Author's Note: all right, so I'm here. Um…is there anything so say…enjoy the story, any ideas you have, post them in a review or email them over, and I'll consider them deeply. Without further ado, let the story begin! And remember to review!
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 5: why you should never be a workaholic (Part 1)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto the crowded main room of an inn.
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera zooms in onto the main room of Doug's Inn. It is night time outside. We see Jack, Carter, Cliff and Basil sitting round one of the tables. Doug is behind the bar as usual.)
Basil: (obviously very drunk) ands sho I tawld the plant-eating aliens from theesh planet cawnivohros, yaw ken et awl the cropz ya wan, buz if yaz et thosh dere toy flawers ah'll kick yer azz back the outah space! (Keels over, face hitting the table)
(Polite applause from the others)
Doug: (sharply) get that wine away from him! I don't want another Karen in my bar-that foam was so alcoholic, it burned a hole in the floor so deep, it cost me 5000G to repair!
Cliff: (raises hand) ……
Carter: yes? You want a confessional now?
Cliff: (nods) …………
Carter: well, okay…I suppose I can make an exception…who's first?
Doug: well, I secretly put lots of salt into the food I sell to make people thirsty and thus want to buy my drinks…
(Carter morphs into a 8-foot tall monster with scaly skin, a lizard tail, horns and glowing red eyes. Everyone in the bar immediately gape at Carter's new form.)
Carter: (roars) What do you mean, you put extra salt into food? How dare you betray the trust of your customers for your own personal gain! Your greed will lead to your eventual downfall! The Harvest Goddess has not forgiven you, and someday you will pay the price! That is enough for today's confession. Come again any time.
Everyone: (speechless)
Carter: (growls) who's next?
Cliff: (timidly raises hand) …………..
Carter: come again?
Cliff: ………….
Carter: I can't believe this…how can you…you…actually play Harvest Goddess! How could you clone Stu by mixing flour and milk in a pot and adding salt, vegetables and fish! You have violated the right of the Harvest Goddess to create life, and as such, you have committed a grievous sin! How would you like it if someone made clones of you? The Harvest Goddess has not forgiven you, and someday you will pay the price! That is enough for today's confession. Come again any time.
Basil: (still raving drunk) ah like pumpkens.
Carter: what's so sinful about that?
Basil: (holds up hand in the air) nonononono. Nosh like dat. Joo see, Anna wahn't (Censored) weeth mah, so whash I do eez tak theez pumpkin, scoop out a long, narrow hole, and…
Narrator: (comes up and puts a big "Censored" sign) the rest of this description has been cut off for the sake of the little kiddies out there. Please bear with us.
(The big sign suddenly disappears. Everyone is staring at Basil.)
Carter: (trembling) How…How…that is pure…YOU HAVE ABUSED THE BOUNTIES OF NAUTRE! AND NOT JUST ABUSED, BUT ABUSED IN THIS PERVERSE, HORRIFYING WAY! HECK, NOT ONLY THE HARVEST GODDESS WON'T FORGIVE YOU, I WON'T EITHER! (Grabs Basil)
(Sounds of pain are heard outside. After a while, Carter comes back alone in human form, and sits down at the table with Jack and the others.)
Carter: (acting as if nothing happened) since this is confession, I suppose I'll confess too. My church is nothing but a front for Carter's Meat and Poultry co. , associated human body parts by special arrangement. That's why after all this time, the cemetery is still so small and is never filled up. Oh I have been a bad boy. That's all for today's group confessional. Have a good day.
(Inside Jack's mind)
Caution: it was a good thing that we decided not to tell him about that dream we had last night.
Emotion: oh, the dream involving Elli and-
Logic: he'd probably have torn us to shreds.
(Scene changes back to bar)
Jack: you know, I wonder why the Doctor's not here today. He should be here…
Cliff: (drains his mug of beer) ………………….
Jack: you're probably right. I've only been here for two weeks, I probably don't know him too well…
Narrator: not very far away, in the Clinic…
(Scene changes to the Doctor's room in the clinic. We see the Doctor bent over a desk, scribbling furiously away.)
Doctor: (mumbling as if in a trance) I'm just not a good enough doctor…I'm just not a good enough doctor…
Narrator: they say that there is a thin line between genius and madness. A childhood of being neglected, being unloved (or at least not knowing about it) and daily overwork have contrived to tip Poor Dr. Tim Doctor off this line.
(The Doctor bounces onto his feet and runs around in circles with a crazy grin on his face)
Narrator: well, it seems the Doctor has finally snapped. What will this mean for Mineral Town? More importantly, what will it mean for Jack? Find out in the next episode of The Chronicles of Farmerman! And now to put in a lame filler…
(Scene changes to the interior of Ellen's house. Ellen is sitting in her rocking chair, holding a big book. May and Stu are sitting on the ground in front of her.)
Ellen: hello, everyone! It's time for Ellen's happy fun time filler stories! Today's story is…
How the Gourmet got his big lips
Once upon a time there lived a normal little gourmet guy. Then he met another little boy named Rick.
"come over here, gourmet guy." said Rick, "I want to show you something."
the little gourmet guy, thinking it was a puppy or something, followed Rick. Rick took him behind his barn where he kept his "special chickens."
"let's play a game." said Rick, "you can be my assistant. Here. hold this chicken still for me..."
the sight that met the poor little gourmet guy's eyes at that point made his mouth stretch in horror so much, that it broke all of the elasticity in his skin, and his mouth never returned to its normal size. he ran away without looking where he was going and ended up running into a wall, so that his lips became swollen. They were never the same again...
Ellen: and that's all for today's story. Remember, it's things like this which give this story it's rating, otherwise it'd be PG!
