A/N: Here's chapter two! I finally feel I'm getting somewhere with this fic. I'll place a longer note at the end of this chapter. Bad language warning.
Chapter Two: Home Truths
"Oh, Ginny. Hi." Hermione knew she was blushing, but instinctively moved so that her umbrella was also sheltering Ginny. Ginny's attractive face was at the moment, contorted into a furious-looking scowl, which would have made a lesser person cower. Hermione, however, just stood there, unsure of what to say.
"So you remember who I am, then?" Ginny snapped. She'd always been a firecracker, but it seemed she'd developed an even more volatile personality since the last time Hermione had seen her... No, don't think about that, she told herself.
"Of course I do," Hermione sighed. "Look, what are you -- "
"Because I thought you must have forgotten. Why else wouldn't you have written to me in, oh, months?" Ginny's face was turning as red as her hair, and Hermione desperately wished the two of them weren't having this conversation in the middle of the street.
"Ginny, I'm sorry, but I've been busy!" Hermione hissed. "I didn't forget you, I just didn't have the time."
Ginny laughed bitterly. "Oh, my mistake! Here's me thinking you always had time for your friends, Hermione! Or don't you think any of us count, now you're arsing about here with a load of stuck-up cows?"
Hermione opened her mouth to give an irritated retort, when a voice spoke from behind her, making her look around.
"What's going on?" It was Lil, her gaze flicking in confusion from Hermione to Ginny and back again. "Are you ok?"
Hermione nodded, glancing back at Ginny, whose foot was tapping dangerously. She was just like her mother, Hermione thought briefly, then stopped herself before she thought about anyone else. "Yes, I'm fine. Lil, this is my friend, Ginny. Ginny, this is Lil. She's my roommate."
Lil smiled at the redhead, who returned it cursorily, still glaring at Hermione. "It's nice to meet you, Ginny. Are you a friend of Hermione's from... school or something?"
Ginny opened her mouth, probably to utter a scathing remark, but Hermione beat her to it. "Yes, she is. I haven't seen her in ages, actually."
"Oh, well if you two want to catch up, I'll be fine walking back on my own," Lil offered. "I need to find my mum a present, anyway, and write this card." At Hermione's protests, Lil smiled and held up a hand. "It's ok! I can head back and see what damage Amber's done before you get there. I hate when guests think we're total slobs." She rolled her eyes, said goodbye and walked off at pace.
Hermione's stomach dropped. She really hadn't wanted to be left alone with a furious Ginny, but Lil wasn't to know that. Sighing, she looked at the diminutive girl next to her. "Do you want to go for a coffee? I know a nice place up here..."
Ginny shrugged, but followed Hermione all the same when she began walking in the opposite direction. "She seems nice," was the next thing Ginny said, taking Hermione by surprise, but she nodded.
"She's really nice," she agreed. "She's been my one true friend since I came here..." Even that was saying too much, and Hermione was glad that they'd arrived at the café, inside which they found a small table in the corner and ordered hot chocolates. Hermione sneaked a glance at Ginny, but found that the younger girl wasn't looking quite so irate any more. In fact, she looked upset. "Ginny?"
"How could you do that, Hermione?" Ginny's eyes filled with tears and she stared determinedly at the tablecloth. "Leave us all like that. Like we meant nothing to you."
"That's not true!" Hermione said, eyes wide. "You do mean something to me! More than I can say!"
"Then why? Didn't all that history count for anything?" Ginny sniffed but still refused to meet Hermione's gaze. "You were my best friend."
"I still am," Hermione said quietly. Ginny shook her head.
"No, you're not. A best friend would have written to me before now, asking how I was and how everyone was getting on. A best friend wouldn't forget all about me... about us. After what we all went through..." Ginny's words were full of sadness.
"I know. I do!" Hermione insisted when Ginny snorted in derision. "I remember it all as if it was yesterday, Gin! But so much has happened and I'm so confused. I had to make a decision and I thought... I thought this was best for me."
Finally, Ginny raised her head and stared Hermione straight in the eye, showing hurt and anger in equal measure, though her voice remained steady and firm. "I'm sure you did, Hermione. But what about the rest of us? Didn't you wonder what might be best for us? Didn't you care?"
Hermione felt a pang in her heart, and she nodded vigorously. "Of course I did! I do! Ginny, me leaving was probably the best for everyone! I didn't have anything to offer, I didn't want to bring you all down and make you resent me, even though I resented myself. It wasn't fair! I cared so much, that's the reason I left!" Her voice had become slightly shrill now, but Ginny didn't seem to notice. She just continued to fix Hermione with her scarily steely glare.
