(A.N): This chapter is dedicated to anyone who expected to see Spike make a
lot more jokes on Puppet Angel. Smile Time Revamped!
Chapter 8: And the Letter of the Day Is...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Come on, Linds. We can either do this the easy way..." Becca slipped the other surgical glove on her hand, pulling on it then letting it go abruptly to cause a loud "Snap."
"Or the fun way!" Becca grinned.
Lindsey jumped slightly, turning an uncharacteristic shade of pink as he stood in Becca's room in nothing but the Spongebob boxers she bought him last year for his birthday, which he currently kept hidden with a pillow. He began shuffling his feet as his audience watched the show. Chloe was sprawled out on Becca's bed while Lawson sat on the edge, regarding Becca's actions with an amused grin.
At first, Lawson just sat around and glared, angry with Becca for taking away his purpose, but when she pointed out how much he looked like the perpetually brooding Angel, he sputtered until he realized Becca was just joking. After breaking the ice, they had a long talk, eventually coming to the conclusion that "Fighting the Good Fight" was enough of a reason for Lawson to stick around. And Lawson was glad he got a chance to stick around. He never had a conventional sire but Becca could be wise beyond her years, often telling her tricks of the trade as for as vampires were concerned. Including the optimum temperature to heat the blood.
"Uh, Becky? I'm not exactly sure that I'm comfortable with you conducting this...urgh...search. Couldn't we have Sam do it?" Lindsey asked, timidly. Both Becca and Chloe's eyebrows shot straight up and their heads reeled back at this new revelation.
"Hmmm. Lindsey? Is there something you wanna tell me? I didn't know that I actually had a big sister all this time."
Lindsey threw the pillow at Becca, knocking her upside her head.
"Sorry to disappoint you, "Linds" but the Spongebob Fruit of the Looms is a bit of a turn off." Lawson quipped, causing the girls to laugh. Lindsey sneered.
"Don't worry, Sam. If it were my choice I'd much prefer to have Chloe look. As a journalist I'm certain she'd be much better under the covers...Oops! I mean undercover." Lindsey grinned and winked saucily as he took in Chloe's shocked impression.
Becca scrunched her nose up in disgust. "Ewww! My ears are burning. Com on guys! Show's over. Shoo! Shoo!"
Becca grabbed Lawson and the still slightly dazed Chloe off of her bed and towards the door. Lawson was the first one out but before Becca could close the door, Chloe stopped.
"You know Lindsey, I like Spongebob. Let's test my investigation skills when you get the thong." Chloe grinned cheekily and caught a glimpse of the blush that traveled from Lindsey face, down his chest.
"Gah! Get out, get out!" Becca looked at her with disgust before she shut the door. Shaking out the Hebegebeies. Becca turned back to Lindsey and smiled evilly.
"Now where were we?" Becca asked in a low growl. Lindsey backed away slowly.
"Uh, Becca. I think you're getting a little too in to this." Lindsey commented, uneasily.
Becca looked offended. "Are you implying that I would take saving the world anything but seriously?" She asked with mock indignation.
Becca straightened her gloves. "Don't worry. I'll be as thorough as..." Becca frowned, trying to think of something thorough and then smiled. "A proctologist! Bend over, Linds!"
Lindsey's eyes widened and then he glared as he shrank away from Becca.
"I hate you."
"Love you too, darling."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later that morning in Wolfram & Hart, Fred poked her head into Angel's office, after hearing the urgent irritation in his tone. Angel sat in his chair with his back turned away so that he couldn't be seen.
"Angel? Are you alright?" Fred asked tentatively as she walked into the office followed by Wesley and Gunn.
"You sounded weird on the phone." Gunn commented as they walked up to the desk.
"Yes. Is there a problem?" Wesley asked.
"Oh, there's a problem." Angel replied as he slowly turned around so that the gang could see him in puppet form.
All three mouths dropped, Gunn being the first to speak.
"Whoa."
Wesley inched toward Puppet Angel, looking carefully. "Angel? Is that you?
Fred on the other hand, rushed to Angel's side. "Oh my God! Angel, you're..."
