Author's Note: as of the next ten weeks or so, I will only be updating weekly because of school. So please review. Um…I don't own HM, Natsume does. End of story. Review please (Holds out tin mug) um…boost my ego so I'll write more and better and…um…yea.
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 9: Anti-Jack (Part 2)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto the all-too-familiar-by-now form of Jack, currently standing on Mineral Beach, watching a troop of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies swarm over Mineral Town.
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera zooms in onto Jack, who is still holding his rod and bait box. Jack shifts his eyes for a while.)
Jack: well, guess I won't be needing this at the moment…(Stows his rod and fishing gear behind Zack's shack) now to find out what's going on…(Walks off)
(Camera follows Jack as he clambers into Rose Square and wades through the living sea of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies. A few of them hop up cutely at him. He eventually reaches the Church.)
Jack: (opening the Church door, letting a few Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies spill in) hello? Carter? Are you fine?
Carter: (comes rushing out of the confessional) thank the Harvest Goddess you're fine, Jack!
Jack: (leans against wall) so, got any idea what's going on here?
Carter: (looking down) um…yes. The prophecy has come true.
Jack: (raises eyebrow) hmm? What prophecy?
Carter: actually, it came to me a year ago…I was there in the confessional, and then the voice of Harvest Goddess spoke to me! She said that soon, one sent by the Eater of Crops will come to Mineral Town, and the first sign would be a plague of Cute Little Things…
Jack: Cute Little things? (Scratches head)
Carter: yeah…cute little animals, like those you see at the lake…anyway, she told me that we should not worry, that she would send one to deal with the one sent by the Eater of Crops and that…
Jack: (mutters under breath) my cue again. (Dashes out of Church)
Carter: …the last thing was rather interesting, that both the hero and the one sent by the Eater of Crops would be two lives from the same source…(looks up) hey, where'd he go? (A Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny hops up onto his head)
Narrator: what could this cryptic phrase mean for Farmerman? And so…
(The scene changes back to Jack, who is running back to his farm. On the way, he treads on something.)
Doctor: (from under the mass of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies) ow.
Jack: (reaching into the pile) hm? Oh, sorry…(pulls the Doctor out)
Doctor: (dusting himself off) whew…what are all these animals doing here? You know, you could catch some horrible things from these…
Jack: can't talk. Got to hurry. (Runs off)
Doctor: (waits till Jack is out of sight, then pulls out a book.) Evil Doctors for Dummies, Chapter 14: when facing a calamity, learn how it is done, so you can replicate it whenever you wish. (Flips a few more pages) oh well…
(Camera switches back to Jack, who by now has reached his farm. As he reaches his shack, he sees Gotz stuffing Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies into a sack.)
Jack: (staring at Gotz) what are you doing?
Gotz: oh, there's just a good eating on one of these! Best not to let these go to waste…we be making rabbit soup tonight! (cackles evilly, and walks over to the other side of the farm to stuff more Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies into the wriggling sack.)
(Jack blinks, walks into the farmhouse, and turns on the TV.)
TV: and for today's news. Multitudes of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies have mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and clogged up the roads all the way to Forget-Me-Not Valley. Residents of Mineral Town generally like the Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies, mainly because they are simply so cute as to render people oblivious to the fact that they are paralysing all traffic. End of today's news.
Jack: all right…this seems like a job for…Farmerman!
(Jack dives under the bed. There is a green flash of light from under the bed, and Jack emerges in the Farmerman costume.)
Jack: (holds up Hoe of Destruction) now let's go clear up some Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies!
(Jack walks out of his front door, where lo and behold, there sits a Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny.)
Jack: (holding out Hoe of Destruction) ah. A Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny. Now I will proceed to smite thee. (Bends back)
Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny: (whimpers and looks up with big cute eyes)
Jack: (falls to knees) augh! The cuteness! I can't turn such a cute little thing into a bloody pulpy mess!
Narrator: and now to create a pointless diversion…
(The scene changes to Elli, who is currently hugging a Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny.)
Elli: (happily) oh…it's so unbelievably cuuuuuuuuuute! (Hugs the Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny tighter)
Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny: (squeaks and turns blue, gasps for breath, then collapses.)
(Camera shifts to behind Elli, where the Doctor is attempting to give CPR to the heap of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies lying there, but to not much effect.)
