Author's Note: I actually had to retype this one…

Summery: A few months after X-2. Rikku opens up to a Guado man about why she is the way she is, showing him how things aren't always what they seem

Rating: Specifically this chapter is R, but as far as the story goes, not a clue.

CHAPTER 4: Hobby or Addiction

By: Mazzie May

I struggled to understand that thought. Gippal's... of all the places to run to and pass out at my subconscious choose Gippal's. Well, maybe that makes a bit more sense than I'm letting on.

"It's not secret" I began. I'd begun to switch positions again. I leaned back to where my butt was on the floor, and from that awkward angle, I pushed my feet out in front of me, stretched out to get rid of that nasty tingly feeling. I guess my legs where 'asleep'. Whatever. I felt the itchy burning run throughout my legs as I crossed them again. Guess they didn't like that. I absent mindedly held my sleeves as I stared at the dirt. The ends on my sleeves were pulled up to my knuckles, the tips of my fingers and my nails pressing into the stretchy fabric holding it in place. I rubbed the side of my calves. Yevon, that tingly-ness sucks.

I mumbled an inaudible "Cdibet edlro-hacc..." and then looked back up at the little man, pressed in the little corner, trying to keep down what little lunch he had in him. Well, he didn't look that bad anymore. He didn't look like he was about toss his cookies all over the floor every time I opened my mouth. I'd like to think that's a plus. We're getting somewhere.

I cleared my throat and tried again "It's no secret that Gippal is..." C'mon I can say it. I hooked a stubborn lock of hair behind my ear and took another breath. "Is an ass" Ah, damn it. Not that's not the truth, but that's not what I'd wanted to say.

The Guado man blinked and made a small noise. I think it was a laugh. It sounded like a high pitched chirp, like a Peke fiend or something. My statement had been so blunt and unexpected, I'd startled him into it. But his hand quickly flew to his face, grouping the flesh around his mouth, nails biting in, leaving little crescent moons around his thin, sweaty lips. He thought I was going to hurt him for it. I could see it on his face. The fear was back. And with a vengeance.

It was that raw fear. The stuff that washes over you like a shower forces water on you. It fills your eyes with this impossible dread, and sense of horror on horror – something you'll never escape. Your body stiffens so hard it hurts and then begins to quiver. Most associate it with death. Like, an innocent person at their execution. Holding on to that shred of truth, their only hope that someone will see, that someone will come forth and say "You have the wrong person!". But no one ever does. And the understanding that they are going to die, no matter what the truth it, over comes them. The complete and total nervous break down, complete with floor pounding hysterics. It all happens when raw fear slides over your eyes.

I think it took every inch of self control he had to begin to hyperventilate. A bajillion Browning points for him. I just sat and stared, a patient, bored look on my face. Like a cats. Blank and passive, yet have an irritated undertone. I sighed and leaned back so that my palms were behind me on the hard the ground. My chin was threatening to press against my breast plate as I looked down at my breasts, trying to find something to do to occupy my time as I waited for him to calm down. I could still hear his ragged breathing as I let my mind wonder to events that had happened that involved my breasts. I decided to tell him a little humorous story until he was calm enough to let me continue the one about my life.

The time YRP was at the hot springs came to mind. "I knew Yunie's little secret and was gonna try and expose her. Yunie wears padded things to appear more...appealing, I guess..." I nodded to my chest and rolled my eyes up to look at him when I said 'padded' to see if he got the point. His eyebrows raised far into his hair. Oh, yeah, he got the point.

"And we were in the springs after chasing some of LeBlanc's goons around for a bit. And Yuna was wearing a padded bathing suit top. She was careful not to be getting wet in that region, or it would show." I remember how she was squatting in the shallow water, at a funny angle, trying to appear to be completely submerged to her neck. Tch, who was she fooling?

I'd waded over to her through the warm water, and the thick mist of water falls. I was going to expose her to Dr P and we'd all have a laugh. So, I came up behind Yuna and started to make comments about how big she was, and how she 'has it goin' on'. She blushed so hard, she was nearly purple. And she knew she couldn't get away, either. I was on my hands and knees, and she knew I'd tackle her. And that would get her all wet. I let that triumph now in my eyes. Big mistake. Because she caught it and he smiled wickedly.

