Chapter 5: Gigantor Hunchback
Raphael did not see any of his brothers that night when he returned home. He had almost wished he had. He found himself wishing for a confrontation, maybe a scuffle, maybe something more. Punishment was what he thought he was after, but was looking for penance - something to resolve the last few months.
Beneath the fear was an intolerable hurt. The person he had turned to in his loneliness, the person who he believed could maybe understand what it was to be the stains on society, had mocked him. To Brent he was another spectacle. While Raphael understood that Brent was never really a friend, the idea had lived in his head for so long, he had been vaguely convinced of its reality, or perhaps even its possibility. He had lost that which he had relied on for so long and was now more alone than ever.
And it stung.
When he finally reached his bed, he rested heavily for a minute, before releasing a small whimper of frustration and angrily pulling the blankets well over his head. It was many hours before he was finally overcome by a fitful sleep.
The next morning Raphael got up and ate a hurried, silent breakfast before announcing that he was going out for a quick patrol. For once, he had not intention of turning a quick patrol into a long melancholy visit to a glowing window.
Periodically, he would pass under a grate or pipe and several times he could hear the paperboys on the street corners selling papers. Every time he heard them talking about the latest scandal in the Mayor's office he felt a touch of relief. The fact that this was about as deep as the news ever got disturbed him slightly, but for once he was just happy to hear that they were not discussing mutant turtles living in the sewers, coming out only to stalk innocent victims.
His thoughts continually wandered back to Brent, insisting that the only reason he had been hurt was because Brent just had not been given a chance to understand yet. He had accepted that this hypothesis would likely never be tested now, but it did serve as a small balm to the anxiety that had hit him with full force. However, he quickly herded such thoughts out of his consciousness, trying to focus on the pressing issue - if his family should be informed.
If he told them what had happened now, maybe they could get a stitch in time. Of course, maybe Brent, despite all his talents, was a terrible photographer and there really was nothing to worry about. If that were the case then he could just quietly learn from his mistake and carry on with his life. His brother's would no doubt be pleased to see him settle back into their secluded family life. Things never seemed to work out nicely for him though - it was almost as if he were the star of a weekly television show, where at least one thing had to turn his world upside down for a period of at least half an hour a week. They could probably make a movie out of this one.
His decision made, was finalised when he arrived back at the lair. When he saw everyone gathered around the table, his blood felt as if it were coagulating in his veins.
"Guys?" he asked, terrified of the answer.
He noticed that his brothers avoided his eyes. When Michelangelo shifted slightly, he noticed that April was sitting behind him. Splinter was the first to break the silence. To Raphael, it felt like an eternity later. "Raphael, I believe we are long overdue for a discussion."
Raphael nodded mutely, looking like a scolded child, but feeling as if the last of his sanity had just been blown out into the sewer with a cold breeze. While ready to listen, he liked his close proximity to the door, so did not move. "Sensei, I think I know what this is about."
He was quickly interrupted. "Really? You do, do you? Here was me thinking that you were absolutely clueless to the sort of danger you were putting us all in, but since you realised exactly what you were doing then I guess that's much better!"
"Mikey, your anger isn't going to help." The comment could have almost come from Splinter, but the voice was easily recognised as Leonardo's. If Splinter was surprised, he did not show it.
"Raph, you know they've got pictures right?" April asked, leaning from behind Michelangelo again.
Raphael's jaw suddenly felt very heavy, he stuttered for words as the heaviness sunk to his stomach.
The expression of desolation must have touched at least one nerve with his brothers, because their faces relaxed into a display of pity rather than anger. It only served to deepen Raphael's guilt.
"Guys, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I really…I just…God! I don't know what I was thinking. I'm just…so sorry."
"Raphael, it is good that you understand the severity of what has occurred, but it is not the time to be concerned with apologies. What has been done cannot be undone. We must find a way to best deal with the situation."
"How bad is it?" Raphael asked, regaining his composure.
April chipped in again, sounding unusually bright for the circumstances. "The guy isn't a photographer, that much I can tell you. But that fact that Steven brought it to my attention means that someone is taking it reasonably seriously. Maybe such ideas have been mentioned in the tabloids just a little too much recently."
"But the pictures, how clear are they?"
"Well…umm…"
"What?"
"The thing is, the one thing working for us, is that the guy is obviously in it for the money." Nobody in the room other than Raphael could perceive the additional torment that was thrust on Raphael with those words. April continued, unknowingly, "He won't actually show anyone the pictures until they pay up."
Donatello broke his long silence to add his analysis. "But surely nobody will take that seriously, I mean, he's a drunk and he's broke." Raphael noted that Donatello was carefully avoiding eye contact.
"Someone has though." April countered.
The room was filled with a thoughtful silence.
"Is the story set to be released?" Donatello finally asked.
"Word on the street is that one of the tabloids has already paid up. Gigantor Hunchback has attracted attention, but is still largely controversial. But there are a lot of papers out there that don't actually care about the validity of anything they report, so I guess his motivation was irrelevant."
Michelangelo could not hide his snicker at the mention of the title April used. 'I'll have to save that one for when this has all blown over,' he thought.
"So there's no hope of destroying the pictures then. By this time tomorrow, there'll be thousands of copies printed." Donatello stated, not a tone of question in his voice.
