AN: Okay, this particular story is finished. I may write an epilogue or a follow-up if the mood strikes me. But consider this one finished.
"I remember awakening one morning
and finding everything smeared with the color of
forgotten love…"
--Bukowski
Ryan was dreaming about Teresa. And their child. She had jet black hair, just like her mother. She had his blue eyes. She was beautiful. She was wearing a pink dress with blue flowers. She was chasing butterflies with a handful of dandelions and before he could get to her, she tripped and fell to the ground.
"Oh, baby, are you all right?" Teresa's voice was wracked with worry as she rushed across the backyard.
He woke up with a gasp, his hands clenching the blanket desperately.
"Ryan? Ryan, what is it?" Hailey was beside him immediately.
"Hailey?" He was confused. The pain from his injuries slammed into him and he remembered.
"You had a bad dream, Ryan, it's okay…you scared the hell out of me…" Hailey admitted. "Are you okay? Do you want some pills?"
"No, I just…I need a minute…" Ryan whispered. He was suffocating. Kirsten, Sandy, Seth, their concern was too much for him. Hailey and Jimmy, none of them should be here. He needed to be alone.
"Ryan…"
"Can I get a little privacy, Hailey? I'm sorry, but…but I don't think I can be around anyone right now," He admitted.
"Okay, honey. But I'll be right outside if you need me," Hailey stood up.
"Actually…can you leave? I need…I need some time to myself…" Ryan added.
"We're not leaving you here all alone," Hailey said quietly. She glanced up and saw Sandy in the doorway.
"Ryan?" Sandy came in and sat down in Hailey's vacated seat as she gave them their privacy.
"Sandy, I appreciate everything that you guys are doing but…"
"We're not leaving…"
"I can't…" Ryan sighed. "I can't do this with all of you here…I need my space…"
"You're in no condition…"
"I can't grieve if all of you are watching me like I'm going to slit my own wrists. I'll be fine, Sandy. Please," Ryan said, urgently.
"Ryan…"
"Please. I'll call if I need anything…"
"We're an hour away, kid, we can't get here in time," Sandy said. "Don't make us do this…"
"I'll be fine. I swear. I'll call. Please."
Finally, Sandy nodded. He closed the door behind him as he left to usher his family from the apartment.
Ryan heard Kirsten arguing with Sandy from the other room but he knew that Sandy would convince them.
He needed to be alone.
He was alone.
------
"I can't believe we just left him there," Seth said.
"We need to have a long talk about you leaving us while you went sailing off into the sunset," Sandy replied. Hailey and Jimmy were getting dinner with Summer, leaving the Cohens alone together for one of the first times since his return.
"I'm so sorry…I didn't think about…"
"You left us, Seth. You left us and all you did was write a note…a note!" Kirsten replied.
"I never thought I'd be this happy to have you guys yelling at me…I mean, I didn't even believe what Ryan was telling me when he came to get me. He took a plane…" Seth muttered.
"Ryan's scared of heights, he said he'd never fly…" Kirsten remarked.
"Yeah, but Summer's dad loaned him the private jet. He wasn't even mad, guys, he just said that you guys needed me…I'd never thought about what my leaving would do to you…" Seth admitted.
"You're everything to us, Seth…" Sandy whispered.
"I'm so sorry…"
"You could've called, Seth. Or something. You missed your grandma's funeral…" Kirsten started.
"My grandpa's incarceration, yeah, I know. I missed too much. And I lost the only girl I've ever loved. And I lost my brother, too," Seth replied.
"Ryan will come back to us. He has to," Sandy stated.
"We've all made some mistakes this summer. But we'll make them right," Kirsten said.
"Is it too soon to call and check on him?" Seth asked. Sandy was already dialing.
----
Ryan opened the door. "Eddie."
"Damn, man…you're really busted up…" Eddie said quietly.
"Eddie, what do you want?" Ryan sighed. He was in no condition for a fight but if that's what Eddie wanted, he'd give him one. He'd beat him down with his crutch if he had to.
