Chapter 11 – Heart to Heart
Several days had passed since the incident in the common room, and Asphora LaChance had found that Severus Snape was desperately in need of liberation from the worst of his memories.
"It's so good to see you again, Albus," she said as Headmaster Dumbledore came through the door. "I need your help on a number of levels. First and foremost, our boy is refusing to eat. He told me that since he can't get hold of something that will kill him, he will just starve himself instead."
"I'm so sorry to hear that," Dumbledore said with a sigh. "I was hoping that Severus was improving."
"Just the opposite, I'm afraid," the healer said. "The memories that Sib stirred up are ruining any chance of recovery that Sev might otherwise have. You can join me in the Obliviatus ceremony shortly. "
"That's fine. And before we do that, we obviously must find a way to get food into him," Albus remarked.
The healer nodded. "Before I threaten him with the IV and restraints, I wanted you to give it a go. Would you?"
"Of course," the old wizard said.
------------
The two walked into the Children's Ward, where Severus sat stiffly in a chair, looking out the window.
"Hello, Severus," the healer said.
No answer.
"How is my boy?" said Dumbledore.
Severus turned around, then got up and limped his way over to the Headmaster (his broken knee hadn't mended as well as hoped) and was lost in his hug. He clung to the elderly wizard in desperation as well as love. He didn't know what he would do if Dumbledore decided to start treating him like everyone else.
"I would like to have a chat with you, Severus," Dumbledore said, guiding the boy over to the chair and sitting down. Sev plunked on his lap and curled up, contented for once.
"I understand that you're not eating enough, child. You're already thin. You must eat to build up your strength."
"B – b – but I d – d- don't want t – t – to, H – Headmaster."
"Don't you want to go back to school?
Severus shook his head, which Albus felt rather than saw.
"Because of Black and his friends?"
Severus nodded.
"I suppose you don't want to go home, either."
Severus shook his head.
"Because of the prospect of your father coming home, and because your mother isn't there?"
Severus nodded.
"And so – "Dumbledore said. "There is no place for you outside this hospital."
Severus nodded again.
"No wonder you don't want to continue living in fear."
Albus felt the boy's body tense and heard a moan, muffled by his shoulder.
"Well, don't you worry. If there's a safe place for you back at Hogwarts, I'm just the man to find it." He crooned a soothing melody.
"I – I – I'm s – s – sorry for c – c- crying s – s- o much."
"You're right to cry," was Dumbledore's affirming answer. "There's no law against it."
"T – t- there w – w was at h – h – home."
"You were punished for crying, weren't you?"
The boy nodded.
"Then you must have a lot of stored-up tears to shed."
The boy nodded once more, snuffling.
"When you cry, you release your pain and sadness. It seems to me that it's something you need to do, Severus. And it's safe to cry right here and now."
Severus obliged, and soon Albus' shoulder was thoroughly saturated.
The minutes passed, and finally Severus relaxed against his mentor's chest with a sigh.
"Now, my boy. There's a little matter of eating. Do you want to get well and go back to school?"
Severus gave a deeper sigh.
"There are things you don't like at Hogwarts, but how about thinking about the things that make you happy?"
A small nod.
"There's Potions class. And good food in the Great Hall."
Another small nod.
"And ice cream in the Great Hall."
Dumbledore thought he heard a chuckle.
"Is that laughter I hear from Sad Severus?"
Severus chuckled again.
"It's nice to know that Sad Severus can laugh, isn't it?"
Sev nodded, wrapping his arms tighter around the old wizard.
"Well, now that we've taken care of that, you need to get well, and you won't if you don't eat."
A nod.
"Will you try to eat for me now?"
A shrug.
"Well, let's sit here a little longer and you can think about it, all right?"
Another nod.
A few minutes passed.
A stomach rumble.
"Whoops, Sad Severus is hungry!" Dumbledore chuckled.
A nod.
What shall we do about it?"
"I – I – I will t – t –try to eat – f – f- for you."
Dumbledore took Severus by the shoulders and pulled him up so their eyes met. "That's the stuff!" he said.
"Here's your lunch tray," said Healer LaChance, who had been standing by.
"What do you think, Severus?"
A nod.
"You wouldn't have liked restraints and intravenous feeding, would you?"
