Author's Note: …ok…I don't own Harvest Moon, Natsume and Victor interactive studios do. Ok? Yay. Now without further ado, let us proceed with…
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 7: why you should never be a workaholic (Part 7)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, into the interior of Mineral Clinic, which is currently in a state of relative disarray.
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera moves into the Clinic. Jack barges in through the front door, clothed as Farmerman.)
Jack: Doctor! Elli! (stares at the mess) oh no…
(Muffled noises come from behind the counter. Jack rushes over. Elli is behind the counter, bound and gagged.)
Elli: (muffled noises)
Jack: it's all right. Where's the Doctor?
Elli: (shakes head, accompanied by more muffled noises.)
Jack: it's okay…just stay here, and keep quiet. I'll be back soon, and get you out. Okay?
Elli: (nods, with more muffled noises)
Narrator: meanwhile, upstairs…(Author's note: to avoid confusion, when the Doctor is in his Dr. Doctor persona, I will refer him as Dr. Doctor, and otherwise, just as Doctor.)
(The scene changes to the Doctor's room in the upstairs portion of the Clinic. Boxes and papers litter the place. In the middle of the room is an evil-looking machine and Dr. Doctor is standing by it.)
Dr Doctor: yeesk! Vinally, ze HUGGLES haz been delivered vy Zack! Veeth zees HUGGLES, I vill kawnqer ze vorld! Ahahaha!
Jack: (bursting in) hold it right there! What have you done with the Doctor?
Dr. Doctor: ah…ze good Doktor…I haf merely displaced heem a short diztance away. He eez useful, after all.
Jack: um…what's huggles?
Dr. Doctor: (wildly gesticulating) ah, zees HUGGLES eez ackually zees Highly Underhanded Girl-Grabbing Laser Emitting System. Eez wery useful, no? (Holds up box. It reads on the label: Shopping Network .co. Manufactured by lots of little Chinese slaves slogging away for half a bowl of rice a day in sweatshops. Won manufacturing .co)
Jack: (points Hoe of Destruction at Dr. Doctor) return the Doctor now, or face the collective wrath of vegetables!
Dr. Doctor: I eem thinkink not, Varferman. Vor…
(HUGGLES starts spraying laser beams wildly. Jack starts hurling turnips in order to counter the lasers, but is struck by one and is hurled against the wall.)
Narrator: oh no! it seems that our hero, Jack, has been knocked out! Is this the end of Farmerman? Find out after a word from our sponsors…
(The scene changes to the interior of the blacksmith's. Gray is hard at work, while Saibara lounges behind the counter.)
Mary: (coming in) hi…I came to thank you for upgrading a too-
Gray: (suddenly) ouch!
Mary: (looking at Gray) what happened?
Gray: (grimacing in pain) I think I hurt myself…
Saibara: well, it's his own fault he hurt himself!
Gray: maybe, but…
(Gray holds up his left arm, where his left hand should have been, is a bloodied stump. Mary and Saibara gape in shock.)
Saibara: (starting to run in circles while Gray looks on morosely) what'llwedowhat'llwedomygrandsonjustlosthishand…
Mary: (sits down and thinks for a while, then stands up) I've got it!
(Mary pulls out 3 Mineral Grain Bars from nowhere, and passes Gray and Saibara one each. All three of them wolf down the bars.)
Saibara: wow, the wonderful taste of the Pickled Turnip Mineral Grain Bars help me think clearly!
Gray: the amazingly yumminess of the bread-flavoured Grain Bars took away the pain!
Mary: now after eating the Mineral Grain Bars, we can all think rationally in this crisis and make correct decisions!
Saibara: I'll go get the Doctor! (Runs out)
(Scene changes to outside the smithy. Doctor and Elli arrive with a stretcher. Gray gets onto the stretcher, along with his severed hand. Doctor and Elli run off with Gray on the stretcher.)
Mysterious Voice: Mineral Grain Bars. Not just the choice of old crabby blacksmiths, but your choice, too!
Narrator: and now that this has been done with, let's continue…
(Scene changes back to inside the Doctor's room.)
Dr. Doctor: (advancing upon the winded Jack) now, Varmerman, I haf you! Zere eez no ezcape vrom…ze HUGGLES!
Narrator: is this the end of Vermerman…I mean Farmerman?
(Suddenly, the Dog jumps in through the window and bites Dr. Doctor's leg.)
Dog: (muffled) Arf! Arf!
Dr. Doctor: (temporarily distracted) ees pathetic mutt! Haw dere zoo byte zee amazink Dr. Doktor!
(Dr. Doctor tries to shake off the Dog, but the Dog has a death grip on his leg.)
Jack: (struggling up) you know, Dog, I might hate you, but…thanks!
(Jack hurls one final turnip at HUGGLES. For some mysterious and unexplained reason, the HUGGLES explodes.)
Dr. Doctor: (finally pries the Dog off his leg) kurse zoo, Varmerman! Joo haf voiled my plans zoo take over ze world! (Dives out of the window)
Jack: well that settles that! Now to save the Doctor…
(Jack searches briefly for the Doctor, but as expected, the Doctor is nowhere to be found. Jack eventually gives up, shrugs his shoulders, and goes down to free Elli.)
