Chapter 3
I hated the relationship we had. I wanted to be one of those mother and daughter pairings that were the best of friends. But we had never been like that. It was even worse when I saw glimmers of the mother that I wanted to have, but I couldn't control the anger from years ago. My own mother came to my home almost in an act of friendship and I slammed the door in her face. I was repulsed with myself. But then I remembered all the times I felt my skin burn from where she had hit me. And I remembered all the times I felt my heart ache when she locked me in my room. And I remembered all the times my ears burnt with the sound of her having sex with a man I had never met before in the next room. And all the times she threatened me if I were to tell my father. But there was the one time that her newest betrayal was someone close to me. Too close for comfort, in fact.
My best friend, Charlie had always been oddly fascinated with my mother. She was nicer to him than she had ever been with me or anyone in my family for that matter. She was like a mentor to him. He was 3 years older than be, but he had always been like another big brother. I wasn't sure exactly when I fell for him, but I fell hard. It was my first love. We started dating when I was only 16. Charlie had just finished his first year of college, and came home with promises of his love. We dated for two years after that. On the night of his 21 birthday, which was two weeks before I was due to move into my dorm for college, a few of his friends and I planned him a surprise birthday party. As he was now 21, my mother had been kind enough to provide whatever alcohol she had in the house, and a few extras. Being underage, I had refused to drink. I wasn't really keen on the idea of it having seen my brother drunk a few times in his college years, and having to comfort him the next day while he suffered severe hangovers. My mom however encouraged me to drink, while she consumed nothing for a change. She would sit on the couch most of the night changing the music when necessary. After a while, she announced that she would be upstairs so she could let us "crazy kids" have our fun. I still had yet to drink any of the beer, but all the rest of the guys and girls there were gone. The party had grown larger than I had expected, but I suppose once one person is invited the crowd will just multiply. Because of the crowds, it took me a while to realize that Charlie, the drunkest of them all, was missing. Curious as to where he was, I pushed my way through the crowds checking the rooms to see if he was sick. Little did I know that I would be the sick on after what I found. I cringed at the memory alone. Charlie remembered nothing the next day, or so he said, and I couldn't help but believe him. He had always been so honest, and that was part of the reason I loved him. My mother, on the other hand, remembered everything, and gladly told me every bit of detail. How he had stumbled in there looking for somewhere to sleep everything off, how she had convinced his incoherent self to lie down with her, and how she had thrown herself at him. She justified it by telling me she was testing him, seeing just how faithful he was to me. I just couldn't see how getting an obviously drunk man who was out of his senses to sleep with her was a test of faith. I can't say that I ever completely forgave Charlie. I'm not even sure if he completely forgave himself. But I told him I forgave him, and I told myself I forgave him, but every time we were close, the images would flash before me. I know he didn't know what was going on, but I just couldn't be with him. That night was just another slap in the face from my mother. Perhaps when she showed up at my door had been an act of making peace with our cold war, or perhaps it was just as she had said, she had no where else to stay. But part of me wanted her to want to make peace. But the more sensible part of me realized that that would never happen. But in the mean time, I made a silent resolution to myself to act as though we loved each other, just as she did when we weren't alone. It would make everything easier.
Rachel had pulled a few strings when I called her asking if we could get Jenny to New York as well. We weren't sitting anywhere near her, but at least we would be on the same plane. She had gone off the rest of the day to spend some time with her boyfriend Collin, who she refused to admit was in fact her boyfriend. Emily had taken the sudden news of a trip very well. She was good friends with her boss, and easily got the next few weeks off, and after some pleading with my boss, I got the time off as well. After the two of us were completely packed, which took practically all day because we can never get anything done when we are together, it was already time to get to the airport. Jenny had already arrived home, and by the look of her darkened skin, she and Collin had spent most of the day outside. And so the three of us set out for the airport excited to finally get away from California for a while. As I sat down in my seat next to Emily, and watched Jenny sit down uncomfortably next to an attractive guy who looked to be about 25, I heard my phone give a shrill ring. I smiled at Emily and quickly answered it. "Hello?" "Rachel, where are you right now?" I heard my brother Kyle on the other end. "I'm in a plane, Kyle, where are you?" "I'm at my house which has just been invaded." He sighed as I heard the excited shriek of his 2 year old daughter, Rose, followed by a dogs bark. "Oh Kyle," I laughed, "I was leaving town! I couldn't let her stay with me if I was leaving town!" "She said you took Jenny with her." "Yeah, she's on the plane too." "And then slammed the door in her face." Kyle sighed. I couldn't tell if he was angry about this, or impressed. Knowing Kyle, I could only assume that he was impressed but would refuse to show it, and soon try and cover it up with anger. "What were you thinking, Rachel?" Bingo. "I wasn't thinking, alright." I admitted, "I was sort of shocked. I mean, I haven't seen her in over two years, and now suddenly she wants to be roomies? It was all sort of a surprise to me." I sighed rubbing my forehead. "Well that's understandable. But maybe if you would go home for dinner every once in a while, it wouldn't have been so shocking." I sighed not wanting to have this same argument with Kyle. "You're right." By his silence, I noticed that that was the last thing he had expected to hear from me. "Next time mom invites me home for dinner, I will come. I promise." There was another moment of silence before Kyle spoke again, "Thanks, Rachel. But that still doesn't fix the problem at hand." I sighed again, "Put mom on the phone." "What?" He asked. "You heard me, put her on the phone."
