"Ron!……Ron! C'mon already!"
With that, the door flung open and Ron stumbled into the janitor's closet with Monique.
"Ron?"
Ron put a hand on his forehead and shook his head from side to side and to help get himself back together.
"Are you okay?" Monique asked confused.
"Yeah sorry. I was kinda late getting here. I was hanging with- …uh…never mind."
Monique gave Ron a look as if to say, "You better not be hiding anything from me." Fortunately for Ron, she wasted no time for their interview.
"Alright Ron. You said you had some information that might help. Watcha got?"
"Well…" Ron started, "let me just tell you first off that my story is the WHOLE truth. Don't believe anything that Mankey guy or anyone else tells you. I'm telling it exactly as I remember it but Rufus told me I was exaggerating and imagining some things."
"…Okay."
Ron grinned at Monique. "Okay. It all started off two days ago. Me, Kim, and Rufus were hanging at Bueno Nacho having our usual after school snackage session. Rufus had a couple of the 'oh-so-delicious-yet-nutritious' nacos while I settled for the traditional chimmarito. Five star meal might I add. Oh. And Kim had this unhealthy piece of junk from 'The Garden Grove' from down the street. She called it a 'salaad' or something…I dunno, all I know is that if Kim wasn't as pretty and slim as she is, it would've messed up her whole diet…oooh…I get the creeps just thinking about that thing…"
"Anyway," Ron continued, "we got this call from Wade telling us that Drakken and Shego were up to no good again. As usual, Kim had to spring right into action right away and me and Rufus don't even get to finish our meals. So we head straight for Kim's house to get dressed and this funny thing happened on the way…well actually it happened while we were still at Bueno Nacho…no wait, it happened at Kim's house. I was getting dressed in the same room as Kim. No big deal. We've been doing that ever since we started this whole 'Kim can do anything' bologna and we had our mission clothes. But this time, I got dressed faster than her…and I accidentally caught a glimpse of bra…" Ron started drooling unintentionally. "And it was lacy and red…and I never noticed how attractive that perfectly shaped belly of hers was either…"
Monique smirked widely. "Am I seeing the end of the Ron/Kim platonic era? Is little Ronnie starting to develop feelings about his best friend? How cute…I always thought you and Kim would make a great couple," she teased.
Ron blushed furiously. "I never said that. I just…never noticed how much Kim's…changed…"
Monique decided to play with Ron's emotions a little further before continuing the investigation. "I've noticed some guys checking out her butt, too."
"Yeah, I love that. She's got this tight…pants…hey! Stop that!"
Monique giggled.
"As I was SAYING…me and Kim got into our mission clothes and went straight to Drakken's lair. Things went like normal, there. Kim did her thing. Kicked Shego around a little bit before going after Drakken and doing the hero stuff. So I decided to look around Drakken's things while the rest of them are budy. After a bunch of useless inventions, I finally come to this really cool room with lots of gadgets and bon diggity toys. I find this creepy looking set of suction cups on this table next to a remote. They were about as big as my thumb. I was about ready to leave but Rufus told me to take it. So I did. Only problem was, I had no idea what it did. For all I knew, it could've been some brain-sucking device that blew my brains to a million pieces!!! …But I took a deep breath…took a good look at my inner self and got enough nerve…to try it on Rufus. So I stuck one of the suction cups on his head while he wasn't looking and pressed the ON button on the remote. Next thing I know, Rufus is acting all like a zombie and doing whatever I say. I was like, "Coolio! You know what this mean's Rufus!?" Then I wait but I remembered he couldn't answer me with the gadget turned on. Before we could do anything else, Kim rushed in and grabbed us so we could escape. I must've missed the fight cus Drakken and Shego were nowhere in sight."
"Interesting Ron…really…but how does this all have to do with Kim's CAR being stolen???" Monique asked impatiently.
"Hold on, hold on. Where getting there girl friend."
"Ron, don't call me that. It's really kinda annoying."
"Well you ARE a girl. And you ARE my friend. It doesn't sound right if I call you mi amiga."
"Well I don't see you going around calling KIM your girl friend…maybe it's cus she's your actual GIRLFRIEND."
"It always comes to this, doesn't it Monique?? Every time you and me talk about Kim it always ends up with me having a crush on her. Like it would EVER happen that me and Kim would do all that mushy stuff together…like hug…and kiss…and do that weird thing couples do when they're on the couch together…"
"You wish…" Monique added.
