Thanks  Idlehands452 the quick betaing of this chapter on a sunny day. And thank you for making me look smart, because my english kicks ass! Hahaha! Duh huh!

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Dark angel and all its characters and everything with it ( Including the ideas , concept and quotes and dialog from the episodes) belongs all to James Cameron and his team, they are not mine and never will be, so please don't sue me. I am not making money out of this. Just keeping Dark Angel alive, which has ended too soon. No copyright infringement intended. Please don't sue me!

Summary:
Chapter 1: Logan got his back surgery and lost his feeling from the chest down.
Chapter 2: Bling takes Logan home
Chapter 3: Max and Logan kissed. Logan didn't tell Max about his condition.
Chapter 4: Logan in bed, exploring his body and falls asleep.
Chapter 5: Logan lied to Max about his condition and watched TV together in bed.
Chapter 6: Max gets a seizure and Logan tried to help her.
Chapter 7: Logan has ripped his stitches
Chapter 8: Growing closer together
Chapter 9: Bling tried to convince Logan to tell Max the truth.
Chapter 10: Logan wakes up and is able to feel, but not able to move.
Chapter 11: Logan got out of bed by himself, after Sam left and got told off by Bling.
Chapter 12: Max gives Logan another blood transfusion.
Chapter 13: Able to wiggles the toes, Max learns about Logan's spasms
Chapter 14: Logan burns himself out during exercise. Bling is telling him to slow down.
Chapter 15: Logan rises in front of Max, and is able to walk on crutches.
Chapter 16: A trip to the park. Logan kind of fools around with Max.
Chapter 17: He enjoys her touch, they dance, she learns about his scars and feels guilty.
Chapter 18: Logan gets a spasm in front of Max, the day ends together in bed.
Chapter 19: Logan receives bad news from Sam. His body is rejecting Max's stem cells.
Chapter 20: Logan is upset. His body is giving him trouble.
Chapter 21: They dance until his legs are giving up on him.
Chapter 22: Logan finally tells Max the truth about his condition.
Chapter 23: Max is in heat and "attacks" Logan who is physically unable to stop her.
Chapter 24: Max fled after her attack, leaving logan upset about her "behaviour".

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Chapter 25: Facing Facts

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The next day, Bling helped Logan up on the exercise table.

Letting out a deep sigh once he was seated, Logan steadied himself with two supporting hands before looking up at Bling as if to say, Now what ? 

Bling looked at him intently before he spoke. "It's not the end of the world, you know. You just have to learn how to adjust to the new situation." 

Adjust. That's It . . .  just adjust. He thought bitterly and rolled his eyes. Biting his lip, Logan glanced at the clock. It was already afternoon and still no word from Max.

Bling walked over to cabinets and got out a fresh towel. Then he walked over the other side of the table to stand behind Logan, placing two hands on Logan's sides to support him. "You can let go of the table now."

Logan snapped out of his far away thoughts at the sound of Bling's voice, "What?" he said startled.

"Man, where are you today?" Bling laughed.

Logan shrugged, pretending he didn't know. He glanced down at his feet, which were dangling lifeless beneath him.

"What happened between you and Max anyway?"  Bling tried again.

"Nothing," he answered agitated and looked up to glare at his therapist.

Bling understood the message and decided to drop the delicate subject called Max. "By the way, I've got you, so you can let go of the table now," he said casually.

Having not felt anything, Logan looked down and saw the two dark hands supporting him on his sides. In defeat he let go of the table and placed his hands in his lap.

"Ok, I am going to release my grip," Bling explained. "And you've got to try and maintain your balance."

Bling slowly decreased his support.

Logan felt himself tumbling backwards and held on to the table to prevent himself from falling. "There is no point," he said through gritted teeth as he held on tight to the rim of the table.

"It's OK, I've got you," Bling said calmly as he provided Logan the support he needed. "You just need to visualize that your back and abdominal muscles are doing their work. Together with some exercise we can build up some strength again and work on your sitting ability."

"Back to square one," Logan said bitterly, remembering the horrible rehab he had to endure when he was first released from the hospital after he had been shot.

"Are you telling me you are giving up?" Bling said, disliking Logan's attitude.

"No, I am facing facts!" Logan snapped.

"What facts?"

"The fact that I will never be able to sit by myself, and that I should give up thinking about being able to walk again!"