"I…I wanted to talk to you. Apologize and…I mean, you know I loved Teresa…and I know you loved her, too…I…nobody else knows how this feels," Eddie said quietly.
Ryan sighed. "I really don't want to do this, Eddie…not now…"
"I'm sorry. I should've called…"
"I busted the phone," Ryan replied.
Eddie nodded. "Can I come in, man? Please?"
Ryan wasn't sure why, but he let him in. Eddie had a brown paper bag in his hand and when he sat down on the couch, he pulled out a bottle of vodka.
"Eddie, what are you doing?" Ryan asked.
"Teresa loved this vodka. The Grey Goose. We could never afford it but on our anniversary, I'd always buy her a bottle," Eddie said quietly. Ryan realized that Eddie was the only person in the world that was possibly hurting as much as he was. He sat down beside him on the couch.
"How's her mom?"
"She's pissed at me. But she's handling it. Arturo's pretty upset. Trey called, worried about you," Eddie said.
"My mom came by."
"She came by the house, too. She was pretty surprised to have you back in Chino. What are you going to do now, man?" Eddie asked.
All the hatred between them seemed to have died with Teresa. They'd been friends long before she'd become either of their lovers.
"I'm going to have a drink with you. We'll drink to Teresa," Ryan replied. Eddie smiled sadly and pulled out another bottle of vodka.
"Individual bottles, man."
"Good idea," Ryan nodded, accepting the bottle.
-----
Sandy and Kirsten were sitting in the kitchen when Summer walked in from the patio.
"Hey, guys. Since you're both…back to normal again…I guess I should ask permission for crashing in the poolhouse, right?" Summer asked.
"Summer, you've done more for this family than we can ever repay. You will always be welcome in our home," Kirsten replied.
"But if we get our way and Ryan comes home, we'll have to make other sleeping arrangements for you," Sandy smiled.
"He'll come around. He's stubborn but he'll do the right thing," Summer nodded.
"You really helped him out, didn't you?" Kirsten asked.
"He helped me out. I lost Cohen, too," Summer replied. "We made it through together. With Hailey and Jimmy…Jimmy's so upset about Marissa but there's nothing he can really do…but helping you guys, finding Seth…it's something tangible he can do to make a difference."
"Are you hungry, Summer? Did you need something?"
"I was actually going to drive out to Chino. It's been long enough. I want to check on him before I head home," She admitted.
"Want some company?" Sandy asked.
"I was thinking of asking Cohen. I think we could use the ride to talk some things out," She admitted.
"Good idea. Let us know if he's okay," Kirsten said.
"I will. I'll go get Seth."
------
Summer and Seth rode in silence for the first several miles.
"I've had rage blackouts my whole life, Cohen, but I've never been as angry as I was at you when you left," She said suddenly.
"Summer, I'm sorry…"
"I know you are but it doesn't change how angry I was back then. I just wanted you to know."
"Is there any way I can make it up to you?"
"How about not take my love and stomp all over it? God, Cohen, Chino gave up his whole life for a friend, a fucking friend, and you walked away from me…your true love because you're a spoiled little brat…" She snapped. "I don't understand how I fell so hard for someone who doesn't give a shit about me…"
"I do give a shit about you, you're everything to me…but…but I'm nothing without Ryan…a year ago, you didn't even know my name, Summer…and Ryan changed all of that…"
"I changed. You changed. Ryan was just the sign that things were going to change. He's not a force of nature, he's just a kid like you and me. He was trying to do the right thing. You killed him when you left…he needed you…and you just abandoned him."
"Summer, he left Newport…"
"To raise his child. God, Cohen, you know what his family was like, at least, you know more than I ever did until Teresa told me about it. He wanted a better life for his child. And now…god…this is just the worst thing ever."
"I know. I'm sorry, Summer. I was wrong. I took everything for granted, my parents, you, Ryan, my life here, everything…it's all so fucking fragile that the smallest thing can knock it on it's head…I'm so sorry…"
She sighed. "Okay. I believe you. The way you handled Ryan at the hospital…I can tell you've grown up a lot since you left."
