Lily Chapter 21: Heartbreak, a harry potter fanfic

Lily

Chapter 21

She sat crying for at least fifteen minutes. The images played back in her mind like she was watching a movie over and over again. The only thought that was enough to make her stand up and run back to the common room was a name. "Sirius!" What would he think?

When she arrived in the common room, Sirius was already awake. He was kneeling in the corner of the common room, cradling Chantel's blood-cloaked body in his arms and sobbing. "Chantel...please...come back..." He didn't seem to notice anything that was happening, he just clutched the body closer and closer, tighter and tighter. Tears coursed down his face, contorted with grief. Lily only just dared to cross to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
When he looked up and saw her, everything happened too quickly for either of them to see. The utter sadness and pain turned to fierce anger, and the next thing she knew, a huge black dog was bounding towards her and leaping for the kill.

Tears sparkled on the sleek black fur as it clawed at any part of her body it could, barking and growling like she had never heard before. Her frail arms were a meager defense against the grief-mad dog.

"Padfoot!" A familiar voice rang out, but her mind was fogged; she couldn't recognize it. "Padfoot! Stop it now!" The dog rolled off her and was soon the hunched form of a thirteen-year-old boy, crying his eyes out. Remus ran over to them and crouched down beside Lily. "Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head, trembling from fear. His eyes looked exactly the same as they did on her first night at Hogwarts: concerned and achingly kind. Sirius spoke through sobs. "Did I hurt HER? Have you lost your mind? She killed Chantel! I..." He stopped, not wanting to say anything else.

Remus looked back at her, looking like he didn't want to believe it, but almost did. "You killed Chantel?"

"No! It was....I can't say who it was, they put some sort of curse on me! And nobody believes me anymore!" She turned around and faced the wall, unwilling to see Sirius like that.

He hesitated, then gently took her by the shoulders and turned her around. "I believe you."

"TRAITOR!" Sirius shouted, leaping to his feet. "Traitor! I thought you actually...do you MEAN that?" Remus nodded slowly. He backed away, looking exactly like James. "Traitor..." he whispered. When he reached the center of the common room, with the dagger still stuck in the floor, he bent down. Slowly, his fingers laced around the handle. Remus wasn't looking at him, he and Lily were talking. Something told him that it was the right time. He lifted the dagger and turned the point inwards, pushing it through the air until it was just about to puncture his robes...

Something hit him out of nowhere, grabbing his wrist and flattening him against the ground. Remus had sprung at him when he realized what was going on and was trying to wrest the dagger out of his hand. "You idiot!" They rolled over and over, Sirius trying to regain control of the weapon.

"Let me go!"

"Would she have wanted you to do this to yourself?" Remus was shouting angrily, despite the fact that Sirius now had the dagger inches away from his face. "To me? To Lily?"

"She would have wanted to go avenged, if that's what you mean!"

"Let go of the dagger!"

"NO!"

And a new voice. "Stop it now!" Professor Albus Dumbledore had just climbed through the portrait hole. He fired a blast of yellow light from his wand, and the two boys fell apart. "What has been going on here?"

Lily was tremendously relieved by the arrival of Dumbledore. She couldn't stand up, but she rose to a sitting position and tearfully related the story, omitting, of course, Peter's involvement in it. The Headmaster's blue eyes shone sadly with a light like the sun setting on the Earth's last day. "Who was it, Lily?"

The burning frustration flared up again. "I can't say, there was some sort of curse!" In her mind, it was clear. The name was completely clear, shouting and echoing through the chambers of her head, but it couldn't make the journey from there to her lips.

Dumbledore's piercing gaze seemed to stare right through her, yet revealed nothing to anyone else. At last he turned and adressed Sirius and Remus. "Lily is telling the truth."

Sirius had only enough energy left to growl from his sitting position, "How can you believe her? There's Chantel, she's...dead..." the word seemed to choke him.

"I have every confidence that Miss Evans is telling the truth, Mr. Black," he looked at the dagger lying so close to Sirius's hand. "Now what, may I be so bold as to ask, were YOU doing with that dagger?"

He didn't say anything. He didn't cry, he didn't talk, and he didn't move. His eyes were like two hollow caves in his head.

"I see. Well, I know that this must have been extremely difficult for all of you...where, may I ask, are Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew?"

Lily wanted to scream, to give some sort of indication that he had just spoken the name she would never be able to accuse, but something blocked the words from coming.

Remus spoke for the first time since Dumbledore had entered. "They're up in the dormitory. Peter's been speechless, pretty much. He hasn't left his bed all day, and the curtains are all pulled around him. James is really upset, though. Don't ask me why, but he seems even more upset than..." he looked briefly over towards Sirius, hoping that he wouldn't notice the reference.