Sev shook his head with a smirk.
"I see the beginning of a grin. This is impossible!"
Finally, Severus broke out laughing.
Dumbledore joined him, tousling his hair.
"Now jump back into bed. Here comes your tray. I'll sit nearby and talk to you while you eat."
Sev gazed at him, eyebrows high, a smirk on his face.
"And if you eat all your lunch, you can have some – "
Laughter.
"– of your favorite – "
More laughter.
"I – I – Ice c - c - cream," the boy finished, grinning.
"And what kind?"
"Puh – puh – . I c – c- can't s – s – say it."
"What color is it?"
"G – g – green." Another grin.
"GREEN ICE CREAM?" Dumbledore said in mock horror. "Pistachio! My favorite kind! Tell me, Healer LaChance, does this facility stock green ice cream?"
Severus laughed with pure joy.
Asphora laughed. "I'm sure the elves can find some – IF Severus eats his lunch."
"I'm sure he will. Back into bed, you rascal!" Dumbledore rose and angled the boy's gangly arms and legs into bed, being mindful of the injured knee. He then tucked him in, making sure his pillow was placed comfortably behind him.
Severus ducked his head and hid behind his hair.
"What's the matter, my boy?"
"Y – y- you're t – t – too good t – t – to m – m – me."
"Well, it's about time somebody was good to you. It seems to me that most of the adults in your life so far haven't been. I want you to promise me that if you feel that we aren't treating you properly, you will let us know right away."
"I – I – can't."
"Why, son?"
"T – t – too s – s – scared."
Albus lifted the boy's head so that their eyes met. "We won't be mad at you if you let us know. Nothing bad will happen. We won't stop loving you and caring for you if you let us know."
Sev ducked his head again at the mention of "love" and "care". He began to cry again.
"What's the matter, Severus?" Asphora LaChance asked, smoothing his hair.
"Hurts," he said. "Hurts m – m – my heart."
She wrapped her arms around him, sending wave after wave of soothing energy through his being. "You deserve all the love in the world, honey," she replied. "Love doesn't have to hurt. I hope you learn that while you're here with us."
Severus nodded, his head on her shoulder, eyes streaming.
"And when you leave here, Headmaster Dumbledore will be there to love you and care for you."
"D – d – don't d – d – deserve it."
"You most certainly do, Severus," said Albus, picking up the boy's hands and sending him his own healing energy. "You deserve only the best. You are a special and valuable boy, just as you are."
"T – t – that's wha – what M – M – Miss LaChance c – c – called 'uncondi – ditional l – l – love."
"That's right. You are such a wonderful young man, Severus," Healer LaChance said, kissing his forehead. "Now – if your Headmaster will release your hands, why don't you try your lunch? We'll sit here and talk to you if you like."
---------
Severus managed to eat half his lunch, topped off by a sizeable bowl of pistachio ice cream. Feeling sleepy, he slid back and lay down. Healer LaChance arranged his pillow under his head.
"Now, Sev, I'm going to do some healing that I hope will help you. Just close your eyes and drift along – there is nothing you have to say or do – and if you drift off to sleep, so much the better. All right?"
"H – H – Headmaster h – h – here?"
"I'm right here, son," Dumbledore said, holding the boy's hand.
"Close your eyes, honey, and let your thoughts go."
"All r – r – right, I w – w- will."
"May the powers of Earth – Sky – Water – and Fire – join to heal this precious child," Asphora LaChance said, placing her hands on the boy's solar plexus.
She reached into her pocket and placed a clear quartz point, point directed at the top of his head, on the pillow above him. "Quartz to focus healing energy - "
She pulled out an amethyst point and placed it on Sev's forehead. "Amethyst to heal, protect, and empower – "
She removed a pink quartz chunk and placed it above the boy's heart. "Rose quartz, the stone of love, happiness, and healing – "
She picked a yellow stone from her pocket and laid it on the boy's solar plexus, where her hand had been. "Citrine, for plenty and for luck."
At his feet she placed a mass of brown elongate crystals, their sharp tips pointed away from the child. "Smoky quartz to protect and channel away negative energy."
Severus sighed, already blissed out by the arrangement of stones.
