"Yeah, yeah. It's us. We've reached an all time low…" Drakken said resentfully. "Hanging around a dingy, pitiful excuse for a middle school to help Kim Possible get her precious car back."
"High school, homie," Monique corrected.
"Whatever…"
"ahem" Shego butted in. "What Drakken is trying to say is that we'd be glad to help…as long as Kimmy lives up to her end of the bargain."
"And that would be?…" Monique asked.
"Two freshly minted get-out-of-jail-free cards…actually get-out-of-prison-free, but I doubt you would know the difference."
"Uh huh. I was raised in the west side of Lowerton, girl. Better watch what you're sayin'," Monique retorted.
Shego just folded her arms to her chest and rolled her eyes. Monique really didn't want to hang around these two clowns for that long so she proceeded with the Q&A.
Monique started, "Where were you on the afternoon of-"
"Hush, hush little girl. We'll tell this story the way we want to. Go ahead Drakken."
The blue doctor cleared his throat. "It all started a few days ago. I had formulated an ingenious and mind-boggling complex scheme that would finish off Kim Possible for good! 'Dr. D! You're so amazing! I wish I could be JUST LIKE YOU!' Shego told me. I laughed and gave her a pat on the head-"
"Wait, woah woah…EXCUSE me???" Shego scoffed.
"It's true Shego. You always were a loyal minion. You should be proud that your mentor is someone of such high stature. Anyways, I gave Shego a biscuit and continued plotting my evil scheme-"
"ahem A biscuit!? What do you take me for??? A dog???"
"Loyal minion, Shego!! Loyal minion!!" Drakken insisted.
"Put a cork in it! I'M telling this story! Drakken came up with another ridiculously stupid yet expensive DREAM that he decided to pursue in order to beat Kim Possible. I would've given him some advice on some GOOD ideas but you know him. Dumb as a bag of rocks. I didn't really care anyway…as long as I get paid…"
"Wait! 'Dumb as a bag of rocks'??? You said it yourself, I'M signing your paychecks and I certainly won't stand for-"
"Shut up!! Just tell the story!!" Monique demanded.
"Right," Shego continued. Drakken slouched deeply into his chair and refused to look at either of the women. "So Drakken makes up a plan, and he makes this big huge ray thingy that can apparently 'erase the minds of millions.' I'm thinking, 'What does that have to do with taking over the world?' Then he gives this long boring speech, and the only time I wake up is when he gets to the part of destroying Kim and her little playmate. He was just about to get to it but then what do ya know…Kim Possible comes busting through our doors with her sidekick and the fighting begins."
"Might I add that Shego got her sorry butt KICKED many times during that one fight?…literally," Drakken commented.
Shego glared. "Who asked you!?"
Drakken immediately crunched up into a defensive position. He had to admit, making Shego angry was not a good idea.
"'Her-royal-perfect-little-highness' got in a few cheap shots here and there, with no help from the dumby and his gerbil, and she was actually able to get me reeling. I was on the ground, beaten and bruised by the unfair ambush assault particularly aimed at me by Kim Possible. She looked at me and gave me a stupid smirk…that I was just dying to wipe off her pretty little face…she told me to get a cake and a file cus I would need it for where I was going next. Then she pulls off this flying…I dunno what it was…kung-fu kick that somehow caught me by surprise…she cheated…and I was knocked to the ground…"
Drakken interrupted but continued the story. "With Shego down I decided to look for the buffoon…maybe use him as a hostage or something…but he was gone! I looked around and remembered thinking, 'That idiot better not be snooping around my lair!' That's when Kim Possible saunters over to me and gives me a playful peck on the cheek, like the little dirty child that she is…and she mocks me. Seducing me…evilly…she knew that I couldn't do anything about it so she teased me with her young, curvy body. She makes a fist at me, which gets me frightened, but then turns around and shakes her hips at me…she was playing with my emotions…"
Shego had heard enough. "…Okay. That isn't even remotely close to what happened. All she really did was stick her tongue out at you, you dork. I don't want to hear anymore about these stupid perverted fantasies that you evidently have about our arch foe. For gosh sakes, you're as old as her dad! What kind of sick old man are you??"
"Sick!? Old!?" Drakken blushed. "Fantasies!?"
"And besides, how the heck would you explain going out with a high school cheerleader at any time in your life! …DNAmy didn't even like you!"
"You know, it seems to me like you two admire Kim a lot more than either of you would admit. I don't even want to HEAR what goes on through your heads when you think about Kim…okay? Just finish the story."
"Fine. Fast forward," Shego said while clearing her throat. "To make a long story short, me and Drakken decided to go after little Kimmie the next day while she was at school. We thought, 'Hey! Maybe she won't be as effective if we surprise her at school.' Finally something me and blue boy could agree with…"
"What's with all the name calling?? I will not stand for being disrespected by some immature brat that can't tell a simple story without mocking me!" Drakken insulted Shego. "It hurts my feelings you know…"
Shego squinted and growled at Drakken, which made him cower back into his chair.