Angel turned away, holding up his hand. "Fred, don't."
Unable to resist, Fred bent over Angel's new form, inspecting it excitedly. "Oh, but the litle hands! And the hair..." Fred scratched his head.
"Hey!" Angel snapped. "You're fired." Fred frowned at the brand new version of Oscar the Grouch, without the garbage can.
Lorne walked into the office. "Sorry I'm late, gang." Lorne slowed down, chuckling when he looked at Angel. "What's with the big... puppet?"
Angel examined his hands as Wesley looked at him closely.
"Angel, what happened?"
"I'm not sure. I went to Smile Time last night, and I think their office is under some kind of spell. I could feel it trying to get at me. I-I shook it off, but then I met this guy with a towel over his head, and something exploded! I woke up like this. Ugh."
After listening carefully, everyone shifted uncomfortably.
This time, Wesley was the first to speak. "Clearly some sort of hex...or a-a powerful warding magic."
Lorne shrugged. "Maybe it's some sort of puppet cancer."
"I do not have puppet cancer!" Puppet Angel yelled through gritted teeth. "Come on, guys. This is a serious situation. I'm a puppet, and there are children's lives at..."
Puppet Angel stopped abruptly and gasped as he glanced at the clock.
"Hey, it's Smile Time!" The gang just stared as Puppet Angel hurried out of his chair and towards the television set. When he reached it he tried to turn it on using the remote.
"Hmm..." Puppet Angel grumbled something intangible as he fumbled with the buttons and then beats the remote on the table petulantly, clearly exasperated and angry.
"Stupid plastic piece of crap!" Puppet Angel panted and turned around to notice everyone is staring at him.
"What?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey! Hold the elevator please!" Becca ran through the front lobby of Wolfram & Hart, juggling a Coffee Coolata and a Dunkin Donuts bag in one hand and her a handful of pictures in the other. Becca ran a blur of short, copper brown hair and long black overcoat. She was wearing a tight, red T- shirt, leather gloves with the fingers cut off haphazardly and baggy, dark blue jeans with one of the large Cowboy-like belt buckles she always borrowed from Lindsey.
She was so busy juggling the items that she didn't notice who it was that had held the elevator door for her until the doors closed.
"Thanks a lot. I'm in a bit of a hurry." Becca explained, still not looking up.
"No problem, luv."
Recognizing the British accent, Beccca whirled her head around only to be greeted with a smirking Spike standing behind her.
Becca smiled. "Good morning, Spike. What brings you here?"
"Need a new car. Had a bit of an accident. Came to see if Peaches will gimme one of his babies."
Becca nodded. "That should be interesting, to say the least." Becca muttered as she fumbled with the pictures.
Spike peered over her shoulder. "Whatcha got there, Rebecca?"
Becca gave him a strange look but then answered his question. "I found he tattoo that's suppose to help Angel. I took a few pics but the only problem is that I think that Lindsey has to be brought here."
The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Spike and Becca stepped off, walking towards Angel's desk.
"Why's that?" Spike asked.
"It seems the tattoo only reacts under my touch. In the pictures, this is one part of the riddle. When I touch it, the tattoo moves, which is hopefully the second part. I tried to take a picture of the tattoo when I touched it but when I touch it, the tattoo glows. The picture always came out blurry, like it was too bright to picture."
"I see." Spike stopped. "Where exactly was this tattoo?" Spike folded his arms and looked at her, expectantly.
Becca rolled her eyes. "On his chest. Jeez. Wouldn't have thought you were such a prude."
Spike just rolled his eyes as he barged into Angel's office.
"Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink..." He stopped in mid-thought and Becca moved from behind Spike to see what all the hulabaloo was about. Both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Puppet Angel.
"Spike..." Puppet Angel said anxiously.
"Look at you..." Spike and Becca stared.
"Just turn around and walk away." Puppet Angel warned, gesturing with his hands.
"You're a..." Spike started.
"Spike!" Angel warned.
Spike started laughing uncontrollably. "You're a bloody puppet!"
