Chapter 5
I woke up to the back-seat window being tapped on endlessly. I shot up and looked around. How did I get here? And why was I sleeping. A police officer knocked on the window again with his club, and I rolled down the window.
"Miss. . . are you alright?" He asked. I nodded, running my fingers through my hair which was still styled and ready from prom. Just then, a horibble feeling dropped into the pit of my stomach, and I was ready to vomit. "Miss?"
"Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I fell asleep on my way home. I apologize," I said, crawling into the front seat. He shrugged.
"I saw your car parked off of the main road, and I thought someone had abandoned it. I'm glad to see you're OK. Hurry on home, I'm sure your parents are worried sick about you," he said and strode away. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before sticking the keys into the ignition and starting the car. If I knew who my parents were, I thought bitterly as I drove onto the main road. I wasn't far from my house, but as I drove up to the driveway, I felt so sick that I had to stop for a minute and breathe deeply. I parked the car and walked inside, my knees knocking and my lips trembling. I shut the door as quietly as I could and crept up the stairs, but Daddy was ready and waiting to find me.
"June! Where have you been!" He bellowed as I ran into him. I trembled in response, and he brought his arms around me to embrace me, but I just stood there like an idiot.
"I went out," I replied dully. He pulled away and looked at me.
"Where, and what kept you out so late?"
"I pulled over to the side of the road and I fell asleep accidentally," I explained, my voice quivering. He shook his head and walked away. I walked into the den. I didn't even notice the legal papers that were sitting on the couch. I floated over to them and picked them up, glancing at the letter that was unopened and addressed to me. I went into Dad's office and pulled out the letter opener and shredded the evenlope open, and unfolded the letter.
June-
I don't know how to explain this to you easily, but I'm sure by now that your parents have told you of your true past.
Years after I write this letter, I'm sure you'll be wanting to find me, but I don't even know where I might be after I write this. And I'm sure you will not want to find me. Your parents are very loving and caring toward you, and I hope you wont come to seek me out. You'll be dissapointed in your search.
You and your sisters are all split apart; but coincedentally, you all happen to live in the same city, probably in the same resedential area. You might have even walked past each other and not have even known that it was your true birth sister. I hope one day, you will all be reunited together.
Please accept my words when I say I'm sorry, and that I wish I could have lived with you forever and ever, but things are not going to well, and I had to think of your futures. I wanted you to have the best life you could ever have, and I hope that is what your life is like.
Love,
Mother
Mother?! No name, address, not even a metion of my true birthfather! Angry tears welled in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them ruin the page. I read the letter over and over again, like it would give me the answers I wanted, but I ended up throwing the letter on the couch and picked up my birth certificate. They had kept my real birth name, but even on the birth certificate, I couldn't find my parents names! They were erased, blacked out so that I couldn't even find one letter of their names! My heart wrenched in anger as I looked over the adoption papaers, and even then, they had to have their real name! And then I was unlucky in that search also, because they had been blocked out! I grunted angrily and marched up the stairs to my parents bedroom and pounded on the door.
"Yes?" Dad asked.
"I need to talk to you," I called through the door. He opened it and looked at me.
"What's wrong?" He asked. I thrust the papers in his hand.
"You didn't want me to find them, didn't you?" I cried, walking into his room. Mom was still asleep, and he urged me to be quiet. He went into his sitting room and shut their bedroom door.
"Honestly June, I didn't erase names or anything. Your mother pleaded with me to keep quiet about her identity," he explained.
"But why?" I hissed, burying my face into the cradle of my hands.
"Because she didn't want you to find her, or your sisters,"
"Obviously," I mumbled sarcastically, and I heard his impatient sigh; a mannerism that he usually did with Brian.
"Tell me who she is; what what she like? How did she marry my father? How are my sisters? Where are they?" I rattled off questions in shotgun order, and he crumpled into his chair.
"June, I don't know everything," he implied, and I slapped my thighs as I stood up and walked over to him.
"You have to know at least something about her! You were there! You had to sign the papers, you had to take me away from them!" I said frustratedly. He sighed and ran his fingers through his light hair.
"June, I promised her that I wouldn't tell you anything!" I started to sob, and I pathetically threw myself at his feet.
"Daddy, please, I need to know how it happened! I had to know what she was like!" I sobbed, pounding the ground with my balled fists. I could be a real brat when I wanted something, but this I had to know!
"She was in a lot of trouble," he suddenly shouted. I looked up at him and silenced my sobs. "She had many a run in with the police, and she was only fourteen when she became pregnant with your older sister." At that moment, I wondered who my older sister was and how much older she was. "Her boyfried was into drugs and came home drunk all the time. Your paternal grandmother was hardly home, and somehow, your mother had managed to do all of this before her 17th birthday." My eyes widened.