Fresh out of comebacks, Ron decided to ignore her. "So the very next day of school, I'm walking around, looking for Kim, but then these really buff looking gangstas stop me for no reason and tell me to hand over all my money. I looked him in the face and stared him down…he was starting to cower in my presence. "Yo! G!" I told him. "You ain't getting' no green from me sucka! Now get the-"
"Ron, are you sure you're telling the truth??" Monique interrupted. She had a skeptical look on her face.
"Yeah of course. Then I showed him my fist and he and the fellas behind him lowered their knees to the ground. I was like "Yeah! Best not mess with me punk!" "You're so right, R-Dizzle! We promise we'll never mess with you again!" one of the guys told me. "Fo shizzle mah nizzle!!" I shouted back.
Monique folded her arms. "Ron, I bet you don't even know what that means."
"……Yeah, I do…"
"What then?"
Ron looked to Rufus but he just shrugged. "Uh…um…I know but I can't explain it. Give me a hint."
Monique rolled her eyes. "It's short for 'For sheezy my neezy.' Now what does THAT translate to, Mr. Ghettomaster?"
"…Uhh…"
Monique sighed, "For sure my nigg-"
"Anyways!" Ron interrupted. "That's beside the point. These guys were already so terrified of me so I put a suction cup on each one of their heads and turned on the remote I found in Drakken's lair. I was like, 'Booya! Now I got my own mob!' So I walk around school a little more and these guys follow me. All the guys try not to stare, while all the girls give me a second glance. It was chillin'. I was thinking, "Finally! I'm the big man on campus!" I see Brick Flag walk past us and I tell my little posse to scare him so they all mad dog him and he runs just from the looks on their faces! Then Bonnie walks up to me. Even the guys in their zombie form can tell that she's fiiiiine. "Stoppable…where'd you find all the hotties?" she asked me seductively."
Ron paused for a second before continuing. "Then I'm like, "Baby, I got all the delicity you want right here! Come to me girl!" "Oh Ronald!!!" she yelled excitedly."
"Ron! That didn't happen, either!" Monique scolded him.
"Yeah it did. How would you know?? You weren't even there."
"Bonnie would NOT arouse you like that," Monique said flatly.
"Hey. It's all gravy when you're a P.I.M.P." Ron defended himself. "Just so you know, I let Bonnie go cus I she had to get to class. But she WAS thinking of me while taking her test. I can assure you that."
"Whatever…" Monique mumbled.
"Then I FINALLY see Kim. She's at her locker, next to mines. Then Dominque-"
"Who's Dominique??" Monique asked.
"Dominique's one of the guys who was under my control. They all have to do what I say but sometimes they make a comment or two…and when Dominique saw Kim, he whistled real loudly and all the other guys started drooling. Not to say that I wasn't a little jealous, but I told them to look away while I was talking to Kim. She greeted me normally but turned me around to look at the suspicious looking kids only a few feet away from us. "That's my crew!" I tell her. She's as shocked as I've ever seen her before. She asks me what law I broke to get those guys to hang with me. "Hey, it's cool!" I tell her. "I'm just messing with one of Drakken's inventions that I-" but she stopped me there and went on and on about responsibility and how she didn't want to see me get hurt. Bladdy-bladdy-blah-blah-blah! When she was done, she was disappointed with me but gave me one of those reassuring smiles that she always gives. She knows that it'll turn out alright, but I guess she just really cares about keeping me safe." Ron pauses again, trying to remember what happened next. "Then, she changed the subject…she started getting all pink in the face and was starting to sweat a little. For some reason, I can see her shuffling her feet nervously, like she didn't want to be around me or something. Then she brings up Friday night's dance and how everybody's gonna be there and how she doesn't have a date but doesn't want to go with me as just friends this time. She took a deep breath and…she kinda looked about ready to say something, but I had to get to class so I told her, "I'll keep a eye out. I'm sure you can find somebody." What's strange is, she looked taken aback…and that's when I noticed how close her body had gotten to mine. She probably did that on accident, but if I didn't know any better, I could've sworn she was trying to touch my hand."