"It wasn't from the trip, it was the culture shock of being back here in the alternate universe that has become my life," Seth remarked. "Losing you…I'll never be able to recover from that."
"Well, at least we're still friends. Right?"
"I hope so," He replied.
-----
Seth knocked loudly on the door of Ryan's apartment. Finally, the door opened.
"Eddie? What the hell are you doing here? Where's Ryan?" Seth demanded.
"Chill out, he's fine, he's crashed out in the bedroom," Eddie slurred.
"What the fuck are you doing here? Ryan would kick your ass…" Summer snapped, pushing past him. "Are you drunk?"
"Yeah, Ry said he didn't want me driving home so I'm waiting on my taxi," Eddie replied.
"Wait outside," Seth replied. Eddie nodded and left.
"What the hell is going on in here?" Summer saw the empty bottles of vodka and immediately got a bad feeling. She rushed into the bedroom. Ryan was lying on his back, snoring.
"Is he okay?" Seth asked, joining her. Summer sat down beside her damaged friend.
"Ryan? Ryan, can you wake up for me?" She asked gently.
He sluggishly opened his eyes and regarded her. "Summer?"
"Are you drunk?"
He smiled. "Yeah."
"Stupidass…" She muttered. "What happened?"
"She's gone…she's just…gone…" Ryan murmured, his eyes growing distant.
"But you're still here," Summer insisted. She gently shook him. "You're still here and you can't do this to yourself…"
"I should have protected her…I should have taken care of her…"
"There was nothing you could have done, Ryan," Seth replied.
"It's just not fair…leave me alone…" Ryan rolled over, away from their concerned stares.
"Honey, we're bringing you back with us. No argument," Summer said suddenly.
"No…"
"Listen to me. I will not let you stay here alone. Not in this place that's haunted with her. I'm going to get some of your things together and you're going to come back to Newport with you. Just for a little while, okay?"
"No, Summer…" Ryan protested.
"It's not permanent, Ryan, but we're worried about you," Seth started. "And it's not good for my folks to be worried right now. They need to see you, they need you to be there where they can hover and make themselves feel useful."
"I can't…"
"We're not leaving without you. So suck it up, Chino. You're coming home."
He closed his eyes and the alcohol took him back to sleep.
-----
"Summer? Seth? You didn't call, is everything…" Hailey and Jimmy met them outside.
"He's drunk. We came over and found him passed out drunk in his bed…" Seth said. Ryan was stretched out across the back seat of Summer's car.
"Drinking?" Jimmy asked.
"Eddie was there. I guess they had some weird bonding experience," Summer muttered.
"But he's okay? How'd you convince him to come home?" Hailey asked.
"It's not permanent. We told him that it was too much stress on Sandy and Kirsten to be worrying about him when he's an hour away," Summer replied.
"He didn't cuss us out except for the first twenty minutes," Seth replied. "Then he passed out."
"He's really wasted, guys," Summer warned Jimmy as he leaned into the car.
"Ryan? Ryan, kid, wake up for me…"
"Get off me…" He muttered.
"We just want to get you inside so you can lie down," Jimmy said.
"Inside…we in Newport again?" Ryan opened his eyes and blinked to try and focus.
"Come on, kid," Jimmy helped him out of the car and Hailey immediately handed him the crutches.
"Thanks…what's going on, again?" Ryan questioned.
"Let's get you to the poolhouse, you drunk," Summer teased, heaving a dufflebag of his clothes over her shoulder.
"I'm going to tell Mom and Dad what's up. Take him around the side, it'll be less steps for him," Seth suggested.
By the time Ryan made it to the poolhouse, Sandy and Kirsten had been informed of his arrival and were waiting.
"Sleep now?" Ryan asked, looking at Summer.
"Yes, Chino. Lie down," She ordered.
"He's drunk…" Kirsten whispered. "He sent us away so he could get drunk?"
"Eddie came by. We think it was his idea."
"But he's home…"
"For tonight. He's home."