"By the time all 4 of you were born, her mother had kicked her out, and she went to live with her boyfriend in a town close by. They rented an apartment, and your father had tried to get a job, but all he managed to do was sell cocaine in the back alley and pimp the streets." Normally, if he weren't so serious, I would have started to laugh, but I took him seriously and continued to listen. "About. . . 2 months later, your paternal father started to make threats to your mother, and she had tried to run to her parents, but they would not accept her. So she ran to the goodwill and a center for abused women. She then was forced to give up her daughters." Tears came to my eyes.
"Where is she now?" I whispered. Hopefully, she was close by.
"Honestly, I don't know. When we had signed the final papers, she hadn't given us an address. She said, 'I don't want them to find me or my boyfriend. God only knows where I'll be in a few years'. After that, she walked out of the door of the adoption agency, and as far as we know, nobody had heard a word from her." I sat up and wipe tears away from my cheeks. "And that's all I know."
"What was her name?" My voice suddenly went cold.
"I cannot tell you that June. I promised her that I wouldn't, and I'm not going to."
"Daddy, please," I pleaded, looking up at him with the saddest eyes I could manage, which was not very hard. He looked away.
"I'm not going to tell you. Now, go. I have work to catch up on," he said and walked out of the room, stepping over me and leaving me ther on the floor. I pulled myself up and went into my room and sat on my bed, thinking.
All of my life, I had been known as the good girl, the one that nobody could expect anything bad from. I was always smart, and talented, and gifted in anyway possible. But somehow, I knew that taking a walk on the wild side would prove that I wasn't always good. The sudden idea sparked in my head, and I felt that this was something I needed to do. My parents had told me the secret that they had kept from me for 18 years, and it had angered me to think that they had done that. My thoughts aren't making any sense!
I rant to my closet and pulled out the shortest skirt I had, which was threateningly short, and the smallest blouse I could find and changed into them. I let down my hair which was still styled from prom, and it tumbled down. I put on makeup, rouge and liptstick that was dark. In all, I knew that I had looked wild and sexy, and I snuck out of the house and took my new mercedes down to the pool hall where I knew that kids hung out, especially from my school. I parked, sighed nervously, and walked isnide, catching the eyes of many men as I did so. I heard some gasps from some of the people I knew, and immediately, Lilly and Cassandra ran up to me, their eyes wide.
"What in Gods name. . . " Lilly drawled as she looked me over. I smiled.
"What are you, insane?" Cassie yelled. I shrugged.
"I'm sick of being the good kid," I explained simply, and a guy walked over to me and pinched my bottom. My instinct was to turn around and confront him, but I turned around and smiled. . . at Andrew! I nearly died, but I held my head high. I could see that he was shocked, just absolutely shocked!
"June!" He cried, pulling me aside. "What the hell are you doing?" I shifted my eyes away nervously. "And why are you dressed like that?"
"I- I was sick of being Miss Valedictorian," I stuttered, looking around and hoping that I would just run out of the building. His eyes suddenly lit up.
"Well, then, if you want to retry our relationship. . ." He wasn't making any sense! Finally, after a few seconds, I realized what he was talking about. Instead of being appaled, I smiled and whispered in his ear.
"Maybe later tonight," I whispered. His eyes gleamed with appreciation.
"Your house. Make sure that your parents aren't home," he whispered back. I trembled, but I took on a different personality just at that moment.
"OK then. I call you," I said and kissed him. Men whistled and girls gasped, but without looking at them, I fled out of the pool and fled to my car, crying silently to myself, and I drove home. I had hoped that Daddy was really busy and Mom was asleep so that I could bring Andrew home like I said I would. I ran up to my room and ransacked through my entire wardrobe to find something appealing enough without making it seem too overdone. I found a slender dress hidden in the back of my closet, and I didn't even know how it had gotten there. And it was Red. Red; the color of harlots, whore, tasteless women. But I put it on, and there was a knock on my door. I jumped up and put my robe on, wiping off my make up quickly and answered the door.
"Your mother and I are going out tonight. There is a charity ball that we must attend and we are just about ready to leave. Are you going to be all right by yourself?" Dad asked. My heart plunged into the pit of my stomach. That would mean that Andrew had to come over! I gulped and nodded.
"Definently," I blurted. He grinned.
"See you later tonight." He kissed my cheek and shut the door. I flung myself onto my bed and sobbed for a few minutes, then went to my vanity mirror and carefully applied makeup, making sure not to overdo it, but to slightly show myself off. The dress was quite revealing, and luckily I had a good figure to flaunt. I looked at the clock. I thought that it was late enough to call him, so I picked up the reciever and dialed Andrew's number with trembling fingers.
"Hello?" He answered after two rings. I gasped silently.
"Andrew," I said in my most seductive tone. I could feel his smile radiating through the phone.
"Well June, I almost thought that you weren't going to call."
"Well, you thought wrong." At that moment, I felt that a new surge of confidence filled me up, and I was no longer scared or trembling. "Conveniently, my parents had a charity ball to go to tonight, and I'm all alone. Why don't you come over?"
"I think I just might. I'll be over in a few minutes," he said and hung up.
