The following morning, things started out the same. I woke up before he did, and just enjoyed the feeling of having him hold me for what little time I had left. Maybe I would quit being a wuss one day and tell him how I really felt. I actually dosed back off for a bit, but I was awakened when Scott began kissing me. Thinking it was a dream at first, I responded back. I couldn't get enough of him. I grabbed handfuls of his hair pulling him closer. I could almost say I was in heaven. The next voice I hear bellowing throughout the room is not one you want to hear at 8:00 in the morning.
"TALLULAH! What the hell is going on here?"
Poor old Scott got thrown in the floor. Any other time I would be laughing my ass off. I got out from the bed, slowly making my way towards Kevin. How was I going to explain this?
"Kevin, I…………"
"Just explain to me what you're doing in that bed with him kissing you."
"Chico, just leave her alone man! She's an adult for crying out loud!"
"Lulu?"
"Don't act like you don't know Kevin! I am sure that some point during your courtship and marriage you have kissed your wife."
"But you and Scott aren't together."
"No, we aren't. But either way, it is none of your business what we could or would have done in that bed if you hadn't walked in here like you were my "father". Unless you want to assume that role, slap me around, and then proceed to call me a worthless whore when I was only 12 years old. In which case, I would inform you that I have grown up since then. I'd also have to do this!"
I couldn't believe I actually got mad enough to hit him. I swore I would never hit anyone, especially raised in the type of home I was. He didn't deserve it, but all those years of pent up frustration, having the inability to fight back, just all came out in that one punch. After I realized what I had done, I ran out of the house, bare feet and all. I could never go back there. I could never face Kevin or Scott again. I went for a walk to clear my head. When I finally realized where I had ended up, it didn't make things any easier. About quarter of a mile from Michael's property, there is a park with a lake and everything. During one of our many trips to San Antonio while the guys were on tour, Scott took me to this park. He let me relive the better part of my childhood if even for 30 minutes. As he pushed me on the swings, I felt free. Nothing else existed in this world, except for him and me and that park. I wanted it to stay that way forever. After about 15 minutes of sitting there, I heard the gravel crunching. I was hoping and praying that it wasn't Scott or Kevin.
"Darlin', you know they're worried sick about you over there."
"Yea, Scott just wants everyone to stop yelling so he can get over his hangover. Kevin just wants to know that he still has someone to play "daddy" to besides Tristan."
"Lulu, you've been around them for a good while. Sometimes they can be complete assholes, but you and I both know they'd be lost without you as you would be without them. Who would keep us off Scott's ass? Who would keep Kevin straight when the rest of us are not around?"
"Cowboy, things aren't that easy. I hit him. I actually hit Kevin. It's not the fact that he can forgive me. It's that I can't forgive myself. I swore in all my life that I would never hit someone I loved."
"Sometimes he needs to be smacked around to knock some sense into him. Maybe to set him straight on what is right in front of his face. He thinks you tell him everything, but the one thing you've needed to talk about you couldn't. Scott's the same way."
"How long have you known?"
"About you being head over heels for Scott? I am surprised everyone else hasn't seen it before now. I've known for at least a year and a half. Over that year and a half, I have garnered a lot of respect for you. You knew that he was married and you respected those boundaries. No matter what state his marriage was in, you stayed away. God I know how difficult that had to be for you."
"I can't go back. If you'd seen the hurt looks in their eyes, knowing you'd caused them, you wouldn't be able to face them either. Cowboy, please don't make me go back."
"Lulu………"
"Michael…please!"
"For right now, you can stay. However you're going to have to face your demons sooner or later. Scott has his way of hiding them, you have yours."
"We'll talk about that later."
"If they come looking for you I am not going to hide you; especially when one of them is 7 feet tall."
"OK. You've got a deal."
Well, as it turns out, I stayed with Michael for the next two days. Well, I thought when I went to bed on night two I would wake up in the same place. First though, let me tell you what happened while I was at Michael's. The first night there, I got drunk out of my skull. Going from having a house without a drop of liquor in it to a house with a fully multi-choice stocked bar, was something I should have prepared for. I am not a sappy drunk, and I am not a happy drunk. When I get drunk, I tend to open my mouth a hell of a lot more than I ever would when I was sober. I actually come out and said that I loved Scott. I mean I said the three words. "I love Scott." I told Michael about my past. That, right there, is a stepping-stone. Now back to the previous statement. When I went to bed on my second night there, I thought it common sense that I would still be in the same general area when I woke up the next morning. I sum it up to either two things: Kevin came and picked me up from Michael's during the middle of the night, or I sleepwalked over to Scott's house. The room I was in was done in lavender with white bunchy curtains and a white ceiling. If I had not recognized the furniture, I would have wondered where I was. I was in "my" designated room of Scott's house. I had clothes in the closet, and stuff in the bathroom. I happened to turn over and notice the bed was now a canopy. I had always mentioned to Scott and Kevin that one day I would love to have one of those. I know that one of the main reasons they did it was to get back in my good graces, but I would enjoy it nonetheless. On my way to the main room, I overheard Kevin.
"It's not my place to tell you. If she wants to tell you, she will."
"That's right. I will tell you when I am ready which should be right after I get my Diet Dr. Pepper and scrambled eggs. They smell really good by the way."
"Scott, dude, will she ever change?"
"I hope not. Not one bit."
"Hello? Food? Someone's starving here! I have barely eaten in three days and seeing as that you all have known where I have been, I am sure you would understand why."
"Shawn still can't cook worth a damn huh? I was sure Joanie would have taught him something by now."
"Kev, I am not even going to talk about that. Paul and I still have near world wars about that woman."
"I for one boo side with you on this one. Until they come up with some hard evidence that all is right down below, I think it's supposed to play with the rest of us."
"Scott! I am eating! Please!! I cannot believe you just said that."
"Come on, bro. I want to keep my food down!"
"Alright, someone owes me a trip to a Chinese buffet this afternoon. Come on boys, to the bat cave."