Jack: remember, eat your greens and drink milk! Support your local farmers! (Runs out of Clinic, leaving a slightly dazed Elli behind.)
Narrator: meanwhile, upstairs…
(The scene changes back to the Doctor's room. The Harvest Sprites climb in through the window.)
Chef: alright, budum! Cleanup crew move in!
(The Harvest Sprites file in one by one and start cleaning up the room in a shower of rainbow sparkles.)
Narrator: some time later…
(Scene changes back to the interior of the Doctor's room, all cleaned up. The Doctor is seemingly back at cramming.)
Doctor: (reaches out for plate of fried chicken and bites into a chicken drumstick)
Random Chicken: (walks by) ARRRGH! He just ate Sarah! (Faints)
(The Doctor picks up the Chicken and hurls it out of the window. Camera zooms in onto the title of the book the Doctor is reading. The title is "Evil Doctors for Dummies.")
Doctor: Evil Doctors for Dummies Chapter 5: causing utter terror through eating. I think I'm making good progress!
(Camera fades out)
Narrator: and so, Farmerman has protected Mineral Town from the forces of evil…for now. What new tribulations will he face in his future in Mineral Town as Farmerman? Find out in the next episode of…The Chronicles of Farmerman!
(Scene opens at the Harvest Goddess spring. Jack throws in a bunch of flowers.)
Jack: come on…appear…
(Minutes tick by. Jack eventually plops onto his back and takes a nap.)
Harvest Goddess: (appearing in a flash of light) all right, all right! Can't I even get my hair done in peace?
Jack: (gets up) um…wish?
Harvest Goddess: ah yes. I promised you a wish. (sighs) all right. Since you've come and visited me so many times, I will grant you a wish. Is there a girl you like?
Jack: (looking down, his face flushed)…………
Harvest Goddess: (sighs) you don't have to tell me, I know. You like Elli. You even have wet dreams every night of an extremely disturbing nature, which I won't even go into, and you've only known her for what, two weeks? But we gotta do this according to protocol. So?
Jack: (mumbles) Elli…
Harvest Goddess: fine. I'll make Elli more romantically inclined towards you. (Snaps fingers) there! All done! Don't be a stranger, now.
Jack: um…is it really okay to mess with people's minds?
Harvest Goddess: well, as a relatively all-powerful goddess, that question never came to my mind. Bye now. (Vanishes.)
Jack: (standing still for a moment) yippee! (Runs out of camera)
(Camera fades out)
Yay. (Holds out review collection plate) give reviews, or Stu here will cry!
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 7: why you should never be a workaholic (Part 7)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, into the interior of Mineral Clinic, which is currently in a state of relative disarray.
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera moves into the Clinic. Jack barges in through the front door, clothed as Farmerman.)
Jack: Doctor! Elli! (stares at the mess) oh no…
(Muffled noises come from behind the counter. Jack rushes over. Elli is behind the counter, bound and gagged.)
Elli: (muffled noises)
Jack: it's all right. Where's the Doctor?
Elli: (shakes head, accompanied by more muffled noises.)
Jack: it's okay…just stay here, and keep quiet. I'll be back soon, and get you out. Okay?
Elli: (nods, with more muffled noises)
Narrator: meanwhile, upstairs…(Author's note: to avoid confusion, when the Doctor is in his Dr. Doctor persona, I will refer him as Dr. Doctor, and otherwise, just as Doctor.)
(The scene changes to the Doctor's room in the upstairs portion of the Clinic. Boxes and papers litter the place. In the middle of the room is an evil-looking machine and Dr. Doctor is standing by it.)
Dr Doctor: yeesk! Vinally, ze HUGGLES haz been delivered vy Zack! Veeth zees HUGGLES, I vill kawnqer ze vorld! Ahahaha!
Jack: (bursting in) hold it right there! What have you done with the Doctor?
Dr. Doctor: ah…ze good Doktor…I haf merely displaced heem a short diztance away. He eez useful, after all.
Jack: um…what's huggles?
Dr. Doctor: (wildly gesticulating) ah, zees HUGGLES eez ackually zees Highly Underhanded Girl-Grabbing Laser Emitting System. Eez wery useful, no? (Holds up box. It reads on the label: Shopping Network .co. Manufactured by lots of little Chinese slaves slogging away for half a bowl of rice a day in sweatshops. Won manufacturing .co)
Jack: (points Hoe of Destruction at Dr. Doctor) return the Doctor now, or face the collective wrath of vegetables!
Dr. Doctor: I eem thinkink not, Varferman. Vor…
(HUGGLES starts spraying laser beams wildly. Jack starts hurling turnips in order to counter the lasers, but is struck by one and is hurled against the wall.)
Narrator: oh no! it seems that our hero, Jack, has been knocked out! Is this the end of Farmerman? Find out after a word from our sponsors…
(The scene changes to the interior of the blacksmith's. Gray is hard at work, while Saibara lounges behind the counter.)
Mary: (coming in) hi…I came to thank you for upgrading a too-
Gray: (suddenly) ouch!