Becca still just stood their, her jaw hitting the floor. Watching with interest, the play of reactions on Puppet Angel's face, she quickly moved out the way when she saw Angel about to pounce Spike.
Angel knocked Spike threw a window and into the lobby, trying to choke the younger vampire with his itty, bitty puppet hands, while Spike can't stop laughing.
"You're a wee, puppet man!" Spike laughed, causing Angel to punch him in the face but Spike just laughs. This time, Angel punches him in the face again, this time harder.
"Ow!" Hey! That's enough." Spike pushed Angel off of him and high into the air. Angel landed on his feet, still glaring at Spike.
"Angel, what the Hell happened to you?" Spike got to his feet.
"You look ridiculous." Spike said very matter-of-factly.
Finally snapping out of her stupor, Becca stepped out of the office and over the debris to move around Angel and next to Spike.
"Okay. This isn't funny. If I see a big purple dinosaur pop outta nowhere I'm going to scream."
Puppet Angel growled. "Becca. You're relatively new around here so let me fill you in on something. Me turning into a puppet? Yeah, that really pisses me off!"
Twin, evil smiles formed on Spike and Becca's face and two pairs of blue eyes glinted dangerously. Angel looked around nervously, knowing the tongue- lashing he was about to receive. A crowd began gathering around.
Harmony was the first to speak. "Oh my God Angel you're a..."
"Shut up!" Angel yelled defensively as he whirled around to point at he threateningly.
Angel glared at the crowd. "What are you looking at?!" His employees backed away, frightened.
Spike smirked. "They're looking at the wee little puppet man."
Becca giggled and then ducked as Angel jumped up and bit Spike's arm. The two struggled, pretty much comically as Becca sank to the floor, holding her stomach in pain as Angel and Spike went into the elevator.
She could still hear Angel's voice among the struggles in the elevator. "Stupid limey piece of crap!" The doors opened to reveal Spike kneeling on the floor, a smirk on his face as Angel straightened the lapels on his jacket.
Angel addressed the crowd. "Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do." Finally the crowd dispatched.
Spike walked up to Harmony desk as Angel made his way to his office.
"Harmony. Get Spike a car and please escort Becca to my office when she's finally able to breathe."
Sure enough, even though she was able to stand on her feet, she was laughing so hard that no sound came out. She then bent over and slapped her knee.
"Whoo! Man was that a kicker. Hey Angel?"
Angel turned around and looked at the girl, cautiously.
"Becca..."
Becca raised her leather-clad hands in a peaceful gesture. "I just wanted to know if you could possibly tell me what the letter of the day is."
Spike busted out laughing and even Harmony began to snicker. Puppet Angel began to shake comically in unsuppressed anger.
Spike straightened himself out. "I'm sorry. Everyone knows it's W...For Wee Little Puppet Man!"
Angel tried to give them the finger but they just laughed harder when they saw that all he had was four fingers, making it difficult to use a middle finger, seeing as there wasn't one. With her last bit of strength, Becca took a picture.
"Hahaha. That's DEFINITELY going on my website. Isn't that adorable, Spike? Come one, let's count.
Angel's eyes widened in horror then squinted in anger as Spike and Becca counted how many fingers he had in a dead-on Count impression.
"That's 1,2,3,4 fingers on your wee little puppet hand! MUW HA HA HA HA!"
By this time in Harmony was in tears, laughing so hard at Spike and Becca's antics. Angel turned around swiftly and shut his door.
Becca pouted. "Aw. I was hoping he'd sing the Rubber Duckie song."
Becca shrugged and turned around. "Come on, Spike. I know where we can get a cape for Angel."
Spike and Becca walked toward the elevator. "That's my grandsire. 50% Cotton. 50% Polyester. 100% Dick."
Becca laughed as they walked onto the elevator and Spike smiled, enjoying making the young girl laugh. Spike rubbed his chin in mock thoughtfulness.
"Hmm. I always thought there was something long and rigid up his ass. Didn't know it was an arm..."
Becca and Spike laughed harder, leaning on each other to keep from falling as the elevator doors closed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R
(A/N): So much funny can be fit into Smile Time that I have to separate it into two chappies. Review and I'll update sooner.