I sat at my vanity table, making myself look as perfect as I could. I heard Brian running through the house, and I remebered that I had to get rid of him. I walked out of my room, wallet in hand, and smiled athim.
"Why are you dressed up?" He asked.
"Because someone is coming over. And I need you to do me a really big favor," I said, stooping down to his level.
"What?"
"I need you to stay downstairs for me," I commanded. He frowned.
"I don't wanna," he protested, pouting his lower lip. I groaned.
"What if I gave you 5 dollars?" I questioned, opening my wallet and waving a crisp 5 dollar bill in front of his face. He snatched it from my hand. "And you can't tell mom and dad."
"How come?"
"Because they don't know." He looked at the bill and smiled.
"OK, I won't," he promised and walked away. I sighed with relief and I heard the doorbell ring. Brian ran off into the backyard and shut the door. I ran to the door and slowly opened it, glancing at him like I didn't know who it was.
"Andrew!" I cried, warpping my arms aorund him. "How nice it is to see you." He beamed and walked inside of the house. He finally noticed my dress and locked eyes with me.
"You look absolutely gorgeous in that dress," he complimented, smiling impishly. I blushed.
"Let's go into the living room," I said and dragged him inside, sitting him down on the couch. I grinned and reached for the remote and turned on the TV, curling up next to him and sighing.
"Why are you so beautiful?" He asked me, his lips tickling my cheek. I giggled helplessly. I turned toward him and instantly he was kissing me. My body responded to him, and I was just as sexually hungry as he was. His hands were attacking my body in the nicest way, carresing and kissing. But deep down inside the depths of my heart I knew this was all wrong. I knew it, but I kept doing it anyway. Andrew lifted me up and carried me up into my room, somehow knowing where it was. He tossed me onto the bed and came at me ferrociously, starting to take of that red dress I was wearing. And to show him that I was just as eager, I pulled on the buttons of his shirt and dropped it to the floor, looking at his abs as he sat me up and slid the dress off of my body.
"Andrew," I whispered. "Did you bring. . . ?"
"A condom?" He asked, pulling it out of his back pocket. I stared at him for a moment, and kissed him, slipping out of my dress and draping it over my chair. He kissed my stomach and unclipped my bra and kissed my breasts, and I let out a small moan. He looked up at me and smiled and brought my lips to his.
All this time, I thought the first time that I made love would be the most memorable moment of my life, but now it was all going downhill! And I was letting it happen! What was I doing? Stop!
He had already yanked off my bikini bottoms and was working on his own clothing. I closed my eyes, welcoming his touch, his kisses, the way he looked at me made me feel giddy. Finally, I heard a wrapper rip and Andrew positioned himself and dove in.
I nearly screamed! I wretched underneath his body, but he didn't seem to mind. I could feel my skin beginning to tear, and I felt the blood rush out of my body. I groaned in pain and whimpered. It seemed never ending, and I wanted to yell and scream and beat my fists on his to get off of me, but I let him have his way. I shivered, and I felt the tears come to my eyes and fall down my cheeks. This seemed to go on for more than it was supposed to, but finally, he trembled, and collapsed near me. I quivered and cried silently, and he tried to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away.
"What's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head. He leaned over and tried to see what was wrong, but I reached for my clothing and started to get dressed. I ached.
"So this was just somewhat of a one night stand?" He asked angrily. I sniffled in response and clipped my bra. "Fine." He got his clothes on, and he left without even saying goobye. I sobbed and clutched my pillows helplessly. Brian came into my room, and he saw me crying.
"What's wrong?" he cried, running over to me and wrapping his arms around me. I clung to him helplessly.
"Nothing, it's just that I had my feelings hurt," I said. How could I explain to him what just happened to me? I held my little brother that wasn't even my little brother, and I sobbed.
"I'll go beat him up, and then my A16's will blow him up!" He said angrily. I laughed and held him closer to me.
"No, It's OK, I'm feeling better already," I said, wiping away all of my tears and smiling through a curtian of depression that was closing itsself around me.
"Okay," he said and ran downstairs, shutting the door. And after making sure that he was gone, I started to really cry.
I knew that I was pitying myself for what was happening to me, but who wouldn't be sorry! I wanted to crawl into a hole and just die, that's how miserable I was! I wanted to tell someone about this, to really express my feelings to someone, but nobody would listen! Especially after what happened today! How I acted, dressed, talked! I made myself sick just to think about it. I sniffed and sobbed and moaned out loud. Now the pain inside of me was beginning to get exscruciatingly bad, and I wanted to scream and just die right there!
I picked myself up and went into my bathroom and ran some hot water for a shower, and undressed and stepped inside, the water burning me, but I ignored it and scrubbed my body; where he had kissed me, touched me, everywhere imaginable! I stood in the shower for a few minutes before getting out and wraping a large fluffy towel around myself and sat down on the toilet seat and sobbed.
