Faint
A/n: Ah yes, I am finally updating -_-; gomen nasaii! Soooo sorry! Ya know, there is absolutely no time at this time of year to do next to anything, honestly.. Anyway, here is your chapter that I have ruthlessly kept you waiting for, gomen ne -_-; Oh and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!!
p.s. TODAY I SAW 'LOTR: Return of the King'!!!! Let me just say, it was an excellent piece of work!! Everyone must see it!
*()*()*()*()* - means change of POV; either Kai or Rei's, depending on who it starts with
*~*~*~*~*
Colours, lightening and darkening all at once, surrounding me..... Blinking, I attempted to cover my sleep-filled eyes with the duvet covering me, up to my shoulders. I also noted the nice warm body located next to me.... nice and comfy.... Cripes!? Who is that?
My eyes widdened as I opened my eyes, feeling a little more awake at this stage. What the heck?! Deep midnight blue hair, streaked with light grey blue, laid short and tousled across the other pillow next to mine. There's only one person who has hair like that. Kai.
I felt the anger rush back to me in an angry torrent, but my current position prevented me from taking any action. He was lying infront of me, with a strong arm draped around my waist, holding me gently but not enough that I could squeeze out of his grip. The anger within me fought with the passion I felt for him at that moment, and the strong desire to want to stay like that forever and ever. My eyes studied his pale Russian complexion, his pale pink lips seemed to call my name, and the triangles on his face were gone, making him seem more fragile than in reality. His facial features gave off the look of an angelic cherub, especially with that slight blush on his cheeks...blush? I must be seeing things.
I must've stared at him for a good forty five minutes, taking in every single piece of his delicate complexion. By then, I knew every crevice, slope and tiny hair on his face, and I don't think I could ever forget even if I wanted to.
As I studied down his face, over his neck, spotting part of his muscular chest that peeked through the warm blankets, something snatched my attention away. At first glance it was a flash of garnet, then I fearfully realized it was his open eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up, and tried to look away quickly, unfortunately he'd already seen me. I attempted to break his grip to get out of the room as soon as I could, otherwise I was sure I'd loose control of myself.
*()*()*()*()*
I already knew he was awake. I could tell by the way his breathing sped up. I almost wished I'd woken up with him, perhaps take a look into those amber eyes of gold I missed for so long. I felt his gaze on me, studying me increduously. I suppose he has every reason to know why I was holding him, but it's so hard not to be affectionate with him, he's just that kind of kitten. Because of that, to me he was a fragile thing that gave love and needed love returned at the same time; I felt incredibly horrible about what I'd done to him. Worthlessness ought to be my middle name, afterall, that's what I am. Who in their right minds gives up the love of their lives over selfish ambition? I suppose that'd be me. Yeah! Way to screw up Kai! And wow, look, I'm a natural at it.
After about forty five minutes, I felt his gaze drift...downwards. I wanted to laugh at that moment, so typical of him, curious as a kitten. I opened my eyes slightly to see him studying me intently, but couldn't discern the emotion in his eyes; that had become hidden and I was responsible. His ebony locks lay limply over the pillows, I hope he'll never get it cut. His Chinese complexion seemed dimmer than it was before, and I could distinguish some darkness under his eyes; he hadn't been sleeping, was it because of me? I mentally smacked myself, it must've been horrible for him, and it wasn't even his fault. Just as that thought passed, I noticed he glanced up at me and blushed. He struggled, and looked away, but my arm wouldn't move, as though I had lost control of it. After a moment, whatever emotions came, had passed. Rei, slowly pushed the covers off him, not looking at me, sat up and put his feet on the floor. He grabbed some clothes out of his drawer and vanished into the bathroom, locking it tightly behind him.
I swallowed, he really had been deeply hurt. I'm not sure what I'd been expecting with my return, but this cold, outright rejection sure wasn't it. Unfortunately, I don't believe there was anything I could do, he had every right to be like this, it just shocked me. I didn't know he was capable of this cold hearted disposition, but I know I was. I felt like everything was falling to shambles all around me, and I had no control, I couldn't fix it, it was doing it all by itself. But I ask myself, 'Who started it all?'
'You,' a quiet voice in my head answered back.
'You brought this upon yourself, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your fault, you started the chain reaction and you can't stop it. "Once you open a flood gate, how can you stop it?"'
I sat up, blotting out the voices that tormented me and berated me for my stupid, selfish actions. I was not perfect, and what I did to Rei caused nothing but heartache for both of us. I don't what's right anymore, do I just leave Rei before I hurt him anymore? Do I abandon the team again? Or perhaps that is what they fear. Perhaps that is what Rei think will happen and he'll be hurt even more. Or do I stay and try to cope with things? The broken relationships, will they mend? Perhaps so, with much time and energy? Will it be worth it, will I be accepted? It took so long to form an unbroken connection with my teammates before, will I ever achieve that again? Or was my betrayal too much?