There was a crackling noise in Courtney's ear as Kyle handed the phone of to his mother, "Courtney." My mother said with in a monotone.
"I don't blame you for being angry, Ma." I sighed, not exactly sure how this was coming out of my mouth, "But just hear me out."
"I'm listening."
"Kyle has a spare key to my apartment. If you want, you can stay there until your house gets finished." I said ignoring Emily's shocked expression and the waves of her hands telling me to take it back. "Stay in my room. Sorry about the slight mess. When Emily and I get home Jenny can sleep on the couch, and I'll sleep on the floor."
There was a slight pause before mom spoke again, "I still don't want you going to Rachel's wedding." I rolled my eyes. The one time I tried to be nice, she couldn't just accept it. "I'm already on the plane, it's too late." "That woman tore my family apart." "How so?" I asked honestly curious as to what justifications she had to the accusation on her sister. "How so?!" She repeated in an outraged tone of voice, "Well moving to that filthy city for one!" "Mom, the plane is about to take off." I sighed, slightly grateful towards the stewardess miming for me to hang up the phone. "Don't throw any wild parties while we're away." I said sarcastically. "Well fine. If you chose to waste a few weeks in New York be my guest. Goodbye." "Bye mom." I sighed, hanging up the phone. That was the most civil conversation we had had in years.
I hated the relationship we had. I wanted to be one of those mother and daughter pairings that were the best of friends. But we had never been like that. It was even worse when I saw glimmers of the mother that I wanted to have, but I couldn't control the anger from years ago. My own mother came to my home almost in an act of friendship and I slammed the door in her face. I was repulsed with myself. But then I remembered all the times I felt my skin burn from where she had hit me. And I remembered all the times I felt my heart ache when she locked me in my room. And I remembered all the times my ears burnt with the sound of her having sex with a man I had never met before in the next room. And all the times she threatened me if I were to tell my father. But there was the one time that her newest betrayal was someone close to me. Too close for comfort, in fact.
My best friend, Charlie had always been oddly fascinated with my mother. She was nicer to him than she had ever been with me or anyone in my family for that matter. She was like a mentor to him. He was 3 years older than be, but he had always been like another big brother. I wasn't sure exactly when I fell for him, but I fell hard. It was my first love. We started dating when I was only 16. Charlie had just finished his first year of college, and came home with promises of his love. We dated for two years after that. On the night of his 21 birthday, which was two weeks before I was due to move into my dorm for college, a few of his friends and I planned him a surprise birthday party. As he was now 21, my mother had been kind enough to provide whatever alcohol she had in the house, and a few extras. Being underage, I had refused to drink. I wasn't really keen on the idea of it having seen my brother drunk a few times in his college years, and having to comfort him the next day while he suffered severe hangovers. My mom however encouraged me to drink, while she consumed nothing for a change. She would sit on the couch most of the night changing the music when necessary. After a while, she announced that she would be upstairs so she could let us "crazy kids" have our fun. I still had yet to drink any of the beer, but all the rest of the guys and girls there were gone. The party had grown larger than I had expected, but I suppose once one person is invited the crowd will just multiply. Because of the crowds, it took me a while to realize that Charlie, the drunkest of them all, was missing. Curious as to where he was, I pushed my way through the crowds checking the rooms to see if he was sick. Little did I know that I would be the sick on after what I found. I cringed at the memory alone. Charlie remembered nothing the next day, or so he said, and I couldn't help but believe him. He had always been so honest, and that was part of the reason I loved him. My mother, on the other hand, remembered everything, and gladly told me every bit of detail. How he had stumbled in there looking for somewhere to sleep everything off, how she had convinced his incoherent self to lie down with her, and how she had thrown herself at him. She justified it by telling me she was testing him, seeing just how faithful he was to me. I just couldn't see how getting an obviously drunk man who was out of his senses to sleep with her was a test of faith. I can't say that I ever completely forgave Charlie. I'm not even sure if he completely forgave himself. But I told him I forgave him, and I told myself I forgave him, but every time we were close, the images would flash before me. I know he didn't know what was going on, but I just couldn't be with him. That night was just another slap in the face from my mother. Perhaps when she showed up at my door had been an act of making peace with our cold war, or perhaps it was just as she had said, she had no where else to stay. But part of me wanted her to want to make peace. But the more sensible part of me realized that that would never happen. But in the mean time, I made a silent resolution to myself to act as though we loved each other, just as she did when we weren't alone. It would make everything easier.