My days passed endlessly, and all started with crying and sobbing. Of course, I had never told my parents what happened to me, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them! It still made me feel horrible about myself, and Andrew called a few times, but I never answered the phone. I knew he wanted more of what he had gotten, but I was never going to talk to him ever again.
My diary entries were getting longer and more depressing everyday. I filled the small book with the horrid events of that day and how I felt. It was my best friend; my conselour.
Many weeks later, Mommy knocked on the door when I was in my sobbing mood, and I stopped and opened the door.
"April, you've been crying," she said, frowning. "What's wrong?" She had wanted to wak into my room and to sit down and talk, but I wouldn't let her.
"Just thinking. What is it?" I asked, sniffling and pasting on a fake smile.
"A letter came from you. A girl name April. . . Sanders." She looked at the address, and I took it from her hand. "Do you know who it is?"
"Um. . . " I looked at the letter again. She lived in Colorado Springs, which made me wonder who she was. "Yeah. Thanks." I closed the door softly and turned around and ripped open the letter, trying not to rip the return address.
June-
I'm sure you're wondering who I am and why I'm writting to you, but I think by now that you know I'm one of your sisters.
I know how you feel, believe me. I had the news just broken to me recently. My name's April, by the way. . .
I've been thinking about this whole. . . sister thing, and it's really weird. I don't have any other brothers and sisters, and I grew up with a Mother that was almost beauty obsessed, and a father was in the Armed forces. So you can say I didn't get much love in my childhood. But if I had lived with my real mom and my sisters, I wonder how things might have turned out. She wrote me a letter to read someday, and I think you got one too. . . and she told me how life would have sucked if I lived with her, but considering my past, that seems inviting.
I do wanna know what you look like, and what your like, so maybe if I get in contact with the other two, we could all meet somewhere and stuff.
April
She left the return address and a phone number that I could call to talk to her. I dropped the letter and ran over to my desk and rummaged through drawers for a notebook and pen. Finally, there was something to focus on. My sisters. My real family.
April-
I just recieved your letter, and I'm near tears. I'm June, your older sister.
I did just learn about my true parentage, and I didn't take it very well. I'm sure you didn't either. I cried for hours just thinking and thinking about it, and recently, I did something very stupid, which I'll tell you about some other time.
My mother, our mother, wrote me a letter to, and she told me never to find her and never know her identity. I don't understand why she wouldn't want her four children to live with her; start a life with her! But I did find out some information that you might not know. She was very poor; she depended on the salvation army alot. Her boyfriends was an abuser to everything imaginable, in the drug and alcohol world, and the youngest was born before she was 15. She was kicked out of the house, and she and her boyfriend moved into an apartment.
That's basically all I know. I hope that someday we will meet, and I can't wait for the day that we do.
June.
I left my name, address and phone number and signed with X's and O's. I had hardly known this girl, and I was already sending my love. I pulled out an envelope from a drawer in my desk and adressed it to April Sanders. Later on, I would drop it in my mailbox and hope that it got there safely.
I had a renewed hope; something that put the light in my days, the spring in my step. I put my troubled days behind me and started on a new page, anxiously waiting for a call, a letter from my younger sister. And finally, after a week or so, she finally wrote back.
June-
I got your letter, and I'm very excited. Within the next few weeks, I could meet my true sisters.
I'm here sitting alone, and I keep thinking about stuff that could have been, and it's quite depressing. I keep thinking about you, and what you look like, and what my other sisters look like, and it's all just jumbled in my mind.
I haven't gotten word from the others yet; I keep waiting, but I don't know if they ever want to talk to me. Maybe I should just send pages and pages of letters and then maybe they will write back and tell me to shut the hell up.
How have things been over on your side of the town? Things are just dandy here; I've been kicked out for about 2 weeks now, living in a hotel with my boyfriend until we get things settled. Just think, he dropped out of college to be with me! After I found out about. . . well, he came down here to stay with me until I was stable enough to be on my own, but now he wants to be with me forever. Gotta love him.
Actually, now that I think about it, I think I really messed up this time. I mean, sure, I've messed up before in life, but that wasn't as bad as it is now. I never really told you how I got kicked out; I got into a bad argument with my parents. I was mad at them; they had kept that from me for 17 years! I'm a really cocky and sarcastic person, and I talk back, alot to my parents, and it just got out of hand. So they dumped me. Like some piece of trash. Of course, I wanted to go. I couldn't stand living with a drill seargant and a movie star! But now I know that I was better off living with them.
I'm not going to dwell anymore. Jeff, my boyfriend just walked into the door and he wants to take me out to dinner. Please, write me back, because the mailman is annoyed that I sleep by the mailbox.
April
I laughed at her last comment, and I put the letter back into the envelope and put it in a box that I kept all of my special letters.
Suddenly, I heard a scream from the backyard and my heart lurched into my throat. It was Brian. I ran into the backyard and looked around. He was gone! I checked the treehouse, his ground-fort, and the large one-achre of land that we owned. There was one place I hadn't checked.
