(A/N): I had to reach down deep into the recesses of my humor bank to dig
this up.
Chapter 10: A Field Trip to Hell Incorporated
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Silently, Becca, Chloe and Lawson waited for the CEO of the very law firm from hell they were currently sitting in. Chloe and Lawson were sitting in two chairs in front of Angel's desk while Becca was sitting on the desk,
"I don't think Boss is going to appreciate you sitting on his desk when he comes in here, Beck."
Lawson gave her a thumbs-up from the chair he was sitting in.
"Good job."
Chloe smirked. "I'm looking forward to meeting Angel. I've heard he's quite handsome."
Lawson contorted his face in disgust then looked at the blonde in utter confusion. He shifted to his side to face Chloe then rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he crossed his legs. Apparently, the undead soldier boy had adopted his own Reporter Stance.
"Why are you here? I mean, you're not a demon. You haven't sold your soul for a jump in your professional life. What made you decide to enter the hallowed grounds of Hell Incorporated?"
Chloe mirrored Lawson's actions perfectly shifting to face the wise ass. She clasped her hands in front of her, informally folding her hands while crossing her legs.
"Being a reporter I've seen a lot of unexplained things that go on in LA. I want to get to the bottom of them, even if I can't write them up. I'm mostly just plain nosy."
Becca hopped off of Angel's desk and moved around it to sit in the Head Honcho's chair.
"Can you really call these halls "hallowed"? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? Like 'smart blonde'. Merely a superstition."
"Hey!" Chloe cried out, indignant.
Lawson's mouth dropped. "Sorry Chloe. We didn't think you were a natural blonde. Ouch!" Lawson's yelp was brought about by the kick to the shins Chloe managed to deliver.
Becca covered her smile by moving a hand over her face and sighed. "Listen guys. When you see Angel he might look a little... different."
Lawson and Chloe frowned. Looking at each other in confusion. "How different?" Lawson asked.
Before she could answer, Angel busted in with Spike and Lindsey right behind him, the pitter-patter of tiny puppet feet echoing throughout the room. Becca removed herself from Angel's chair and stood in front of the desk while Chloe and Lawson stood up, the only two in the room who weren't expecting Angel's miniature puppet appearance.
Puppet Angel stopped dead in his tracks. "Lawson. Not a word."
To the human eye it didn't seem like he was capable of saying anything. He just stood there with his mouth agape. Becca moved to stand next to him and nudged him with her elbow.
"Lawson. We're here to handle some serious business so please, don't go blowing this out of proportion." Becca slightly winced at her words as Lawson's head snapped toward her. He moved to talk but Becca silenced him with a pleading look.
Finally he nodded his head, turning around to sit, even though he had to drag Chloe's prone body back in her chair as well, the shock of a Puppet Crusader too much for her.
"Angel. We need to talk."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So you're telling me that someone close to me is going to betray me?" Puppet Angel asked skeptically perched on his chair. He was having a hard time deciding on whether to glare at Becca or Lawson, his childe asking whether he needed a phone book to sit on.
"As far as I can tell. I'm not a seer. I only feel the inevitable." Becca answered with a practiced language she could only describe as Cryptanese. She could feel Lindsey's eyes piercing the back of her head as he stood in the far right corner of the room. Spike sitting on the couch with Lawson and Chloe.
Angel tensed. "Even if I do believe you, if it's inevitable then how can I change what is going to happen?"
"Come on Angel, how long have you been playing this game? Just because something's prophesized doesn't mean it can't be changed. I mean, the Shanshu prophecy didn't talk about two vampires with souls."
Hearing the conversation mention him, Spike picked up his head but everyone else in the room looked toward the two, realizing that this was a pivotal point of the conversation.
"How do you know about the prophecy?" Angel asked defensively. He didn't trust this young girl and the fact that she knew so much about him and he hardly knew a thing about her was grating on his nerves.
"There isn't much I don't know about. But the things I don't know are really important so it balances out."
Angel wasn't amused." Everyone! Out! Now!"
Reluctantly, everyone filed out but Lindsey was the last to leave, looking at Becca. She nodded and Lindsey left, an understanding that they had built over three years ago helping him shut that door with him on the other side.
"Now, Becca. There are too many questions left unanswered and it's time that you answer them."
She shrugged. "Fine. I'll try."
Angel leaped of off his chair and walked around the front. It wasn't until he reached the front of the desk that he realized his problem. He wanted to sit on top of the desk but his short stature hindered his ability.