Narrator: death by too much love…now there's an idea. Anyways…
(scene changes back to Jack, still kneeling in front of the Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny.)
Jack: (bursts into tears) no…can't…kill…such a cute thing…
Gotz: (comes back) arr…you be needing that rabbit? (Picks it up and stuffs it into the sack)
Jack: (has an idea) hm…could you walk in front of me for a bit?
Gotz: (cackles dementedly) sure, if there be rabbits for the picking! There be good eating tonight! Rabbit stew, leg of Rabbit, Rabbit Breast…(rubs tummy)
Jack: (staring at the wriggling sack) okay…
(Gotz sets off for the peak of Mother's Hill, with Jack in tow. As they walk along, Gotz clears a path through the sea of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies, by stuffing them into his sack, which seems to never fill up. Eventually, they make it near the peak. The sea of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies begins to thin out towards the peak.)
Gotz: (singing while skipping merrily along)
nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I'm gonna eat some bunnies!
Big ones, small ones, cute ones, ugly ones,
All sorts of bunnies will do!
I bite off the heads and suck out the juice and throw the tails away,
Nobody understands how I live
On bunnies three times a day!
Jack: (tries not to puke) are we there yet?
Gotz: here we are, Farmerman! Now I shall gather more rabbits! (Rubs hands in glee)
(Jack immediately dashes off for the peak. The camera shifts to show Jack's field of vision. On the peak there is a lone figure.)
Figure: (ticking off items on a notepad) plague of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies: check. Evildoing: check. Complete paralysis of transport system: check. Well, time to report back to bo-
Jack: (charging out) yahh! Begone, vile one sent by the Harvest Devil, for I, Farmerman, protector of Mineral Town, have come to put a stop to your evil!
Figure: …what? (turns around halfway, when the camera goes black.)
Narrator: time for the showdown! Who really is Jack's evil twin? Will the multitudes of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies ever go away? When will my sheep ever give me X-wool? Find out all these and more in the Next episode of…The Chronicles of Farmerman!
I would've continued, but had to break off here because I have to go study for my economics paper. Bleah. Spare an old hobo a review? (Holds out tin mug)
The Chronicles of Farmerman:
Episode 9: Anti-Jack (Part 2)
Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.
(Click)
Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.
(Click)
Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto the all-too-familiar-by-now form of Jack, currently standing on Mineral Beach, watching a troop of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies swarm over Mineral Town.
(Click)
Narrator: STOP!
(Camera zooms in onto Jack, who is still holding his rod and bait box. Jack shifts his eyes for a while.)
Jack: well, guess I won't be needing this at the moment…(Stows his rod and fishing gear behind Zack's shack) now to find out what's going on…(Walks off)
(Camera follows Jack as he clambers into Rose Square and wades through the living sea of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies. A few of them hop up cutely at him. He eventually reaches the Church.)
Jack: (opening the Church door, letting a few Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies spill in) hello? Carter? Are you fine?
Carter: (comes rushing out of the confessional) thank the Harvest Goddess you're fine, Jack!
Jack: (leans against wall) so, got any idea what's going on here?
Carter: (looking down) um…yes. The prophecy has come true.
Jack: (raises eyebrow) hmm? What prophecy?
Carter: actually, it came to me a year ago…I was there in the confessional, and then the voice of Harvest Goddess spoke to me! She said that soon, one sent by the Eater of Crops will come to Mineral Town, and the first sign would be a plague of Cute Little Things…
Jack: Cute Little things? (Scratches head)
Carter: yeah…cute little animals, like those you see at the lake…anyway, she told me that we should not worry, that she would send one to deal with the one sent by the Eater of Crops and that…
Jack: (mutters under breath) my cue again. (Dashes out of Church)
Carter: …the last thing was rather interesting, that both the hero and the one sent by the Eater of Crops would be two lives from the same source…(looks up) hey, where'd he go? (A Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny hops up onto his head)
Narrator: what could this cryptic phrase mean for Farmerman? And so…
(The scene changes back to Jack, who is running back to his farm. On the way, he treads on something.)
Doctor: (from under the mass of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies) ow.