The pool.
I woke up to the back-seat window being tapped on endlessly. I shot up and looked around. How did I get here? And why was I sleeping. A police officer knocked on the window again with his club, and I rolled down the window.
"Miss. . . are you alright?" He asked. I nodded, running my fingers through my hair which was still styled and ready from prom. Just then, a horibble feeling dropped into the pit of my stomach, and I was ready to vomit. "Miss?"
"Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I fell asleep on my way home. I apologize," I said, crawling into the front seat. He shrugged.
"I saw your car parked off of the main road, and I thought someone had abandoned it. I'm glad to see you're OK. Hurry on home, I'm sure your parents are worried sick about you," he said and strode away. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before sticking the keys into the ignition and starting the car. If I knew who my parents were, I thought bitterly as I drove onto the main road. I wasn't far from my house, but as I drove up to the driveway, I felt so sick that I had to stop for a minute and breathe deeply. I parked the car and walked inside, my knees knocking and my lips trembling. I shut the door as quietly as I could and crept up the stairs, but Daddy was ready and waiting to find me.
"June! Where have you been!" He bellowed as I ran into him. I trembled in response, and he brought his arms around me to embrace me, but I just stood there like an idiot.
"I went out," I replied dully. He pulled away and looked at me.
"Where, and what kept you out so late?"
"I pulled over to the side of the road and I fell asleep accidentally," I explained, my voice quivering. He shook his head and walked away. I walked into the den. I didn't even notice the legal papers that were sitting on the couch. I floated over to them and picked them up, glancing at the letter that was unopened and addressed to me. I went into Dad's office and pulled out the letter opener and shredded the evenlope open, and unfolded the letter.
June-
I don't know how to explain this to you easily, but I'm sure by now that your parents have told you of your true past.
Years after I write this letter, I'm sure you'll be wanting to find me, but I don't even know where I might be after I write this. And I'm sure you will not want to find me. Your parents are very loving and caring toward you, and I hope you wont come to seek me out. You'll be dissapointed in your search.
You and your sisters are all split apart; but coincedentally, you all happen to live in the same city, probably in the same resedential area. You might have even walked past each other and not have even known that it was your true birth sister. I hope one day, you will all be reunited together.
Please accept my words when I say I'm sorry, and that I wish I could have lived with you forever and ever, but things are not going to well, and I had to think of your futures. I wanted you to have the best life you could ever have, and I hope that is what your life is like.
Love,
Mother
Mother?! No name, address, not even a metion of my true birthfather! Angry tears welled in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them ruin the page. I read the letter over and over again, like it would give me the answers I wanted, but I ended up throwing the letter on the couch and picked up my birth certificate. They had kept my real birth name, but even on the birth certificate, I couldn't find my parents names! They were erased, blacked out so that I couldn't even find one letter of their names! My heart wrenched in anger as I looked over the adoption papaers, and even then, they had to have their real name! And then I was unlucky in that search also, because they had been blocked out! I grunted angrily and marched up the stairs to my parents bedroom and pounded on the door.
"Yes?" Dad asked.
"I need to talk to you," I called through the door. He opened it and looked at me.
"What's wrong?" He asked. I thrust the papers in his hand.
"You didn't want me to find them, didn't you?" I cried, walking into his room. Mom was still asleep, and he urged me to be quiet. He went into his sitting room and shut their bedroom door.
"Honestly June, I didn't erase names or anything. Your mother pleaded with me to keep quiet about her identity," he explained.
"But why?" I hissed, burying my face into the cradle of my hands.
"Because she didn't want you to find her, or your sisters,"
"Obviously," I mumbled sarcastically, and I heard his impatient sigh; a mannerism that he usually did with Brian.
"Tell me who she is; what what she like? How did she marry my father? How are my sisters? Where are they?" I rattled off questions in shotgun order, and he crumpled into his chair.
"June, I don't know everything," he implied, and I slapped my thighs as I stood up and walked over to him.
"You have to know at least something about her! You were there! You had to sign the papers, you had to take me away from them!" I said frustratedly. He sighed and ran his fingers through his light hair.
"June, I promised her that I wouldn't tell you anything!" I started to sob, and I pathetically threw myself at his feet.
"Daddy, please, I need to know how it happened! I had to know what she was like!" I sobbed, pounding the ground with my balled fists. I could be a real brat when I wanted something, but this I had to know!
"She was in a lot of trouble," he suddenly shouted. I looked up at him and silenced my sobs. "She had many a run in with the police, and she was only fourteen when she became pregnant with your older sister." At that moment, I wondered who my older sister was and how much older she was. "Her boyfried was into drugs and came home drunk all the time. Your paternal grandmother was hardly home, and somehow, your mother had managed to do all of this before her 17th birthday." My eyes widened.