"You didn't have anything to offer? You're the cleverest witch in the country! One of the best in the world! And you think you didn't matter? And don't give me that 'bringing us down' shite. We were your friends! Do you think any of us care if you act a little strange? It was inevitable, after what happened to you! But you didn't give us a chance, did you? You didn't believe we could be proper friends, so you went away and left us. And now everything is fucking ruined." At this, Ginny lost her composure completely and dissolved into silent tears, covering her face with her hands, both of which were adorned with several silver rings. Hermione recognised one as a birthday present she'd given Ginny a couple of years ago – it rocked her to the core and made her want to cry, too.
Hermione almost told Ginny not to swear, but then realised she had no right to tell Ginny anything. Instead, she reached across and placed a hand on Ginny's left arm, expecting to be brushed off. She wasn't. "Ginny," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you." It was the truth, and as Hermione sat there and watched her friend cry, she realised how much she'd missed her old friends and their laughter. She had been able to force herself to forget while they were nowhere in sight, but having Ginny right in front of her made Hermione feel terribly guilty – and oddly lonely.
Ginny didn't speak, as the waitress had brought over their drinks and Hermione withdrew her hand. Ginny took a couple of deep breaths before dropping her hands from her face and picking up a packet of sugar. "I'm sorry too. For turning up like this and fucking up your life. I'm sure you don't need it right now. But I had to come. The atmosphere at home is shit and we're all fighting all the time. I hate it. I wish everything could be how it used to." The sheer desperation on Ginny's pretty face was enough to make Hermione start crying, and she unsuccessfully hid it from Ginny by pretending to examine her watch. "Hermione, don't, please," Ginny said quietly. "I didn't mean to hurt you, either."
Hermione shook her head. "No, you're right, Ginny. I've been a horrible friend. I can't believe you came to find me." She paused and wiped her eyes. "I don't understand, though. Why are things so bad at home? What's going on?" Suddenly she felt anxiety sweep through her as she realised she had no idea what Ginny was talking about; it could be anything, for all she knew, and what had she done? Nothing. Not even had the good grace to enquire about her friends' lives. Oh, nice going, Hermione, she thought bitterly to herself, no wonder Ginny hates you.
Ginny sighed and took a sip of her hot chocolate, muttering 'ouch!' when it scalded her tongue. "Where do I start? Well... My mum and dad are arguing a lot these days."
"Oh no," Hermione breathed. She could barely believe what Ginny was saying. Mr and Mrs Weasley were a lovely couple, and the strongest she knew. "Really? Maybe it's just one of those rough patches, you know." She tried to sound reassuring, but knew she had no right to go suggesting things.
Ginny shrugged. "We don't know. I mean, they keep telling us they're fine, but I can always tell. One night I woke up and heard Mum shouting at Dad. And Dad never shouts, not really, he just lets her get on with it and stuff... You know what I mean, you've seen them." At this, Hermione nodded. "It was horrible, though, Hermione. Mum was saying something about Dad hardly being there for us any more, because he was spending so much time at work. Except she said it worse than that. And I couldn't sleep after, so I went through to Ron's room and slept in his spare bed when they'd stopped shouting. Honestly, we're really worried."
Hermione swallowed a lump which had inexplicably risen in her throat. Well, not inexplicably. She felt sorry for Ginny, sorry for her parents... and sorry for Ron, someone she'd forced herself not to think about, not even briefly, since she'd said goodbye to him. Now she had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying and making things ten times worse for poor Ginny, who had closed her eyes.
"I think it's all the aftermath of the battles and stuff. It's been over for ages but that doesn't stop people from feeling pain." Ginny opened her eyes again and drank some more hot chocolate; Hermione echoed her action without thinking. "And then... Well, Ron's got this girlfriend." Ginny said the word as if it was dirt, which counteracted Hermione's sudden nausea only slightly. "She's a right bitch. She keeps talking to me as if I'm about ten, and she tries to get me to sit down and discuss make-up with her. I don't think so. And the truth is, he acts like she's great and he's happy but he isn't, and I know that for a fact. He misses you like hell, Hermione, and it's killing him, and it was that which made me decide to get you, bring you back, give you back to Ron and then he'd come home more often and stop leaving me alone in that house all night..." Ginny began to sob again, and Hermione felt worse than she had in years.
"Ginny, I..." She was at a loss.
Ginny shook her head. "I'm not telling you this to be a bitch. I don't mean to make you feel guilty or anything. I just never have anyone to talk to and sometimes I wish you were there."
Hermione nodded, understanding fully and cursing herself even more. "What about Harry?" she asked tentatively. To her knowledge, he had become very close to Ginny in their last year at school, and Hermione had always anticipated them getting together. Her face fell, therefore, when Ginny looked even more upset, if that were at all possible.