Chapter 8: And the Letter of the Day Is...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Come on, Linds. We can either do this the easy way..." Becca slipped the other surgical glove on her hand, pulling on it then letting it go abruptly to cause a loud "Snap."
"Or the fun way!" Becca grinned.
Lindsey jumped slightly, turning an uncharacteristic shade of pink as he stood in Becca's room in nothing but the Spongebob boxers she bought him last year for his birthday, which he currently kept hidden with a pillow. He began shuffling his feet as his audience watched the show. Chloe was sprawled out on Becca's bed while Lawson sat on the edge, regarding Becca's actions with an amused grin.
At first, Lawson just sat around and glared, angry with Becca for taking away his purpose, but when she pointed out how much he looked like the perpetually brooding Angel, he sputtered until he realized Becca was just joking. After breaking the ice, they had a long talk, eventually coming to the conclusion that "Fighting the Good Fight" was enough of a reason for Lawson to stick around. And Lawson was glad he got a chance to stick around. He never had a conventional sire but Becca could be wise beyond her years, often telling her tricks of the trade as for as vampires were concerned. Including the optimum temperature to heat the blood.
"Uh, Becky? I'm not exactly sure that I'm comfortable with you conducting this...urgh...search. Couldn't we have Sam do it?" Lindsey asked, timidly. Both Becca and Chloe's eyebrows shot straight up and their heads reeled back at this new revelation.
"Hmmm. Lindsey? Is there something you wanna tell me? I didn't know that I actually had a big sister all this time."
Lindsey threw the pillow at Becca, knocking her upside her head.
"Sorry to disappoint you, "Linds" but the Spongebob Fruit of the Looms is a bit of a turn off." Lawson quipped, causing the girls to laugh. Lindsey sneered.
"Don't worry, Sam. If it were my choice I'd much prefer to have Chloe look. As a journalist I'm certain she'd be much better under the covers...Oops! I mean undercover." Lindsey grinned and winked saucily as he took in Chloe's shocked impression.
Becca scrunched her nose up in disgust. "Ewww! My ears are burning. Com on guys! Show's over. Shoo! Shoo!"
Becca grabbed Lawson and the still slightly dazed Chloe off of her bed and towards the door. Lawson was the first one out but before Becca could close the door, Chloe stopped.
"You know Lindsey, I like Spongebob. Let's test my investigation skills when you get the thong." Chloe grinned cheekily and caught a glimpse of the blush that traveled from Lindsey face, down his chest.
"Gah! Get out, get out!" Becca looked at her with disgust before she shut the door. Shaking out the Hebegebeies. Becca turned back to Lindsey and smiled evilly.
"Now where were we?" Becca asked in a low growl. Lindsey backed away slowly.
"Uh, Becca. I think you're getting a little too in to this." Lindsey commented, uneasily.
Becca looked offended. "Are you implying that I would take saving the world anything but seriously?" She asked with mock indignation.
Becca straightened her gloves. "Don't worry. I'll be as thorough as..." Becca frowned, trying to think of something thorough and then smiled. "A proctologist! Bend over, Linds!"
Lindsey's eyes widened and then he glared as he shrank away from Becca.
"I hate you."
"Love you too, darling."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later that morning in Wolfram & Hart, Fred poked her head into Angel's office, after hearing the urgent irritation in his tone. Angel sat in his chair with his back turned away so that he couldn't be seen.
"Angel? Are you alright?" Fred asked tentatively as she walked into the office followed by Wesley and Gunn.
"You sounded weird on the phone." Gunn commented as they walked up to the desk.
"Yes. Is there a problem?" Wesley asked.
"Oh, there's a problem." Angel replied as he slowly turned around so that the gang could see him in puppet form.
All three mouths dropped, Gunn being the first to speak.
"Whoa."
Wesley inched toward Puppet Angel, looking carefully. "Angel? Is that you?
Fred on the other hand, rushed to Angel's side. "Oh my God! Angel, you're..."
Angel turned away, holding up his hand. "Fred, don't."