Monique shook her head. Horrified by the ignorance. "OF COURSE, you knew better…"
"So I leave Kim, hoping she can find a date, and I go back to my group of muscle men. We go to my next class but on the way, we see this figure…we were looking out the window, and we could see the parking lot for student drivers in the school. For some reason, it was running, and looked as if it had just seen a ghost or something. I couldn't tell who it was, but it seemed suspicious…also…I couldn't help but feel that me and the boys were being followed…I can't explain it but it was freaking me out. So I keep walking down the hall, but I stop when I hear a glass break and the sound of a screeching car. I check outside the window and…I see Kim's car being jacked! It's going pretty fast, too. Whoever stole it wasn't gonna waste any time…"
"Hmmm…interesting…you actually saw the figure?"
"Yeah but I couldn't get a good look…oh and before I leave, I guess you'd like to know how the rest of my story turned out."
"Not really-"
"Well," Ron interrupted, "I saw Josh in the hall, and he looked a little intimidated…probably because of the six footers who were standing right beside me. But I was actually just gonna ask him if he wanted to go to the dance with Kim. I really didn't like the guy, and I resent the fact that Kim likes him, but I didn't want to see Kim alone at the dance. I can't just leave my best friend hanging like that, when she's so beautiful and talented…THAT would've been a crime. So I swallow my pride and get this serious look on my face but then…I accidentally dropped the remote…the first thought that came through my mind was "RUN!" so I did…and those guys followed me…"
knockknock
"Come in!" Monique told the person at the door.
In walked a tall, rough looking, African-American boy. He looked at Ron, nodded, and looked at Monique…and looked at Monique.
"DAMN…" he shook his head. "Hey, R-Dizzle! Let's go, I don't got all day!"
Monique looked at Ron questionably. "You KNOW this guy?"
"Yeah," Ron nodded. "This is Dominique. Dominique-Monique. Monique-Dominique."
"Wus up, baby," Dominique told Monique. She just nodded shyly.
"Anyway, I wish I could finish my story Monique but I gots to tutor my man Dominique here."
"Can you believe it??" Dominique looked to Ron, worship-like. "This guy has a C average! He's a genius!!"
"You know it, playa," Ron commented.
The two left, leaving only Monique and a confused thoughts in her mind, wondering what really happened in Ron's story…but she had work to do.
"Next in line!" she shouted through the, now, open doorway. "I said NEXT!"
But even after all of Ron's farfetched stories and Josh's perverted comments, Monique found the biggest shock of the day, so far, when she saw who walked in next.
"…DRAKKEN??? SHEGO???"
With that, the door flung open and Ron stumbled into the janitor's closet with Monique.
"Ron?"
Ron put a hand on his forehead and shook his head from side to side and to help get himself back together.
"Are you okay?" Monique asked confused.
"Yeah sorry. I was kinda late getting here. I was hanging with- …uh…never mind."
Monique gave Ron a look as if to say, "You better not be hiding anything from me." Fortunately for Ron, she wasted no time for their interview.
"Alright Ron. You said you had some information that might help. Watcha got?"
"Well…" Ron started, "let me just tell you first off that my story is the WHOLE truth. Don't believe anything that Mankey guy or anyone else tells you. I'm telling it exactly as I remember it but Rufus told me I was exaggerating and imagining some things."
"…Okay."
Ron grinned at Monique. "Okay. It all started off two days ago. Me, Kim, and Rufus were hanging at Bueno Nacho having our usual after school snackage session. Rufus had a couple of the 'oh-so-delicious-yet-nutritious' nacos while I settled for the traditional chimmarito. Five star meal might I add. Oh. And Kim had this unhealthy piece of junk from 'The Garden Grove' from down the street. She called it a 'salaad' or something…I dunno, all I know is that if Kim wasn't as pretty and slim as she is, it would've messed up her whole diet…oooh…I get the creeps just thinking about that thing…"
"Anyway," Ron continued, "we got this call from Wade telling us that Drakken and Shego were up to no good again. As usual, Kim had to spring right into action right away and me and Rufus don't even get to finish our meals. So we head straight for Kim's house to get dressed and this funny thing happened on the way…well actually it happened while we were still at Bueno Nacho…no wait, it happened at Kim's house. I was getting dressed in the same room as Kim. No big deal. We've been doing that ever since we started this whole 'Kim can do anything' bologna and we had our mission clothes. But this time, I got dressed faster than her…and I accidentally caught a glimpse of bra…" Ron started drooling unintentionally. "And it was lacy and red…and I never noticed how attractive that perfectly shaped belly of hers was either…"
Monique smirked widely. "Am I seeing the end of the Ron/Kim platonic era? Is little Ronnie starting to develop feelings about his best friend? How cute…I always thought you and Kim would make a great couple," she teased.
