Author: Emba
Disclaimer: Not mine, never was, probably won't be unless Joss decides to be generous to us B/A hungry fans.
Authors Note: Sorry for the delay! I was drawing a HUGE blank. This chapter might be a little lacking and kind of short, but I really did try. And I promise the next one will be much better. Really, better.
Authors Note#2: Any suggestions for the story? E-mail me at: EmAngel10@aol.com. And don't make fun of me because of the e-mail address..I hate it since I was ten and I really don't feel like changing it.
*
There is silence. Complete silence. Angel is staring at me, breathless from his huge declaration of love for me.
I want to pinch myself but I can't move. I'm so happy that I can't move.
Slowly, I smile. A big one. The biggest smile I think I have ever smiled.
"Angel... I've loved you ever since we were kids. I've always been in love with you! And not the sisterly type of love like you had for me all these years. Member when you were that Angel in our school play and those kids were making fun of you and I defended you and you told me I was your best friend?" He nodded in response. "I think that's when I fell in love with you. You thought I was this tom boy...but I never really was, I just wanted to impress you." Angel smiled softly, and kissed me again. Everything was perfect. I was in love with someone who loved me back. It was my birthday. And then, suddenly...
I pulled away. "Scott!"
"Buffy, my name is *Angel*."
I shook my head. And got up from the bed and now it was my turn to pace. "No, I mean, Scott is my...boyfriend, Angel. I can't just break up with him."
Angel looked at me incredulously. "Why not?"
"Because, Scott has been sweet and perfect and... he's nice. He's a nice guy. And I know it would crush him if I just suddenly broke up with him." I can't believe I'm saying this.
"Why does he matter? Shouldn't this be about *us*...not that little bug eyed kid?" Angel said a little louder, standing up, his eyes flashing.
I paused, and stared at him. "Angel, how can you say that? Scott is a human being. He has feelings and he's just as involved in this as you and me."
Angel shrugged. "Well, if you were so in love with me, why did you go out with him in the first place?" He asked, shouting this time.
Damn him! Who the hell does he think he is? Some sort of god? Yes, let's all bow down to the almighty, Angel, who controls all women. Puh-leese. "I'm sorry for *trying* to move on, when you obviously did not have the same feelings for me that I did about you. Ya know, I really should've just pined for you my whole life. I should've only talked to *you*, no one else, and hid myself in my room, doodling your name on a piece of paper my entire life." I say sarcastically, yelling as loud as him.
He laughed harshly. "You are so unbelievable. I tell you I love you, and you say the same, but then you say, 'Oh no, what about Scott, the other guy I like'. Sorry, Buffy, maybe I don't want to wait around for you to finish it off with Scott. Maybe I'll just '"move on" like you did."
So, this is my birthday gift from him? Complete crap?
I turned abruptly and stormed out of the room in to the loud music and demanding voices. The party's is still going on. Funny, I didn't even notice.
I know Angel is coming after me, but I can't do this now. There is so much between us, so much stuff that I can't even think about now. This is just too much for one night.
My throat is burning from trying to hold back my tears. I can feel them swell in my eyes as I slink through the crowd toward the door. I hear my name being shouted through the fast music but I don't stop. Angel can wait for me. I've waited my entire life for him.
I pull the door open and step out in to the pouring rain. Now, my tears are spilling freely from my face. The pain is stinging me so heavily that I can only look forward to is the numbness.
*
The rest of the night I drowned out the sounds of the party with my loud Nirvana and Pink Floyd cd's. It fit right to my mood and also made me feel a lot better. Well...actually scratch that: it made me sadder. If that was possible. It feels like I'm trapped in this box. And it keeps getting smaller, and smaller and sooner or later I won't have any room or space for air.
Deep thoughts? Yes, that is definitely what Nirvana and Pink Floyd will do to you.
When I got home I found balloons everywhere and my mother baking a cake in the kitchen. She rambled about how she didn't think I'd be back this early and how she thought the cake would be done by the time she got home and she kept talking until she noticed the running mascara and my red face. She didn't ask what was wrong, she just held me. That was all I needed.
I went to bed, listened to music in the dark and cried. I cry too much. I used to cry myself to sleep whenever Angel used to talk to me about his new girlfriends, or who he wanted to date, or told me how hot a girl was and why. Those were *great* times. Just great. I am *definetly* not bitter about those times. Nope. Not bitter at all.
Hopefully, you noticed my sarcasm.
*
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing loudly in my ear. Who the hell is calling at...9:30 in the morning? It's a *Sunday*! It's not called a day of rest for nothing. Groaning, I turn over and answered it.