"By the time all 4 of you were born, her mother had kicked her out, and she went to live with her boyfriend in a town close by. They rented an apartment, and your father had tried to get a job, but all he managed to do was sell cocaine in the back alley and pimp the streets." Normally, if he weren't so serious, I would have started to laugh, but I took him seriously and continued to listen. "About. . . 2 months later, your paternal father started to make threats to your mother, and she had tried to run to her parents, but they would not accept her. So she ran to the goodwill and a center for abused women. She then was forced to give up her daughters." Tears came to my eyes.
"Where is she now?" I whispered. Hopefully, she was close by.
"Honestly, I don't know. When we had signed the final papers, she hadn't given us an address. She said, 'I don't want them to find me or my boyfriend. God only knows where I'll be in a few years'. After that, she walked out of the door of the adoption agency, and as far as we know, nobody had heard a word from her." I sat up and wipe tears away from my cheeks. "And that's all I know."
"What was her name?" My voice suddenly went cold.
"I cannot tell you that June. I promised her that I wouldn't, and I'm not going to."
"Daddy, please," I pleaded, looking up at him with the saddest eyes I could manage, which was not very hard. He looked away.
"I'm not going to tell you. Now, go. I have work to catch up on," he said and walked out of the room, stepping over me and leaving me ther on the floor. I pulled myself up and went into my room and sat on my bed, thinking.
All of my life, I had been known as the good girl, the one that nobody could expect anything bad from. I was always smart, and talented, and gifted in anyway possible. But somehow, I knew that taking a walk on the wild side would prove that I wasn't always good. The sudden idea sparked in my head, and I felt that this was something I needed to do. My parents had told me the secret that they had kept from me for 18 years, and it had angered me to think that they had done that. My thoughts aren't making any sense!
I rant to my closet and pulled out the shortest skirt I had, which was threateningly short, and the smallest blouse I could find and changed into them. I let down my hair which was still styled from prom, and it tumbled down. I put on makeup, rouge and liptstick that was dark. In all, I knew that I had looked wild and sexy, and I snuck out of the house and took my new mercedes down to the pool hall where I knew that kids hung out, especially from my school. I parked, sighed nervously, and walked isnide, catching the eyes of many men as I did so. I heard some gasps from some of the people I knew, and immediately, Lilly and Cassandra ran up to me, their eyes wide.
"What in Gods name. . . " Lilly drawled as she looked me over. I smiled.
"What are you, insane?" Cassie yelled. I shrugged.
"I'm sick of being the good kid," I explained simply, and a guy walked over to me and pinched my bottom. My instinct was to turn around and confront him, but I turned around and smiled. . . at Andrew! I nearly died, but I held my head high. I could see that he was shocked, just absolutely shocked!
"June!" He cried, pulling me aside. "What the hell are you doing?" I shifted my eyes away nervously. "And why are you dressed like that?"
"I- I was sick of being Miss Valedictorian," I stuttered, looking around and hoping that I would just run out of the building. His eyes suddenly lit up.
"Well, then, if you want to retry our relationship. . ." He wasn't making any sense! Finally, after a few seconds, I realized what he was talking about. Instead of being appaled, I smiled and whispered in his ear.
"Maybe later tonight," I whispered. His eyes gleamed with appreciation.
"Your house. Make sure that your parents aren't home," he whispered back. I trembled, but I took on a different personality just at that moment.
"OK then. I call you," I said and kissed him. Men whistled and girls gasped, but without looking at them, I fled out of the pool and fled to my car, crying silently to myself, and I drove home. I had hoped that Daddy was really busy and Mom was asleep so that I could bring Andrew home like I said I would. I ran up to my room and ransacked through my entire wardrobe to find something appealing enough without making it seem too overdone. I found a slender dress hidden in the back of my closet, and I didn't even know how it had gotten there. And it was Red. Red; the color of harlots, whore, tasteless women. But I put it on, and there was a knock on my door. I jumped up and put my robe on, wiping off my make up quickly and answered the door.
"Your mother and I are going out tonight. There is a charity ball that we must attend and we are just about ready to leave. Are you going to be all right by yourself?" Dad asked. My heart plunged into the pit of my stomach. That would mean that Andrew had to come over! I gulped and nodded.
"Definently," I blurted. He grinned.
"See you later tonight." He kissed my cheek and shut the door. I flung myself onto my bed and sobbed for a few minutes, then went to my vanity mirror and carefully applied makeup, making sure not to overdo it, but to slightly show myself off. The dress was quite revealing, and luckily I had a good figure to flaunt. I looked at the clock. I thought that it was late enough to call him, so I picked up the reciever and dialed Andrew's number with trembling fingers.
"Hello?" He answered after two rings. I gasped silently.
"Andrew," I said in my most seductive tone. I could feel his smile radiating through the phone.
"Well June, I almost thought that you weren't going to call."
"Well, you thought wrong." At that moment, I felt that a new surge of confidence filled me up, and I was no longer scared or trembling. "Conveniently, my parents had a charity ball to go to tonight, and I'm all alone. Why don't you come over?"
"I think I just might. I'll be over in a few minutes," he said and hung up.