"Well, we were sort of together for a while. About three weeks, to be precise. I'm not even sure he wanted to be with me, but anyway." Ginny's voice stiffened a little and she sat up straighter in her chair. "He wants to be an Auror, of course, and he was planning to attend this college-type place to further his skills and education first. And Ron wanted to do that too. But I dunno, they changed. Harry decided life was too short to be sitting at home with me and working when he could be out having a laugh. No, he didn't say that, but it's what he meant," Ginny added when she noticed Hermione open her mouth to speak. "He's not the same. You'd think being free would, would lighten him up. He lives with us at home of course, but..." Ginny took a deep breath. "We are all fucked up. And I promise I don't want to make you feel bad, but it's because of you that they changed."
Hermione somehow had known this was coming, and she nodded. "I don't really see why I'd affect them so much, but if you say so," she sighed, and Ginny smiled. It was a real smile, and Hermione couldn't resist returning it. In the next instant, she'd left her seat, moved around the small table and was hugging Ginny tightly. In school, Hermione had never been much of a hugger with girlfriends, but all that evaporated now, and this was the most natural thing in the world. To take care of the people who mattered the most to her. How she could have neglected them like that... Another part of her, however, was anchored in this university and this way of life, and wasn't intending to disturb that.
"That's just like you," Ginny said at last, once they'd broken apart and Hermione was sitting in her seat again. "You never did understand it. Without you, they're not the same. They'd never admit it, of course, but it's the truth. You've helped Harry in so many ways I've lost count and I think he's lost without you to nag him and tell him he should be at college and not wasting his time arsing around with people like Lavender."
"Lavender?" Hermione's eyes were wide.
Ginny nodded. "Long story. But you cutting us off like that, it was as if you'd... well, as if you'd died, and he took it very badly. He still does. And Ron... Hermione, I don't know if you ever noticed, but Ron worshipped the ground you walked on. I know you two never got together in the end... We were so sure you would."
Hermione blushed. "We did kiss a couple of times. I mean, we did more than kiss... It wasn't the right time, though. Everything was blowing up and we couldn't... I couldn't... God, this is all my fault!" She felt the tears again at the thought of Ron; she'd loved him for years at school, but even though they'd had a few false starts, nothing more had happened. It was partly that which had made Hermione decide to leave, although she hardly ever let herself think that, because it upset her. The idea of having to be best friends with Ron any more when all she wanted to do was be much more than that, was too much for her to bear when she was sure there was no chance.
"It's ok," Ginny said quietly, taking Hermione's hand. "I know how you're feeling. If you'd stayed, you might have finally got there! This girlfriend is all a pretence, you know. He'll never admit it to anyone, least of all me, but he misses you dreadfully and he'll lie awake at night for ages, probably thinking of you. Well, when he's home, at least."
Hermione couldn't reply; all that was occupying her thoughts was Ron, and she cried harder with Ginny squeezing her hand.
It was an hour later when Hermione invited Ginny back to her dorm and the two girls were walking out of the café. The rain showed no signs of letting up, and Hermione groaned.
"Can you believe my hair was straight this morning?" she said, holding up a section, which was entirely frizzy. "Now look at it."
"Back to normal," Ginny grinned, and Hermione shrugged.
"Ah well, it's too much hassle trying to look nice all the time. Wish I was like you, you don't need to work on it."
Ginny blushed. "Don't be silly, Hermione. You're very pretty and your hair suits you like that anyway. Ron always liked it." Hermione shot her a glare and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry."
"Please, just... Don't keep mentioning him. This day has been hard enough as it is. And now I'll go back and my room will probably be wrecked..."
"If you want I can just go," Ginny said quickly. "I told Mum I was staying at a friend's."
"No, of course you have to stay. I'm really glad you're here..." Hermione frowned suddenly. "Aren't you meant to be in school?"
Ginny nodded. "I am, but I was allowed home for a few days. One of my cousins died."
Hermione clapped a hand to her mouth. "Oh Ginny, why didn't you say? I'm sorry."
Ginny shook her head, and her auburn tresses blew in the wind. "It's ok, I didn't really know him. Someone four times removed, or something." She rolled her eyes and Hermione couldn't help laughing a little. "But you know, I was allowed back for a few days and told Mum I'd feel better with a friend. Ron's not been home for a couple of nights and I got lonely."
They had arrived at the university accommodation and Hermione led the way up to the fourth floor, to her room. She pressed an ear to the door before sliding her key into the lock. "Just checking World War Four hasn't broken out," she whispered, to which Ginny smiled, as the door opened.
Lil was sitting at her desk by the window, scribbling furiously, while Amber was cross-legged on her bed, listening to music via headphones. Both looked up when the two girls walked in, Ginny looking slightly apprehensive, although Lil gave her a friendly smile.