"Precious child," Healer LaChance sighed in scarcely a whisper. "I heal you with the powers of love and understanding. Streaming into your being via the Light quartz are the positive energies surrounding you, and fear, hate, sadness, and grief flow out through the Dark quartz. What I tell you is truth. What I tell you will fill your soul with hope. What I tell you will remove your despair, your self-destruction, your hopelessness."
Sev moaned. Dumbledore squeezed his hand.
"You are a creature of Light. You are valuable. You are loved and are capable of loving. You – "
Severus shook his head and groaned.
"Easy, easy, Sev – I know it hurts to hear some of these words, but know them to be true in the depths of your heart. You are worthy. You are blessed. You have talent and spirit and intelligence and deep understanding through what you yourself have survived." Healer LaChance looked up at Albus Dumbledore, who laid his hands on the boy's temples.
"May the forces of Earth – Sky – Water – and Fire keep you balanced and keep you safe. May the strength of the warrior be yours. May the craft of the wizard be yours. May the devotion of the tender soul be yours. May you be filled with happiness and peace. May you cast off your rage, your terror, your bad memories, your shame. You are a creature of Light, and deserve to live in the Light."
Healer LaChance raised her hands above the boy's head and then placed them atop Dumbledore's hands, already on each side of the child's head.
"Any memory or thought of the instruments of or means of torture – "She nodded at Albus –
"Obliviatus est," he said.
"Any memory or thought of the terror brought about by your father's sadism – "
"Obliviatus est."
"Any memory or thought of humiliation and shame at his hands during torture – "
"Obliviatus est."
"Any memory or thought of others enjoying the sight of your torture – "
"Obliviatus est."
She exhaled deeply. Both witch and wizard sent a gentle flow of healing energy through their patient, who sighed gently as the evil and horror left his mind.
Severus' eyes fluttered. He was very near sleep.
"And so mote it be," Healer LaChance said, smoothing his hair.
"So mote it be," Dumbledore said, patting his hand.
"Good boy," she whispered.
"I'm so proud of you, my son," Albus said. "And I will be here to keep you safe while you sleep."
Severus smiled gently, finally crossing over to the field of dreams, with memories of love and warmth standing by to keep the nightmares away.
Several days had passed since the incident in the common room, and Asphora LaChance had found that Severus Snape was desperately in need of liberation from the worst of his memories.
"It's so good to see you again, Albus," she said as Headmaster Dumbledore came through the door. "I need your help on a number of levels. First and foremost, our boy is refusing to eat. He told me that since he can't get hold of something that will kill him, he will just starve himself instead."
"I'm so sorry to hear that," Dumbledore said with a sigh. "I was hoping that Severus was improving."
"Just the opposite, I'm afraid," the healer said. "The memories that Sib stirred up are ruining any chance of recovery that Sev might otherwise have. You can join me in the Obliviatus ceremony shortly. "
"That's fine. And before we do that, we obviously must find a way to get food into him," Albus remarked.
The healer nodded. "Before I threaten him with the IV and restraints, I wanted you to give it a go. Would you?"
"Of course," the old wizard said.
------------
The two walked into the Children's Ward, where Severus sat stiffly in a chair, looking out the window.
"Hello, Severus," the healer said.
No answer.
"How is my boy?" said Dumbledore.
Severus turned around, then got up and limped his way over to the Headmaster (his broken knee hadn't mended as well as hoped) and was lost in his hug. He clung to the elderly wizard in desperation as well as love. He didn't know what he would do if Dumbledore decided to start treating him like everyone else.
"I would like to have a chat with you, Severus," Dumbledore said, guiding the boy over to the chair and sitting down. Sev plunked on his lap and curled up, contented for once.
"I understand that you're not eating enough, child. You're already thin. You must eat to build up your strength."
"B – b – but I d – d- don't want t – t – to, H – Headmaster."
"Don't you want to go back to school?
Severus shook his head, which Albus felt rather than saw.
"Because of Black and his friends?"
Severus nodded.
"I suppose you don't want to go home, either."
Severus shook his head.
"Because of the prospect of your father coming home, and because your mother isn't there?"
Severus nodded.
"And so – "Dumbledore said. "There is no place for you outside this hospital."
Severus nodded again.
"No wonder you don't want to continue living in fear."