I sat at my vanity table, making myself look as perfect as I could. I heard Brian running through the house, and I remebered that I had to get rid of him. I walked out of my room, wallet in hand, and smiled athim.
"Why are you dressed up?" He asked.
"Because someone is coming over. And I need you to do me a really big favor," I said, stooping down to his level.
"What?"
"I need you to stay downstairs for me," I commanded. He frowned.
"I don't wanna," he protested, pouting his lower lip. I groaned.
"What if I gave you 5 dollars?" I questioned, opening my wallet and waving a crisp 5 dollar bill in front of his face. He snatched it from my hand. "And you can't tell mom and dad."
"How come?"
"Because they don't know." He looked at the bill and smiled.
"OK, I won't," he promised and walked away. I sighed with relief and I heard the doorbell ring. Brian ran off into the backyard and shut the door. I ran to the door and slowly opened it, glancing at him like I didn't know who it was.
"Andrew!" I cried, warpping my arms aorund him. "How nice it is to see you." He beamed and walked inside of the house. He finally noticed my dress and locked eyes with me.
"You look absolutely gorgeous in that dress," he complimented, smiling impishly. I blushed.
"Let's go into the living room," I said and dragged him inside, sitting him down on the couch. I grinned and reached for the remote and turned on the TV, curling up next to him and sighing.
"Why are you so beautiful?" He asked me, his lips tickling my cheek. I giggled helplessly. I turned toward him and instantly he was kissing me. My body responded to him, and I was just as sexually hungry as he was. His hands were attacking my body in the nicest way, carresing and kissing. But deep down inside the depths of my heart I knew this was all wrong. I knew it, but I kept doing it anyway. Andrew lifted me up and carried me up into my room, somehow knowing where it was. He tossed me onto the bed and came at me ferrociously, starting to take of that red dress I was wearing. And to show him that I was just as eager, I pulled on the buttons of his shirt and dropped it to the floor, looking at his abs as he sat me up and slid the dress off of my body.
"Andrew," I whispered. "Did you bring. . . ?"
"A condom?" He asked, pulling it out of his back pocket. I stared at him for a moment, and kissed him, slipping out of my dress and draping it over my chair. He kissed my stomach and unclipped my bra and kissed my breasts, and I let out a small moan. He looked up at me and smiled and brought my lips to his.
All this time, I thought the first time that I made love would be the most memorable moment of my life, but now it was all going downhill! And I was letting it happen! What was I doing? Stop!
He had already yanked off my bikini bottoms and was working on his own clothing. I closed my eyes, welcoming his touch, his kisses, the way he looked at me made me feel giddy. Finally, I heard a wrapper rip and Andrew positioned himself and dove in.
I nearly screamed! I wretched underneath his body, but he didn't seem to mind. I could feel my skin beginning to tear, and I felt the blood rush out of my body. I groaned in pain and whimpered. It seemed never ending, and I wanted to yell and scream and beat my fists on his to get off of me, but I let him have his way. I shivered, and I felt the tears come to my eyes and fall down my cheeks. This seemed to go on for more than it was supposed to, but finally, he trembled, and collapsed near me. I quivered and cried silently, and he tried to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away.
"What's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head. He leaned over and tried to see what was wrong, but I reached for my clothing and started to get dressed. I ached.
"So this was just somewhat of a one night stand?" He asked angrily. I sniffled in response and clipped my bra. "Fine." He got his clothes on, and he left without even saying goobye. I sobbed and clutched my pillows helplessly. Brian came into my room, and he saw me crying.
"What's wrong?" he cried, running over to me and wrapping his arms around me. I clung to him helplessly.
"Nothing, it's just that I had my feelings hurt," I said. How could I explain to him what just happened to me? I held my little brother that wasn't even my little brother, and I sobbed.
"I'll go beat him up, and then my A16's will blow him up!" He said angrily. I laughed and held him closer to me.
"No, It's OK, I'm feeling better already," I said, wiping away all of my tears and smiling through a curtian of depression that was closing itsself around me.
"Okay," he said and ran downstairs, shutting the door. And after making sure that he was gone, I started to really cry.
I knew that I was pitying myself for what was happening to me, but who wouldn't be sorry! I wanted to crawl into a hole and just die, that's how miserable I was! I wanted to tell someone about this, to really express my feelings to someone, but nobody would listen! Especially after what happened today! How I acted, dressed, talked! I made myself sick just to think about it. I sniffed and sobbed and moaned out loud. Now the pain inside of me was beginning to get exscruciatingly bad, and I wanted to scream and just die right there!
I picked myself up and went into my bathroom and ran some hot water for a shower, and undressed and stepped inside, the water burning me, but I ignored it and scrubbed my body; where he had kissed me, touched me, everywhere imaginable! I stood in the shower for a few minutes before getting out and wraping a large fluffy towel around myself and sat down on the toilet seat and sobbed.