Ron blushed furiously. "I never said that. I just…never noticed how much Kim's…changed…"
Monique decided to play with Ron's emotions a little further before continuing the investigation. "I've noticed some guys checking out her butt, too."
"Yeah, I love that. She's got this tight…pants…hey! Stop that!"
Monique giggled.
"As I was SAYING…me and Kim got into our mission clothes and went straight to Drakken's lair. Things went like normal, there. Kim did her thing. Kicked Shego around a little bit before going after Drakken and doing the hero stuff. So I decided to look around Drakken's things while the rest of them are budy. After a bunch of useless inventions, I finally come to this really cool room with lots of gadgets and bon diggity toys. I find this creepy looking set of suction cups on this table next to a remote. They were about as big as my thumb. I was about ready to leave but Rufus told me to take it. So I did. Only problem was, I had no idea what it did. For all I knew, it could've been some brain-sucking device that blew my brains to a million pieces!!! …But I took a deep breath…took a good look at my inner self and got enough nerve…to try it on Rufus. So I stuck one of the suction cups on his head while he wasn't looking and pressed the ON button on the remote. Next thing I know, Rufus is acting all like a zombie and doing whatever I say. I was like, "Coolio! You know what this mean's Rufus!?" Then I wait but I remembered he couldn't answer me with the gadget turned on. Before we could do anything else, Kim rushed in and grabbed us so we could escape. I must've missed the fight cus Drakken and Shego were nowhere in sight."
"Interesting Ron…really…but how does this all have to do with Kim's CAR being stolen???" Monique asked impatiently.
"Hold on, hold on. Where getting there girl friend."
"Ron, don't call me that. It's really kinda annoying."
"Well you ARE a girl. And you ARE my friend. It doesn't sound right if I call you mi amiga."
"Well I don't see you going around calling KIM your girl friend…maybe it's cus she's your actual GIRLFRIEND."
"It always comes to this, doesn't it Monique?? Every time you and me talk about Kim it always ends up with me having a crush on her. Like it would EVER happen that me and Kim would do all that mushy stuff together…like hug…and kiss…and do that weird thing couples do when they're on the couch together…"
"You wish…" Monique added.
Fresh out of comebacks, Ron decided to ignore her. "So the very next day of school, I'm walking around, looking for Kim, but then these really buff looking gangstas stop me for no reason and tell me to hand over all my money. I looked him in the face and stared him down…he was starting to cower in my presence. "Yo! G!" I told him. "You ain't getting' no green from me sucka! Now get the-"
"Ron, are you sure you're telling the truth??" Monique interrupted. She had a skeptical look on her face.
"Yeah of course. Then I showed him my fist and he and the fellas behind him lowered their knees to the ground. I was like "Yeah! Best not mess with me punk!" "You're so right, R-Dizzle! We promise we'll never mess with you again!" one of the guys told me. "Fo shizzle mah nizzle!!" I shouted back.
Monique folded her arms. "Ron, I bet you don't even know what that means."
"……Yeah, I do…"
"What then?"
Ron looked to Rufus but he just shrugged. "Uh…um…I know but I can't explain it. Give me a hint."
Monique rolled her eyes. "It's short for 'For sheezy my neezy.' Now what does THAT translate to, Mr. Ghettomaster?"
"…Uhh…"
Monique sighed, "For sure my nigg-"
"Anyways!" Ron interrupted. "That's beside the point. These guys were already so terrified of me so I put a suction cup on each one of their heads and turned on the remote I found in Drakken's lair. I was like, 'Booya! Now I got my own mob!' So I walk around school a little more and these guys follow me. All the guys try not to stare, while all the girls give me a second glance. It was chillin'. I was thinking, "Finally! I'm the big man on campus!" I see Brick Flag walk past us and I tell my little posse to scare him so they all mad dog him and he runs just from the looks on their faces! Then Bonnie walks up to me. Even the guys in their zombie form can tell that she's fiiiiine. "Stoppable…where'd you find all the hotties?" she asked me seductively."
Ron paused for a second before continuing. "Then I'm like, "Baby, I got all the delicity you want right here! Come to me girl!" "Oh Ronald!!!" she yelled excitedly."
"Ron! That didn't happen, either!" Monique scolded him.
"Yeah it did. How would you know?? You weren't even there."
"Bonnie would NOT arouse you like that," Monique said flatly.