Unable to resist, Fred bent over Angel's new form, inspecting it excitedly. "Oh, but the litle hands! And the hair..." Fred scratched his head.
"Hey!" Angel snapped. "You're fired." Fred frowned at the brand new version of Oscar the Grouch, without the garbage can.
Lorne walked into the office. "Sorry I'm late, gang." Lorne slowed down, chuckling when he looked at Angel. "What's with the big... puppet?"
Angel examined his hands as Wesley looked at him closely.
"Angel, what happened?"
"I'm not sure. I went to Smile Time last night, and I think their office is under some kind of spell. I could feel it trying to get at me. I-I shook it off, but then I met this guy with a towel over his head, and something exploded! I woke up like this. Ugh."
After listening carefully, everyone shifted uncomfortably.
This time, Wesley was the first to speak. "Clearly some sort of hex...or a-a powerful warding magic."
Lorne shrugged. "Maybe it's some sort of puppet cancer."
"I do not have puppet cancer!" Puppet Angel yelled through gritted teeth. "Come on, guys. This is a serious situation. I'm a puppet, and there are children's lives at..."
Puppet Angel stopped abruptly and gasped as he glanced at the clock.
"Hey, it's Smile Time!" The gang just stared as Puppet Angel hurried out of his chair and towards the television set. When he reached it he tried to turn it on using the remote.
"Hmm..." Puppet Angel grumbled something intangible as he fumbled with the buttons and then beats the remote on the table petulantly, clearly exasperated and angry.
"Stupid plastic piece of crap!" Puppet Angel panted and turned around to notice everyone is staring at him.
"What?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey! Hold the elevator please!" Becca ran through the front lobby of Wolfram & Hart, juggling a Coffee Coolata and a Dunkin Donuts bag in one hand and her a handful of pictures in the other. Becca ran a blur of short, copper brown hair and long black overcoat. She was wearing a tight, red T- shirt, leather gloves with the fingers cut off haphazardly and baggy, dark blue jeans with one of the large Cowboy-like belt buckles she always borrowed from Lindsey.
She was so busy juggling the items that she didn't notice who it was that had held the elevator door for her until the doors closed.
"Thanks a lot. I'm in a bit of a hurry." Becca explained, still not looking up.
"No problem, luv."
Recognizing the British accent, Beccca whirled her head around only to be greeted with a smirking Spike standing behind her.
Becca smiled. "Good morning, Spike. What brings you here?"
"Need a new car. Had a bit of an accident. Came to see if Peaches will gimme one of his babies."
Becca nodded. "That should be interesting, to say the least." Becca muttered as she fumbled with the pictures.
Spike peered over her shoulder. "Whatcha got there, Rebecca?"
Becca gave him a strange look but then answered his question. "I found he tattoo that's suppose to help Angel. I took a few pics but the only problem is that I think that Lindsey has to be brought here."
The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Spike and Becca stepped off, walking towards Angel's desk.
"Why's that?" Spike asked.
"It seems the tattoo only reacts under my touch. In the pictures, this is one part of the riddle. When I touch it, the tattoo moves, which is hopefully the second part. I tried to take a picture of the tattoo when I touched it but when I touch it, the tattoo glows. The picture always came out blurry, like it was too bright to picture."
"I see." Spike stopped. "Where exactly was this tattoo?" Spike folded his arms and looked at her, expectantly.
Becca rolled her eyes. "On his chest. Jeez. Wouldn't have thought you were such a prude."
Spike just rolled his eyes as he barged into Angel's office.
"Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink..." He stopped in mid-thought and Becca moved from behind Spike to see what all the hulabaloo was about. Both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Puppet Angel.
"Spike..." Puppet Angel said anxiously.
"Look at you..." Spike and Becca stared.
"Just turn around and walk away." Puppet Angel warned, gesturing with his hands.
"You're a..." Spike started.
"Spike!" Angel warned.
Spike started laughing uncontrollably. "You're a bloody puppet!"
Becca still just stood their, her jaw hitting the floor. Watching with interest, the play of reactions on Puppet Angel's face, she quickly moved out the way when she saw Angel about to pounce Spike.