Ok, Job done! holds out tin mug to be givink me reviews please!
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 5: why you should never be a workaholic (Part 1)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto the crowded main room of an inn.
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera zooms in onto the main room of Doug's Inn. It is night time outside. We see Jack, Carter, Cliff and Basil sitting round one of the tables. Doug is behind the bar as usual.)
Basil: (obviously very drunk) ands sho I tawld the plant-eating aliens from theesh planet cawnivohros, yaw ken et awl the cropz ya wan, buz if yaz et thosh dere toy flawers ah'll kick yer azz back the outah space! (Keels over, face hitting the table)
(Polite applause from the others)
Doug: (sharply) get that wine away from him! I don't want another Karen in my bar-that foam was so alcoholic, it burned a hole in the floor so deep, it cost me 5000G to repair!
Cliff: (raises hand) ……
Carter: yes? You want a confessional now?
Cliff: (nods) …………
Carter: well, okay…I suppose I can make an exception…who's first?
Doug: well, I secretly put lots of salt into the food I sell to make people thirsty and thus want to buy my drinks…
(Carter morphs into a 8-foot tall monster with scaly skin, a lizard tail, horns and glowing red eyes. Everyone in the bar immediately gape at Carter's new form.)
Carter: (roars) What do you mean, you put extra salt into food? How dare you betray the trust of your customers for your own personal gain! Your greed will lead to your eventual downfall! The Harvest Goddess has not forgiven you, and someday you will pay the price! That is enough for today's confession. Come again any time.
Everyone: (speechless)
Carter: (growls) who's next?
Cliff: (timidly raises hand) …………..
Carter: come again?
Cliff: ………….
Carter: I can't believe this…how can you…you…actually play Harvest Goddess! How could you clone Stu by mixing flour and milk in a pot and adding salt, vegetables and fish! You have violated the right of the Harvest Goddess to create life, and as such, you have committed a grievous sin! How would you like it if someone made clones of you? The Harvest Goddess has not forgiven you, and someday you will pay the price! That is enough for today's confession. Come again any time.
Basil: (still raving drunk) ah like pumpkens.
Carter: what's so sinful about that?
Basil: (holds up hand in the air) nonononono. Nosh like dat. Joo see, Anna wahn't (Censored) weeth mah, so whash I do eez tak theez pumpkin, scoop out a long, narrow hole, and…
Narrator: (comes up and puts a big "Censored" sign) the rest of this description has been cut off for the sake of the little kiddies out there. Please bear with us.
(The big sign suddenly disappears. Everyone is staring at Basil.)
Carter: (trembling) How…How…that is pure…YOU HAVE ABUSED THE BOUNTIES OF NAUTRE! AND NOT JUST ABUSED, BUT ABUSED IN THIS PERVERSE, HORRIFYING WAY! HECK, NOT ONLY THE HARVEST GODDESS WON'T FORGIVE YOU, I WON'T EITHER! (Grabs Basil)
(Sounds of pain are heard outside. After a while, Carter comes back alone in human form, and sits down at the table with Jack and the others.)
Carter: (acting as if nothing happened) since this is confession, I suppose I'll confess too. My church is nothing but a front for Carter's Meat and Poultry co. , associated human body parts by special arrangement. That's why after all this time, the cemetery is still so small and is never filled up. Oh I have been a bad boy. That's all for today's group confessional. Have a good day.
(Inside Jack's mind)
Caution: it was a good thing that we decided not to tell him about that dream we had last night.
Emotion: oh, the dream involving Elli and-
Logic: he'd probably have torn us to shreds.
(Scene changes back to bar)
Jack: you know, I wonder why the Doctor's not here today. He should be here…
Cliff: (drains his mug of beer) ………………….
Jack: you're probably right. I've only been here for two weeks, I probably don't know him too well…
Narrator: not very far away, in the Clinic…
(Scene changes to the Doctor's room in the clinic. We see the Doctor bent over a desk, scribbling furiously away.)
Doctor: (mumbling as if in a trance) I'm just not a good enough doctor…I'm just not a good enough doctor…
Narrator: they say that there is a thin line between genius and madness. A childhood of being neglected, being unloved (or at least not knowing about it) and daily overwork have contrived to tip Poor Dr. Tim Doctor off this line.
(The Doctor bounces onto his feet and runs around in circles with a crazy grin on his face)
Narrator: well, it seems the Doctor has finally snapped. What will this mean for Mineral Town? More importantly, what will it mean for Jack? Find out in the next episode of The Chronicles of Farmerman! And now to put in a lame filler…
(Scene changes to the interior of Ellen's house. Ellen is sitting in her rocking chair, holding a big book. May and Stu are sitting on the ground in front of her.)
Ellen: hello, everyone! It's time for Ellen's happy fun time filler stories! Today's story is…
How the Gourmet got his big lips
Once upon a time there lived a normal little gourmet guy. Then he met another little boy named Rick.
"come over here, gourmet guy." said Rick, "I want to show you something."
the little gourmet guy, thinking it was a puppy or something, followed Rick. Rick took him behind his barn where he kept his "special chickens."
"let's play a game." said Rick, "you can be my assistant. Here. hold this chicken still for me..."
the sight that met the poor little gourmet guy's eyes at that point made his mouth stretch in horror so much, that it broke all of the elasticity in his skin, and his mouth never returned to its normal size. he ran away without looking where he was going and ended up running into a wall, so that his lips became swollen. They were never the same again...
Ellen: and that's all for today's story. Remember, it's things like this which give this story it's rating, otherwise it'd be PG!
Ok, Job done! holds out tin mug to be givink me reviews please!