"Hey. It's all gravy when you're a P.I.M.P." Ron defended himself. "Just so you know, I let Bonnie go cus I she had to get to class. But she WAS thinking of me while taking her test. I can assure you that."
"Whatever…" Monique mumbled.
"Then I FINALLY see Kim. She's at her locker, next to mines. Then Dominque-"
"Who's Dominique??" Monique asked.
"Dominique's one of the guys who was under my control. They all have to do what I say but sometimes they make a comment or two…and when Dominique saw Kim, he whistled real loudly and all the other guys started drooling. Not to say that I wasn't a little jealous, but I told them to look away while I was talking to Kim. She greeted me normally but turned me around to look at the suspicious looking kids only a few feet away from us. "That's my crew!" I tell her. She's as shocked as I've ever seen her before. She asks me what law I broke to get those guys to hang with me. "Hey, it's cool!" I tell her. "I'm just messing with one of Drakken's inventions that I-" but she stopped me there and went on and on about responsibility and how she didn't want to see me get hurt. Bladdy-bladdy-blah-blah-blah! When she was done, she was disappointed with me but gave me one of those reassuring smiles that she always gives. She knows that it'll turn out alright, but I guess she just really cares about keeping me safe." Ron pauses again, trying to remember what happened next. "Then, she changed the subject…she started getting all pink in the face and was starting to sweat a little. For some reason, I can see her shuffling her feet nervously, like she didn't want to be around me or something. Then she brings up Friday night's dance and how everybody's gonna be there and how she doesn't have a date but doesn't want to go with me as just friends this time. She took a deep breath and…she kinda looked about ready to say something, but I had to get to class so I told her, "I'll keep a eye out. I'm sure you can find somebody." What's strange is, she looked taken aback…and that's when I noticed how close her body had gotten to mine. She probably did that on accident, but if I didn't know any better, I could've sworn she was trying to touch my hand."
Monique shook her head. Horrified by the ignorance. "OF COURSE, you knew better…"
"So I leave Kim, hoping she can find a date, and I go back to my group of muscle men. We go to my next class but on the way, we see this figure…we were looking out the window, and we could see the parking lot for student drivers in the school. For some reason, it was running, and looked as if it had just seen a ghost or something. I couldn't tell who it was, but it seemed suspicious…also…I couldn't help but feel that me and the boys were being followed…I can't explain it but it was freaking me out. So I keep walking down the hall, but I stop when I hear a glass break and the sound of a screeching car. I check outside the window and…I see Kim's car being jacked! It's going pretty fast, too. Whoever stole it wasn't gonna waste any time…"
"Hmmm…interesting…you actually saw the figure?"
"Yeah but I couldn't get a good look…oh and before I leave, I guess you'd like to know how the rest of my story turned out."
"Not really-"
"Well," Ron interrupted, "I saw Josh in the hall, and he looked a little intimidated…probably because of the six footers who were standing right beside me. But I was actually just gonna ask him if he wanted to go to the dance with Kim. I really didn't like the guy, and I resent the fact that Kim likes him, but I didn't want to see Kim alone at the dance. I can't just leave my best friend hanging like that, when she's so beautiful and talented…THAT would've been a crime. So I swallow my pride and get this serious look on my face but then…I accidentally dropped the remote…the first thought that came through my mind was "RUN!" so I did…and those guys followed me…"
knockknock
"Come in!" Monique told the person at the door.
In walked a tall, rough looking, African-American boy. He looked at Ron, nodded, and looked at Monique…and looked at Monique.
"DAMN…" he shook his head. "Hey, R-Dizzle! Let's go, I don't got all day!"
Monique looked at Ron questionably. "You KNOW this guy?"
"Yeah," Ron nodded. "This is Dominique. Dominique-Monique. Monique-Dominique."
"Wus up, baby," Dominique told Monique. She just nodded shyly.
"Anyway, I wish I could finish my story Monique but I gots to tutor my man Dominique here."
"Can you believe it??" Dominique looked to Ron, worship-like. "This guy has a C average! He's a genius!!"
"You know it, playa," Ron commented.
The two left, leaving only Monique and a confused thoughts in her mind, wondering what really happened in Ron's story…but she had work to do.
"Next in line!" she shouted through the, now, open doorway. "I said NEXT!"
But even after all of Ron's farfetched stories and Josh's perverted comments, Monique found the biggest shock of the day, so far, when she saw who walked in next.
"…DRAKKEN??? SHEGO???"