A/N: Funny, but I just posted a review to respond to your reviews. I
realize now I could've done that here. Oh well. I'll do it again. Several
of you have noticed that the timing was off on my story...the dates,
etc...Well, I wrote the story as if Harry was born in about 1987. I timed it
that way because I was 11 when I read the first book (so was he) so I used
my own age and grade level as a marker. Sounds stupid, but to me it was
simpler than taking 11 to 15 years away. I am dismal at math.... ( Oh, and as
for Dumbledore being Headmaster, I'd heard there was a Headmaster Dippet
before him, and that he didn't become Headmaster until after James and
Lily's time....I dunno though.
A/N2: Note that I changed the summary as well. I believe someone mentioned that it kind of spoiled the 5th book. Sorry! Can you forgive me? ( Anyways, here is the fourth and final chapter. It is a giant journal entry from Remus. Hope you enjoy!
The Marauder Diaries
Chapter Four
September 27 2004
I've never actually looked at what I've written in here. The dates go back so far...back to before Lily and James were dead, before Sirius was thrown in Azkaban...(before it wasn't practically illegal for me to get a job...damn Delores Umbridge. The Ministry should have laws against people like her...) I'd never realized how much I wrote in here, you know? Yet some of the pages are yellowing, the ink is wearing down, and some of the pages are still blank. How could I have written so much and still not filled up this old book? Over twenty five years...and still blank pages...I amaze myself sometimes.
It's sad, you know? I started this journal to keep track of what was going on with my friends. The Marauders. Lily. James. Sirius. Peter. And me... can't forget me. But really, only maybe two of the entries are happy ones. How could my life have spiraled downward so quickly? Things seem to get worse as the pages turn...darker.
There was Lily and James's murder...although I would not have to write that to remember every detail about it. There was that whole terrible episode that landed Sirius in Azkaban for nearly thirteen years...won't forget that, either. I wish I could be the one to find Peter. Wouldn't that be something to write about? Sirius was in hiding for two years because of him...and he was innocent. Of course, I doubt Peter was having any fun either. I hope Voldemort did the same to him as he did to James and Lily. I never thought I'd say that, but I think he deserves it.
Oh, yes...there's that too. Voldemort, I mean. The Order is still trying to figure that out. Poor Harry. His fifth year...it was so terrible. Everything was terrible. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't. He told me about his dreams. Awful, they were. I want to beat the bloody hell out of Snape. Far as I'm concerned, he was supposed to do something, and he didn't do it.
A stupid grudge with James is no reason to deny Harry some piece of mind while he sleeps. But, of course, I've never reasoned things as Snape would, so I wouldn't know how his odd little mind works. I blame him. I blame him for most everything that happened this year. I know he's a good boy now, and he's in the Order. I've been to the meetings. I've seen him there. But this? It is his entire fault. What on earth ever possessed him to be so thick headed...especially when he himself knows first hand the powerful grip that Voldemort can have over people?
Harry blames himself for what happened. He thinks it's all his fault...what happened, I mean. He was so angry with Dumbledore afterwards...but he still blames himself. I tried to explain everything to him. I tried. I think he understands, but right now, it's as if he's in a shell. I can understand that. I seem to feel that way myself. What can I do, anyway? How am I supposed to help him when I myself feel as if the entire world has just crashed down onto my head?
I was there. I saw the look on Harry's face. I wanted to take some of his pain away...lighten his burden. That look...the despair in his eyes...the hatred. I saw it all the moment it happened.
But then there's Dumbledore. That poor old man. If I were him, I'd have ripped my hair out after a year like this one. He tried so hard to protect Harry...to protect everyone...to keep Voldemort at bay. After all, that's what he formed the Order of the Phoenix for, isn't it? It's been around so long. I remember even back when Lily and James were members. Poor Dumbledore. To know so many have died on his watch. He feels bad. I know he does. He feels bad about the Longbottoms (I wasn't there when that happened, but I've heard him discuss it...), and about Lily and James (wasn't there either...full moon...lucky for Peter, 'cause I would've killed him without even thinking about it...) and...God, I don't even want to think about it.
So that leaves me, doesn't it? One of the few lucky enough to be alive after the first Order of the Phoenix...one of the few lucky enough to survive this time around...one of the last Marauders left. Wait...I am the only one. Peter doesn't count anymore...even if he is alive somewhere. So I'm the only one left. Damn screwy how things work out, isn't it? I thought I would die twenty years ago, protecting James and Lily's secret. That didn't happen. Everyone is gone. James and Lily are gone. Peter, in my eyes, was dead the minute he betrayed them. And Sirius, who had to spend thirteen years in Azkaban and two years in hiding because of Peter...I AM the only one left.
Well, maybe not. There is Harry. He's still here. He wrote me after he talked to Dumbledore. Of course, he's still angry, and he's upset, but he's also still alive. James and Lily would be so damned proud of him. He's been through so much, and he's still here. He reminds me of his parents. He has always had his mother's beautiful eyes, and his father's wild hair. He's bold...I guess he got that from both James and Lily. Yes, I remember how they were. Harry is my reminder of them. They may not be here anymore, but he is. To me, it's almost like I still have James and Lily with me. Harry embodies everything that they were when I knew them, so it's almost like they are still here. Like every time I look at Harry, I have to stop and think a moment to make sure I won't call out to James. He is their son, after all...and here is where I catch myself rambling...silly me...
This will be the last entry in this journal. I am through with trying to keep track of everything. I think I am making letting go harder for myself. I thought this would help...but I find no relief. I think I shall keep it, though. And one day, when Harry is older, I can show it to him. Maybe then, he'll know that he isn't alone in his pain...that I have shared some of it with him...