Shego continued, "So we're in the parking lot and we see this familiar face pass by us. I recall seeing her a few times and hearing Kim Possible talk about her as her 'worst enemy.' She had brown hair and was really tanned…"
"She had big jugs, too," Drakken added. Shego and Monique looked at him funny, which forced back into seclusion.
"I guess you could say that…" Shego sighed. "So we waved to her. Unfortunately, she had heard of us, too, and she started running for her life like we were gonna attack her or something. Being the super villains that we are, we decided to play along and chase after her. After a minute or so we had her backed up into a corner near the parking lot. She got on her knees and started some pathetic crying. I couldn't hit her…it was too easy…so Drakken pulls back his fists and was about to swing but then the real waterworks began."
"My suit got soaked from all that terrible crying!!" Drakken commented.
"Yeah. We've never seen that kind of fear in someone's eyes before…it was great," Shego snickered. "Somehow she starts to tell us her life story and how she couldn't die because she was so important to everybody. Me and Drakken both looked at each other and rolled our eyes. 'She didn't seem so special to me…' I thought."
"Wait, let me tell the next part!" Drakken yelled excitedly.
Shego sighed. "Fine…"
Drakken continued. "The girl then tells us that she regrets never asking out-"
"Ron!! Are you alright man?" Dominique asked loudly from the hallway right after a crashing sound.
"Then we decide to let the girl be and she runs off while me and Shego go look for Kim Possible," Drakken sighs. "We find her near her locker talking to the buffoon."
"And she was definitely about to ask him out, too, but that idiot left before she could say anything. It's amazing how two eerily perfect teenage chics can both have a crush on the same loser!" Shego interrupted, referring to Bonnie, Kim, and Ron. "What a couple of airheads! What do they see in him??"
"Shego and I soon follow the boy to his class…we wanted to dispose of him before Possible, but we couldn't get close to him because of those goons walking beside him. The next thing I know, I hear glass break and this screeching noise outside."
"And THAT'S the whole story!" Shego said sarcastically.
Monique nodded and opened the door for Drakken and Shego. "Thanks…"
"……"
"…What?" Monique asked. "What're you waiting for?? Get out!"
"pft Some thanks that was," Shego mumbled.
"This is the gift we get for providing arch villains for Kim Possible?? humph See if we ever rob YOUR bank again."
With that, Drakken and Shego arrogantly walked off, no doubt to commit another crime.
Monique sighed. "Just two more people…Kim and Bonnie. But it's getting late…I guess I'll just interview them together…"
"High school, homie," Monique corrected.
"Whatever…"
"ahem" Shego butted in. "What Drakken is trying to say is that we'd be glad to help…as long as Kimmy lives up to her end of the bargain."
"And that would be?…" Monique asked.
"Two freshly minted get-out-of-jail-free cards…actually get-out-of-prison-free, but I doubt you would know the difference."
"Uh huh. I was raised in the west side of Lowerton, girl. Better watch what you're sayin'," Monique retorted.
Shego just folded her arms to her chest and rolled her eyes. Monique really didn't want to hang around these two clowns for that long so she proceeded with the Q&A.
Monique started, "Where were you on the afternoon of-"
"Hush, hush little girl. We'll tell this story the way we want to. Go ahead Drakken."
The blue doctor cleared his throat. "It all started a few days ago. I had formulated an ingenious and mind-boggling complex scheme that would finish off Kim Possible for good! 'Dr. D! You're so amazing! I wish I could be JUST LIKE YOU!' Shego told me. I laughed and gave her a pat on the head-"
"Wait, woah woah…EXCUSE me???" Shego scoffed.
"It's true Shego. You always were a loyal minion. You should be proud that your mentor is someone of such high stature. Anyways, I gave Shego a biscuit and continued plotting my evil scheme-"
"ahem A biscuit!? What do you take me for??? A dog???"
"Loyal minion, Shego!! Loyal minion!!" Drakken insisted.
"Put a cork in it! I'M telling this story! Drakken came up with another ridiculously stupid yet expensive DREAM that he decided to pursue in order to beat Kim Possible. I would've given him some advice on some GOOD ideas but you know him. Dumb as a bag of rocks. I didn't really care anyway…as long as I get paid…"
"Wait! 'Dumb as a bag of rocks'??? You said it yourself, I'M signing your paychecks and I certainly won't stand for-"
"Shut up!! Just tell the story!!" Monique demanded.
"Right," Shego continued. Drakken slouched deeply into his chair and refused to look at either of the women. "So Drakken makes up a plan, and he makes this big huge ray thingy that can apparently 'erase the minds of millions.' I'm thinking, 'What does that have to do with taking over the world?' Then he gives this long boring speech, and the only time I wake up is when he gets to the part of destroying Kim and her little playmate. He was just about to get to it but then what do ya know…Kim Possible comes busting through our doors with her sidekick and the fighting begins."
