the chaos, no one had taken notice of the portrait of Black's mother screaming again. Kreacher was greatly distraught, though and was now climbing on top of the sofa. With a sound like a cross between an airhorn and a dying moose, Kreacher let out an ear piercing howl. All eyes were suddenly on the house elf.
"TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS! PROFANERS OF MY LADY'S HOME--"
"I'm getting sick of this," Sirius hissed at a dangerous whisper, getting to his feet as Kreacher continued to scream and berate them. Remus poked his head up through the pile of cushions and implored Sirius not to do anything stupid.
Sirius walked towards Kreacher with a wicked grin on his face. He pulled out his wand and cried, "Incendio!" At once the house elf burst into flame. Kreature screeched and began to throw himself around the room, doing what seemed to be a demented version of the Electric Slide as he hurtled himself against the walls and floor in an attempt to extinguish the fire.
Sirius howled with laughter, as did most of the rooms occupants. Ron laughed almost as hard as Black until Hermione hit him hard upside the head. At last Kreacher stopped his disturbed display and tore up the stairs.
"Go. . . catch him . . . Moony, put . . . him out," Sirius wheezed through fits of laughter as he watched Lupin take the stairs two at a time, desperate to clean up after another of Sirius's stupid mistakes. Hermione glared at Black in fury for a long moment before clamping a hand over her mouth in a sudden realization.
"You don't think Kreature was headed for the running water, do you? Professor Lupin wouldn't follow--." Above them a door slammed, there was the sound of a water sizzling onto water, two feminine screams, a blow landing and then the solid thud of a body falling.
"Yeah," muttered Sirius, looking up from a letter that had just arrived by owl. "I'd say that's where he was headed and that Moony followed him right on in. I'd better go patch things up--Snape is coming in this afternoon. It just get worse. . ."