Paine had slowly glided over to us by now, and just as I was about to make the comment about how Yuna's breasts being almost unnatural, when a tint of purple got my eye. Paine had the same top! They were both wearing the padding. Well, where's the fun in bringing it up now? That's why Yuna smirked.

I soon recovered and made the same comments to Paine. She threatened to 'Lay down the hurt' and what not, but whatever. She wouldn't hurt me. Lil' Rikku was just having fun. In truth, I was gloating on the inside. I mean, if both Paine and Yuna used padded, then I had the biggest breasts in the group. Confidence boost for me. I had finally one-upped those two. Hurrah.

"That was pretty cool, that day at the hot springs..." I said in a dreamy way, drifting back to the hot springs. But the image of YRP, splashing about the water was gone. My mind was back to another time I was at the springs.

"I hadn't killed anyone in the while" I said off handedly, tracing circles in the dirt. The memory slid slowly into my mind, and out of my mouth. "It had been after Vegnagun. I was...releasing some steam. Venting, if you will". Which is true. It had been a terrible few months. Now that Vegnagun was gone, there was nothing to do. Nothing to kill or maim to keep my urges down. Now that the latest threat was gone, all the fiends were fading. That's how I kept myself under control. I killed the fiends Yunie and I encountered, sometimes I would let them get a kill in, but most the time, the victory belonged to me. I was always ready to go first, and I was the last to go, taking out the fiend. Though, I had to be careful. Didn't want to seem too eager. But that was how I kept myself under control. But that method was gone then. Ha, It's still gone.

"So, anyway, the point is, I hadn't shed blood in a while". I was feeling tired again. But this tired was different. This tired was what you felt after a good, long day of fun. Where your body tingles, and your brain feels all warm. Like someone wrapped a heated blanket around your head. It was a good feeling. No, I have not been smoking the Gahlyish Greens. Again.

Back to the hot springs. So, I was trying to submerge myself in the spring, forget my cravings. I was in my Back Mage outfit, because I'd been frying fiends all morning. I was killing stuff, and practicing my aim. Two birds with one stone. I'll be honest – my magic aim is horrible. I went to cast Blizzaga on a Zuzu once, and I nearly turned Yunie into a pop-sicle. Brother gave me a lecture, and I threatened to burn up his little shrine of Yuna he had in his closet. My sentence was less severe. Only had to do maintenance on the Celsius for a week.

I had duped my head below the water line, my hair soaking up the hot water. I had closed my eyes, but I could still feel my hair moving about lazily, heavily as I held myself under the water, the weak current pushing against it. I had hooked my foot under a U shaped rock, anchoring myself. The pressure was against me, all over me, like a warm hand was pushing against my entire body, rocking me back gently.

I'd opened my eyes slowly, softening the sting of the water. I'd forgotten my goggles back on the Celsius, like the genius I am. I looked through the pale blue water, the white haze that flowed through it. I think those are bubbles, though I've never really been sure. Whatever they were, they snaked up in layers, slowing to the surface... A dark shadow crossed over the rippling water, as a grey, weaker version of itself drifted over the smooth rocks at the bottom, sliding over me as well.

It was a person. I unsheathed my foot from between the rocks and let the current push me back against the rocky wall. When I'd first gotten in the spring, I'd expected the rocks to be slightly grimy, slick with algae or some other goop. But the springs were clean and clear of anything like that. So, I could firmly grip the flat rocks without fear of slipping away. I watched patiently as the shadow shifted its direction away from me. I pushed up hard, my sleeves catching on rough areas and tearing. Same happened to my stockings. My hair was pushed back from my face as I kicked off rocks to bring my closer.

I broke the surface quietly, the smoothness of the water broken, like placing a drop of water on an ice cube. I tread water gently, no noise to be heard, just the gentle lapping of waves. Perfectly normal. Ri – ight.

I pulled my self up unto the shore and darted behind a rock. It's where I'd left my BM staff and my hat and shoes. I bent over and picked up my staff. It was hard a heavy, and as long as I was tall. It was black, and had a blue, green, purple colored ornament at the head of it. It belonged to Yunie while she had been a summoner. We'd kept all her old staves, and everyone else's weapons, mostly as mementoes.