Slowly he looked back at Becca and realized that she realized this when she darted her gaze quickly, skyward and whistled/ The Picture of Innocence. (Sarcasm)
Not wanting to look like and idiot he tried hopping on the desk, all the while starting his questioning.
"Well, Becca..." Angel grunted as he slid down the front of the desk.
"I guess the first most important question I can ask is..." This time Angel managed to get one leg wayyyy up on the desk but the rest of his body was dangling as he struggled to pull himself up. Rolling her eyes, Becca leaned over and pushed Angel up on the desk.
When he finally got on the desk he whirled around. "Watch the hands you pervy-puppeteer!"
Becca's eyebrows shot up as Angel straightened the lapels of his jacket.
"What are you?"
Becca scratched her head. "To the best of my knowledge I'm the spawn of two vampires."
Angel's jaw hit the floor. "What?"
Angel hopped off of his desk and started pacing. "No. It's impossible. Darla didn't have twins and there was no one else. Except Buffy and I would know if she got pregnant. There wasn't anyone else. Right?"
Becca had never before seen a puppet sweat and it every bit of her self control not to point and laugh at the vampire.
"I didn't say you were my father, Wingless. I don't know who is."
Angel's puppet face relaxed but the confusion of the situation was still on his face.
"But how do you know?"
Becca shrugged. "Doyle told me."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"How do you think it's going in there?" Chloe asked Lindsey as they stared at the closed door. She never wished more that she could walk see through walls.
Lindsey sighed, aggravated that he couldn't be in there. "I don't know. I don't hear glass breaking and furniture being destroyed so I'm going to assume that things are ok."
Lawson moved between the two. "I don't understand why we would let him interrogate her! Just because he looks all Tickle Me Vampire at the moment doesn't mean he still isn't a prick."
The aggravation in his voice was apparent but so was the hopelessness of the situation. Becca needed to give Angel answers and as thick headed as he could be he needed to think that he was in charge. The three walked aimlessly to the middle of the reception office.
"So, Lindsey." Chloe began. "These are your old stomping grounds. Tell us, what's the best way to waste some time."
Lindsey looked abashed. "What?! You think that I had time to lolly-gag and waste valuable time not working?"
Chloe and Lawson smirked, causing Lindsey to relent. "Fine. Come on. I know how to get into anyone's file. We can see who is most likely to betray Angel... And maybe find out what kinda hair gel he uses!"
Chloe laughed at Lindsey's mock enthusiasm as he headed toward the office that he revealed was his old one. After kicking out the obnoxious lawyer who was currently using it, they feverishly began digging up any info that would help...and any dirty laundry that would help them later.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Angel began to quake in rage. "Ya know, I'm getting sick of every jackass who thinks they want to step up to me using Doyle's name!"
Angel sauntered menacingly toward Becca's chair but she was too busy pulling out a pocket watch to be bothered with the Evil Puppet routine.
"This..." Becca opened the watch. "Is a picture of me and Doyle." She fished out the picture and showed Angel the date on the back. Angel took it in his itty-bitty hands.
"Two years ago..." Angel whispered. His whole face lost the tension and distrust it had shown earlier and looked up at the girl sitting in front of her with innocent confusion.
"But why didn't he come back? We all missed him..." Becca held up a hand to silence the older vampire.
"He had a job to do. Much like Cordelia does now. Take someone the PTB feel can be a valuable fighter and train them. When that job was over..." Becca busied herself with putting the picture back into the watch.
"I dunno. I guess that was it. His last big sacrifice before he had to shuffle off to Heaven and that well deserved rest that was a few years late."
Angel hopped up and down until he reached the tissue box and offered it to Becca. Becca just smiled.
"No, thanks."
The two sat in a comfortable silence, Angel hopping into the chair next to Becca until Angel began to shake uncontrollably.
"Uhhh...Angel?" Becca rose out of her seat and took a few steps back when a light originating from Angel's body flooded the room.
As quick as the flash had came it died down leaving the room it's dull, gloomy, Angelesque state. The only thing different was the fully-grown and fleshly vampire who was now currently suffering from a case of severe undress and the gaping teen who had now surpassed staring, made a quick stop at gawking and was basically fondling him with her eyes.
"Eep!" Angel yelped as he made a beeline for the cover of his desk. Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and with his vampire hearing heard the unmistakable 'click' of the young woman's picture phone.
Becca smirked. "As much as I loved our little heart to heart talk, I'm sending this to Lindsey right..." Angel watched in horror as her little fingers worked at neck breaking speed. "Now!" Becca's lips curved into a truly evil smirk as she taunted the vampire, walking toward the door.
"Ya know, if you weren't so impractical and had curtains you could wear them as a toga."