"So what are we thinking then?" Leonardo asked. "Damage control? April, you're in the business, surely you can do something to discredit the claims."
"To even mention them in the mainstream press would only validate the claims further. Maybe the best strategy is to try and keep any mention of it out."
Leonardo nodded in agreement. "So what do we do then, sensei? We can't just ignore it and hope it goes away. The last time there was a vague mention of us we had a few close calls with people out turtle hunting."
Splinter paused briefly, carefully composing a response. "I believe that we need to talk to Brent."
Raphael's next coherent moment occurred several minutes after he had rushed out of the lair. His brothers and April had all jumped up to go after him. Splinter had shook his head and turned to Leonardo, "I think that it is best that you go, Leonardo." The hurt looks on the other's faces had not been overlooked, "He is dealing with some strong conflicting emotions and I have just asked him to confront the reality of a large comfort in his life. I believe it is best if we do not crowd him at this time."
April would later ask Splinter if he really thought that talking to Brent would solve anything. His simple reply would be "Everything."
Raphael did not get past the first few corners before he heard the running steps slapping on the wet concrete.
"Raph!"
Raphael was not at all surprised to hear Leonardo's voice. "You're just trying to make me realise aren't you? You want me to understand that really, I am all alone except for you guys."
"No Raph, you know that's not it. You've just shown me that you do understand exactly what you've done and for me, that's enough. Believe it or not, you're my brother and I care that you're hurting. So let me help."
"What, so you can run off and feel a lot better about yourself. 'Gee, I'm so glad that I'm not as messed up as Raphael is, but boy, I really am a good guy because I talked to him.' Well bro, let me tell you, you know NOTHING!"
"You're so damn involved in your own little world, aren't you? Couldn't care less if maybe we know what we're talking about, that maybe we say things for reasons other than to hurt you? Well, you know what, Raph. You don't want our help, then fine! You fix this! The whole damn mess. You want to be a lone ranger, then go for it. Because I'm past caring."
"So, that's it then. You can abandon your own brother like that, not a second thought?"
"No!" Leonardo yelled. "No," he repeated collecting himself, "He abandoned me."
"What are you talking about Leo, I'm still here. And I'm trying, really, I am, but I'm lonely, you know? Real lonely. Brent helps that."
"I know." Leo stated simply.
"Do you really? I mean you've got your whole life together, you're happy with living in the sewers, talking to the same tiny collect group of people every single day. But I'm not like any of you, I want someone to relate to."
"If this is what you relate to, then Brent is the least of our worries."
"SHUT UP!" Raphael jumped at Leonardo, swinging a hot fist toward him.
Leonardo blocked the attack and swiftly landing a counter-attack squarely in Raphael's gut.
Raphael stumbled back a few steps, out of Leonardo's reach. Leonardo made no attempt to close the gap. "You know what, dude, you may be stronger than me, but you sure as hell aren't any smarter."
Still slightly winded, Raphael stared heavily into Leonardo's eyes. For a moment Leonardo held his gaze before turning and leaving his brother alone in the sewer.
As soon as Raphael was sure Leonardo was long gone he dropped to the ground allowing himself to breathe a little more heavily. He drew his knees up and rested his head on his hands.
For the first time in a long time, he felt truly alone.
He did not realise that was not entirely true.
A long shadow drew out across his line of vision. He traced it back to his master, Splinter. Raphael realised that he felt ashamed to be seen by his master and not entirely because of what had just happened. He realised that this kind individual who had taken him in as a defenceless child and raised him to become a turtle with a future was now in danger because of his own selfishness and inability to see that which lay before him.
Splinter looked down at Raphael; far from oblivious to the repentance that was beginning to take hold. Splinter knew that Raphael's brothers would need some time before able to forgive Raphael for what he had done and until they were able to do that, Raphael would otherwise be alone.
So Splinter gently sat down next to Raphael. "We have dealt with problems of this kind before, Raphael."
"Not this bad though," he muttered.
Splinter chose to ignore the rudeness. "You should listen to your brother. He knows what he is talking about."
"Yeah, I know OK, I screwed up, badly. I get it, OK?"
"You did not listen to him. He was not trying to place blame on you, he was trying to help you."
"So what, you were listening?" Raphael asked a little incredulously.
Splinter nodded slightly.
"And you didn't intervene. I thought that violence did not solve emotional problems."
"Was I correct?"
Raphael rubbed his plastron idly. "Yes, sensei."
Splinter smiled slightly. "You listen to me, yet you test the ideas I offer you anyway."
"Yeah, sorry about that," he said genuinely.
"Do not apologise. It is good that you do not blindly believe. That is what we call a fool."
"It would probably hurt a lot less if I had just done what you all said though." Raphael said, his words thick with melancholy.
"That is usually the case." Splinter smiled slightly. When Raphael said nothing in reply, he continued, "You should listen to your brother, he knows what he is talking about."
"We've been there already, I know."
"But you still haven't listened."
"OK, OK, I'll listen to Leo."
"Good. Shall we return to the lair then? It is not a good idea to be too far from home at times such as these."
Raphael nodded mutely and pondered on what had been said to him. Splinter was right, if he would stop resisting all the help offered to him, perhaps there could be a way out of this.
But would it be another of these hard lessons?
Thanks to all the reviewers!!