"You ARE giving up," Bling said competitively.

"I'm facing FACTS! These workouts won't help me regaining back the muscle control I've already lost!" he yelled, face turning red.

"I should beat your skinny ass for saying that!"  Bling said agitated.

"Just leave me alone," he said coldly as he shoved the towel off the table with frustration.

"Fine!" Bling said and instantly let go of Logan, who tumbled backwards on the table. Bling saw him struggle on the table, half lying, half sitting, but refused to help him. Instead he casually walked around the table and picked up the towel which had been thrown on the floor.

Logan let out slow grunt as he propped himself on his elbows and pushed himself up.

"I'll come back when you have calmed down," Bling said calmly as he placed the towel back on the table, pretending that everything was just fine. The therapist knew that he should at least put him back in his chair before he left him, but he also knew that he had to knock some sense into Logan the hard way, or he wouldn't get it.

Logan stubbornly glared at him, but didn't give in.

When Bling left the room, Logan shifted himself with all his arm strength to the side where he had left his chair.

He looked down at it and checked the brakes before transferring. Holding on to the table as he reached down, wanting to grab the wheel, he realized that he couldn't reach down without losing his balance.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath.

Clumsily, he started too lower himself down on the table. Leaning on one elbow, he pushed his lower half inch by inch off the edge until he dropped down in his chair.

The transferring progress hadn't gone nearly as smoothly as before, he had to carry more dead weight than his arms could handle.

Logan sat slumped in his chair, legs outstretched in front of him, catching his breath. He hated it, he hated his body, and he hated his chair and everything that went with it. He hated his life.

For the last time, Logan gathered his remaining strength and placed his hands on the wheels and pushed himself up to sit properly in his seat.

After placing his feet on the foot rest he was once again reminded how weird it felt to sit in his chair with out even feeling it, before the surgery he could feel the backrest in his back, but now, there was nothing. It felt like floating in midair, yet another new thing he was going to hate.

Wheeling into the kitchen, he expected to find Bling waiting to beat the hell out of him. Logan had already mentally prepared himself for the verbal ass kicking he would get from his therapist for being ornery, but this time, Bling wasn't there.

Logan jerked his chair around and wheeled through the living room. Still no Bling. He glanced to his right into the computer room, but no Bling in sight. He didn't just leave, did he?

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. . .

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A few moments later, Bling parked Logan's Aztec outside Jam Pony.

With the keys in his hand he walked inside, avoiding the bike messengers coming his way.

As Bling walked towards the man who stood behind the counter, his eyes searched the place, hoping to find Max, who perhaps could tell him what was going on with Logan.

The man behind the counter pointed at a group of idle messengers yelling 'Bip Bip Bip' as he impatiently tapped a marker on his clipboard. Grabbing a can disinfectant spray, he saturated the counter in front of him before turning towards the tall, muscular man standing in front of him.

"Yeah, can I help you?" The man with dark rimmed glasses turned around to face him.

Bling quickly observed the man front of him before speaking, "I'm looking for Max Guevara."

"And who are you?" Normal asked as he leaned over the counter.

"Just a friend," Bling smiled.

"Well, 'friend'," he said with a hint of sarcasm. "Max hasn't checked in since she dropped off that doctor's note, saying that she needed a few day off for some unknown medical reason. And that was a few days ago. She might be dead as far as I know." His words were dripping with sarcasm.

"Well, thanks for telling me, I think I know enough."  Bling smiled politely and left the counter.

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. . .

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"Yo, wait!" a female voice yelled at Bling.

Bling was about to step into the Aztec. He turned around and saw an attractive female on bike coming his way.

She placed her bike against the wall and coolly strode towards Bling, chewing her gum seriously.

"D' you know where my Boo's at?"  She looked up at the tall ebony colored man, as she brushed away some of her curls, which were dangling in front of her face, with her perfectly manicured fingertips.

"I'm sorry, but what do you mean?" Bling frowned at the attractive woman in front of him, wondering what she wanted from him.

"You work for 'Hot Boy', right?" She asked as she leaned on one hip, arms crossed in front of her. "Can you tell Max to give Original Cindy a call?"

"I assume you haven't seen her lately?"  Bling informed casually.

"Not much since Logan has gotten out of the hospital, why?" Original Cindy eyed him up and down.  "She is crashing at his crib, right?" she frowned.