Angel knocked Spike threw a window and into the lobby, trying to choke the younger vampire with his itty, bitty puppet hands, while Spike can't stop laughing.
"You're a wee, puppet man!" Spike laughed, causing Angel to punch him in the face but Spike just laughs. This time, Angel punches him in the face again, this time harder.
"Ow!" Hey! That's enough." Spike pushed Angel off of him and high into the air. Angel landed on his feet, still glaring at Spike.
"Angel, what the Hell happened to you?" Spike got to his feet.
"You look ridiculous." Spike said very matter-of-factly.
Finally snapping out of her stupor, Becca stepped out of the office and over the debris to move around Angel and next to Spike.
"Okay. This isn't funny. If I see a big purple dinosaur pop outta nowhere I'm going to scream."
Puppet Angel growled. "Becca. You're relatively new around here so let me fill you in on something. Me turning into a puppet? Yeah, that really pisses me off!"
Twin, evil smiles formed on Spike and Becca's face and two pairs of blue eyes glinted dangerously. Angel looked around nervously, knowing the tongue- lashing he was about to receive. A crowd began gathering around.
Harmony was the first to speak. "Oh my God Angel you're a..."
"Shut up!" Angel yelled defensively as he whirled around to point at he threateningly.
Angel glared at the crowd. "What are you looking at?!" His employees backed away, frightened.
Spike smirked. "They're looking at the wee little puppet man."
Becca giggled and then ducked as Angel jumped up and bit Spike's arm. The two struggled, pretty much comically as Becca sank to the floor, holding her stomach in pain as Angel and Spike went into the elevator.
She could still hear Angel's voice among the struggles in the elevator. "Stupid limey piece of crap!" The doors opened to reveal Spike kneeling on the floor, a smirk on his face as Angel straightened the lapels on his jacket.
Angel addressed the crowd. "Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do." Finally the crowd dispatched.
Spike walked up to Harmony desk as Angel made his way to his office.
"Harmony. Get Spike a car and please escort Becca to my office when she's finally able to breathe."
Sure enough, even though she was able to stand on her feet, she was laughing so hard that no sound came out. She then bent over and slapped her knee.
"Whoo! Man was that a kicker. Hey Angel?"
Angel turned around and looked at the girl, cautiously.
"Becca..."
Becca raised her leather-clad hands in a peaceful gesture. "I just wanted to know if you could possibly tell me what the letter of the day is."
Spike busted out laughing and even Harmony began to snicker. Puppet Angel began to shake comically in unsuppressed anger.
Spike straightened himself out. "I'm sorry. Everyone knows it's W...For Wee Little Puppet Man!"
Angel tried to give them the finger but they just laughed harder when they saw that all he had was four fingers, making it difficult to use a middle finger, seeing as there wasn't one. With her last bit of strength, Becca took a picture.
"Hahaha. That's DEFINITELY going on my website. Isn't that adorable, Spike? Come one, let's count.
Angel's eyes widened in horror then squinted in anger as Spike and Becca counted how many fingers he had in a dead-on Count impression.
"That's 1,2,3,4 fingers on your wee little puppet hand! MUW HA HA HA HA!"
By this time in Harmony was in tears, laughing so hard at Spike and Becca's antics. Angel turned around swiftly and shut his door.
Becca pouted. "Aw. I was hoping he'd sing the Rubber Duckie song."
Becca shrugged and turned around. "Come on, Spike. I know where we can get a cape for Angel."
Spike and Becca walked toward the elevator. "That's my grandsire. 50% Cotton. 50% Polyester. 100% Dick."
Becca laughed as they walked onto the elevator and Spike smiled, enjoying making the young girl laugh. Spike rubbed his chin in mock thoughtfulness.
"Hmm. I always thought there was something long and rigid up his ass. Didn't know it was an arm..."
Becca and Spike laughed harder, leaning on each other to keep from falling as the elevator doors closed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R
(A/N): So much funny can be fit into Smile Time that I have to separate it into two chappies. Review and I'll update sooner.