"Hello?" I said roughly.
"Buffy! Oh my God, Buffy! Are you alright? What happened last night? You stormed out and Angel then locked himself in his room and I couldn't do anything! I was so worried! Tell me everything. Wh-"
"Willow, " I cut off her fast ramble before she lost her breath. "Calm down. I'm..." I paused. How was I feeling? Crappy. And depressed. And sad. But, Willow didn't have to know that. "Fine. I'm fine."
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "No, you're not. You're sad and depressed. *Why* are you sad and depressed? What happened with Angel?! Did you tell him?"
But before I could even say a thing she blurts out on the phone, "Okay, I'm coming over. Right now. We're going to have a day full of moping and ice cream and sad movies. I'm bringing 'My Girl', 'Titanic' and anything else I can find. You get the ice cream ready." She hung up, leaving me totally shocked at it all.
Willow and I have had mope-fests before. But, it was usually me throwing one for Willow when she was sad over her Xander crush. Now, she no longer has that crush and Willow had always said that it was because of those mope parties that she does not feel the same way for Xander. This made me feel special for helping her get over him. But, with all the watching sad-girly movies and eating ice cream never really got me to get over Angel. I can't. I *wish* I could sometimes. But, I won't be able to. It's just not possible.
I guess I'll go downstairs and await Willow's arrival.
*
"He said he loved you?" Willow asked, smiling. "Yes." I replied simply.
Willow look at me seriously. "Then what's the matter?! He said he loved you and you stormed out?"
I shook my head. "No. I told him I couldn't just break up with Scott so quick. He's a really nice guy. I don't want to break his heart just this second. I want some time... a week, two maybe. A slow break up. So it's less painful for him."
Willow has a soft spot for Scott so I knew instantly she would agree. "I agree, Buffy. I mean, I like Scott. He was always nice to me." She smiles happily. "I remember in seventh grade he lent me a pencil. And when I went to return it to him he told me to keep it." She giggled.
I smiled weakly. Nothing was going to get my happy today. I leaned back in to my comfy couch and took a spoonful of ice cream. Maybe I should just break up with Scott. Quick and easy. Painful, but not as painful as a long week of knowing I'll break his heart is. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about other people and wasn't so nice. Then breaking up with Scott would less weight on my shoulders instead of more.
"What did Angel say? To your Scott idea?" Willow asked fearfully.
I frowned deeply. "What do you think he said? He went on with his, 'Well, if you loved me so much, why did you go out with Scott?' and 'Maybe I'll "move on" too'. It was just too much in one night. First he's all, 'I love you!' then he just starts talking crap to me."
Willow looked at my sympathetically. "I'm sorry. It'll work out, though. Angel tends to get jealous. Member Jessica Smith in 8th--"
"Yes. I do. Very well. I mostly remember wanting to kill her with a passion." I said, bluntly.
Willow's eyes widened. "Oh," She shook her head nervously. "Well that explains you remembering it and all." She laughed shakily.
"I'm sorry if I'm freaking you out with without my 'usual Buffy charm' but," I sighed and pushed the tears away. I can't cry again. My eyes are still red from last night. I swallowed audibly and looked right at Willow's pained face.
That's when I knew I couldn't hold back the tears. And I knew Willow would comfort me.
*
School is today. Meaing, I must either be confronted by Angel or run in to him accidentally seeing as we have almost every class together. Life hasn't sucked this much ever. You'd think I'd be happy. Angel tells me he loves me and of course, I can't be happy because something's always in the way. This time it's Scott. In some ways Scott is only making my life harder...but in others, he made me more confident in myself. More confident to date someone else, to be bolder, to be more out going. I don't know what to do now. If I see Angel, I know he'll want to talk to me. I want to talk to him too...sort of. I want Angel more than I want Scott. I know I want Angel. I know I love Angel. I do *like* Scott, but I don't love him. Maybe I should tell him that. Maybe I should break it off quick so it's less painful.
Well, we'll see. School starts in 20 minutes. My digressing really sucks today.
TBC
Oooh, I know: angst. You people are probably upset and mad with all the problems in this chapter. But, don't worry...as long as I get a lot of reviews I will make things better quicker. I'd like to say thanks to Tutu, Lindsay, Shahid, sandy-eco, Jacey (thanks for offering some idea, I will e- mail you probably for the next chapter...since I'm still drawing a blank), Rbritsmom73, Lex, Tariq, rasberry coral, chris, and finally a special thanks to short one(thank you for your multiple reviews, I'm glad you really liked the 8th chapter!!). Alright, now review. And if you have ideas for the story, please, *please* include them. Thanks! I'll try an update soon!