I took a peak around the bolder and saw that the shadow was a woman. And not just any woman, she was someone I knew. She didn't look that old. Hadn't aged at all it seems since I had first met her. Her long raven hair was glistening, the shine blue with the moons glow and the reflection of the water. Her skin was darker than mine, bronze with a tan, but naturally a soft brown color. She was braiding her hair lazily, stands falling from her hands.

As she turned away from me again, to grab a ribbon for her hair, I think, I stepped out from behind the rock and walked towards her. I was surprisingly quiet, as I made my way to her. She continued to rifle through her bag with one hand, the other holding the braid. Soon, though, she just threw the braid over her shoulder and began to dig with both hands. I heard a brief "My, my, my..." before I swung my staff and sent her tumbling away from the springs and closer to the entrance.

I must've broken her collar bone, seeing as it was sticking out of her once perfect flesh. She began to scream. Just laid there, screaming. I don't even think she was aware I was there, she was just screaming. I stalked toward her again. The caves echoed, and if Kimahri or one of the other Ronso heard, I'd be in trouble. Besides, if I didn't kill her, she'd never heal, or die. Just continue on like that. Death was mercy, anything else was madness. Hers and mine.

I jabbed my staff into every vital organ I could find. They bled, shriveled, ceased to function, and still the screaming went on. I finally raised the staff in a two-handed motion above my head and just started whacking. At first, I paused between stabs, or whacks, but every time the screams just went on and on, trapped inside that once beautiful woman, now just so much meat. Somewhere around the tenth blow, or fifteenth blow, I stopped pausing, stopped listening, and just kept beating her.

I had to make the screaming stop. I had to make her die. Not only did I not want to get caught, but it was getting on my nerves. For someone who had had such a sultry voice when she talked, her screaming was terribly high pitched. Made me think of LeBlanc. The world narrowed down to the pounding of the staff into thick meat. My arms raised and lowered, raised and lowered. Almost mechanically.

I paused for a moment to think. The butt of my staff was not getting the job down. I turned it around, so that the beautifully cut out rainbow stone that was placed on the staff to aid Yunie in her magical ways, would be used to penetrate the flesh and finish her off. It started green at the bottom, melted into blue, which in turn darkened to purple. Shame really, that it was all going to be a dark brown-red in a moment.

The rock bit into the flesh. Blood sprayed across my face, my shredded BM dress. I ended up on my knees beside something that was no longer anything, no longer whole. I'd hacked her into unrecognizable pieces. The screaming had stopped.

My hands had been soaked with blood, crimson to the elbows. I thought it best to leave. I gathered my things a took off out the back. No need to leave bloody foot prints about. I took a quick dip the hot springs before leaving. So the Ronso couldn't track me.

"The next day, it was all over the news. 'Random Ronso Ravaging'. Hee, whoops, sorry Kimahri." I smiled a little. Kimahri was a good guy, erm, cat. I do feel bad about all the political crap he had to go through after that, but hey, better him than me.

I pushed back my hair again, and opened my eyes. The Guado man's eyes were wide, showing to much white, her jaw hanging open. I raised an eye brow. After all of what I've told him, he chooses now to be shocked? "What?" I asked slightly curious. I started to tap my fingers on the dirt.

His jaw moved a little, then he closed it. He licked his lips and wet his mouth again before trying again. "You...You killed Lady Dona?" His hair which had began to curl back due to lack of sweat, was darkening again. Man, could he turn that off an on like a faucet? His long, sickly fingers were white knuckled, again, as he held his knees inder his chin. Again.

I shrugged. Yeah, I killed Dona. So what? The woman was a total B-I-T-C-H. Who was gonna miss her? Well, except for Barthello. But that's a different situation right there. Well, actually, a lot of people missed Dona. Well, maybe not miss Dona–Dona, but missed a summoner. Now a days, it was a real serious tragedy when the "Summoners of Old" die. Big services and everything, a day is dedicated to them, statues etc.

"Anyway" I said, waving my hand through the hair. "Back to Gippal and myself"

0o0o0o0o0o0o

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Cdibet edlro-hacc... Stupid itchy-ness...
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So, there it is. You know the rules by now.

PS - …well, I don't remember what I wanted to say. Damn.