"Might I add that Shego got her sorry butt KICKED many times during that one fight?…literally," Drakken commented.
Shego glared. "Who asked you!?"
Drakken immediately crunched up into a defensive position. He had to admit, making Shego angry was not a good idea.
"'Her-royal-perfect-little-highness' got in a few cheap shots here and there, with no help from the dumby and his gerbil, and she was actually able to get me reeling. I was on the ground, beaten and bruised by the unfair ambush assault particularly aimed at me by Kim Possible. She looked at me and gave me a stupid smirk…that I was just dying to wipe off her pretty little face…she told me to get a cake and a file cus I would need it for where I was going next. Then she pulls off this flying…I dunno what it was…kung-fu kick that somehow caught me by surprise…she cheated…and I was knocked to the ground…"
Drakken interrupted but continued the story. "With Shego down I decided to look for the buffoon…maybe use him as a hostage or something…but he was gone! I looked around and remembered thinking, 'That idiot better not be snooping around my lair!' That's when Kim Possible saunters over to me and gives me a playful peck on the cheek, like the little dirty child that she is…and she mocks me. Seducing me…evilly…she knew that I couldn't do anything about it so she teased me with her young, curvy body. She makes a fist at me, which gets me frightened, but then turns around and shakes her hips at me…she was playing with my emotions…"
Shego had heard enough. "…Okay. That isn't even remotely close to what happened. All she really did was stick her tongue out at you, you dork. I don't want to hear anymore about these stupid perverted fantasies that you evidently have about our arch foe. For gosh sakes, you're as old as her dad! What kind of sick old man are you??"
"Sick!? Old!?" Drakken blushed. "Fantasies!?"
"And besides, how the heck would you explain going out with a high school cheerleader at any time in your life! …DNAmy didn't even like you!"
"You know, it seems to me like you two admire Kim a lot more than either of you would admit. I don't even want to HEAR what goes on through your heads when you think about Kim…okay? Just finish the story."
"Fine. Fast forward," Shego said while clearing her throat. "To make a long story short, me and Drakken decided to go after little Kimmie the next day while she was at school. We thought, 'Hey! Maybe she won't be as effective if we surprise her at school.' Finally something me and blue boy could agree with…"
"What's with all the name calling?? I will not stand for being disrespected by some immature brat that can't tell a simple story without mocking me!" Drakken insulted Shego. "It hurts my feelings you know…"
Shego squinted and growled at Drakken, which made him cower back into his chair.
Shego continued, "So we're in the parking lot and we see this familiar face pass by us. I recall seeing her a few times and hearing Kim Possible talk about her as her 'worst enemy.' She had brown hair and was really tanned…"
"She had big jugs, too," Drakken added. Shego and Monique looked at him funny, which forced back into seclusion.
"I guess you could say that…" Shego sighed. "So we waved to her. Unfortunately, she had heard of us, too, and she started running for her life like we were gonna attack her or something. Being the super villains that we are, we decided to play along and chase after her. After a minute or so we had her backed up into a corner near the parking lot. She got on her knees and started some pathetic crying. I couldn't hit her…it was too easy…so Drakken pulls back his fists and was about to swing but then the real waterworks began."
"My suit got soaked from all that terrible crying!!" Drakken commented.
"Yeah. We've never seen that kind of fear in someone's eyes before…it was great," Shego snickered. "Somehow she starts to tell us her life story and how she couldn't die because she was so important to everybody. Me and Drakken both looked at each other and rolled our eyes. 'She didn't seem so special to me…' I thought."
"Wait, let me tell the next part!" Drakken yelled excitedly.
Shego sighed. "Fine…"
Drakken continued. "The girl then tells us that she regrets never asking out-"
"Ron!! Are you alright man?" Dominique asked loudly from the hallway right after a crashing sound.
"Then we decide to let the girl be and she runs off while me and Shego go look for Kim Possible," Drakken sighs. "We find her near her locker talking to the buffoon."
"And she was definitely about to ask him out, too, but that idiot left before she could say anything. It's amazing how two eerily perfect teenage chics can both have a crush on the same loser!" Shego interrupted, referring to Bonnie, Kim, and Ron. "What a couple of airheads! What do they see in him??"
"Shego and I soon follow the boy to his class…we wanted to dispose of him before Possible, but we couldn't get close to him because of those goons walking beside him. The next thing I know, I hear glass break and this screeching noise outside."
"And THAT'S the whole story!" Shego said sarcastically.
Monique nodded and opened the door for Drakken and Shego. "Thanks…"
"……"
"…What?" Monique asked. "What're you waiting for?? Get out!"
"pft Some thanks that was," Shego mumbled.
"This is the gift we get for providing arch villains for Kim Possible?? humph See if we ever rob YOUR bank again."
With that, Drakken and Shego arrogantly walked off, no doubt to commit another crime.
Monique sighed. "Just two more people…Kim and Bonnie. But it's getting late…I guess I'll just interview them together…"