Disclaimer: Not mine, never was, probably won't be unless Joss decides to be generous to us B/A hungry fans.
Authors Note: Sorry for the delay! I was drawing a HUGE blank. This chapter might be a little lacking and kind of short, but I really did try. And I promise the next one will be much better. Really, better.
Authors Note#2: Any suggestions for the story? E-mail me at: EmAngel10@aol.com. And don't make fun of me because of the e-mail address..I hate it since I was ten and I really don't feel like changing it.
*
There is silence. Complete silence. Angel is staring at me, breathless from his huge declaration of love for me.
I want to pinch myself but I can't move. I'm so happy that I can't move.
Slowly, I smile. A big one. The biggest smile I think I have ever smiled.
"Angel... I've loved you ever since we were kids. I've always been in love with you! And not the sisterly type of love like you had for me all these years. Member when you were that Angel in our school play and those kids were making fun of you and I defended you and you told me I was your best friend?" He nodded in response. "I think that's when I fell in love with you. You thought I was this tom boy...but I never really was, I just wanted to impress you." Angel smiled softly, and kissed me again. Everything was perfect. I was in love with someone who loved me back. It was my birthday. And then, suddenly...
I pulled away. "Scott!"
"Buffy, my name is *Angel*."
I shook my head. And got up from the bed and now it was my turn to pace. "No, I mean, Scott is my...boyfriend, Angel. I can't just break up with him."
Angel looked at me incredulously. "Why not?"
"Because, Scott has been sweet and perfect and... he's nice. He's a nice guy. And I know it would crush him if I just suddenly broke up with him." I can't believe I'm saying this.
"Why does he matter? Shouldn't this be about *us*...not that little bug eyed kid?" Angel said a little louder, standing up, his eyes flashing.
I paused, and stared at him. "Angel, how can you say that? Scott is a human being. He has feelings and he's just as involved in this as you and me."
Angel shrugged. "Well, if you were so in love with me, why did you go out with him in the first place?" He asked, shouting this time.
Damn him! Who the hell does he think he is? Some sort of god? Yes, let's all bow down to the almighty, Angel, who controls all women. Puh-leese. "I'm sorry for *trying* to move on, when you obviously did not have the same feelings for me that I did about you. Ya know, I really should've just pined for you my whole life. I should've only talked to *you*, no one else, and hid myself in my room, doodling your name on a piece of paper my entire life." I say sarcastically, yelling as loud as him.
He laughed harshly. "You are so unbelievable. I tell you I love you, and you say the same, but then you say, 'Oh no, what about Scott, the other guy I like'. Sorry, Buffy, maybe I don't want to wait around for you to finish it off with Scott. Maybe I'll just '"move on" like you did."
So, this is my birthday gift from him? Complete crap?
I turned abruptly and stormed out of the room in to the loud music and demanding voices. The party's is still going on. Funny, I didn't even notice.
I know Angel is coming after me, but I can't do this now. There is so much between us, so much stuff that I can't even think about now. This is just too much for one night.
My throat is burning from trying to hold back my tears. I can feel them swell in my eyes as I slink through the crowd toward the door. I hear my name being shouted through the fast music but I don't stop. Angel can wait for me. I've waited my entire life for him.
I pull the door open and step out in to the pouring rain. Now, my tears are spilling freely from my face. The pain is stinging me so heavily that I can only look forward to is the numbness.
*
The rest of the night I drowned out the sounds of the party with my loud Nirvana and Pink Floyd cd's. It fit right to my mood and also made me feel a lot better. Well...actually scratch that: it made me sadder. If that was possible. It feels like I'm trapped in this box. And it keeps getting smaller, and smaller and sooner or later I won't have any room or space for air.
Deep thoughts? Yes, that is definitely what Nirvana and Pink Floyd will do to you.
When I got home I found balloons everywhere and my mother baking a cake in the kitchen. She rambled about how she didn't think I'd be back this early and how she thought the cake would be done by the time she got home and she kept talking until she noticed the running mascara and my red face. She didn't ask what was wrong, she just held me. That was all I needed.
I went to bed, listened to music in the dark and cried. I cry too much. I used to cry myself to sleep whenever Angel used to talk to me about his new girlfriends, or who he wanted to date, or told me how hot a girl was and why. Those were *great* times. Just great. I am *definetly* not bitter about those times. Nope. Not bitter at all.
Hopefully, you noticed my sarcasm.
*
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing loudly in my ear. Who the hell is calling at...9:30 in the morning? It's a *Sunday*! It's not called a day of rest for nothing. Groaning, I turn over and answered it.
"Hello?" I said roughly.
