Author's Note: no, I don't own HM, nor do I own most of the characters in this story. Um…yea.
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 3: Farmerman's first real adventure (Part 1)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto a small shack, a very familiar small shack indeed…
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera moves in through the clouds. We see Jack's shack coming into view.)
(Jack steps out of the shack, obviously still not very awake)
Won: (appearing from nowhere) ahh, yes, you are the new person here. I am Won, a travelling merchant from the east. Can I rip yo-I mean, interest you into buying something? Perhaps, say, this amazing Super-Ultra-Delicious-Great-Wonderful Apple? (Holds it up) only 500G!
(Jack's subconscious)
Logic: I don't like the look of this guy. We can't spend 500g anyway. All gramps had buried in his field was only about 1000G.
Emotion: but look at him! He went all the way here to sell this just to you! You should buy it!
Lust: mmm…apple…sweet…sweet is good…
(Camera shifts back to Jack and Won)
Won: well, are you going to buy, or no?
Jack: is it a vacuum cleaner?
Won: (giving Jack an odd look) no, it's an apple, not a…
(Jack snatches the apple and presses on a certain spot. A small tube extends from the apple and begins sucking in air.)
Jack: (triumphantly) HA! IT'S A VACUUM CLEANER! GO AWAY VACUUM SALESMAN!
Won: it's not fair! Rule #3427 of the ripper-off's association says that our inventory has to carry vacuum cleaners all the time!
(A ton of water appears from nowhere and washes away Won and his merchandise.)
Won: (Being washed away) AAH! I'M BEING TURNED INTO WON TON SOUP!
Narrator: okay…so that was random and weird…
Harvest Goddess: (appears) you know, I hate vacuum salesmen too. I see we're going to have a beautiful time working together. (Vanishes)
Jack: (looks at checklist) ok, crops…watered. Animals: none.
Dog: Arf! Arf! (Translation: Hey!)
Jack: (Staring at the turnip sprouts) I don't understand it anyway! How can turnips manage to grow in 4 days? Are they some sort of high-yielding variety or something?
Dog: Arf!
Jack: oh well. (Strides over to mailbox, opens it, and sorts through letters) Gramp's bills, dating from 1 year ago…mouldy cheese, old new year's day cards…and…an invitation?
(Camera zooms in on the invitation. It reads: You are hence cordially invited to the introduction of (Insert name here) Jack, who is the newest member of our fine town. The time and venue is today, 10 Am, at Doug's place. Yours faithfully, Thomas the Mayor.)
Jack: (Voice overhead) I don't think I'll g-
(Camera shifts down to read: PS: there will be free food.)
Jack: (laughing) hahaha! Yeah, rig-
(Camera shifts even further down to show: PPS: Really. I'm not kidding.)
Jack: free food? Really?! AAaaAaaAAa! (Runs off)
Narrator: not long after, and not very far away…
(Scene changes to show Jack's doorstep. A mysterious hand comes into view of the camera, and sets down an extremely cute stuffed chicken plush toy.)
Narrator: oh no! what could this mean? is it some ill portent of some sort? Meanwhile…
(The scene changes to the interior of the Inn. The whole populace of Mineral town is assembled, well, almost the whole populace…)
Thomas: and so we introduce to you the newest addition to our town, Jack!
(General applause)
Thomas: and so, Jack, do you have anything to say?
Jack: (Mumbles something incoherently)
Thomas: (either not noticing, or ignoring Jack) thank you! I'm sure that every one of you who has already met Jack agrees he is a wonderful person!
(Both Elli and Cliff Glare at the inebriated Jack)
Jack: (dimly aware he's being watched) wsflg?
Ann: (to Popuri) maybe Karen shouldn't have challenged him to a drinking match…
(Both of them look downwards. Camera shifts down to show Karen, out cold on the floor, she twitches occasionally.)
Popuri: I think so…
Ann: why isn't your brother here today?
Popuri: (Shrugs) I don't know. He said he had something to take care of…
(Camera shifts back to Thomas and Jack)
Thomas: and so, without further ado, let us eat the fo-
(Suddenly, the whole populace starts to walk zombie-like towards the door. Without Thomas to support him, Jack slumps to the floor. Camera fades to black as the residents of Mineral town lurch out of the inn.)
Narrator: oh no? what has gone wrong with the people of Mineral Town? Is this Farmerman's first real adventure? Will Jack ever recover from the effects of alcohol in time to save the day as Farmerman? Who took the cheese? All these and more, in the next episode of The Chronicles of Farmerman!