Albus felt the boy's body tense and heard a moan, muffled by his shoulder.
"Well, don't you worry. If there's a safe place for you back at Hogwarts, I'm just the man to find it." He crooned a soothing melody.
"I – I – I'm s – s – sorry for c – c- crying s – s- o much."
"You're right to cry," was Dumbledore's affirming answer. "There's no law against it."
"T – t- there w – w was at h – h – home."
"You were punished for crying, weren't you?"
The boy nodded.
"Then you must have a lot of stored-up tears to shed."
The boy nodded once more, snuffling.
"When you cry, you release your pain and sadness. It seems to me that it's something you need to do, Severus. And it's safe to cry right here and now."
Severus obliged, and soon Albus' shoulder was thoroughly saturated.
The minutes passed, and finally Severus relaxed against his mentor's chest with a sigh.
"Now, my boy. There's a little matter of eating. Do you want to get well and go back to school?"
Severus gave a deeper sigh.
"There are things you don't like at Hogwarts, but how about thinking about the things that make you happy?"
A small nod.
"There's Potions class. And good food in the Great Hall."
Another small nod.
"And ice cream in the Great Hall."
Dumbledore thought he heard a chuckle.
"Is that laughter I hear from Sad Severus?"
Severus chuckled again.
"It's nice to know that Sad Severus can laugh, isn't it?"
Sev nodded, wrapping his arms tighter around the old wizard.
"Well, now that we've taken care of that, you need to get well, and you won't if you don't eat."
A nod.
"Will you try to eat for me now?"
A shrug.
"Well, let's sit here a little longer and you can think about it, all right?"
Another nod.
A few minutes passed.
A stomach rumble.
"Whoops, Sad Severus is hungry!" Dumbledore chuckled.
A nod.
What shall we do about it?"
"I – I – I will t – t –try to eat – f – f- for you."
Dumbledore took Severus by the shoulders and pulled him up so their eyes met. "That's the stuff!" he said.
"Here's your lunch tray," said Healer LaChance, who had been standing by.
"What do you think, Severus?"
A nod.
"You wouldn't have liked restraints and intravenous feeding, would you?"
Sev shook his head with a smirk.
"I see the beginning of a grin. This is impossible!"
Finally, Severus broke out laughing.
Dumbledore joined him, tousling his hair.
"Now jump back into bed. Here comes your tray. I'll sit nearby and talk to you while you eat."
Sev gazed at him, eyebrows high, a smirk on his face.
"And if you eat all your lunch, you can have some – "
Laughter.
"– of your favorite – "
More laughter.
"I – I – Ice c - c - cream," the boy finished, grinning.
"And what kind?"
"Puh – puh – . I c – c- can't s – s – say it."
"What color is it?"
"G – g – green." Another grin.
"GREEN ICE CREAM?" Dumbledore said in mock horror. "Pistachio! My favorite kind! Tell me, Healer LaChance, does this facility stock green ice cream?"
Severus laughed with pure joy.
Asphora laughed. "I'm sure the elves can find some – IF Severus eats his lunch."
"I'm sure he will. Back into bed, you rascal!" Dumbledore rose and angled the boy's gangly arms and legs into bed, being mindful of the injured knee. He then tucked him in, making sure his pillow was placed comfortably behind him.
Severus ducked his head and hid behind his hair.
"What's the matter, my boy?"
"Y – y- you're t – t – too good t – t – to m – m – me."
"Well, it's about time somebody was good to you. It seems to me that most of the adults in your life so far haven't been. I want you to promise me that if you feel that we aren't treating you properly, you will let us know right away."
"I – I – can't."
"Why, son?"
"T – t – too s – s – scared."
Albus lifted the boy's head so that their eyes met. "We won't be mad at you if you let us know. Nothing bad will happen. We won't stop loving you and caring for you if you let us know."
Sev ducked his head again at the mention of "love" and "care". He began to cry again.
"What's the matter, Severus?" Asphora LaChance asked, smoothing his hair.
"Hurts," he said. "Hurts m – m – my heart."
She wrapped her arms around him, sending wave after wave of soothing energy through his being. "You deserve all the love in the world, honey," she replied. "Love doesn't have to hurt. I hope you learn that while you're here with us."
Severus nodded, his head on her shoulder, eyes streaming.