"Nooooo!" Angel yelled as he ignored the slight breeze that he felt only because of the fact he didn't have clothes on. Desperate he grabbed the newspaper on his desk and did his best to cover himself as if it one of the pages were a towel. Very, VERY mindful of EVERYTHING, he tackled the mini devil and wrestled her to the floor.
"Holy shit!" Becca screamed as Angel tried to grab the phone out of her hand.
Unfortunately, Becca was efficiently trapped under Angel's considerably bulky build.
"I don't like this position anymore than you do, Becky, but there's no way in Hell I'm gonna let you send that..."
Angel stopped mid sentence when he saw Becca hit the 'Send' button. Angel stared at the phone and Becca stared at Angel.
"Oops. My finger slipped."
Angel glared at Becca and she screamed. Angel felt the rage boiling up in him, so much so that he didn't even realize the compromising position they were still in until he heard the door slam open. Angel and Becca turned their heads to see Spike's face contorted in rage as his human face slipped into the familiar vampire features.
Becca and Angel were frozen in place, neither one daring to even breathe, of course, not that Angel needed to. They both stayed frozen in place not even physically responding to the anguished screams coming from somewhere down the hall.
"Ahhhhh!!!!! I'm blind! Becca sent me that horrid picture and now I'm scarred for life!" Out in the hall, Becca and Angel looked beyond the tense form of Spike as Lindsey and Lawson stumbled around the reception area, their eyes closed with their arms extended out in front of them.
Momentarily distracted by the spectacle going on outside of the office, Becca didn't even notice when Spike decided to pounce.
Spike kicked Angel off of Becca and proceeded to pummel him. He grabbed Angel by the throat as he delivered punch after punch to his grandsire's face.
"Spike!" Becca called as she struggled to her feet and tried to pull Spike off of Angel but he ignored her until he felt a dreadfully familiar presence at the door...
A sardonic giggle interrupted Angel's pummeling.
Becca and Spike's heads moved toward the sound as Angel's face, a little bloody from the broken nose Spike had just given him, lolled to see their newest guest.
Drusilla glided into the office. "That's what Mummy likes to see. Her family all together at last."
An insane glint flickered into her eyes while behind her, Lindsey and Lawson finally walked right into each other, their heads colliding and their asses falling to the floor.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R For surprising plot twists.
Chapter 10: A Field Trip to Hell Incorporated
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Silently, Becca, Chloe and Lawson waited for the CEO of the very law firm from hell they were currently sitting in. Chloe and Lawson were sitting in two chairs in front of Angel's desk while Becca was sitting on the desk,
"I don't think Boss is going to appreciate you sitting on his desk when he comes in here, Beck."
Lawson gave her a thumbs-up from the chair he was sitting in.
"Good job."
Chloe smirked. "I'm looking forward to meeting Angel. I've heard he's quite handsome."
Lawson contorted his face in disgust then looked at the blonde in utter confusion. He shifted to his side to face Chloe then rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he crossed his legs. Apparently, the undead soldier boy had adopted his own Reporter Stance.
"Why are you here? I mean, you're not a demon. You haven't sold your soul for a jump in your professional life. What made you decide to enter the hallowed grounds of Hell Incorporated?"
Chloe mirrored Lawson's actions perfectly shifting to face the wise ass. She clasped her hands in front of her, informally folding her hands while crossing her legs.
"Being a reporter I've seen a lot of unexplained things that go on in LA. I want to get to the bottom of them, even if I can't write them up. I'm mostly just plain nosy."
Becca hopped off of Angel's desk and moved around it to sit in the Head Honcho's chair.
"Can you really call these halls "hallowed"? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? Like 'smart blonde'. Merely a superstition."
"Hey!" Chloe cried out, indignant.
Lawson's mouth dropped. "Sorry Chloe. We didn't think you were a natural blonde. Ouch!" Lawson's yelp was brought about by the kick to the shins Chloe managed to deliver.
Becca covered her smile by moving a hand over her face and sighed. "Listen guys. When you see Angel he might look a little... different."
Lawson and Chloe frowned. Looking at each other in confusion. "How different?" Lawson asked.
Before she could answer, Angel busted in with Spike and Lindsey right behind him, the pitter-patter of tiny puppet feet echoing throughout the room. Becca removed herself from Angel's chair and stood in front of the desk while Chloe and Lawson stood up, the only two in the room who weren't expecting Angel's miniature puppet appearance.
Puppet Angel stopped dead in his tracks. "Lawson. Not a word."