"Yup."  Bling confirmed.

"How's 'Hot Boy' anyway?"

"He's doing OK under the circumstances," he said casually, not wanting to go into details. "Anyway, when I see Max, I will tell her, OK?"

"Great," she smiled.

 "Anyway," he checked his watch, "I gotta go." It was already getting late and he didn't want to leave Logan by himself for too long.

"Ok, see ya!"

"Bye," Bling said as he stepped into the Aztec.

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. . .

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Logan was in his bedroom, staring at the two notes which Max had left him before she went to Jam Pony.

He read the first note.

Dear Logan,
Sorry that I didn't say goodbye to you,
You look so adorable when you are sleeping,
Gotta blaze now, I'm already late!
See you tonight.
Kiss,
Max.

Logan caught himself smiling at the memory of finding his first little letter on Max's pillow. He slowly lay the note down on the bed and picked the other one up and held it between his thumb and index finger.

When you wake up, I'll probably be at work.
I'm sorry about pushing you.
But I still had a wonderful night
And you are an amazing guy,
I'll see ya later
Love- Max

"Amazing guy," he whispered to himself, Yeah right! If he was that amazing, how come Max wasn't with him? How come she left him like that without a word? He still didn't understand why Max was acting like that.

He placed the note next to the other and let out a deep sigh. Why did he always had the same effect on people, why did they always leave him? First his parents, then Valerie, then Daphne, yesterday it was Max and now it was Bling, his personal trainer!  Logan knew that Bling would come back sooner or later, but Max? He still didn't get it why she hadn't called him after he had paged her.

Logan released his brakes and wanted to wheel away from the bed, but lost his balance and tumbled out of the chair.

"Damn it!" he grunted. He let out a loud yell of frustration as he slammed his fist onto his expensive wooden floor.

Logan pushed himself up and dragged the chair closer and set the brakes. He gave himself a few seconds to gather his strength. With two hands on the wheels, he pushed himself up back into his chair, exertion etched in his handsome features.

When he was finally seated, he was exhausted. He felt like a broken toy that nobody wanted. He hated it, he hated what had become of him, he hated being a cripple, he hated his body, and he hated his life. If he didn't like himself, who else would? Who likes a cripple anyway?

Letting out a deep sigh, he wheeled to the computer room and set the brakes on his chair in front of the flickering screen.

He felt like a failure, failing everyone in his life.

His parents had been killed. As a child, he felt guilty that he couldn't prevent it. Even now he still felt the guilt, he was a failure.

In Jonas' eyes Logan was the black sheep of the family, just because he thinks differently than the rest of the almighty Cales. No matter what he had achieved, he was always a failure.

He wasn't able to stop Valerie from drinking; he had failed her and his marriage.

He had failed his marriage. He was the cause of her alcoholism. He was the one who had failed her.

Daphne, she just dumped him. Just like that, out of the blue without a reason, apparently he had failed her too.

He even felt he had failed Dr Sam Carr. After the shooting, Sam tried to remove as many bullet fragments as possible and fix what was left of the blown up spinal cord. But of course his body had failed him, it had let the fragment migrate and cause more damage to his spine.

Logan had stopped believing in himself. There was no way he would be ever out of that damned chair again. Therapy didn't show the results he wanted. Gradually, he saw his body changing, no matter how much he worked out with Bling, the atrophy was unstoppable. There was no way that his physical condition could be improved, let alone the chance to ever walk again. He couldn't even sit by himself! He had given up. He had failed himself and Bling, who actually did believe in him.

But what hurt Logan the most was that he had failed Max. He loved her with all his heart from the day he had laid his eyes on her, but until recently he had never been able to express his feelings towards her. But now, he couldn't just go out anymore, he wasn't able to take just a stroll on the beach, he wasn't able to just take her for a simple dance his living room or just do the things that normal couples would do. He would be a burden to her, he would be slowing her down. He wasn't able to fulfill her needs, her physical needs. That's why she fled. He wasn't complete, he didn't function. He was a failure to her. If he loved her, if he really loved her, he had to let her go.

Logan let out a sigh. He felt trapped, trapped with his own emotions, trapped with his own depression, trapped in his own body. It was too much.

Slowly, he looked down; opening his desk drawer he pulled out the shiny black gun.

The world would be better off without him, right? Right?

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. . .

.

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