My head was aching after awhile, and with all the thought put in, I still had no answers, just left with more questions. My heart hurt from rejection, and personal guilt. And my soul, well I think that was damned from the beginning, who knows where to start there.
Rei came out of the bathroom moments later, the scent of Christmas time cinnamon and vanilla filled the air, no one else I knew smelt like that, just little Rei. His hair dripping with water was wrapped in a towel, and he was clad in his traditional Chinese clothing, headband in his nimble fingers. He was always a pleasing sight, but for some reason, my heart ached even more. He wasn't mine, he didn't want me and if I didn't do anything, it would forever remain that way.
Rei pulled out his plain, worn hairbrush and began running it through the silky strands of his long raven mane. I remembered the time he was so frustrated with it, he looked as though he was going to rip it all out, that was when I stepped in to help him out. He always liked it when I brushed his hair, I knew that when he would start purring. The thought made me chuckle inwardly.
Filled with a bit of glee from that memory, I stood up and walked to the mirror to help him. He looked at me with an odd glance, as I tried to take the brush. He grabbed it away from me however, and pushed me away with a venemous glare. Anger rose in my chest, I could not help it, I just do not take rejection well, and shoved him into the mirror. Glaring at him, I held him to the glass fist about to strike, but stopped as I realised with the look of pure fear in his cat-like eyes, what I was doing. I let him go, he backed away. He quickly finished brushing out the ebony locks, bound them and rushed out the bedroom door.
My knees gave way, and I collapsed to the floor. What had I almost done?
*~*~*
I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense
I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got
*~*~*
A/n: So, what'd ya think? I didn't really intend for the chapter to be that short, but I kind wanted to end it abruptly, to give it a dramatic and shocking effect. The next chapter should be up soon, so don't worry, it's Christmas holidays now, so I'll have some extra time in the daytime. My goal is to get at least 2-3 more chapters up, lol which leaves me to the wonderment of how long this fic will actually be. Anyway, here are all my thank-you replys. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, you guys are the best support ever!!!
lone*phoenix1: Will do! ^_^ Thanks!!
Faerex: Thank you! Continue I shall.
narakunohime: Thank you!
NEKO-me: Lol, I'll not torture you, fulfilled your wishes I have. (lol sheesh, I'm starting to sound like Yoda lol)
sugarhighsquirrel: Lol, I feel so loved! Thank you! Linkin Park fans all the way!!!! Yeah!!
meow: lol, me so glad you like! Is this 'real' soon? Lol, I hope so. Thank you!
Lychee Fairy: You're welcome! I'm happy to do it! Kai's the greatest isn't he? I can live happily knowing this world would not be complete without him lol.
Platinum Rei: Thank you!^_^ I hope this fic meets your expectations.
AznWhiteTigerGrl: You bet right lol, and thank you!
Black Magician Girl3: Lol thanks, hai, very hard to think clean thoughts when Kai's around, well same goes for Rei, at least in my book. Lol. Thank you!
Heather Sutaki: Lol, I guess if I want to live out a full life I ought to keep going, being you know where I live and all... damn those phone books. Of course Linkin Park's songs rock, that why I chose em! Lol wow, I have a great title now, I like the sound of Keisan-sama, oooh I could definitely get used to this lol, jk. Thank you though! Hope this meets your demands!
luckygal: I agree with you, Rei was always strong, well I argue not so much as Kai is, but not a complete weakling fool, if ya know what I mean. I tried to make Rei's character more or less as in character as he was in the show, because well that's why I always liked him. Thanks for your review!
Harlequin Light: Thank you, will do!
Insane Pluto: Lol thank you, updates will keep coming, I don't discontinue fics, and I hate it when people do.
Ghetto fabulous: Hey! Thanks for your review! I really enjoy writing fics and including something mystical as dreams, hey I'm a dreamfilled person, what can I say? Oh and yes you did compliment, 'cute' is a compliment lol, thank you!
kairii: Thank you! Meow lol.
DragonBlade: Rei's a funny kinda guy lol, him and all his funny thoughts included. I definitely love Linkin Park in all their glorious, harmonious music, yep yep. Glad you do too lol. Thank you for the review, more chapters will come!
I luv Kai: Wow, what a coincidence I love Kai too lol. Thank you! I am honoured by your praise of my humble scribblings lol, thank you!
I will continue this, and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you all again! Ja for now!