Rachel had pulled a few strings when I called her asking if we could get Jenny to New York as well. We weren't sitting anywhere near her, but at least we would be on the same plane. She had gone off the rest of the day to spend some time with her boyfriend Collin, who she refused to admit was in fact her boyfriend. Emily had taken the sudden news of a trip very well. She was good friends with her boss, and easily got the next few weeks off, and after some pleading with my boss, I got the time off as well. After the two of us were completely packed, which took practically all day because we can never get anything done when we are together, it was already time to get to the airport. Jenny had already arrived home, and by the look of her darkened skin, she and Collin had spent most of the day outside. And so the three of us set out for the airport excited to finally get away from California for a while. As I sat down in my seat next to Emily, and watched Jenny sit down uncomfortably next to an attractive guy who looked to be about 25, I heard my phone give a shrill ring. I smiled at Emily and quickly answered it. "Hello?" "Rachel, where are you right now?" I heard my brother Kyle on the other end. "I'm in a plane, Kyle, where are you?" "I'm at my house which has just been invaded." He sighed as I heard the excited shriek of his 2 year old daughter, Rose, followed by a dogs bark. "Oh Kyle," I laughed, "I was leaving town! I couldn't let her stay with me if I was leaving town!" "She said you took Jenny with her." "Yeah, she's on the plane too." "And then slammed the door in her face." Kyle sighed. I couldn't tell if he was angry about this, or impressed. Knowing Kyle, I could only assume that he was impressed but would refuse to show it, and soon try and cover it up with anger. "What were you thinking, Rachel?" Bingo. "I wasn't thinking, alright." I admitted, "I was sort of shocked. I mean, I haven't seen her in over two years, and now suddenly she wants to be roomies? It was all sort of a surprise to me." I sighed rubbing my forehead. "Well that's understandable. But maybe if you would go home for dinner every once in a while, it wouldn't have been so shocking." I sighed not wanting to have this same argument with Kyle. "You're right." By his silence, I noticed that that was the last thing he had expected to hear from me. "Next time mom invites me home for dinner, I will come. I promise." There was another moment of silence before Kyle spoke again, "Thanks, Rachel. But that still doesn't fix the problem at hand." I sighed again, "Put mom on the phone." "What?" He asked. "You heard me, put her on the phone."
There was a crackling noise in Courtney's ear as Kyle handed the phone of to his mother, "Courtney." My mother said with in a monotone.
"I don't blame you for being angry, Ma." I sighed, not exactly sure how this was coming out of my mouth, "But just hear me out."
"I'm listening."
"Kyle has a spare key to my apartment. If you want, you can stay there until your house gets finished." I said ignoring Emily's shocked expression and the waves of her hands telling me to take it back. "Stay in my room. Sorry about the slight mess. When Emily and I get home Jenny can sleep on the couch, and I'll sleep on the floor."
There was a slight pause before mom spoke again, "I still don't want you going to Rachel's wedding." I rolled my eyes. The one time I tried to be nice, she couldn't just accept it. "I'm already on the plane, it's too late." "That woman tore my family apart." "How so?" I asked honestly curious as to what justifications she had to the accusation on her sister. "How so?!" She repeated in an outraged tone of voice, "Well moving to that filthy city for one!" "Mom, the plane is about to take off." I sighed, slightly grateful towards the stewardess miming for me to hang up the phone. "Don't throw any wild parties while we're away." I said sarcastically. "Well fine. If you chose to waste a few weeks in New York be my guest. Goodbye." "Bye mom." I sighed, hanging up the phone. That was the most civil conversation we had had in years.