Holds out tin mug um…yeah. Reviews please. The villain makes his appearance in the next episode!
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 3: Farmerman's first real adventure (Part 1)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto a small shack, a very familiar small shack indeed…
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera moves in through the clouds. We see Jack's shack coming into view.)
(Jack steps out of the shack, obviously still not very awake)
Won: (appearing from nowhere) ahh, yes, you are the new person here. I am Won, a travelling merchant from the east. Can I rip yo-I mean, interest you into buying something? Perhaps, say, this amazing Super-Ultra-Delicious-Great-Wonderful Apple? (Holds it up) only 500G!
(Jack's subconscious)
Logic: I don't like the look of this guy. We can't spend 500g anyway. All gramps had buried in his field was only about 1000G.
Emotion: but look at him! He went all the way here to sell this just to you! You should buy it!
Lust: mmm…apple…sweet…sweet is good…
(Camera shifts back to Jack and Won)
Won: well, are you going to buy, or no?
Jack: is it a vacuum cleaner?
Won: (giving Jack an odd look) no, it's an apple, not a…
(Jack snatches the apple and presses on a certain spot. A small tube extends from the apple and begins sucking in air.)
Jack: (triumphantly) HA! IT'S A VACUUM CLEANER! GO AWAY VACUUM SALESMAN!
Won: it's not fair! Rule #3427 of the ripper-off's association says that our inventory has to carry vacuum cleaners all the time!
(A ton of water appears from nowhere and washes away Won and his merchandise.)
Won: (Being washed away) AAH! I'M BEING TURNED INTO WON TON SOUP!
Narrator: okay…so that was random and weird…
Harvest Goddess: (appears) you know, I hate vacuum salesmen too. I see we're going to have a beautiful time working together. (Vanishes)
Jack: (looks at checklist) ok, crops…watered. Animals: none.
Dog: Arf! Arf! (Translation: Hey!)
Jack: (Staring at the turnip sprouts) I don't understand it anyway! How can turnips manage to grow in 4 days? Are they some sort of high-yielding variety or something?
Dog: Arf!
Jack: oh well. (Strides over to mailbox, opens it, and sorts through letters) Gramp's bills, dating from 1 year ago…mouldy cheese, old new year's day cards…and…an invitation?
(Camera zooms in on the invitation. It reads: You are hence cordially invited to the introduction of (Insert name here) Jack, who is the newest member of our fine town. The time and venue is today, 10 Am, at Doug's place. Yours faithfully, Thomas the Mayor.)
Jack: (Voice overhead) I don't think I'll g-
(Camera shifts down to read: PS: there will be free food.)
Jack: (laughing) hahaha! Yeah, rig-
(Camera shifts even further down to show: PPS: Really. I'm not kidding.)
Jack: free food? Really?! AAaaAaaAAa! (Runs off)
Narrator: not long after, and not very far away…
(Scene changes to show Jack's doorstep. A mysterious hand comes into view of the camera, and sets down an extremely cute stuffed chicken plush toy.)
Narrator: oh no! what could this mean? is it some ill portent of some sort? Meanwhile…
(The scene changes to the interior of the Inn. The whole populace of Mineral town is assembled, well, almost the whole populace…)
Thomas: and so we introduce to you the newest addition to our town, Jack!
(General applause)
Thomas: and so, Jack, do you have anything to say?
Jack: (Mumbles something incoherently)
Thomas: (either not noticing, or ignoring Jack) thank you! I'm sure that every one of you who has already met Jack agrees he is a wonderful person!
(Both Elli and Cliff Glare at the inebriated Jack)
Jack: (dimly aware he's being watched) wsflg?
Ann: (to Popuri) maybe Karen shouldn't have challenged him to a drinking match…
(Both of them look downwards. Camera shifts down to show Karen, out cold on the floor, she twitches occasionally.)
Popuri: I think so…
Ann: why isn't your brother here today?
Popuri: (Shrugs) I don't know. He said he had something to take care of…
(Camera shifts back to Thomas and Jack)
Thomas: and so, without further ado, let us eat the fo-
(Suddenly, the whole populace starts to walk zombie-like towards the door. Without Thomas to support him, Jack slumps to the floor. Camera fades to black as the residents of Mineral town lurch out of the inn.)
Narrator: oh no? what has gone wrong with the people of Mineral Town? Is this Farmerman's first real adventure? Will Jack ever recover from the effects of alcohol in time to save the day as Farmerman? Who took the cheese? All these and more, in the next episode of The Chronicles of Farmerman!
Holds out tin mug um…yeah. Reviews please. The villain makes his appearance in the next episode!