"And when you leave here, Headmaster Dumbledore will be there to love you and care for you."
"D – d – don't d – d – deserve it."
"You most certainly do, Severus," said Albus, picking up the boy's hands and sending him his own healing energy. "You deserve only the best. You are a special and valuable boy, just as you are."
"T – t – that's wha – what M – M – Miss LaChance c – c – called 'uncondi – ditional l – l – love."
"That's right. You are such a wonderful young man, Severus," Healer LaChance said, kissing his forehead. "Now – if your Headmaster will release your hands, why don't you try your lunch? We'll sit here and talk to you if you like."
---------
Severus managed to eat half his lunch, topped off by a sizeable bowl of pistachio ice cream. Feeling sleepy, he slid back and lay down. Healer LaChance arranged his pillow under his head.
"Now, Sev, I'm going to do some healing that I hope will help you. Just close your eyes and drift along – there is nothing you have to say or do – and if you drift off to sleep, so much the better. All right?"
"H – H – Headmaster h – h – here?"
"I'm right here, son," Dumbledore said, holding the boy's hand.
"Close your eyes, honey, and let your thoughts go."
"All r – r – right, I w – w- will."
"May the powers of Earth – Sky – Water – and Fire – join to heal this precious child," Asphora LaChance said, placing her hands on the boy's solar plexus.
She reached into her pocket and placed a clear quartz point, point directed at the top of his head, on the pillow above him. "Quartz to focus healing energy - "
She pulled out an amethyst point and placed it on Sev's forehead. "Amethyst to heal, protect, and empower – "
She removed a pink quartz chunk and placed it above the boy's heart. "Rose quartz, the stone of love, happiness, and healing – "
She picked a yellow stone from her pocket and laid it on the boy's solar plexus, where her hand had been. "Citrine, for plenty and for luck."
At his feet she placed a mass of brown elongate crystals, their sharp tips pointed away from the child. "Smoky quartz to protect and channel away negative energy."
Severus sighed, already blissed out by the arrangement of stones.
"Precious child," Healer LaChance sighed in scarcely a whisper. "I heal you with the powers of love and understanding. Streaming into your being via the Light quartz are the positive energies surrounding you, and fear, hate, sadness, and grief flow out through the Dark quartz. What I tell you is truth. What I tell you will fill your soul with hope. What I tell you will remove your despair, your self-destruction, your hopelessness."
Sev moaned. Dumbledore squeezed his hand.
"You are a creature of Light. You are valuable. You are loved and are capable of loving. You – "
Severus shook his head and groaned.
"Easy, easy, Sev – I know it hurts to hear some of these words, but know them to be true in the depths of your heart. You are worthy. You are blessed. You have talent and spirit and intelligence and deep understanding through what you yourself have survived." Healer LaChance looked up at Albus Dumbledore, who laid his hands on the boy's temples.
"May the forces of Earth – Sky – Water – and Fire keep you balanced and keep you safe. May the strength of the warrior be yours. May the craft of the wizard be yours. May the devotion of the tender soul be yours. May you be filled with happiness and peace. May you cast off your rage, your terror, your bad memories, your shame. You are a creature of Light, and deserve to live in the Light."
Healer LaChance raised her hands above the boy's head and then placed them atop Dumbledore's hands, already on each side of the child's head.
"Any memory or thought of the instruments of or means of torture – "She nodded at Albus –
"Obliviatus est," he said.
"Any memory or thought of the terror brought about by your father's sadism – "
"Obliviatus est."
"Any memory or thought of humiliation and shame at his hands during torture – "
"Obliviatus est."
"Any memory or thought of others enjoying the sight of your torture – "
"Obliviatus est."
She exhaled deeply. Both witch and wizard sent a gentle flow of healing energy through their patient, who sighed gently as the evil and horror left his mind.
Severus' eyes fluttered. He was very near sleep.
"And so mote it be," Healer LaChance said, smoothing his hair.
"So mote it be," Dumbledore said, patting his hand.
"Good boy," she whispered.
"I'm so proud of you, my son," Albus said. "And I will be here to keep you safe while you sleep."
Severus smiled gently, finally crossing over to the field of dreams, with memories of love and warmth standing by to keep the nightmares away.