Mary: (looking at Gray) what happened?
Gray: (grimacing in pain) I think I hurt myself…
Saibara: well, it's his own fault he hurt himself!
Gray: maybe, but…
(Gray holds up his left arm, where his left hand should have been, is a bloodied stump. Mary and Saibara gape in shock.)
Saibara: (starting to run in circles while Gray looks on morosely) what'llwedowhat'llwedomygrandsonjustlosthishand…
Mary: (sits down and thinks for a while, then stands up) I've got it!
(Mary pulls out 3 Mineral Grain Bars from nowhere, and passes Gray and Saibara one each. All three of them wolf down the bars.)
Saibara: wow, the wonderful taste of the Pickled Turnip Mineral Grain Bars help me think clearly!
Gray: the amazingly yumminess of the bread-flavoured Grain Bars took away the pain!
Mary: now after eating the Mineral Grain Bars, we can all think rationally in this crisis and make correct decisions!
Saibara: I'll go get the Doctor! (Runs out)
(Scene changes to outside the smithy. Doctor and Elli arrive with a stretcher. Gray gets onto the stretcher, along with his severed hand. Doctor and Elli run off with Gray on the stretcher.)
Mysterious Voice: Mineral Grain Bars. Not just the choice of old crabby blacksmiths, but your choice, too!
Narrator: and now that this has been done with, let's continue…
(Scene changes back to inside the Doctor's room.)
Dr. Doctor: (advancing upon the winded Jack) now, Varmerman, I haf you! Zere eez no ezcape vrom…ze HUGGLES!
Narrator: is this the end of Vermerman…I mean Farmerman?
(Suddenly, the Dog jumps in through the window and bites Dr. Doctor's leg.)
Dog: (muffled) Arf! Arf!
Dr. Doctor: (temporarily distracted) ees pathetic mutt! Haw dere zoo byte zee amazink Dr. Doktor!
(Dr. Doctor tries to shake off the Dog, but the Dog has a death grip on his leg.)
Jack: (struggling up) you know, Dog, I might hate you, but…thanks!
(Jack hurls one final turnip at HUGGLES. For some mysterious and unexplained reason, the HUGGLES explodes.)
Dr. Doctor: (finally pries the Dog off his leg) kurse zoo, Varmerman! Joo haf voiled my plans zoo take over ze world! (Dives out of the window)
Jack: well that settles that! Now to save the Doctor…
(Jack searches briefly for the Doctor, but as expected, the Doctor is nowhere to be found. Jack eventually gives up, shrugs his shoulders, and goes down to free Elli.)
Jack: remember, eat your greens and drink milk! Support your local farmers! (Runs out of Clinic, leaving a slightly dazed Elli behind.)
Narrator: meanwhile, upstairs…
(The scene changes back to the Doctor's room. The Harvest Sprites climb in through the window.)
Chef: alright, budum! Cleanup crew move in!
(The Harvest Sprites file in one by one and start cleaning up the room in a shower of rainbow sparkles.)
Narrator: some time later…
(Scene changes back to the interior of the Doctor's room, all cleaned up. The Doctor is seemingly back at cramming.)
Doctor: (reaches out for plate of fried chicken and bites into a chicken drumstick)
Random Chicken: (walks by) ARRRGH! He just ate Sarah! (Faints)
(The Doctor picks up the Chicken and hurls it out of the window. Camera zooms in onto the title of the book the Doctor is reading. The title is "Evil Doctors for Dummies.")
Doctor: Evil Doctors for Dummies Chapter 5: causing utter terror through eating. I think I'm making good progress!
(Camera fades out)
Narrator: and so, Farmerman has protected Mineral Town from the forces of evil…for now. What new tribulations will he face in his future in Mineral Town as Farmerman? Find out in the next episode of…The Chronicles of Farmerman!
(Scene opens at the Harvest Goddess spring. Jack throws in a bunch of flowers.)
Jack: come on…appear…
(Minutes tick by. Jack eventually plops onto his back and takes a nap.)
Harvest Goddess: (appearing in a flash of light) all right, all right! Can't I even get my hair done in peace?
Jack: (gets up) um…wish?
Harvest Goddess: ah yes. I promised you a wish. (sighs) all right. Since you've come and visited me so many times, I will grant you a wish. Is there a girl you like?
Jack: (looking down, his face flushed)…………
Harvest Goddess: (sighs) you don't have to tell me, I know. You like Elli. You even have wet dreams every night of an extremely disturbing nature, which I won't even go into, and you've only known her for what, two weeks? But we gotta do this according to protocol. So?
Jack: (mumbles) Elli…
Harvest Goddess: fine. I'll make Elli more romantically inclined towards you. (Snaps fingers) there! All done! Don't be a stranger, now.
Jack: um…is it really okay to mess with people's minds?
Harvest Goddess: well, as a relatively all-powerful goddess, that question never came to my mind. Bye now. (Vanishes.)
Jack: (standing still for a moment) yippee! (Runs out of camera)
(Camera fades out)
Yay. (Holds out review collection plate) give reviews, or Stu here will cry!