Jack: (reaching into the pile) hm? Oh, sorry…(pulls the Doctor out)
Doctor: (dusting himself off) whew…what are all these animals doing here? You know, you could catch some horrible things from these…
Jack: can't talk. Got to hurry. (Runs off)
Doctor: (waits till Jack is out of sight, then pulls out a book.) Evil Doctors for Dummies, Chapter 14: when facing a calamity, learn how it is done, so you can replicate it whenever you wish. (Flips a few more pages) oh well…
(Camera switches back to Jack, who by now has reached his farm. As he reaches his shack, he sees Gotz stuffing Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies into a sack.)
Jack: (staring at Gotz) what are you doing?
Gotz: oh, there's just a good eating on one of these! Best not to let these go to waste…we be making rabbit soup tonight! (cackles evilly, and walks over to the other side of the farm to stuff more Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies into the wriggling sack.)
(Jack blinks, walks into the farmhouse, and turns on the TV.)
TV: and for today's news. Multitudes of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies have mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and clogged up the roads all the way to Forget-Me-Not Valley. Residents of Mineral Town generally like the Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies, mainly because they are simply so cute as to render people oblivious to the fact that they are paralysing all traffic. End of today's news.
Jack: all right…this seems like a job for…Farmerman!
(Jack dives under the bed. There is a green flash of light from under the bed, and Jack emerges in the Farmerman costume.)
Jack: (holds up Hoe of Destruction) now let's go clear up some Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies!
(Jack walks out of his front door, where lo and behold, there sits a Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny.)
Jack: (holding out Hoe of Destruction) ah. A Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny. Now I will proceed to smite thee. (Bends back)
Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny: (whimpers and looks up with big cute eyes)
Jack: (falls to knees) augh! The cuteness! I can't turn such a cute little thing into a bloody pulpy mess!
Narrator: and now to create a pointless diversion…
(The scene changes to Elli, who is currently hugging a Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny.)
Elli: (happily) oh…it's so unbelievably cuuuuuuuuuute! (Hugs the Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny tighter)
Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny: (squeaks and turns blue, gasps for breath, then collapses.)
(Camera shifts to behind Elli, where the Doctor is attempting to give CPR to the heap of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies lying there, but to not much effect.)
Narrator: death by too much love…now there's an idea. Anyways…
(scene changes back to Jack, still kneeling in front of the Cute Fluffy Pink Bunny.)
Jack: (bursts into tears) no…can't…kill…such a cute thing…
Gotz: (comes back) arr…you be needing that rabbit? (Picks it up and stuffs it into the sack)
Jack: (has an idea) hm…could you walk in front of me for a bit?
Gotz: (cackles dementedly) sure, if there be rabbits for the picking! There be good eating tonight! Rabbit stew, leg of Rabbit, Rabbit Breast…(rubs tummy)
Jack: (staring at the wriggling sack) okay…
(Gotz sets off for the peak of Mother's Hill, with Jack in tow. As they walk along, Gotz clears a path through the sea of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies, by stuffing them into his sack, which seems to never fill up. Eventually, they make it near the peak. The sea of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies begins to thin out towards the peak.)
Gotz: (singing while skipping merrily along)
nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I'm gonna eat some bunnies!
Big ones, small ones, cute ones, ugly ones,
All sorts of bunnies will do!
I bite off the heads and suck out the juice and throw the tails away,
Nobody understands how I live
On bunnies three times a day!
Jack: (tries not to puke) are we there yet?
Gotz: here we are, Farmerman! Now I shall gather more rabbits! (Rubs hands in glee)
(Jack immediately dashes off for the peak. The camera shifts to show Jack's field of vision. On the peak there is a lone figure.)
Figure: (ticking off items on a notepad) plague of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies: check. Evildoing: check. Complete paralysis of transport system: check. Well, time to report back to bo-
Jack: (charging out) yahh! Begone, vile one sent by the Harvest Devil, for I, Farmerman, protector of Mineral Town, have come to put a stop to your evil!
Figure: …what? (turns around halfway, when the camera goes black.)
Narrator: time for the showdown! Who really is Jack's evil twin? Will the multitudes of Cute Fluffy Pink Bunnies ever go away? When will my sheep ever give me X-wool? Find out all these and more in the Next episode of…The Chronicles of Farmerman!
I would've continued, but had to break off here because I have to go study for my economics paper. Bleah. Spare an old hobo a review? (Holds out tin mug)