Fabbity Fab Fab, and double cool with knobs

Saturday August 31st

9:30 am

Ron came barging through Ginny's room this morning and stepped on my hair. I'd heard him come in, but decided to ignore him since he's a loon. Well he kept on calling my name, expecting me to wake up. Then he decided to poke me, hard. It was probably the most painful thing in the world. Don't people realize I am very sensitive? Obviously not. Well I am. I bruise like a peach.

Well anyways I snapped at him, which he asked in return if it was my time of the month. To which I replied "Why yes Ron, I am having my painters in. Something every woman gets." I then threw a tampon at him. I t was the nearest thing and I had no means of telling him off at the time because I was still cringing from the horrific poke he gave me. I hate boys sometimes.

"What's this?" He asked as he examined it. He looked very intrigued. Poor guy

I got up and started brushing my rat nest (my hair) " Tampon." I replied simply

"What does it do?

"Well Ron, lets just say It's a life saver when aunt flo comes to town." He didn't understand. Not use to the Muggle period innuendos.

"How so?" I didn't answer; he'll one day learn the wonders of muggle tampons. In due time my friend, all in due time.

While I was trying to get the brush through my hair, I accidentally hit Ron in the nose with my brush. Well it wasn't much of an accident as a gesture. He got mad and stormed off like a little girl. Gods and I'm the bitchy one?

Ate breakfast. Mrs weasly is trying to get me fat, I can tell. But that will never happen because I am destined to be a curve less stick forever. My basoomas may have grown to the size of a small country, but I still have no fat on me. I have no bum and no thighs. Of course I will never be like j .lo. I'm no jenny from the block. I'm British. I am forever destined to be curve less and rhythm less.

Left the house, with everyone that was suppose to leave for hoggys. We had about 15 minutes to burn when we got to the train station, so Ginny made me go to the bathroom to put on my makeup. I tried to act mad when I accidentally left the stuff at her house. But Ginny being the Best person ever said I could use hers. I tried to act happy at that. The only thing I had with me was the mascara in my pocket. How did that get there?

I tried to put on the mascara, and poked myself in the eye. I'm not very coordinated when it comes to this stuff.

"Ginny, this is the exact reason why I NEVER wears makeup. I don't trust myself putting a pointy stick near my eyes!" I whined.

"Oh stop being a bloody baby!"

Once I had achieved my task of putting on the mascara I showed it to her for her approval. She said it wasn't good enough. I was hurt, I thought I did bloody fabulous job. She cleaned my face magically and applied it on for me.

"You know you should use magical mascara, goes on perfectly."

Once I had the mascara on she put the shadow on and some lippy. Had to admit myself, I looked better.

We made our way towards the compartment. Ginny had to leave me, to go see her friends. Some friend she is, leaving me here all alone. R and h didn't come back until 15 minutes later. Ron looked like he just had a snogging fest. Shudder at the thought of Ron Snogging.

It wasn't long before they both left again, going with Dean and Seamus. Leaving me all alone. Crap friends I have! I took out my book and pretended to read. I knew I had a prefect meeting, but I really didn't want to go.

Then the unthinkable happened! Malfoy came in with a smirk! He slammed open the compartment door.

" Hello Granger, boyfriends left you for some other whore."

It took me a while to answer back because I tend to drown him out at times.

He seemed impatient and annoyed that I didn't say anything right away. Hell I didn't even bother to look up from my book

"Hmm I guess malfoy. Guess I'm open for business." I said in a relaxed kinda voice.

But when I did look up from my book, wowwie wow is all I can say. Malfoy got gorgy!

Usually he has an ugly look on his face but his face was relaxed and cool. Ha, if only Georgia could see this guy. Robbie who? Is what she would say.

But he's still old nasty Malfoy as he did give me one last sneer and rude remark and walked away. If only he had a personality.

10:30 Bedtime:

Sorting was the same as usual, nothing different. I have to say though, Dumbledor is a crazy old coot! Usually I look at him with admiration. But as of now, I seriously think he has lost his mind. And plus that twinkle in his eye is creepy.

September 2nd

9:30

Today is the first day of classes. Whoop whoop! You know I have decided. Who gives a flying cats bum if Malfoy has no personality. He's hot and that's all that matters. Screw H and R. They left me alone yesterday during the train ride, for all they knew a death eater could have stolen me while they were snogging with Parvati and Lavender ( found that out last night )

Well I think I will try to become pretty today, as if that's even possible. Lippy, mascara, lippy, mascara, I could get use to this. Easy enough.

10:00

Late for breakfast cause I poked myself in the eye with the mascara brush. I'm hopeless.

I decided to ignore H and R today. They had it coming to them. Leaving me, poor sweet me, alone to fend for myself, While they go off and have illegitimate children with their girlfriends.

R got all shirty with me because I wasn't talking. He got a bit flustered too. Poor thing, but I have to do this. They both looked kind of sorry with their sad faces. Made me want to break down and let them back into my heart. But I simply mustn't do that.

Ginny was sitting next to me talking with Neville who the new hotties were in this school. Neville, oddly enough, didn't seem too interested. I always thought he was a little queer, but he kept on staring at Ginny as if he wanted to hump her leg like some randy dog.

"Hermione, who do you think is the hottest in this school?" She asked.

I pretended to think long and hard. " Malfoy."

She looked at me as if I had two heads. Then what happened was the absolute the worst thing in my life.