"Just finishing my essay!" she explained, as Hermione closed the door. "I'll be so glad when it's over. Have you started yours yet, Hermione?"
Hermione felt Ginny's eyes on her as she shook her head. "Not yet... I'll get some done tomorrow." She glanced at Ginny, who was mouthing 'tomorrow?' and looking nothing short of shocked. The Hermione in school would never have left work to the last minute. "Amber!"
Amber had been watching them, and pulled her headphones off so they sat around her neck. "Yes?" she said sweetly – a bit too sweetly.
"This is Ginny. She's staying over tonight, so be nice."
"When aren't I?" Amber replied, reaching over to her bedside drawer. "Want some chocolate, Ginny?" Ginny, who didn't have much experience in the non- magical world, looked as if she wanted to say no, but instead she nodded, and Amber threw her a bar. "Hermione?"
"No thanks," she said absently. "What's this?" She's just noticed a note sitting on her bed, and picked it up. Amber sniggered.
"Oh yeah, that guy you shagged earlier dropped it off. Probably arranging more..." She stopped at the sight of Hermione's face, and gleefully returned to her music. Hermione sat on her bed, Ginny beside her, and opened the note. Ginny read it over her shoulder and her eyes widened when she finished.
"That's a bit... explicit!" she said at last. "Who is this guy?"
"Just... just someone. I don't really know." She couldn't look Ginny in the eye, not while she was thinking about Ron.
Lil looked over sympathetically; she appeared to have finished her essay. "Don't listen to people like Amber," she said firmly. "She's shagged nearly every man on campus. Hermione has had what – 4 dates since she came here and suddenly that's a big deal. Honestly." She came over and sat on Hermione's other side. None of them spoke for a few minutes, and it was a relief when Ginny broke the silence, rummaging in her jeans pocket.
"I just remembered, I brought this for you," she said, pulling out something and handing it to Hermione. It was a photograph of Ginny, Ron, Harry, Hermione and Mr and Mrs Weasley, taken the day they'd all come home from Hogwarts. Usually, the people in the photograph would have been moving, as all did in the wizarding world, but evidently Ginny had had the presence of mind to bewitch the picture, so it looked like the sort Muggles would take. Nevertheless, the effect it had on Hermione was enormous, and it was all she could do not to start crying again.
"Ooh, who's this now?" Lil asked, interested.
"Well, that's me and that's Hermione, obviously," Ginny explained, pointing to relevant people in the photo. "And that's my brother Ron, and that's his best friend Harry – well, they're both Hermione's best friends too – and those are my parents."
"Aww!" Lil smiled as she took the photo from Hermione and studied it. "You all look so happy! The boys are really cute," she giggled, giving it back.
Ginny laughed too. "Please, my brother is not cute." She chanced a glance at Hermione, which didn't go unnoticed, but nothing else was said.
"Hey, it's really late!" Lil exclaimed, looking at the clock. "I'm going to try to sleep. I've got an early lecture tomorrow. It was nice talking to you again, Ginny. Night. Night Hermione. Night Amber!" she yelled, earning a sarcastic wave from the girl in the corner. "She is too much..." Lil went to the bathroom and Hermione started clearing her bed.
"You can sleep here, I'll take the floor."
"You know, if you had your wand, you could get another bed," Ginny said under her breath, her eyes dancing with mischief. Hermione smiled despite herself.
"I know..." She felt a sadness fill her and sighed deeply.
"Don't you miss it?" Ginny asked gently, laying a hand on her arm.
Hermione nodded. "I do. Of course I do, but that's not enough. It's too late! How can I go back after this? After acting like the world's biggest bitch? After coming here and forcing myself to act differently, to change so I wouldn't keep thinking about things... About people..." She sniffed and before she knew it, she was crying in Ginny's arms again.
A/N: Ok, so what did you think? I said before that while Hermione might have seemed a bit out of character, she really is the same person but she's been hiding behind a façade. I hope that's come across a bit better in this chapter, and anyway to be fair she's only slept with about 4 and one of them, she thought was a boyfriend – but I may expand later!
I know this chapter seems a bit weighty on talking but there were lots of things I had to address quickly to bring Ginny and the others back into Hermione's world and unsettle her a bit. I think it will become clear that Hermione is torn between her wizarding life and being back with Muggles, something she hasn't been in a long time and I kind of think it's natural for her to miss that way of life from time to time. Just wanted to explore that. I know there's not much plot at the moment but I'm still setting the scene, so bear with me.
Thanks for the reviews as well – I appreciate them all and hope to get more on the back of this part! Oh, and I don't like the title any more – there will be quest AND destiny in the fic but it's still a rubbish title, lol. I'll try to think up something better. I'll also probably upgrade it to an R rating once it needs to be...