My days passed endlessly, and all started with crying and sobbing. Of course, I had never told my parents what happened to me, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them! It still made me feel horrible about myself, and Andrew called a few times, but I never answered the phone. I knew he wanted more of what he had gotten, but I was never going to talk to him ever again.
My diary entries were getting longer and more depressing everyday. I filled the small book with the horrid events of that day and how I felt. It was my best friend; my conselour.
Many weeks later, Mommy knocked on the door when I was in my sobbing mood, and I stopped and opened the door.
"April, you've been crying," she said, frowning. "What's wrong?" She had wanted to wak into my room and to sit down and talk, but I wouldn't let her.
"Just thinking. What is it?" I asked, sniffling and pasting on a fake smile.
"A letter came from you. A girl name April. . . Sanders." She looked at the address, and I took it from her hand. "Do you know who it is?"
"Um. . . " I looked at the letter again. She lived in Colorado Springs, which made me wonder who she was. "Yeah. Thanks." I closed the door softly and turned around and ripped open the letter, trying not to rip the return address.
June-
I'm sure you're wondering who I am and why I'm writting to you, but I think by now that you know I'm one of your sisters.
I know how you feel, believe me. I had the news just broken to me recently. My name's April, by the way. . .
I've been thinking about this whole. . . sister thing, and it's really weird. I don't have any other brothers and sisters, and I grew up with a Mother that was almost beauty obsessed, and a father was in the Armed forces. So you can say I didn't get much love in my childhood. But if I had lived with my real mom and my sisters, I wonder how things might have turned out. She wrote me a letter to read someday, and I think you got one too. . . and she told me how life would have sucked if I lived with her, but considering my past, that seems inviting.
I do wanna know what you look like, and what your like, so maybe if I get in contact with the other two, we could all meet somewhere and stuff.
April
She left the return address and a phone number that I could call to talk to her. I dropped the letter and ran over to my desk and rummaged through drawers for a notebook and pen. Finally, there was something to focus on. My sisters. My real family.
April-
I just recieved your letter, and I'm near tears. I'm June, your older sister.
I did just learn about my true parentage, and I didn't take it very well. I'm sure you didn't either. I cried for hours just thinking and thinking about it, and recently, I did something very stupid, which I'll tell you about some other time.
My mother, our mother, wrote me a letter to, and she told me never to find her and never know her identity. I don't understand why she wouldn't want her four children to live with her; start a life with her! But I did find out some information that you might not know. She was very poor; she depended on the salvation army alot. Her boyfriends was an abuser to everything imaginable, in the drug and alcohol world, and the youngest was born before she was 15. She was kicked out of the house, and she and her boyfriend moved into an apartment.
That's basically all I know. I hope that someday we will meet, and I can't wait for the day that we do.
June.
I left my name, address and phone number and signed with X's and O's. I had hardly known this girl, and I was already sending my love. I pulled out an envelope from a drawer in my desk and adressed it to April Sanders. Later on, I would drop it in my mailbox and hope that it got there safely.
I had a renewed hope; something that put the light in my days, the spring in my step. I put my troubled days behind me and started on a new page, anxiously waiting for a call, a letter from my younger sister. And finally, after a week or so, she finally wrote back.
June-
I got your letter, and I'm very excited. Within the next few weeks, I could meet my true sisters.
I'm here sitting alone, and I keep thinking about stuff that could have been, and it's quite depressing. I keep thinking about you, and what you look like, and what my other sisters look like, and it's all just jumbled in my mind.
I haven't gotten word from the others yet; I keep waiting, but I don't know if they ever want to talk to me. Maybe I should just send pages and pages of letters and then maybe they will write back and tell me to shut the hell up.
How have things been over on your side of the town? Things are just dandy here; I've been kicked out for about 2 weeks now, living in a hotel with my boyfriend until we get things settled. Just think, he dropped out of college to be with me! After I found out about. . . well, he came down here to stay with me until I was stable enough to be on my own, but now he wants to be with me forever. Gotta love him.
Actually, now that I think about it, I think I really messed up this time. I mean, sure, I've messed up before in life, but that wasn't as bad as it is now. I never really told you how I got kicked out; I got into a bad argument with my parents. I was mad at them; they had kept that from me for 17 years! I'm a really cocky and sarcastic person, and I talk back, alot to my parents, and it just got out of hand. So they dumped me. Like some piece of trash. Of course, I wanted to go. I couldn't stand living with a drill seargant and a movie star! But now I know that I was better off living with them.
I'm not going to dwell anymore. Jeff, my boyfriend just walked into the door and he wants to take me out to dinner. Please, write me back, because the mailman is annoyed that I sleep by the mailbox.
April
I laughed at her last comment, and I put the letter back into the envelope and put it in a box that I kept all of my special letters.
Suddenly, I heard a scream from the backyard and my heart lurched into my throat. It was Brian. I ran into the backyard and looked around. He was gone! I checked the treehouse, his ground-fort, and the large one-achre of land that we owned. There was one place I hadn't checked.
The pool.