Keisan
A/n: Ah yes, I am finally updating -_-; gomen nasaii! Soooo sorry! Ya know, there is absolutely no time at this time of year to do next to anything, honestly.. Anyway, here is your chapter that I have ruthlessly kept you waiting for, gomen ne -_-; Oh and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!!
p.s. TODAY I SAW 'LOTR: Return of the King'!!!! Let me just say, it was an excellent piece of work!! Everyone must see it!
*()*()*()*()* - means change of POV; either Kai or Rei's, depending on who it starts with
*~*~*~*~*
Colours, lightening and darkening all at once, surrounding me..... Blinking, I attempted to cover my sleep-filled eyes with the duvet covering me, up to my shoulders. I also noted the nice warm body located next to me.... nice and comfy.... Cripes!? Who is that?
My eyes widdened as I opened my eyes, feeling a little more awake at this stage. What the heck?! Deep midnight blue hair, streaked with light grey blue, laid short and tousled across the other pillow next to mine. There's only one person who has hair like that. Kai.
I felt the anger rush back to me in an angry torrent, but my current position prevented me from taking any action. He was lying infront of me, with a strong arm draped around my waist, holding me gently but not enough that I could squeeze out of his grip. The anger within me fought with the passion I felt for him at that moment, and the strong desire to want to stay like that forever and ever. My eyes studied his pale Russian complexion, his pale pink lips seemed to call my name, and the triangles on his face were gone, making him seem more fragile than in reality. His facial features gave off the look of an angelic cherub, especially with that slight blush on his cheeks...blush? I must be seeing things.
I must've stared at him for a good forty five minutes, taking in every single piece of his delicate complexion. By then, I knew every crevice, slope and tiny hair on his face, and I don't think I could ever forget even if I wanted to.
As I studied down his face, over his neck, spotting part of his muscular chest that peeked through the warm blankets, something snatched my attention away. At first glance it was a flash of garnet, then I fearfully realized it was his open eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up, and tried to look away quickly, unfortunately he'd already seen me. I attempted to break his grip to get out of the room as soon as I could, otherwise I was sure I'd loose control of myself.
*()*()*()*()*
I already knew he was awake. I could tell by the way his breathing sped up. I almost wished I'd woken up with him, perhaps take a look into those amber eyes of gold I missed for so long. I felt his gaze on me, studying me increduously. I suppose he has every reason to know why I was holding him, but it's so hard not to be affectionate with him, he's just that kind of kitten. Because of that, to me he was a fragile thing that gave love and needed love returned at the same time; I felt incredibly horrible about what I'd done to him. Worthlessness ought to be my middle name, afterall, that's what I am. Who in their right minds gives up the love of their lives over selfish ambition? I suppose that'd be me. Yeah! Way to screw up Kai! And wow, look, I'm a natural at it.
After about forty five minutes, I felt his gaze drift...downwards. I wanted to laugh at that moment, so typical of him, curious as a kitten. I opened my eyes slightly to see him studying me intently, but couldn't discern the emotion in his eyes; that had become hidden and I was responsible. His ebony locks lay limply over the pillows, I hope he'll never get it cut. His Chinese complexion seemed dimmer than it was before, and I could distinguish some darkness under his eyes; he hadn't been sleeping, was it because of me? I mentally smacked myself, it must've been horrible for him, and it wasn't even his fault. Just as that thought passed, I noticed he glanced up at me and blushed. He struggled, and looked away, but my arm wouldn't move, as though I had lost control of it. After a moment, whatever emotions came, had passed. Rei, slowly pushed the covers off him, not looking at me, sat up and put his feet on the floor. He grabbed some clothes out of his drawer and vanished into the bathroom, locking it tightly behind him.
I swallowed, he really had been deeply hurt. I'm not sure what I'd been expecting with my return, but this cold, outright rejection sure wasn't it. Unfortunately, I don't believe there was anything I could do, he had every right to be like this, it just shocked me. I didn't know he was capable of this cold hearted disposition, but I know I was. I felt like everything was falling to shambles all around me, and I had no control, I couldn't fix it, it was doing it all by itself. But I ask myself, 'Who started it all?'
'You,' a quiet voice in my head answered back.
'You brought this upon yourself, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your fault, you started the chain reaction and you can't stop it. "Once you open a flood gate, how can you stop it?"'
I sat up, blotting out the voices that tormented me and berated me for my stupid, selfish actions. I was not perfect, and what I did to Rei caused nothing but heartache for both of us. I don't what's right anymore, do I just leave Rei before I hurt him anymore? Do I abandon the team again? Or perhaps that is what they fear. Perhaps that is what Rei think will happen and he'll be hurt even more. Or do I stay and try to cope with things? The broken relationships, will they mend? Perhaps so, with much time and energy? Will it be worth it, will I be accepted? It took so long to form an unbroken connection with my teammates before, will I ever achieve that again? Or was my betrayal too much?