"Buffy! Oh my God, Buffy! Are you alright? What happened last night? You stormed out and Angel then locked himself in his room and I couldn't do anything! I was so worried! Tell me everything. Wh-"
"Willow, " I cut off her fast ramble before she lost her breath. "Calm down. I'm..." I paused. How was I feeling? Crappy. And depressed. And sad. But, Willow didn't have to know that. "Fine. I'm fine."
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "No, you're not. You're sad and depressed. *Why* are you sad and depressed? What happened with Angel?! Did you tell him?"
But before I could even say a thing she blurts out on the phone, "Okay, I'm coming over. Right now. We're going to have a day full of moping and ice cream and sad movies. I'm bringing 'My Girl', 'Titanic' and anything else I can find. You get the ice cream ready." She hung up, leaving me totally shocked at it all.
Willow and I have had mope-fests before. But, it was usually me throwing one for Willow when she was sad over her Xander crush. Now, she no longer has that crush and Willow had always said that it was because of those mope parties that she does not feel the same way for Xander. This made me feel special for helping her get over him. But, with all the watching sad-girly movies and eating ice cream never really got me to get over Angel. I can't. I *wish* I could sometimes. But, I won't be able to. It's just not possible.
I guess I'll go downstairs and await Willow's arrival.
*
"He said he loved you?" Willow asked, smiling. "Yes." I replied simply.
Willow look at me seriously. "Then what's the matter?! He said he loved you and you stormed out?"
I shook my head. "No. I told him I couldn't just break up with Scott so quick. He's a really nice guy. I don't want to break his heart just this second. I want some time... a week, two maybe. A slow break up. So it's less painful for him."
Willow has a soft spot for Scott so I knew instantly she would agree. "I agree, Buffy. I mean, I like Scott. He was always nice to me." She smiles happily. "I remember in seventh grade he lent me a pencil. And when I went to return it to him he told me to keep it." She giggled.
I smiled weakly. Nothing was going to get my happy today. I leaned back in to my comfy couch and took a spoonful of ice cream. Maybe I should just break up with Scott. Quick and easy. Painful, but not as painful as a long week of knowing I'll break his heart is. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about other people and wasn't so nice. Then breaking up with Scott would less weight on my shoulders instead of more.
"What did Angel say? To your Scott idea?" Willow asked fearfully.
I frowned deeply. "What do you think he said? He went on with his, 'Well, if you loved me so much, why did you go out with Scott?' and 'Maybe I'll "move on" too'. It was just too much in one night. First he's all, 'I love you!' then he just starts talking crap to me."
Willow looked at my sympathetically. "I'm sorry. It'll work out, though. Angel tends to get jealous. Member Jessica Smith in 8th--"
"Yes. I do. Very well. I mostly remember wanting to kill her with a passion." I said, bluntly.
Willow's eyes widened. "Oh," She shook her head nervously. "Well that explains you remembering it and all." She laughed shakily.
"I'm sorry if I'm freaking you out with without my 'usual Buffy charm' but," I sighed and pushed the tears away. I can't cry again. My eyes are still red from last night. I swallowed audibly and looked right at Willow's pained face.
That's when I knew I couldn't hold back the tears. And I knew Willow would comfort me.
*
School is today. Meaing, I must either be confronted by Angel or run in to him accidentally seeing as we have almost every class together. Life hasn't sucked this much ever. You'd think I'd be happy. Angel tells me he loves me and of course, I can't be happy because something's always in the way. This time it's Scott. In some ways Scott is only making my life harder...but in others, he made me more confident in myself. More confident to date someone else, to be bolder, to be more out going. I don't know what to do now. If I see Angel, I know he'll want to talk to me. I want to talk to him too...sort of. I want Angel more than I want Scott. I know I want Angel. I know I love Angel. I do *like* Scott, but I don't love him. Maybe I should tell him that. Maybe I should break it off quick so it's less painful.
Well, we'll see. School starts in 20 minutes. My digressing really sucks today.
TBC
Oooh, I know: angst. You people are probably upset and mad with all the problems in this chapter. But, don't worry...as long as I get a lot of reviews I will make things better quicker. I'd like to say thanks to Tutu, Lindsay, Shahid, sandy-eco, Jacey (thanks for offering some idea, I will e- mail you probably for the next chapter...since I'm still drawing a blank), Rbritsmom73, Lex, Tariq, rasberry coral, chris, and finally a special thanks to short one(thank you for your multiple reviews, I'm glad you really liked the 8th chapter!!). Alright, now review. And if you have ideas for the story, please, *please* include them. Thanks! I'll try an update soon!