To the human eye it didn't seem like he was capable of saying anything. He just stood there with his mouth agape. Becca moved to stand next to him and nudged him with her elbow.
"Lawson. We're here to handle some serious business so please, don't go blowing this out of proportion." Becca slightly winced at her words as Lawson's head snapped toward her. He moved to talk but Becca silenced him with a pleading look.
Finally he nodded his head, turning around to sit, even though he had to drag Chloe's prone body back in her chair as well, the shock of a Puppet Crusader too much for her.
"Angel. We need to talk."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So you're telling me that someone close to me is going to betray me?" Puppet Angel asked skeptically perched on his chair. He was having a hard time deciding on whether to glare at Becca or Lawson, his childe asking whether he needed a phone book to sit on.
"As far as I can tell. I'm not a seer. I only feel the inevitable." Becca answered with a practiced language she could only describe as Cryptanese. She could feel Lindsey's eyes piercing the back of her head as he stood in the far right corner of the room. Spike sitting on the couch with Lawson and Chloe.
Angel tensed. "Even if I do believe you, if it's inevitable then how can I change what is going to happen?"
"Come on Angel, how long have you been playing this game? Just because something's prophesized doesn't mean it can't be changed. I mean, the Shanshu prophecy didn't talk about two vampires with souls."
Hearing the conversation mention him, Spike picked up his head but everyone else in the room looked toward the two, realizing that this was a pivotal point of the conversation.
"How do you know about the prophecy?" Angel asked defensively. He didn't trust this young girl and the fact that she knew so much about him and he hardly knew a thing about her was grating on his nerves.
"There isn't much I don't know about. But the things I don't know are really important so it balances out."
Angel wasn't amused." Everyone! Out! Now!"
Reluctantly, everyone filed out but Lindsey was the last to leave, looking at Becca. She nodded and Lindsey left, an understanding that they had built over three years ago helping him shut that door with him on the other side.
"Now, Becca. There are too many questions left unanswered and it's time that you answer them."
She shrugged. "Fine. I'll try."
Angel leaped of off his chair and walked around the front. It wasn't until he reached the front of the desk that he realized his problem. He wanted to sit on top of the desk but his short stature hindered his ability.
Slowly he looked back at Becca and realized that she realized this when she darted her gaze quickly, skyward and whistled/ The Picture of Innocence. (Sarcasm)
Not wanting to look like and idiot he tried hopping on the desk, all the while starting his questioning.
"Well, Becca..." Angel grunted as he slid down the front of the desk.
"I guess the first most important question I can ask is..." This time Angel managed to get one leg wayyyy up on the desk but the rest of his body was dangling as he struggled to pull himself up. Rolling her eyes, Becca leaned over and pushed Angel up on the desk.
When he finally got on the desk he whirled around. "Watch the hands you pervy-puppeteer!"
Becca's eyebrows shot up as Angel straightened the lapels of his jacket.
"What are you?"
Becca scratched her head. "To the best of my knowledge I'm the spawn of two vampires."
Angel's jaw hit the floor. "What?"
Angel hopped off of his desk and started pacing. "No. It's impossible. Darla didn't have twins and there was no one else. Except Buffy and I would know if she got pregnant. There wasn't anyone else. Right?"
Becca had never before seen a puppet sweat and it every bit of her self control not to point and laugh at the vampire.
"I didn't say you were my father, Wingless. I don't know who is."
Angel's puppet face relaxed but the confusion of the situation was still on his face.
"But how do you know?"
Becca shrugged. "Doyle told me."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"How do you think it's going in there?" Chloe asked Lindsey as they stared at the closed door. She never wished more that she could walk see through walls.
Lindsey sighed, aggravated that he couldn't be in there. "I don't know. I don't hear glass breaking and furniture being destroyed so I'm going to assume that things are ok."
Lawson moved between the two. "I don't understand why we would let him interrogate her! Just because he looks all Tickle Me Vampire at the moment doesn't mean he still isn't a prick."
The aggravation in his voice was apparent but so was the hopelessness of the situation. Becca needed to give Angel answers and as thick headed as he could be he needed to think that he was in charge. The three walked aimlessly to the middle of the reception office.
"So, Lindsey." Chloe began. "These are your old stomping grounds. Tell us, what's the best way to waste some time."
Lindsey looked abashed. "What?! You think that I had time to lolly-gag and waste valuable time not working?"
Chloe and Lawson smirked, causing Lindsey to relent. "Fine. Come on. I know how to get into anyone's file. We can see who is most likely to betray Angel... And maybe find out what kinda hair gel he uses!"