" Nice to hear that Granger." M was right behind me.

Oh lordy.

September 2nd

5;30

After yesterdays dilemma, today's routine seems rather dull.

Ho Hum pigs bum.

You know whats strange/ I'm 16 and I have never been kissed. I'm afraid that if I don't get that kiss soon, I'll become a lesbian. Like Madame Hooch. It's so obvious. She's so------------ manly..

9:30

Crookshanks gave me a nasty scratch on my leg when I tried to get him off my bed. And Georgia says angus is bad? I dare say not!

September 3rd

12:30

Library

I'm in the library right now because I have a free period. What person goes to the library goes to the library on a free period? Me, of course because I'm a sad excuse for a human being.

At my old school, the girls and I would harass Elvis. He's some loon whose the caretaker of stag lag 14 grounds. He's take his job really seriously and its really sad because all he is is a caretaker of a school and he's old.

I remember Georgia telling me that her and Jas were pretending that Georgia's hair was on fire and Elvis went out and ran straight into a wheel barrow. Put him in the hospital.

We couldn't do that with hoggys caretaker. Hagrid would accidentally step on us if we ever pulled a stunt like that. And anyways I love hagrid, he's sorta like a big dog. A big volatile and clumsy dog.

9:30 Pm

Found out that Malfoy has a girlfriend. Who else would it be? Pansy of course! She was all over him at dinner. Of course this is no surprise because those two are destined to be together because they always have a pissy look on their faces. But Malfoys hot so that's okay. But pansy, she's just we which means she's useless. So therefore her name will forever be wet pansy. Sorta like wet Lindsay, Robbie's old girly. I wonder if pansy and Lindsay are related. They are so useless. They are more like Flobberworms than girls...

12:30am

Ginny's snoring again and I can't sleep. It sounds horrible. It's kind of like Hagrid breathing; really loud and wheezy. My dear Hagrid, my dear Ginny. How I love them.

September4rth

1:43

Raining

I've just seen a sparrow be quite literally washed off its perch on a tree. It should have had its umbrella up. But even if it did have its umbrella up, it might have slipped on a leaf crashed into a passing squirrel. That Is what life it like. Well, its like my life.

7:03 pm

Spoke to Ginny today. We are so brilliant, we truly are. This is our conversation.

"You know I've been thinking." Me

"Really?" She wasn't too interested.

"I have come to the conclusion that men in a thousand years won't have nipples."

This got her attention. Well everyone's attention more like. Ron and Harry looked at me with this horrified look on their face. Harry made a face like he just ate something awful. I think it was because he saw Pansies face.

" Why do you say that?" Neville asked.

"Because you don't use them. They really are useless for you guys. So as evolution goes, you all will be nipple less."

They all just looked at me like I had five heads.

Then Ginny spoke up " You know Hermione, I think that's the most brilliant thing I've ever heard you say?"

Then we got into this weird conversation about things like that. It was great.

!2:03am

You know that makes me really sad? Crookshanks has been neutered. He kept on raping the little kitties in my neighborhood while I was home and the neighbors were complaining. I feel so sorry for my little crookie, his trouser snake appendums were cut off.Same thing happened to georgias cat, Angus. Poor kitties.

I don't know why I wrote this.

Wednesday September 5th

!0:30

In potions right now, not paying attention because I'm brilliant enough to be a teacher and I've decided that I already know everything there is to magic, so why not slack off??

Lavender Brown is wearing a disgustingly short skirt. I don't think she should be wearing such slutty attire. If I cant wear it, then she cant wear it.

Why wear such clothes when all the guys see are your robes. It's pointless. I can go in the complete nuddy pants and not have Harry and Ron know anything about it, unless I opened my robe like the flashers in New York. I once was in New York with my parents when I was 14 and this guy came up to me in a really old coat and asked me if I wanted to see something. And me, being the brilliant girl I am said yes. What I got was a look at his wee wee. It wasn't that big I tell you.

Monday September 10th

I just realized I forgot a razor at home and now I can't shave my legs. Which is really awful because my legs are going to be all hairy; and things will get caught in it and start a new civilization.

If that happened, I'd be God. Which is pretty damn nifty in my opinion.

Friday 15th

Midnight

Bloody idiot! My dear friends are complete and total idiots. Ron, being the genius that he is, brought in one of his brothers joke things. He gave it to one of the first years and the poor things whole body went numb and totally stiff. I didn't actually see Ron give the kid the treat, but when I came home from the library, I noticed the boy laying on the ground. He didn't even have the decency to put the boy on the couch. After I fixed him, he told me. Tomorrow I'm going to hurt him. Or at least show him what its like to meet me on P.M.S. ( I don't actually have P.M.S but I like to use it to my advantage.)

Saturday

12:00 am

Went to bed too late last night so I'm too tired to show Ron the wrath of Hermione.

Sunday September 16th

This disgusting kid Norman Dohan, in ravenclaw, smiled at me today. He has all these spots on his face and is kind of greasy. He easily reminds me of my beloved potions master, only Timmy has a slight tan. I think this boy likes me. Great the only guy I can get is a spotty Norman. Why me/ Why does life hate me so?

So how'd you like the latest installment of this story? I know I took me a long time, but things have been really hectic. So forgive me. And plus I wanted to channel my inner Georgia so I could make Hermione as shallow as possible.