My head was aching after awhile, and with all the thought put in, I still had no answers, just left with more questions. My heart hurt from rejection, and personal guilt. And my soul, well I think that was damned from the beginning, who knows where to start there.
Rei came out of the bathroom moments later, the scent of Christmas time cinnamon and vanilla filled the air, no one else I knew smelt like that, just little Rei. His hair dripping with water was wrapped in a towel, and he was clad in his traditional Chinese clothing, headband in his nimble fingers. He was always a pleasing sight, but for some reason, my heart ached even more. He wasn't mine, he didn't want me and if I didn't do anything, it would forever remain that way.
Rei pulled out his plain, worn hairbrush and began running it through the silky strands of his long raven mane. I remembered the time he was so frustrated with it, he looked as though he was going to rip it all out, that was when I stepped in to help him out. He always liked it when I brushed his hair, I knew that when he would start purring. The thought made me chuckle inwardly.
Filled with a bit of glee from that memory, I stood up and walked to the mirror to help him. He looked at me with an odd glance, as I tried to take the brush. He grabbed it away from me however, and pushed me away with a venemous glare. Anger rose in my chest, I could not help it, I just do not take rejection well, and shoved him into the mirror. Glaring at him, I held him to the glass fist about to strike, but stopped as I realised with the look of pure fear in his cat-like eyes, what I was doing. I let him go, he backed away. He quickly finished brushing out the ebony locks, bound them and rushed out the bedroom door.
My knees gave way, and I collapsed to the floor. What had I almost done?
*~*~*
I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense
I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got
*~*~*
A/n: So, what'd ya think? I didn't really intend for the chapter to be that short, but I kind wanted to end it abruptly, to give it a dramatic and shocking effect. The next chapter should be up soon, so don't worry, it's Christmas holidays now, so I'll have some extra time in the daytime. My goal is to get at least 2-3 more chapters up, lol which leaves me to the wonderment of how long this fic will actually be. Anyway, here are all my thank-you replys. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, you guys are the best support ever!!!
lone*phoenix1: Will do! ^_^ Thanks!!
Faerex: Thank you! Continue I shall.
narakunohime: Thank you!
NEKO-me: Lol, I'll not torture you, fulfilled your wishes I have. (lol sheesh, I'm starting to sound like Yoda lol)
sugarhighsquirrel: Lol, I feel so loved! Thank you! Linkin Park fans all the way!!!! Yeah!!
meow: lol, me so glad you like! Is this 'real' soon? Lol, I hope so. Thank you!
Lychee Fairy: You're welcome! I'm happy to do it! Kai's the greatest isn't he? I can live happily knowing this world would not be complete without him lol.
Platinum Rei: Thank you!^_^ I hope this fic meets your expectations.
AznWhiteTigerGrl: You bet right lol, and thank you!
Black Magician Girl3: Lol thanks, hai, very hard to think clean thoughts when Kai's around, well same goes for Rei, at least in my book. Lol. Thank you!
Heather Sutaki: Lol, I guess if I want to live out a full life I ought to keep going, being you know where I live and all... damn those phone books. Of course Linkin Park's songs rock, that why I chose em! Lol wow, I have a great title now, I like the sound of Keisan-sama, oooh I could definitely get used to this lol, jk. Thank you though! Hope this meets your demands!
luckygal: I agree with you, Rei was always strong, well I argue not so much as Kai is, but not a complete weakling fool, if ya know what I mean. I tried to make Rei's character more or less as in character as he was in the show, because well that's why I always liked him. Thanks for your review!
Harlequin Light: Thank you, will do!
Insane Pluto: Lol thank you, updates will keep coming, I don't discontinue fics, and I hate it when people do.
Ghetto fabulous: Hey! Thanks for your review! I really enjoy writing fics and including something mystical as dreams, hey I'm a dreamfilled person, what can I say? Oh and yes you did compliment, 'cute' is a compliment lol, thank you!
kairii: Thank you! Meow lol.
DragonBlade: Rei's a funny kinda guy lol, him and all his funny thoughts included. I definitely love Linkin Park in all their glorious, harmonious music, yep yep. Glad you do too lol. Thank you for the review, more chapters will come!
I luv Kai: Wow, what a coincidence I love Kai too lol. Thank you! I am honoured by your praise of my humble scribblings lol, thank you!
I will continue this, and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you all again! Ja for now!
Keisan