Chloe laughed at Lindsey's mock enthusiasm as he headed toward the office that he revealed was his old one. After kicking out the obnoxious lawyer who was currently using it, they feverishly began digging up any info that would help...and any dirty laundry that would help them later.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Angel began to quake in rage. "Ya know, I'm getting sick of every jackass who thinks they want to step up to me using Doyle's name!"
Angel sauntered menacingly toward Becca's chair but she was too busy pulling out a pocket watch to be bothered with the Evil Puppet routine.
"This..." Becca opened the watch. "Is a picture of me and Doyle." She fished out the picture and showed Angel the date on the back. Angel took it in his itty-bitty hands.
"Two years ago..." Angel whispered. His whole face lost the tension and distrust it had shown earlier and looked up at the girl sitting in front of her with innocent confusion.
"But why didn't he come back? We all missed him..." Becca held up a hand to silence the older vampire.
"He had a job to do. Much like Cordelia does now. Take someone the PTB feel can be a valuable fighter and train them. When that job was over..." Becca busied herself with putting the picture back into the watch.
"I dunno. I guess that was it. His last big sacrifice before he had to shuffle off to Heaven and that well deserved rest that was a few years late."
Angel hopped up and down until he reached the tissue box and offered it to Becca. Becca just smiled.
"No, thanks."
The two sat in a comfortable silence, Angel hopping into the chair next to Becca until Angel began to shake uncontrollably.
"Uhhh...Angel?" Becca rose out of her seat and took a few steps back when a light originating from Angel's body flooded the room.
As quick as the flash had came it died down leaving the room it's dull, gloomy, Angelesque state. The only thing different was the fully-grown and fleshly vampire who was now currently suffering from a case of severe undress and the gaping teen who had now surpassed staring, made a quick stop at gawking and was basically fondling him with her eyes.
"Eep!" Angel yelped as he made a beeline for the cover of his desk. Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and with his vampire hearing heard the unmistakable 'click' of the young woman's picture phone.
Becca smirked. "As much as I loved our little heart to heart talk, I'm sending this to Lindsey right..." Angel watched in horror as her little fingers worked at neck breaking speed. "Now!" Becca's lips curved into a truly evil smirk as she taunted the vampire, walking toward the door.
"Ya know, if you weren't so impractical and had curtains you could wear them as a toga."
"Nooooo!" Angel yelled as he ignored the slight breeze that he felt only because of the fact he didn't have clothes on. Desperate he grabbed the newspaper on his desk and did his best to cover himself as if it one of the pages were a towel. Very, VERY mindful of EVERYTHING, he tackled the mini devil and wrestled her to the floor.
"Holy shit!" Becca screamed as Angel tried to grab the phone out of her hand.
Unfortunately, Becca was efficiently trapped under Angel's considerably bulky build.
"I don't like this position anymore than you do, Becky, but there's no way in Hell I'm gonna let you send that..."
Angel stopped mid sentence when he saw Becca hit the 'Send' button. Angel stared at the phone and Becca stared at Angel.
"Oops. My finger slipped."
Angel glared at Becca and she screamed. Angel felt the rage boiling up in him, so much so that he didn't even realize the compromising position they were still in until he heard the door slam open. Angel and Becca turned their heads to see Spike's face contorted in rage as his human face slipped into the familiar vampire features.
Becca and Angel were frozen in place, neither one daring to even breathe, of course, not that Angel needed to. They both stayed frozen in place not even physically responding to the anguished screams coming from somewhere down the hall.
"Ahhhhh!!!!! I'm blind! Becca sent me that horrid picture and now I'm scarred for life!" Out in the hall, Becca and Angel looked beyond the tense form of Spike as Lindsey and Lawson stumbled around the reception area, their eyes closed with their arms extended out in front of them.
Momentarily distracted by the spectacle going on outside of the office, Becca didn't even notice when Spike decided to pounce.
Spike kicked Angel off of Becca and proceeded to pummel him. He grabbed Angel by the throat as he delivered punch after punch to his grandsire's face.
"Spike!" Becca called as she struggled to her feet and tried to pull Spike off of Angel but he ignored her until he felt a dreadfully familiar presence at the door...
A sardonic giggle interrupted Angel's pummeling.
Becca and Spike's heads moved toward the sound as Angel's face, a little bloody from the broken nose Spike had just given him, lolled to see their newest guest.
Drusilla glided into the office. "That's what Mummy likes to see. Her family all together at last."
An insane glint flickered into her eyes while behind her, Lindsey and Lawson finally walked right into each other, their heads colliding and their asses falling to the floor.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R For surprising plot twists.