-Remus J. Lupin (Moony, to his friends) The Last Marauder
A/N: I know this is short...and I tried to avoid explaining exactly what happened in book 5...although I don't think I completely avoided it...Read and Review! I hope you've enjoyed it! I will have another story up soon! (Guess I love to write...bit scary, really...)
A/N2: Note that I changed the summary as well. I believe someone mentioned that it kind of spoiled the 5th book. Sorry! Can you forgive me? ( Anyways, here is the fourth and final chapter. It is a giant journal entry from Remus. Hope you enjoy!
The Marauder Diaries
Chapter Four
September 27 2004
I've never actually looked at what I've written in here. The dates go back so far...back to before Lily and James were dead, before Sirius was thrown in Azkaban...(before it wasn't practically illegal for me to get a job...damn Delores Umbridge. The Ministry should have laws against people like her...) I'd never realized how much I wrote in here, you know? Yet some of the pages are yellowing, the ink is wearing down, and some of the pages are still blank. How could I have written so much and still not filled up this old book? Over twenty five years...and still blank pages...I amaze myself sometimes.
It's sad, you know? I started this journal to keep track of what was going on with my friends. The Marauders. Lily. James. Sirius. Peter. And me... can't forget me. But really, only maybe two of the entries are happy ones. How could my life have spiraled downward so quickly? Things seem to get worse as the pages turn...darker.
There was Lily and James's murder...although I would not have to write that to remember every detail about it. There was that whole terrible episode that landed Sirius in Azkaban for nearly thirteen years...won't forget that, either. I wish I could be the one to find Peter. Wouldn't that be something to write about? Sirius was in hiding for two years because of him...and he was innocent. Of course, I doubt Peter was having any fun either. I hope Voldemort did the same to him as he did to James and Lily. I never thought I'd say that, but I think he deserves it.
Oh, yes...there's that too. Voldemort, I mean. The Order is still trying to figure that out. Poor Harry. His fifth year...it was so terrible. Everything was terrible. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't. He told me about his dreams. Awful, they were. I want to beat the bloody hell out of Snape. Far as I'm concerned, he was supposed to do something, and he didn't do it.
A stupid grudge with James is no reason to deny Harry some piece of mind while he sleeps. But, of course, I've never reasoned things as Snape would, so I wouldn't know how his odd little mind works. I blame him. I blame him for most everything that happened this year. I know he's a good boy now, and he's in the Order. I've been to the meetings. I've seen him there. But this? It is his entire fault. What on earth ever possessed him to be so thick headed...especially when he himself knows first hand the powerful grip that Voldemort can have over people?
Harry blames himself for what happened. He thinks it's all his fault...what happened, I mean. He was so angry with Dumbledore afterwards...but he still blames himself. I tried to explain everything to him. I tried. I think he understands, but right now, it's as if he's in a shell. I can understand that. I seem to feel that way myself. What can I do, anyway? How am I supposed to help him when I myself feel as if the entire world has just crashed down onto my head?
I was there. I saw the look on Harry's face. I wanted to take some of his pain away...lighten his burden. That look...the despair in his eyes...the hatred. I saw it all the moment it happened.
But then there's Dumbledore. That poor old man. If I were him, I'd have ripped my hair out after a year like this one. He tried so hard to protect Harry...to protect everyone...to keep Voldemort at bay. After all, that's what he formed the Order of the Phoenix for, isn't it? It's been around so long. I remember even back when Lily and James were members. Poor Dumbledore. To know so many have died on his watch. He feels bad. I know he does. He feels bad about the Longbottoms (I wasn't there when that happened, but I've heard him discuss it...), and about Lily and James (wasn't there either...full moon...lucky for Peter, 'cause I would've killed him without even thinking about it...) and...God, I don't even want to think about it.
So that leaves me, doesn't it? One of the few lucky enough to be alive after the first Order of the Phoenix...one of the few lucky enough to survive this time around...one of the last Marauders left. Wait...I am the only one. Peter doesn't count anymore...even if he is alive somewhere. So I'm the only one left. Damn screwy how things work out, isn't it? I thought I would die twenty years ago, protecting James and Lily's secret. That didn't happen. Everyone is gone. James and Lily are gone. Peter, in my eyes, was dead the minute he betrayed them. And Sirius, who had to spend thirteen years in Azkaban and two years in hiding because of Peter...I AM the only one left.
Well, maybe not. There is Harry. He's still here. He wrote me after he talked to Dumbledore. Of course, he's still angry, and he's upset, but he's also still alive. James and Lily would be so damned proud of him. He's been through so much, and he's still here. He reminds me of his parents. He has always had his mother's beautiful eyes, and his father's wild hair. He's bold...I guess he got that from both James and Lily. Yes, I remember how they were. Harry is my reminder of them. They may not be here anymore, but he is. To me, it's almost like I still have James and Lily with me. Harry embodies everything that they were when I knew them, so it's almost like they are still here. Like every time I look at Harry, I have to stop and think a moment to make sure I won't call out to James. He is their son, after all...and here is where I catch myself rambling...silly me...
This will be the last entry in this journal. I am through with trying to keep track of everything. I think I am making letting go harder for myself. I thought this would help...but I find no relief. I think I shall keep it, though. And one day, when Harry is older, I can show it to him. Maybe then, he'll know that he isn't alone in his pain...that I have shared some of it with him...
-Remus J. Lupin (Moony, to his friends) The Last Marauder
A/N: I know this is short...and I tried to avoid explaining exactly what happened in book 5...although I don't think I completely avoided it...Read and Review! I hope you've enjoyed it! I will have another story up soon! (Guess I love to write...bit scary, really...)