"Fine. Well, we must attend to this, mustn't we? I'll ask you, Lily, to inform the girls not to come down to the common room, and Remus, you inform the boys." He turned to Sirius, who was now shivering despite the warm fire. "Mr. Black?" he said gently. "Would you care to accompany me to the Hospital Wing? Madame Pomfrey can give you a sleeping potion."

"No, Professor." His voice was as hollow as his eyes. "No. I'll-I'll be all right." He stood up and walked mechanically up the boy's dormitory steps, not looking at Chantel's body.

Lily walked up the stairs to the girl's dormitoy, and as Remus departed after Sirius, Dumbledore called him back. A small vial full of a purple liquid was pressed into his hand as Dumbledore muttered into his ear, "I'll trust you to make sure Mr. Black gets some of this in his water. He needs sleep, Remus." Remus nodded as it dawned on him and he climbed the steps.

James sat on the end of his bed, staring at the floor. "To think, Wormtail. I didn't just believe she was trustworthy, I...well, that never..." He swore in frustration and punched his pillow, not wanting to bring back the old inside joke he had. Was she planning it? Even that summer, was she planning it? "Now I don't even know who to trust." Rapid breathing sounds came from Peter's bed, sounding a little like crying, but a little like laughter, too. James decided on the former. "What about you, Wormtail?" he said, mockingly, just for a joke. "Can I trust you?"

Peter's face poked out of the curtains, staring through James. "What makes you say that?" His eyes were shiny, but not as though he had been crying. It was very disconcerting, but James dismissed it.

"Nothing." He fell back on his bed and said nothing.

There was silence in the dormitory for about ten minutes, then they heard the sound of steps being climbed slowly. James got up quickly and shouted, "Who's that?"

No response came, just Sirius entering the room and sitting down on the edge of his bed. He sighed. "What's the use, anymore?" His voice was hollow and quiet. "What is the use? She's gone."

"Hey, don't talk like that." James walked over and stood in front of Sirius. "There's plenty of use."

"Like what?" He spat the words out, his head between his hands.

"School. The future."

"Boring. Looking black."

"Damn it, Sirius!" He sat back down. "Are you just going to resist happiness forever?"

"What's the point of being happy anymore?"

"You talk like that 'anymore,' and I'll punch you."

So Sirius fell quiet. About five minutes later, he spoke again. "If Dumbledore hadn't come in, I'd be happy now."

James looked abruptly at his friend. "What do you mean by that?"

"Remus was being stupid. Trying to get the dagger away from me-"

"'Dagger??' Where the heck did you get a dagger?"

"It was stuck in the middle of the common room floor. All covered in blood-" tears choked him again, but he swallowed them. "I picked it up, and that traitor was talking to Lily..." Fire burned in his eyes. "He was talking to that liar, and I picked up the dagger...tried to..." he made an inwards stabbing motion with his hand. "But that idiot tried to stop me. I would have finished both of us, too, but Dumbledore walked in..."

"Sirius, do you mean it? Were you really going to kill yourself?"

He laughed mirthlessly. "Remus too."

"What?" James ran his fingers through his hair distractedly. "Oh, man...Sirius, what the hell were you thinking? You'd be no better than....her."

"Yeah, well at least I wouldn't deny it like...her!" He mimicked James cruelly.

"But why Moony?"

"Never call him that again, understand?" Sirius hissed. "Never again! He's a Marauder no more!"

"Why?"

"He believes her!" You should have seen him, asking if I hurt her, getting all soppy about it..."

"Wait!" James got up again. "What do you mean, asking if you hurt her? Sirius...you didn't..."

"So what if I did?" The fire was back. "So what, Prongs? I thought you were on my side? Or are you too busy kissing murderers?"

"Hey, I did NOT mean to do that!"

"Well, you did!"

Peter got out of his bed and talked in that oddly enticing way of his. "Padfoot! Prongs! Come on, now." He put a hand on each of their shoulders. "Let's not fall out with each other just because one of us did. Is it going to do any good? Sirius...this won't bring her back."

There was a tone in his voice that was half annoying and half "you gotta believe it." They were still staring at each other angrily when Remus came up. It was the wierdest thing Remus had ever seen. As soon as he entered, they retreated into their beds and pulled the curtains in less then a second. "Jeez," he muttered, pouring the sleeping potion onto the glass of water on Sirius's bedside table. Then he went back to tell everyone else not to go down to the common room. As soon as he left, Sirius's hand shot out and knocked over the glass.

(The following is an exerpt from the diary of Lily Evans, April 24, 1966.)

Dear Diary,

I don't know quite what's going on. Somehow that little worm, (large scribble) made
it so that I can't write his name! Or even say his name! The problem is that I know, I
SAW him kill Chantel, but now nobody believes me! Except for Remus and Dumbledore.
Remus and I don't eat breakfast with the rest of them anymore, and it really hurts me to
see Sirius so...not himself. He always looks like he's on the brink of tears, and he and
James look at me like I'm a slug or something. What should I do?

(End exerpt)